What would you do, distant relative edition
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Anonymous
| My elderly mom has a cousin who reappeared in her life about ten years ago when he was visiting the area and needed a place to stay. He’s a moocher and lives his life traveling from place to place, expecting people to put him up for a week or two at a time and take care of him. My mom is a people pleaser and non-confrontational to the point of being taken advantage of. He essentially bullies her into allowing him to stay, invites himself to events he isn’t invited to and literally won’t take no for an answer. Last time he was here he bullied her into giving him my contact information. She just doesn’t know how to say no to him because he doesn’t allow it. I just found out he’s been planning another trip to our area. My mom is in the process of moving to a senior housing apartment and told him several times it was not a good time and not to come. He ignored her, booked his trip and is en route, and has been trying to get her new address so he can come stay with her. She’s been unresponsive due to the move and her not having access to her email while her internet has been down (she doesn’t know how to get email on her phone). She’s super stressed out and asked me to handle it. But I don’t know what to do because the second I tell him he can’t stay with her I know he’s going to ask/expect to stay with me. And that’s not happening. I’ve met him two times in my life. For now I’m just ignoring his texts and calls and hoping he doesn’t somehow track down my address online and show up at my door. I inherited my mom’s non-confrontational, people pleasing ways to an extent. I’m not sure what I can say to him to convey he’s not welcome. Suggestions are welcome. |
Anonymous
| You should be angry at him at this point, and use that anger to grow a spine and shut the door in his face if he dared to show up at your door. Honestly, if he does you should call the non emergency number and report a trespasser. He cannot gain entry unless you let him. |
Anonymous
| Be direct and say that you can’t host him. This is not the time to be a people pleaser unless you’re willing to host him. |
Anonymous
| Hi, cousin larlo! Not sure if you got my moms previous messages about this but she’s not able to have visitors now because of a recent move. Things are pretty hectic right now with move logistics but she will probably be in touch in a few months when things have settled down Hope you’re well! -Jane |
Anonymous
No. this is too nice. OP's mom will NOT be in touch in a few month. I'd just ignore him, to be frank. This man is pathological. |
Anonymous
| Just tell him "You can't stay with either my mom or me. That won't work for either of us." |
Anonymous
| I would tell him that if he shows up you will call the police and have him removed from the property. He's manipulating you and your mother and you should be livid. Cut all ties now. This will never improve. |
Anonymous
This call him directly and yell at him, don't let him get a word in edge wise, tell him not to contact your mother again, and hang up. |
Anonymous
| Since he doesn't know where she lives or you live, help your mom block him on email and phone and then do the same for yourself. |
Anonymous
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Nobody can take advantage of you unless you let them.
Stop with the “oh, I’m not confrontational” nonsense. This guy is a jerk, you don’t need to even be polite to him. |
Anonymous
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WTF?? You copy and paste the following: “My mom is not able to host you. I hope you enjoy your trip!” You’re enabling this weirdo to take advantage of your mom. Grow up already. |
Anonymous
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Why on earth would you answer this person? Block them, of course. And if he shows up, call the police for trespassing. I don't understand why you're agonizing about this. Your mother should do the same. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| Tell him NO. Your mom is moving to a senior living facility and is not allowed to have overnight visitors. Period. Not now, not ever. You are not able to host. If he figures out your address, do not let him in and suggest he Google some hotels. Seriously, grow a backbone! Or post his number here and I will text him for you. I wouldn’t describe myself as confrontational, but I have no issue standing up for myself and my family. |
Anonymous
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You put this on your mom, but, in truth, you cannot say ‘NO’ yourself.
NO Block him If he calls somehow,’ Like we already said “NO”. End of story. |