Is this request rude or racist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you work in elder care and not want to do whatever you could to ensure they are comfortable and calm? Just get a job at a hotel or something.

Exactly. The employee lacks even a basic sense of empathy towards her clients.

+1 After her boss pointed out that her hair changes was upsetting to her patients, the woman continued to do it. That shows malice imo. How hard would it be to just wear the same hairstyle each day?

You have no idea about caring from AA hair. It can be very challenging to replicate the same hairstyle every day without braids or a sew in. And those cause traction alopecia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no comment on if it racist or discriminatory BUT I HAVE A SOLUTION

I spent almost a decade in various leadership positions in long term care facilities as charge nurse on up to director of nursing and have encountered similar issues my solution is that staff member wear something else on their scrubs to help identify themselves daily to their residents that their residents can use to remember them by. I had one staff member who used a fake blue flower pinned to their scrub top every day. She of course had to cue the residents a lot at first “remember Mrs Smith I’m Larla with the blue flower that’s how you can remember me” but eventually they got it and many of them would look for that blue flower and her changing hair style became background noise that no one noticed

OP - can you suggest something like this?

So is the dementia patient supposed to remember what a blue flower means on one person, and a yellow scarf on another, etc?

IT'S DEMENTIA. DEMENTIA.

I’m the one who posted that. I’ve purposefully ignored the posters who stated “get a name tag get a name tag” because that IS a silly suggestion. Nametags are small, difficult to pick out on a uniform and who knows what reading ability may still be there.


I am not expecting dementia patients to keep some sort of catalog in their head of who has a blue flower etc. but I have found that after weeks of calm consistent repetition with their most important caregivers a LARGE EASY TO SEE identifier can start to stick in their memory as “this is a safe person”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somebody deleted my post saying that they are literally saying they can't remember your face. Until Americans start seeing POC as HUMAN they will come up with all kinds of crap.
It is true, and it is race-connected. Who reported and deleted that comment?
Another racist on dcum?

Facial memory is stored in a different part of he brain than other types of memory.

So, yes, an older person may have trouble remember FACES but remember the person's overall "look" (such as height and hair shape or color).

You see EVERYTHING thru a racial lens. That must get exhausting.

New poster. All other arguments on this thread aside, the bold above is TRUE. Anyone working with older patients (even those without formally diagnosed dementias) or not-so-old patients with certain conditions needs to understand this. The overall "look" or general outline of the person does matter very much to some patients. Not weighing in on this thread's whole "is it racist" wig debate, just saying that the line in bold is correct and people need to accept that fact and not assume that everyone can remember faces if they make enough effort. That is just not the case. And it's not about race, it's about the way the brain works, or does not work. .

[Anonymous]

LOL! The manager observed that patients were scared of OP? Bcs of her hair color? BS! Scared bcs she is black.
OP, how old are you? Instead of buying into this BS dominant narrative by many PPS, take a few courses at UMBC where CRTis taught, and classes on identity are impressive and very informative. If you are younger, the fight against this racist grit is on your generation.
BTW, notice that likely these same PPS accused me of being racist against white women when I posted that many white women posting here are racist and sexist and enforcers of patriarchy!
So, they do not see this as racist, but they sure yelled in outrage at what they imagine is reverse racism!
Hint, there is no reverse racism. It doesn't exist. SO, here they are eager to tell you to chill and not think of everything as being racist, but call some of them on their behavior and say they do not know they are racist bcs they don't know what racism is today, and they cry and accuse you of being racist within seconds!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have no comment on if it racist or discriminatory BUT I HAVE A SOLUTION

I spent almost a decade in various leadership positions in long term care facilities as charge nurse on up to director of nursing and have encountered similar issues my solution is that staff member wear something else on their scrubs to help identify themselves daily to their residents that their residents can use to remember them by. I had one staff member who used a fake blue flower pinned to their scrub top every day. She of course had to cue the residents a lot at first “remember Mrs Smith I’m Larla with the blue flower that’s how you can remember me” but eventually they got it and many of them would look for that blue flower and her changing hair style became background noise that no one noticed

OP - can you suggest something like this?

So is the dementia patient supposed to remember what a blue flower means on one person, and a yellow scarf on another, etc?

IT'S DEMENTIA. DEMENTIA.

