Is this request rude or racist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no comment on if it racist or discriminatory BUT I HAVE A SOLUTION

I spent almost a decade in various leadership positions in long term care facilities as charge nurse on up to director of nursing and have encountered similar issues my solution is that staff member wear something else on their scrubs to help identify themselves daily to their residents that their residents can use to remember them by. I had one staff member who used a fake blue flower pinned to their scrub top every day. She of course had to cue the residents a lot at first “remember Mrs Smith I’m Larla with the blue flower that’s how you can remember me” but eventually they got it and many of them would look for that blue flower and her changing hair style became background noise that no one noticed

OP - can you suggest something like this?

This is a great solution.

+1


This is a great solution! Every elder care facility should just require this of all employees. Everyone has some distinguishing thing pinned to their scrubs or in their hair or something so it doesn’t matter what your hairstyle is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if she had cancer treatment and bought 2 wigs? Or showed up bald? I doubt boss would say anything at that point so yes racist.

My principal is very uncomfortable with me returning to school bald, but is also uncomfortable with allowing staff to wear non-religious head coverings. He suggested that I wear a wig, not understanding that wigs for cancer patients are not the same as fashion wigs so they are more expensive. Plus, the medical wig suppliers do not even try to make realistic looking wigs for black patients, especially not those of us with naturally kinky or coily hair. If I had hundreds of dollars beyond the $300 insurance copay for a medical wig AND I lived in Boston or Atlanta, I’d have more options, but I’m broke and I’m not traveling as a cancer patient during Covid just to cover my head in the way he thinks is acceptable.

See, I think this is problematic. Why can’t you return to school bald? I’m a former teacher, and even kindergarten students can learn that sometimes women lose their hair. No need to get into why. Just say, “It’s private. Please don’t ask.” I wouldn’t fault anyone for being unaware of the price of various wigs, though. The original OP seems fine to me, because it’s asking her to accommodate people with a disability. I would expect the manager to pull aside someone with newly blue hair as well, though.

I have much harsher words for your principal- he is a POS and I hope you told him to put his request in writing so you could send it to the superintendent. If not I would have alerted the media. This is absolutely disgusting. I also hope he put in the faculty handbook that no one can be bald so that all balding men had to buy toupees. He has no business being in a position of leadership. I’m sorry he had to add stress to your life at an already stressful time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if she had cancer treatment and bought 2 wigs? Or showed up bald? I doubt boss would say anything at that point so yes racist.

My principal is very uncomfortable with me returning to school bald, but is also uncomfortable with allowing staff to wear non-religious head coverings. He suggested that I wear a wig, not understanding that wigs for cancer patients are not the same as fashion wigs so they are more expensive. Plus, the medical wig suppliers do not even try to make realistic looking wigs for black patients, especially not those of us with naturally kinky or coily hair. If I had hundreds of dollars beyond the $300 insurance copay for a medical wig AND I lived in Boston or Atlanta, I’d have more options, but I’m broke and I’m not traveling as a cancer patient during Covid just to cover my head in the way he thinks is acceptable.

See, I think this is problematic. Why can’t you return to school bald? I’m a former teacher, and even kindergarten students can learn that sometimes women lose their hair. No need to get into why. Just say, “It’s private. Please don’t ask.” I wouldn’t fault anyone for being unaware of the price of various wigs, though. The original OP seems fine to me, because it’s asking her to accommodate people with a disability. I would expect the manager to pull aside someone with newly blue hair as well, though.

I have much harsher words for your principal- he is a POS and I hope you told him to put his request in writing so you could send it to the superintendent. If not I would have alerted the media. This is absolutely disgusting. I also hope he put in the faculty handbook that no one can be bald so that all balding men had to buy toupees. He has no business being in a position of leadership. I’m sorry he had to add stress to your life at an already stressful time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope none of the people in this retirement community watch RHOBH or else they would be completely lost.

You are so clueless.

characters on a TV show are not washing your hair and changing your diaper.

Older people often feel confused and that is frightening. They are ENTIRELY dependent on staff who change too often anyway. EAsing their situation should be OP's first priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you work in elder care and not want to do whatever you could to ensure they are comfortable and calm? Just get a job at a hotel or something.

Exactly. The employee lacks even a basic sense of empathy towards her clients.

