Embarrassed to take husband to visit my wonderful but poor parents

[Anonymous]

I married an American man but my parents are not rich and they are foreign. We got married last year and will finally be visiting my parents abroad. They are excited to see us but keep telling me they are embarrassed to host my husband and I as they live in a small apartment and have little money.

I tell them not to worry but deep down, I feel embarrassed too. He isn't rich but his parents live in a nice house and have never wanted for anything.

[Anonymous]

Prep him in advance what to expect. If he is the good person you think he is, he will not care. He will likely worry about making a good impression on your parents!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Prep him in advance what to expect. If he is the good person you think he is, he will not care. He will likely worry about making a good impression on your parents!

This and stay in a hotel. Your parents seem like lovely people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Prep him in advance what to expect. If he is the good person you think he is, he will not care. He will likely worry about making a good impression on your parents!

This and stay in a hotel. Your parents seem like lovely people.

OP here. I keep asking him to stay at a hotel but he is insistent that we stay with my parents to save money. I think since this is the first time everyone will be meeting, us staying at a hotel would be ideal as we can manage how to have contact or when to see each other vs having some privacy. And it would lessen the stress on my parents to host us. They technically do have a guest room but I worry for them trying to buy food and feed us for 2 weeks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Prep him in advance what to expect. If he is the good person you think he is, he will not care. He will likely worry about making a good impression on your parents!

This and stay in a hotel. Your parents seem like lovely people.

OP here. I keep asking him to stay at a hotel but he is insistent that we stay with my parents to save money. I think since this is the first time everyone will be meeting, us staying at a hotel would be ideal as we can manage how to have contact or when to see each other vs having some privacy. And it would lessen the stress on my parents to host us. They technically do have a guest room but I worry for them trying to buy food and feed us for 2 weeks!

Your family, and your country, so you get to set the parameters. I'd lead with a statement that you don't want your parents feeding you for 2 weeks and that a hotel is more appropriate. He should defer to you in this case.

[Anonymous]

Another option, which is what we did, is stay with your parents for 3-4 days, take a trip to the countryside or another touristic area of the country and then return to your parents' home for the last 3-4 days.

[Anonymous]

I think it'd be best to stay with your parents for a few days and then tell them you're switching to a hotel for the remainder of the stay. I think that's a good compromise.

Two weeks is a long time to be a guest in a tiny area with little privacy.

[Anonymous]

My husband's family is from another country and is poor as well. I agree with telling your husband what to expect. When we go visit his family, we have a great time in spite of the difference in conditions/food etc. We do spend a few days at a hotel as well to lessen the burden on them and we buy food when we're out, very casually like, "Oh we saw this goat at the market and I always wanted to try goat so we bought it. Do you mind cooking it for us? "

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Prep him in advance what to expect. If he is the good person you think he is, he will not care. He will likely worry about making a good impression on your parents!

This and stay in a hotel. Your parents seem like lovely people.

OP here. I keep asking him to stay at a hotel but he is insistent that we stay with my parents to save money. I think since this is the first time everyone will be meeting, us staying at a hotel would be ideal as we can manage how to have contact or when to see each other vs having some privacy. And it would lessen the stress on my parents to host us. They technically do have a guest room but I worry for them trying to buy food and feed us for 2 weeks!

Will you all be sharing a bathroom?

[Anonymous]

Op what country?

[Anonymous]

Prep him, with pictures if possible so he knows what to expect. Be honest--the apartment is too small for 4 people for 2 weeks, so you want to stay at a hotel. (Maybe look for something with kitchen facilities or a microwave so you aren't always eating out.).
And then be proud. Your parents have overcome obstacles to raise a successful child.

[Anonymous]

Your parents are very wealthy. Wealth come form their love for you not money or a house.

Be proud of them and who you are.

[Anonymous]

Tell your husband you're staying in a hotel. He doesn't get a vote in whether or not your parents host you for two weeks--he isn't allowed to foist himself on strangers like that. You're staying in X hotel and that's that. Then, go and have a great time! I'm sure he has some idea what to expect, but the fact he's insisting on staying with them says he doesn't quite get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Prep him in advance what to expect. If he is the good person you think he is, he will not care. He will likely worry about making a good impression on your parents!

This and stay in a hotel. Your parents seem like lovely people.

OP here. I keep asking him to stay at a hotel but he is insistent that we stay with my parents to save money. I think since this is the first time everyone will be meeting, us staying at a hotel would be ideal as we can manage how to have contact or when to see each other vs having some privacy. And it would lessen the stress on my parents to host us. They technically do have a guest room but I worry for them trying to buy food and feed us for 2 weeks!

Um, this is giving me pause. He is insistent that your parents host for 2 weeks? Does he have any idea how exhausting that is? Especially trying to impress an American SIL that they've never met? I would not be ok with this and would book us a hotel for the majority of our stay.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Husband is insistent that we stay with parents and says he doesn't care about their accommodations. He cannot afford to shell out for a hotel for 2 weeks and if I feel like it would be an imposition for him to stay with them at their situation then I should go by myself.



I don't know what to do.