Are you letting your teens hang at friends houses, inside?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

PP who sucks here. I don’t let kids drink at my house. I do apparently make different risk assessments than many other parents. That’s my prerogative. I also let my kids sit in the front seat before yours I bet. I’m not a crazy anti- vaxxer or anything. I just think at this point it’s more important for my kids to see their friends than be 100% vigilant about Covid. And I agree with the PPs who said- come back when you have older teens.

And to the one who said they’d kick their kid out for endangering them? I doubt you really would. That kind of posturing reminds me of the parents who made similar comments about their kids’ behaviors in ES and MS. When parents are so certain about what they’d do and not do are tiring and not the sort of people I want to be friends with. Life is complex and nuanced. Err on the side of understanding and kindness.

I have several teens. I know that they see most friends outside (because it's usually at our house around our firepit), but we have allowed them to go inside at other's houses to watch a movie, etc. with a mask on. Before you jump in and tell us they are not wearing masks, we know that they are because the parents of the kids that do this have a group text chain and whoever hosts confirms it. The kids know that two parents in the group are older/have health issues, and are respectful of their families. They often eat, but do it outside before masking up for tv.

I do think you have an obligation to the family of the teen who YOU KNOW thinks she is outside, but who hangs out inside. How hard is it to text a parent and say "Just confirming the girls are going to hang out here tonight and watch a movie?" That will make it clear. You could also tell the girl yourself that she has to tell her parents, instead of telling your DD to do it. I suspect you would be pretty distraught if someone in your family exposed that girl to Covid and she gave it to her family. I would definitely have pretty negative feelings about an adult who knew that my teen was engaging in behavior that is risky to my family without me knowing, and did nothing about it.

Thanks for your response. I did wonder what I should do when it started happening and this would have been one way to deal with it. I am not on texting terms with the mom, however, so it would have been a weird and out of the blue email. Ultimately I decided to put it on my kid because it’s her friend who she sees being duplicitous. I expressed to my kid- hey, I wouldn’t like it if you were lying to us like this. But at this point (see again, legal adults, technically) I decided that my responsibility ended when I said that. And I’m not making my rules more restrictive because someone else’s are. I’m not a covid denier or anything. We are very safe. But I ended up choosing this path. That’s why I responded to the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has a friend whose parents truly believe that when she comes here they are outside only. In the rain. Snow. Cold. They are not. The girls are 17/18. We are fine with having her inside because she and her family are super Covid safe.

Just saying you may think your amazing child is following your rules and they might not be. She goes and sits outside on our porch right before they pick her up. If the mother asked me I’d tell her the truth but I’m not goin out if my way to tell her.

Wow. You suck.

And this is why we don’t let our kids socialize with their friends right now. You can’t trust others to follow the rules.

Why do I suck? Seriously- I thought about telling her mom but they are 17 and 18 years old. I did tell my DD that she ought to tell her friend to be more true truthful with her mom. But... hasn’t it always been my house, my rules? That’s how it goes, right? I think it’s on this girl to tell her parents that she is choosing to come indoors at our place. Or maybe your “you suck” is because I let her? In that case, I get it, I guess. But we are also very careful and hopefully not exposing this girl to anything. I don’t know. I feel like people are making decisions based on risk assessments and the threat (or very real presence) of mental health issues. At this point it is what it is.

NP here. You are a truly awful person. You know that these parents have decided that YOU are too much of a covid risk, but you just don't care. What it is is that you are selfish and inconsiderate.

So you expect me to change my risk assessments and choices for my family because another family might have different ones? I am careful. Just not hyper vigilant when it comes to my kid having this one friend inside. I am not calling the mom of an 18 year old to tattle on her. And I’m not changing my house rules because yours are different.

No we expect you in a pandemic to be considerate and transparent. You don’t know what their familial risk factors are. You call her up and say : « Hi Jennifer. I know that you prefer for the girls to be outside when they are here. We aren’t going to be able to enforce that. Larla is still welcome here but I wanted you to know. » It is called common decency.

No it's called neurotic helicopter parent. These kids are 17 and 18. No parent is calling another parent.

Yeah, the people attacking you are nuts.

My teen son has friends over pretty often. We don't make anyone wear masks inside our house. I don't know what the rules might be at other peoples' houses, but other people don't get any say in how we live our lives inside our house. I don't have any obligation to follow other peoples' rules inside my house.

[Anonymous]

^ You are totally missing the point. No one is arguing that you don't get to set the rules in your house. It's whether you should knowingly let another teen lie to their parents and engage in behavior that could put the lying teen's family at risk, without giving any notice to that teen's parents. It's a totally different situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ You are totally missing the point. No one is arguing that you don't get to set the rules in your house. It's whether you should knowingly let another teen lie to their parents and engage in behavior that could put the lying teen's family at risk, without giving any notice to that teen's parents. It's a totally different situation.