I’m the one who posted that. I’ve purposefully ignored the posters who stated “get a name tag get a name tag” because that IS a silly suggestion. Nametags are small, difficult to pick out on a uniform and who knows what reading ability may still be there.


I am not expecting dementia patients to keep some sort of catalog in their head of who has a blue flower etc. but I have found that after weeks of calm consistent repetition with their most important caregivers a LARGE EASY TO SEE identifier can start to stick in their memory as “this is a safe person”

Like the same hairstyle or scrubs? Agreed.

Most women in this position cut their hair (and nails) short or pull it back in a ponytail or twist.

If you’re working with dementia patients, your fashionable hairstyle shouldn’t be a priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somebody deleted my post saying that they are literally saying they can't remember your face. Until Americans start seeing POC as HUMAN they will come up with all kinds of crap.
It is true, and it is race-connected. Who reported and deleted that comment?
Another racist on dcum?

Facial memory is stored in a different part of he brain than other types of memory.

So, yes, an older person may have trouble remember FACES but remember the person's overall "look" (such as height and hair shape or color).

You see EVERYTHING thru a racial lens. That must get exhausting.

New poster. All other arguments on this thread aside, the bold above is TRUE. Anyone working with older patients (even those without formally diagnosed dementias) or not-so-old patients with certain conditions needs to understand this. The overall "look" or general outline of the person does matter very much to some patients. Not weighing in on this thread's whole "is it racist" wig debate, just saying that the line in bold is correct and people need to accept that fact and not assume that everyone can remember faces if they make enough effort. That is just not the case. And it's not about race, it's about the way the brain works, or does not work. .

This thread makes me sad. Yes, I can understand why a rule like this might disproportionately affects Black employees and why it would feel racist to the employee. In the other hand, I understand the need for such a rule. My mother is a care facility and is being treated with medications that can cause her to hallucinate. She is constantly scared and struggling to understand what is real and what is not. It is heartbreaking, by the way. Not being able to recognize her caregivers by general appearance would be difficult. Hair up, hair down, or even changes each month are different from a different hair color, style, length every day.

I guess my question is why the employee's wig changes matter so much more than the comfort and needs of elderly patients. Is this a matter of personal style trumping kindness? I don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Somebody deleted my post saying that they are literally saying they can't remember your face. Until Americans start seeing POC as HUMAN they will come up with all kinds of crap.
It is true, and it is race-connected. Who reported and deleted that comment?
Another racist on dcum?

Facial memory is stored in a different part of he brain than other types of memory.

So, yes, an older person may have trouble remember FACES but remember the person's overall "look" (such as height and hair shape or color).

You see EVERYTHING thru a racial lens. That must get exhausting.

New poster. All other arguments on this thread aside, the bold above is TRUE. Anyone working with older patients (even those without formally diagnosed dementias) or not-so-old patients with certain conditions needs to understand this. The overall "look" or general outline of the person does matter very much to some patients. Not weighing in on this thread's whole "is it racist" wig debate, just saying that the line in bold is correct and people need to accept that fact and not assume that everyone can remember faces if they make enough effort. That is just not the case. And it's not about race, it's about the way the brain works, or does not work. .

This thread makes me sad. Yes, I can understand why a rule like this might disproportionately affects Black employees and why it would feel racist to the employee. In the other hand, I understand the need for such a rule. My mother is a care facility and is being treated with medications that can cause her to hallucinate. She is constantly scared and struggling to understand what is real and what is not. It is heartbreaking, by the way. Not being able to recognize her caregivers by general appearance would be difficult. Hair up, hair down, or even changes each month are different from a different hair color, style, length every day.

I guess my question is why the employee's wig changes matter so much more than the comfort and needs of elderly patients. Is this a matter of personal style trumping kindness? I don't get it.

This.

It should really come down to the needs of the patients, and the dress code should include things like hair, nails, uniform, jewelry, etc.

A nurse or tech was struggling with just setting up a line to start an IV on one of my relatives, and I commented that her long nails seemed to be the culprit. I politely asked if someone else could try instead. The person was not black btw.

Sometimes common sense based on job duties must prevail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you work in elder care and not want to do whatever you could to ensure they are comfortable and calm? Just get a job at a hotel or something.

Exactly. The employee lacks even a basic sense of empathy towards her clients.