+1 After her boss pointed out that her hair changes was upsetting to her patients, the woman continued to do it. That shows malice imo. How hard would it be to just wear the same hairstyle each day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope none of the people in this retirement community watch RHOBH or else they would be completely lost.

You are so clueless.

characters on a TV show are not washing your hair and changing your diaper.

Older people often feel confused and that is frightening. They are ENTIRELY dependent on staff who change too often anyway. EAsing their situation should be OP's first priority.

Exactly. Everything staff does should be with a goal to keep the patients calm and comfortable and safe. Looking different every day does not do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Somebody deleted my post saying that they are literally saying they can't remember your face. Until Americans start seeing POC as HUMAN they will come up with all kinds of crap.
It is true, and it is race-connected. Who reported and deleted that comment?
Another racist on dcum?

Facial memory is stored in a different part of he brain than other types of memory.

So, yes, an older person may have trouble remember FACES but remember the person's overall "look" (such as height and hair shape or color).

You see EVERYTHING thru a racial lens. That must get exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^change her appearance...
White fragility to the extreme, and she has to worry about her job bcs of white fragility.

OLD PEOPLE are literally fragile!!!!!!!!

Stop making this about you.

Their have greatly diminished abilities. Have some sympathy. You are not the only victim of a harsh reality in this world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call it what you will, it is discrimination. OP was discriminated against based on her looks.
The end.

Oh, got it. Because only you can see or speak the truth.

What a shame that all of these posters who have experience working with old people could not crach that chip on your shoulder, and even get you to consider another interpretation of this situation.

You are blind in a way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you work in elder care and not want to do whatever you could to ensure they are comfortable and calm? Just get a job at a hotel or something.

Exactly. The employee lacks even a basic sense of empathy towards her clients.

+1 After her boss pointed out that her hair changes was upsetting to her patients, the woman continued to do it. That shows malice imo. How hard would it be to just wear the same hairstyle each day?

Either make a rule for everybody or good bye with your insane requests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Racism does not mean whatever you want it to be. And that's today's problem. People are viewing every single thing as racism. You know, black people can be called upon for misbehavior and for not following procedures because they are misbehaving and not following procedures and it's not racist.

The boss wasn't being racist. The boss had a valid point. The boss is the boss. The employee should comply. If she doesn't like it, she can find another job.

The only way we can possibly interpret this as racism would be if white or other non black employees were wearing and changing wigs regularly and not getting any comments. But the OP did not provide any such history, so there is no grounds nor excuse for thinking it's racism. In fact, it's a pretty clear cut case of the boss being respectful and mindful of the residents of his community who need stability and that is the first priority, not an employee's ability to change her wig daily. OP, in fact, is clearly pretty selfish to not even consider the context and that it's a community with residents suffering from dementia. They are the ones who are important, not the employee, and the employee needs to know her place and priorities in that environment.

This. The wannabe victim of “racism” is disregarding the actual victims (of dementia) who she is supposed to be taking care of!!! All in the name of fashion, from the sound of things. And people are defending her effed up priorities because it’s trendy to view GD everything as racist right now.

And people like this don't even seem to realize that they can prolong discriminatory practices (because come into the workplace with unreasonable expectations)

[Anonymous]

As a nurse I get confused by coworkers with drastically different hair every day. We laugh and joke about it at work- but seriously- in this situation (geriatric care) God help the patients.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you work in elder care and not want to do whatever you could to ensure they are comfortable and calm? Just get a job at a hotel or something.

Exactly. The employee lacks even a basic sense of empathy towards her clients.

+1 After her boss pointed out that her hair changes was upsetting to her patients, the woman continued to do it. That shows malice imo. How hard would it be to just wear the same hairstyle each day?

In the perpetual victim culture it’s always me, me, me, me, me, me. And I bet she is getting a kick out scaring these “white fragility” memory care patients. Probably a huge power trip.

[Anonymous]

It’s both racist snd rude and I’m a white woman. If anyone told me remotely similar to something like this I’d get a lawyer instantly.

[Anonymous]

So much criticism for someone working a low paying job and willing to take care of people whose own children aren't willing to care for them. If wigs keep a caretaker happy and engaged while she changes your parents diapers and feeds them, tasks you aren't willing to do, you shouldn't have a single complaint about hair.