One last embryo - what to do
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Anonymous
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I went through IVF last year and gave birth to a healthy baby boy at the ripe age of 42. My older son, 5, has adjusted fairly well, no major issue. We have one last embryo in cryo storage and are trying to figure out what to do. I am older now but my pregnancy and birth went well, no issues. We got genetic testing done on our embryos. The newborn stage was hard but everything got easier once my baby started sleeping four or five hours each night. Three kids sounds like a lot, especially at this age. My husband is as involved as he can be with a job that keeps him busy at least 50 hours a week. I work as well but I definitely have the less stressful job. My head tells me having another child in my early to mid-40s is insane and that we should just donate the embryo to science. My heart wonders about our “frozen child” being another perfect baby that we will absolutely adore. What should I do? |
Anonymous
| Personally for me, that would be a no purely based on age, but everyone has different priorities. We had our kids at 26 and 29yo and will (hopefully) be empty nesters in our 40s. |
Anonymous
| What does your husband think? Do you have $$? |
Anonymous
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I'm not as old as you are, but I made the jump at 35 and implanted it. I felt like it was letting nature roll the dice. If I didn't get pregnant, it was meant to be that way, and if I did get pregnant, that was great too. I did get pregnant and we have a sweet baby girl.
I was conflicted about destroying the embryo and I didn't want to donate it either. I will say that 3 is A LOT and that I'm often very tired by the end of the day. I'm a high energy person, but they run me ragged. |
Anonymous
OP here, he wants to keep paying for the embryo to stay frozen until we are absolutely sure. He likes the idea of a third, but knows it will be hard. We’ve talked about hiring an au pair. We would have to cut back on our current lifestyle, absolutely. |
Anonymous
We went through pretty much the same thing. I had my first at 37 easily. Then we did IVF at age 41 - a cycle that produced a healthy pregnancy PLUS an embarrassingly large number of embryos in storage. That storage stash has weighed on our minds so much that we have gone ahead and used one more to have a third child at age 44. We still have three more in storage but they are going bye-bye. From my perspective, I think you should only have a third if you always wanted to have three. Don't have a third just to use the embryo. Yes it can be a perfect child but it can also be a problem child. Life with three is harder than with two. You will be restarting the clock in my many ways. Now, if you WANT all this because you always wanted three, go ahead. Just have your eyes open. You are in an enviable position where you already have two healthy children. So if you have a third, it will be OK; and if you stay with two, it will also be OK. You are not making this decision out of throat-clutching desire to have your first baby or to give that baby a sibling. Good luck my dear, hugs to you. |
Anonymous
| I always wanted 3 so I think if i were you I would regret not giving it a shot. But only you can know if that's the case for you. |
Anonymous
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You are just going to have to listen to your heart and drown out ALL the noise. What is it telling you without trying to work out every single detail with either choice?
I absolutely knew I wanted a 3rd even with the double digit gap between my oldest and youngest, my age, money, etc etc. None of that mattered and I would have kept trying until I had my third. |
Anonymous
| I have a frozen embryo and really want to but am not in a financial position right now to have a second. If I had a partner and were in a more solid financial position I would absolutely go for it. I think about this embryo a lot.,, |
Anonymous
| How much does it cost to keep the embryo? |
Anonymous
$660 per year, we get auto-charged $55 per month. We were auto-charged this morning so the embryo is on my mind right now. |
Anonymous
| That would be a hard no for me. I wouldn't donate it either just have it disposed of. What does DH want? |
Anonymous
| You would have to cut back on your lifestyle, hire an au pair, and manage 3 kids (two of whom will be very close in age) alone for much of the time due to your husband's work schedule. For me, that would be a hard no. As a matter of fact, we had three frozen embryos after having our second child and we chose not to have them implanted. It definitely seemed like an uncomfortable thing to decide at the time with all of the "what ifs" and wondering what each embryo would be like as a baby or child, but I have no regrets. |
Anonymous
| You have to also be prepared for the possibility of having a special needs child. |
Anonymous
Is this Shady Grove? They were charging $500 a few years ago and I thought that was expensive. |