As a guest, which do you prefer - gift or no gift parties?

[Anonymous]

We’re planning my soon-to-be 4 yr old’s birthday party. It’s going to be a full catered meal for kids and parents plus entertainment.

On one hand, it’s DS’s first real birthday party because of Covid and he has been in preschool with the same kids all year. Gifts seem appropriate. On the other hand, he has so many toys and books and gifts from us, two sets of grandparents, godparents, and his over-generous nanny.

[Anonymous]

I am happy with whatever the host prefers, honestly. DO what feels right for your kid.

[Anonymous]

I did a whole class party for my older child's 4th birthday and was completely overwhelmed by the gifts. I'm doing "no gifts" from here on out, but do what feels right to you. If your child will have gifts to unwrap from relatives, then I wouldn't worry about gifts. My then-4yo lost interest in unwrapping so many gifts.

[Anonymous]

As a guest, I prefer no gifts.

[Anonymous]

I have a preference for no gifts because it's one less thing to manage. If you do ask for gifts, please put some kind of hint or clue or Amazon list on the registry. Otherwise you're getting bubbles or sidewalk chalk because I don't know what your kid is into.

[Anonymous]

No gifts

[Anonymous]

I have no preference as a guest. But if I ask you for suggestions pls have a list or offer me suggestions. Makes my life easier snd your kid will get something they want or can use.

[Anonymous]

I don't care that much as a guest. I do assume your kid has plenty of stuff and I am likely to get something like art supplies that can be used up or maybe a book. But if you say no gift then I won't bring a gift.

As a host, I tell my kids that if we host large birthday parties then they are no-gift since we can't incorporate that amount of stuff in our house. Smaller parties with a few friends, gifts are fine.

[Anonymous]

I prefer no gift parties, it's one less thing to organize beforehand. And I prefer to throw no gift parties as the alternative in my experience has been an overwhelming amount of stuff. And even if you say no gifts, some people will still bring them a gift, so you'll get some, but maybe cut down on the mountain of things.

[Anonymous]

It depends on the party. If smallish and mostly close friends who know the kid and family fairly well, I actually prefer a gift party because I feel weird showing up to a party empty handed and I usually know the kid well enough to buy something appropriate and am happy to do so.

If a large party where a child's whole class and lots of neighbor friends are invited, I think no gifts is better because unless I am one of the people close to your family, I will probably struggle a bit to figure out something appropriate to buy and then feel self-conscious about it in front of such a big group of people.

Also, this will be unpopular on DCUM but I think family circumstances matter. If a family is wealthy and doesn't say no gifts, I will admit I sometimes judge because I think it creates pressure to buy expensive gifts, and the kid might be dismissive of something more modest... it just sets people up for more stress and the child really doesn't need the additional gifts. But if a family is middle or working class and says no gifts, I don't judge because I think all kids deserve to feel special on their birthdays and that family might be limited in what they can provide -- the party gifts will help that kid feel really loved and special and that's great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am happy with whatever the host prefers, honestly. DO what feels right for your kid.

This. If you say no gifts, my kid will make a card.

[Anonymous]

I don’t care one way or the other. It always amazes me to hear some people get kind of outraged about no-gift parties and not giving a gift to kids and how it’s unfair to the kids. We are not DCUM wealthy, but American middle class, yet all the kids for whom we attend birthday parties have plenty of stuff. At the same time, it’s basically a $25-$30 Target expense for me, so it’s just not a big deal either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't care that much as a guest. I do assume your kid has plenty of stuff and I am likely to get something like art supplies that can be used up or maybe a book. But if you say no gift then I won't bring a gift.

As a host, I tell my kids that if we host large birthday parties then they are no-gift since we can't incorporate that amount of stuff in our house. Smaller parties with a few friends, gifts are fine.

This is a great policy to have with kids. My kid really wants a big, all-classmates and all neighborhood friends party this year (I get it, the last few years have been pretty small with one year being just an immediate family party). But I explained if we did this, we would tell people no gifts because it would be too many gifts and also because many of the people we are inviting might struggle to buy a gift and we don't want to impose on them -- their presence is what is actually wanted. My kid was disappointed but still picked the big party, which I think is great. It helps her to prioritize what really matters to her, and she'd rather have a party with all her friends than a pile of presents from a smaller group.

[Anonymous]

I don’t care. On one hand, I love buying and wrapping gifts. On the otter hand, I love reducing my todo list in getting my kids to parties.

[Anonymous]

I prefer gift registries so I can get what someone likes. I enjoy buying gifts but hate deciding on a gift. I don’t like no gift parties.