How many of us are staying married for the kids?
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Anonymous
| Just curious if this is a common thing, at least among the DCUM crowd. |
Anonymous
| Yup. They’re still in ES and other spouse has unmanaged mental disorders and anger issues. Maybe they’ll agree to move out some day and stop pretending to the outside world. |
Anonymous
| Sorry. Kids are in ES and spouse has aforementioned issues. |
Anonymous
| I was. Until I divorced at year 10. I was staying after a pregnancy accident. I already wanted out early in the marriage. |
Anonymous
| Yes. I wanted out in week 2 of marriage. Found out I was pregnant week 6. Staying now in year 9. |
Anonymous
| The way I look at it, when we had a child I was making a 19 year commitment (baring something truly awful). We had another two years later. I prefer he wasn’t around, but raising kids is easier with us tag teaming, and I’m prioritizing their well being over myself. We don’t argue a ton, especially not around them, so I don’t see it negatively affecting them. My only desire is for peace, mutual respect and an equal division of household chores until they’re off to college. Then, I’ll be moving on to the next chapter separate from him. |
Anonymous
Holy smokes! |
Anonymous
| I did but interestingly enough, the relationship improved over time, mainly because husband saw things more clearly after his brother went after his business. I always thought I’d leave after the kids were grown, but we are actually doing much better now. |
Anonymous
I truly feel for you and respect you not leaving. If the courts don’t see things as you do, it could mean the kids having to be with your spouse without your protective influence. |
Anonymous
| No me. Left when the child was 7. The abuse didn't end even though I begged him to stop it. It was extremely hard not to see my child, but I got used to it. I get to see the child about twice a month if I'm lucky when "they have time". |
Anonymous
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It’s more like I’m working hard on the relationship for the kids. Were it not for them I would have bounced years ago.
And that’s probably a good thing because overall DH is a great guy and I very much like being married to him. |
Anonymous
I stayed until it was unfortunately clear the oldest child was copying what little she saw of her father and his dysfunctional behavior and belligerent responses to any request or comment. Then it was crystal clear I had no reason to stay, I could not protect or compensate for him, and that the children would have to become whatever they become. Yes, courts don’t care about mental disorders or inattention or neglect or accidents. there was no reason to fight for custody or continue to bring in doctors and therapists about what she needed (she likely has same disorder) or what he was. She saw that he did whatever he wanted and now she does the same yet is barely in middle school. Ironically my neurotypical other child asked me for years to split up and did not want to live with her “mean” sister. Dad only operates in a juvenile mode with them, for fun stuff and that is the extent of his relationship with both children. It is up to them to have the willpower to eat right, do their homework and get to practices on time when with him. |
Anonymous
| Needless to say, the one child continues to derail (getting obese, quit activities, “forgets” to do homework or even bathe) and the other continues to walk on eggshells and live in two totally different worlds. |
Anonymous
| Yep. Also, I'm stuck in visa hell. |
Anonymous
how did he get primary custody with abuse? |