+1 After her boss pointed out that her hair changes was upsetting to her patients, the woman continued to do it. That shows malice imo. How hard would it be to just wear the same hairstyle each day?

You have no idea about caring from AA hair. It can be very challenging to replicate the same hairstyle every day without braids or a sew in. And those cause traction alopecia.

??? I don't? That's surprising. I guess I don't see my blackness when I look in the mirror. I wonder what color that is? Perhaps you can help and tell me, oh patronizing one.

Another poster said she thought the employee was being malicious. I agree. I don't change my hair style every day, neither do any of my black friends. I think someone is playing a game with the race card and it isn't the facility. After her manager said something to her, the fact that she refused to comply says a lot to me about her character. She should not be retained at that facility.

IMO the facility should institute a policy of consistency for hairstyles and hair colors as well as general uniforms and attire.

My grandfather, who lives with us here at home, has dementia and my mom is a stickler about us keeping the household and everything in it very structured and orderly. It makes a big difference in Pop Pop's life when we keep to a schedule and when we are consistent in our days. When he is with us for meals, we all wear name tags because it helps him. He is a wonderful man and dementia is a horrible disease.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you work in elder care and not want to do whatever you could to ensure they are comfortable and calm? Just get a job at a hotel or something.

Exactly. The employee lacks even a basic sense of empathy towards her clients.

+1 After her boss pointed out that her hair changes was upsetting to her patients, the woman continued to do it. That shows malice imo. How hard would it be to just wear the same hairstyle each day?

You have no idea about caring from AA hair. It can be very challenging to replicate the same hairstyle every day without braids or a sew in. And those cause traction alopecia.

??? I don't? That's surprising. I guess I don't see my blackness when I look in the mirror. I wonder what color that is? Perhaps you can help and tell me, oh patronizing one.

Another poster said she thought the employee was being malicious. I agree. I don't change my hair style every day, neither do any of my black friends. I think someone is playing a game with the race card and it isn't the facility. After her manager said something to her, the fact that she refused to comply says a lot to me about her character. She should not be retained at that facility.

IMO the facility should institute a policy of consistency for hairstyles and hair colors as well as general uniforms and attire.

My grandfather, who lives with us here at home, has dementia and my mom is a stickler about us keeping the household and everything in it very structured and orderly. It makes a big difference in Pop Pop's life when we keep to a schedule and when we are consistent in our days. When he is with us for meals, we all wear name tags because it helps him. He is a wonderful man and dementia is a horrible disease.

This right here, dear dcum, is a textbook example of victim-blaming. It makes no difference that pp claims she is black. She is blaming the victim of discrimination on the basis of her looks.
Just how masters used to blame slave girls for "seducing" them, while they were raping young girls.

[Anonymous]

I can see how older residents would be confused but I don’t think it’s legal for the employer to make that request. Why doesn’t everyone have name tags?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see how older residents would be confused but I don’t think it’s legal for the employer to make that request. Why doesn’t everyone have name tags?

I posted above. My mother has trouble distinguishing between what is real and what is a hallucination. Do you think she is checking name tags for assurance? I hope you never have to experience dementia with a loved one.

[Anonymous]

Not unreasonable given the population.

[Anonymous]

Not unreasonable, but such a policy must be applied uniformly. All employees should be asked to avoid drastic appearance changes when possible, for the comfort of their clients.

FWIW, I’m a white woman who wears wigs due to alopecia. It’s just not that difficult to always have a “work” wig. You want to go out after work? No problem, put that adorable pixie in your bag and change before you go out! Now, some women do installs that last for days or more and that are difficult to change… but that’s the opposite of the problem here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t seem that unreasonable to me. The manager is asking her to have a consistent look at avoid confusing patients with memory issues.

This. The op seems to indicate that the employee is consistent with wig, not that the employee does not wear a wig or change hairstyle or use specific wig color. It’s neither rude nor racist unless there is more to the story.

[Anonymous]

Orthodox Jewish women wear wigs all the time. They often have several, and in different styles. The same would be asked of them in this situation, and while there may be Orthodox Jews who are POC, they are largely white.

It isn't a racist request unless the manager has issues with black hair styles, and that goes for men and women.

This is an employment issue pertaining to clientele with dementia,not an attack on hair or race.