Reply to Do I really hate my house or do I just hate my life right now? SAH right now

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[quote=Anonymous]A big factor for me would be what made the most financial sense. But there are other factors as well.

If your current house is affordable on your current income and you will be paying for renovations out-of-pocket without having to curtail retirement/college savings, I would lean towards sucking it up, getting through the renovation and dual move, and reassessing in a few years. By then your oldest will be in elementary and you'll either be at home with just the youngest, or your youngest will be in preschool, and you may even be back at work. And you'll be living in a house renovated to your liking with (I'm estimating/guessing based on your timeline) around 10 years worth of equity. That sounds like a fantastic place to be with kids at that age, to me.

You mention moving to a distant suburb. First I'd look at how much houses actually cost in these suburbs, and make sure you are looking at houses that are already updated to your liking because obviously there is no point in moving if you are just going to have to do extensive renovations anyway. Then factor in additional costs of living further out, including transportation costs for your husband (will you need to buy another car so he can car commute daily?). I'd also factor in the quality of life issues -- my DH would be extremely unhappy to give up a close-in bike commute in favor of a longer car commute, and his unhappiness would be a major strike against. Also really ask yourself if you are ready to give up on walkability and proximity to lots of amenities. It might seem unimportant now if you are struggling to get out with the kids, but if you've mostly lived in walkable communities your whole life, really ask if you are prepared to live in a truly unworkable, car-dependent location. Think about what that would mean for your day-to-day. Also, if you plan on ever returning to work, ask how living much further out could impact that job hunt.

I obviously lean a bit more towards staying where you are and trying to make it work for you. I'd would look to build one regular walking outing into your life with your kids, whether it's going to a regular library story time, or going to a local coffee shop each morning and then hitting a nearby playground, or something. Find something that works with the nap schedule (or, as PP noted, bend a  little on that nap schedule and let one nap occur in the stroller or a carrier so you can get out). I bet if you do this it will change your perspective.

I'd also do some things to brighten up your house. I think simply the shift in seasons will help some (winter with little kids at home is HARD) but buy some plants for your garden, pick ups some inexpensive but fun home items at target (a brightly patterned shower curtain, new kitchen towels, etc. -- small purchases since you are either renovating or moving soon). This sort of thing always helps me change perspective. I also recommend getting someone to come clean your house if you don't already, even as just a one off, to help perk you up.

Good luck. I know this time in life is very challenging and it's easy to feel like you can solve it by just moving. Been there! We stayed put and I'm glad for it.[/quote]

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