Do I really hate my house or do I just hate my life right now? SAH right now
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Anonymous
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DH and I bought a house a few years before the pandemic and before kids. We moved in as the pandemic hit and we returned from working overseas. We chose the house (not in DC) because it was super close to good things (as in walkable) to the shops, cafes/bars/restaurants, good schools. And a bike ride away from both our workplaces. We have a car but walking/cycling is very important to me. I grew up in Europe and hate having to use a car.
The house is barely liveable - no insulation, single glazing, small. We knew this when we bought it, and planned for considerable renovations. Fast forward a few years, and I'm at home with a 2 year old and a baby. We hardly walk anywhere because it's hell trying to get out of the house and back with the baby's naps. We've spent a crazy amount of time at home due to the pandemic, endless quarantines etc. DH works long hours and travels a lot so it's mostly just me at home with the kids. I've found myself fixating on how much I hate my home - the smallness, the constant noise due to no insulation etc. We're about a year away from affording the renovations and we'll be moving out for this period and renting somewhere nearby. But now I'm getting cold feet and wondering whether we should just sell and move to a distant suburb. Daily life at the moment is hard. Small kids, lots of solo parenting, no family or paid help. It makes me wonder whether I'm focusing on the wrong thing. Selling up and moving house might be an expensive solution to the wrong problem? Anyone BTDT? |
Anonymous
| I would sell and move to a more desirable home. Life is too short to be living in an ugly house. |
Anonymous
| If your house is going to be your prison, you'd better make sure its livable. |
Anonymous
| This stage is hard, OP. If you actually like the location, I’d stay put. Packing up, selling, and moving will be about the same effort as packing up, renting, and renovating. The only real factor is will you be adding space in the renovation? If you’re not, then maybe you might want to move, because small is small. But if you are used to a European standard of living, you will likely hate the distant suburbs. Is there a third option? |
Anonymous
| Regarding going out I think you’re making it harder than it needs to be. Let the newborn nap in a stroller sometimes and go out. If the 2yo can get out and run around at least once a day everyone will be happier. |
Anonymous
| We moved to McLean and bought one of those new builds, best thing ever |
Anonymous
Get out and move on instead of dwelling! I recently moved and sold our home and could not be happier with the choice. |
Anonymous
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A big factor for me would be what made the most financial sense. But there are other factors as well.
If your current house is affordable on your current income and you will be paying for renovations out-of-pocket without having to curtail retirement/college savings, I would lean towards sucking it up, getting through the renovation and dual move, and reassessing in a few years. By then your oldest will be in elementary and you'll either be at home with just the youngest, or your youngest will be in preschool, and you may even be back at work. And you'll be living in a house renovated to your liking with (I'm estimating/guessing based on your timeline) around 10 years worth of equity. That sounds like a fantastic place to be with kids at that age, to me. You mention moving to a distant suburb. First I'd look at how much houses actually cost in these suburbs, and make sure you are looking at houses that are already updated to your liking because obviously there is no point in moving if you are just going to have to do extensive renovations anyway. Then factor in additional costs of living further out, including transportation costs for your husband (will you need to buy another car so he can car commute daily?). I'd also factor in the quality of life issues -- my DH would be extremely unhappy to give up a close-in bike commute in favor of a longer car commute, and his unhappiness would be a major strike against. Also really ask yourself if you are ready to give up on walkability and proximity to lots of amenities. It might seem unimportant now if you are struggling to get out with the kids, but if you've mostly lived in walkable communities your whole life, really ask if you are prepared to live in a truly unworkable, car-dependent location. Think about what that would mean for your day-to-day. Also, if you plan on ever returning to work, ask how living much further out could impact that job hunt. I obviously lean a bit more towards staying where you are and trying to make it work for you. I'd would look to build one regular walking outing into your life with your kids, whether it's going to a regular library story time, or going to a local coffee shop each morning and then hitting a nearby playground, or something. Find something that works with the nap schedule (or, as PP noted, bend a little on that nap schedule and let one nap occur in the stroller or a carrier so you can get out). I bet if you do this it will change your perspective. I'd also do some things to brighten up your house. I think simply the shift in seasons will help some (winter with little kids at home is HARD) but buy some plants for your garden, pick ups some inexpensive but fun home items at target (a brightly patterned shower curtain, new kitchen towels, etc. -- small purchases since you are either renovating or moving soon). This sort of thing always helps me change perspective. I also recommend getting someone to come clean your house if you don't already, even as just a one off, to help perk you up. Good luck. I know this time in life is very challenging and it's easy to feel like you can solve it by just moving. Been there! We stayed put and I'm glad for it. |
Anonymous
| If you can renovate, I would. The walkable location will be priceless with tweens and teens. |
Anonymous
| A bigger house won’t solve the problem of kids wanting to be near you/on you when they are small. |
Anonymous
| I would move somewhere more peaceful with more space. Renovating is hell. |
Anonymous
This is true. About 4 years ago we moved from a small rowhouse to a large new build. Sometimes I joke that we live in a studio apartment because the majority of the time, we are all in the main open space area of the house. With that being said, the extra space has been amazing, especially during the pandemic. We have a playroom and we had enough space to each set up a separate home office. We live in a suburb but it's walkable enough (we can and do walk to the grocery store, pharmacy, dry cleaner, restaurants, parks, etc. and we are connected to the rest of the region via bike trails). If you were to move, what would your budget for a new home be? |
Anonymous
| Hmm could legit be the house, but could also just be because you are home all the time. I have a good friend who SAH and they have moved 3 times since having kids and she is looking to move again. She openly admit that because she is home all the time she finds things to not like about her house. Not saying your dislikes aren't legit, but something to think about. |
Anonymous
| Do you have a yard or a playground very close by? I think the baby schedule thing is temporary and you will get back to enjoying your neighborhood soon. I think if you like walking and biking, you will always want to live in a place with sidewalks. If you are renovating soon and you know you will love it, I would keep your house. |
Anonymous
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We live in a very comfortable large house in McLean where we can’t walk to anything. I always wish that we lived somewhere more urban. I always wish we lived close to a playground. I mean we live a 5 min drive to 2 playgrounds and a library.
If I were you, I would want to live in a comfortable home. I think everyone has a preference on location but I wouldn’t want an old dated house. |