What do you do if someone is absurdly jealous of where you live?

[Anonymous]

First - I never, not once, have brought up my neighborhood or address unless directly asked. But my new friend(s) or acquaintances become absurdly defensive when they are the ones asking 'oh where do you live/move to?'

I say I bought in Mclean or on the UES depending on where the conversation is taking place. I know where they live keep in mind - usually its a far-flung burb or something and that's fine. I compliment them on their homes and how they must like whatever community they live in. But then immediately its disparaging comments about 'Oh I couldn't deal with the traffic or the size of an UES place'.

I don't even understand why you'd go out of your way to try to say something negative about someone else's home choice??

[Anonymous]

Observing multiple people being "absurdly jealous" about where you live is probably more you perceiving that than them feeling that. I'm not denying those people exist, but it doesn't seem likely that multiple people vocalize their jealousy to you.

[Anonymous]

I say this as someone who lives in Mclean….you sound deranged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Observing multiple people being "absurdly jealous" about where you live is probably more you perceiving that than them feeling that. I'm not denying those people exist, but it doesn't seem likely that multiple people vocalize their jealousy to you.

I don't know what else to call it when you have negative comments about locality/place when literally the conversation a minute before was about the weather or politics. I find it distasteful but redirecting it every time makes that kind of emphasis stick in my mind.

Like if I'd brought up, 'Oh you must really hate living in a 1950s rambler with thin walls?' I don't do that and I don't understand why others, mostly women, do.

[Anonymous]

I think you’re both taking those comments too personally and incorrectly assuming they come from a place of jealousy. It’s just small talk. It’s not a reflection on you. It’s probably simply true, they couldn’t handle the traffic or living in a small NYC apartment. Who cares? It’s chatter. Not a big deal. If you’re content with your life, the inane comments of others won’t bother you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Observing multiple people being "absurdly jealous" about where you live is probably more you perceiving that than them feeling that. I'm not denying those people exist, but it doesn't seem likely that multiple people vocalize their jealousy to you.

I don't know what else to call it when you have negative comments about locality/place when literally the conversation a minute before was about the weather or politics. I find it distasteful but redirecting it every time makes that kind of emphasis stick in my mind.

Like if I'd brought up, 'Oh you must really hate living in a 1950s rambler with thin walls?' I don't do that and I don't understand why others, mostly women, do.

Wow, you sound nuts.

[Anonymous]

I am trying ng to envision how this conversation takes place and honestly can't. Sorry that is your reality, OP. I would avoid whoever this is and reflect on if there is something about your perception you can adjust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re both taking those comments too personally and incorrectly assuming they come from a place of jealousy. It’s just small talk. It’s not a reflection on you. It’s probably simply true, they couldn’t handle the traffic or living in a small NYC apartment. Who cares? It’s chatter. Not a big deal. If you’re content with your life, the inane comments of others won’t bother you.

+1

I choose to live in the city and have a lot of friends in this suburbs who sometimes say negative things about living in the city (i.e. traffic, cost of housing, lack of certain amenities, schools, etc.). I consider their comments a little rude but I don't take them personally at all. After all, I assume if they really wanted to live here, they would. I understand there are tradeoffs to living one place over another and where people choose to live is highly personal. So it's not upsetting or insulting to me that some of my friends dislike where I live.

If someone was harping on it all the time, I'd probably just choose to spend less time with them because that sounds boring and unnecessarily negative.

But the odd random comment about "ugh, I don't know how you can deal with the traffic/homelessness/schools" doesn't really bug me. I don't have trouble dealing with those things because I like where I live and feel the upsides far outweighs the downsides. It's a nonissue.

I think you might feel a bit insecure about your choices and feel the need to defend them. Why? Also, your comment about them living in some "far flung suburb" or indicating that they are jealous because you live in areas that are expensive to live in... that indicates to me that you might actually be instigating these conflicts by acting superior and causing THEM to defend where they live by pointing out the problems with where you live. If you run into this problem often, I would ask yourself if you are frequently bragging about your homes or neighborhoods in a way that is creating conflict with others, especially people who might not be as well off as you. People naturally tend to feel defensive about financial status and being a jerk about your wealth is a good way to make enemies of them.

[Anonymous]

What is UES

[Anonymous]

OP I have a friend in NYC who used to speak with such disdain about living anywhere but Manhattan. I have spent sometime upstate and love it . When I mentioned DH and I were potentially thinking of moving there she made some comment about how nobody would ever want to live there lol. We never even moved there but I still found her comment hurtful at the time, though I didn't make a big issue out of it.

I agree it's rude. I also think it has nothing to do with you. Depends on your relationship with the person if you want to call them out. In most cases I would just let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re both taking those comments too personally and incorrectly assuming they come from a place of jealousy. It’s just small talk. It’s not a reflection on you. It’s probably simply true, they couldn’t handle the traffic or living in a small NYC apartment. Who cares? It’s chatter. Not a big deal. If you’re content with your life, the inane comments of others won’t bother you.

+1

I choose to live in the city and have a lot of friends in this suburbs who sometimes say negative things about living in the city (i.e. traffic, cost of housing, lack of certain amenities, schools, etc.). I consider their comments a little rude but I don't take them personally at all. After all, I assume if they really wanted to live here, they would. I understand there are tradeoffs to living one place over another and where people choose to live is highly personal. So it's not upsetting or insulting to me that some of my friends dislike where I live.

If someone was harping on it all the time, I'd probably just choose to spend less time with them because that sounds boring and unnecessarily negative.

But the odd random comment about "ugh, I don't know how you can deal with the traffic/homelessness/schools" doesn't really bug me. I don't have trouble dealing with those things because I like where I live and feel the upsides far outweighs the downsides. It's a nonissue.

I think you might feel a bit insecure about your choices and feel the need to defend them. Why? Also, your comment about them living in some "far flung suburb" or indicating that they are jealous because you live in areas that are expensive to live in... that indicates to me that you might actually be instigating these conflicts by acting superior and causing THEM to defend where they live by pointing out the problems with where you live. If you run into this problem often, I would ask yourself if you are frequently bragging about your homes or neighborhoods in a way that is creating conflict with others, especially people who might not be as well off as you. People naturally tend to feel defensive about financial status and being a jerk about your wealth is a good way to make enemies of them.

OP here - this gives me some thought. I’ll keep it in mind for the future thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is UES

Upper East Side. A rich part of Manhattan.

[Anonymous]

I live in Bethesda and one of our friends from when we lived in Silver Spring made critical comments for years about how out-of-touch people in Bethesda were. It was like we had personally betrayed him by moving one town over, when my husband works at NIH and now only has a 10 minute bike ride to work, and we also moved because my child with special needs could go to a school that better catered to his needs! I don't know if our friend was jealous or what, but thank goodness now he's stopped. After 10 years.

That being said, he was the only one that ever made remarks about where we live. If you encounter several people like this, you might be overly sensitive or reading too much into comments people make. The traffic comment is a perfectly valid one, and not an indication anyone is jealous.

[Anonymous]

I’d never get jealous of anyone living in a suburb of DC or even DC proper. I can see somewhere like Iceland or Australia. But not your standard, run of the mill DC burb. That’s just weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d never get jealous of anyone living in a suburb of DC or even DC proper. I can see somewhere like Iceland or Australia. But not your standard, run of the mill DC burb. That’s just weird.

Yeah, nobody is jealous of anyone living anywhere in the DC area. I could totally see myself being jealous of someone with oceanfront private property on a Caribbean island, or private lodge with ski access in Beaver Creek.

DC? Hah!