That's between the teen and their parents. It's not my job to enforce other families' rules. If a kid whose family is vegetarian eats pork chops at my house, that's not my concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ You are totally missing the point. No one is arguing that you don't get to set the rules in your house. It's whether you should knowingly let another teen lie to their parents and engage in behavior that could put the lying teen's family at risk, without giving any notice to that teen's parents. It's a totally different situation.

That's between the teen and their parents. It's not my job to enforce other families' rules. If a kid whose family is vegetarian eats pork chops at my house, that's not my concern.

x 1,000. But you're wasting your breath trying to argue with the mask patrol.

[Anonymous]

Maybe I should say something to the girl directly ... I am deliberately not taking offense (trying!) at the people telling me I suck. Since my entreaty to my kid to say something didn’t work, maybe next time the girl is in my house I should say- hey, your parents know you’re in here, right? And try to get her to come clean. It’s not that I’m going to change my rules, or contact her parents, I just do hate being party to her lying to them. Imagining if it were my kid..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All these parents who say outside only...how do you know your teen is actually doing that?

Because my teen posts pics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these parents who say outside only...how do you know your teen is actually doing that?

Because my teen posts pics.

They post what they want you to see. When the rest of us see how they are behaving outside or inside, its very different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has a friend whose parents truly believe that when she comes here they are outside only. In the rain. Snow. Cold. They are not. The girls are 17/18. We are fine with having her inside because she and her family are super Covid safe.

Just saying you may think your amazing child is following your rules and they might not be. She goes and sits outside on our porch right before they pick her up. If the mother asked me I’d tell her the truth but I’m not goin out if my way to tell her.

Wow. You suck.

And this is why we don’t let our kids socialize with their friends right now. You can’t trust others to follow the rules.

Why do I suck? Seriously- I thought about telling her mom but they are 17 and 18 years old. I did tell my DD that she ought to tell her friend to be more true truthful with her mom. But... hasn’t it always been my house, my rules? That’s how it goes, right? I think it’s on this girl to tell her parents that she is choosing to come indoors at our place. Or maybe your “you suck” is because I let her? In that case, I get it, I guess. But we are also very careful and hopefully not exposing this girl to anything. I don’t know. I feel like people are making decisions based on risk assessments and the threat (or very real presence) of mental health issues. At this point it is what it is.

But you know that the mother has different expectations. Why would you not respect that? I bet you are the mom who lets them drink at your house too. Stop with the mental health issues. Unhappy is not a mental health issue. These kids have myriad ways in which they can interact.

How old are your kids?? Let me guess, young teens that you drive everywhere. Come back with your judgement when they're 18.

If my 18 year old is putting my health at risk over selfish behavior and lying to me, they can find new place to live.

Ok then. You sound like a very loving and caring parent.

I'm a very loving and caring parent and taught mine what it means to live in a pandemic. They wouldn't be selfish enough to behave that way so its a non-issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has a friend whose parents truly believe that when she comes here they are outside only. In the rain. Snow. Cold. They are not. The girls are 17/18. We are fine with having her inside because she and her family are super Covid safe.

Just saying you may think your amazing child is following your rules and they might not be. She goes and sits outside on our porch right before they pick her up. If the mother asked me I’d tell her the truth but I’m not goin out if my way to tell her.

Wow. You suck.

And this is why we don’t let our kids socialize with their friends right now. You can’t trust others to follow the rules.

Why do I suck? Seriously- I thought about telling her mom but they are 17 and 18 years old. I did tell my DD that she ought to tell her friend to be more true truthful with her mom. But... hasn’t it always been my house, my rules? That’s how it goes, right? I think it’s on this girl to tell her parents that she is choosing to come indoors at our place. Or maybe your “you suck” is because I let her? In that case, I get it, I guess. But we are also very careful and hopefully not exposing this girl to anything. I don’t know. I feel like people are making decisions based on risk assessments and the threat (or very real presence) of mental health issues. At this point it is what it is.

NP here. You are a truly awful person. You know that these parents have decided that YOU are too much of a covid risk, but you just don't care. What it is is that you are selfish and inconsiderate.

So you expect me to change my risk assessments and choices for my family because another family might have different ones? I am careful. Just not hyper vigilant when it comes to my kid having this one friend inside. I am not calling the mom of an 18 year old to tattle on her. And I’m not changing my house rules because yours are different.

So, when that kid catches covid, brings it home to their family, parents die, are you willing to step up and be a parent to that child? You have no rules so there are none to change.

[Anonymous]

Yes, though he is a preteen. I am so grateful he is invited, out of the house, socializing, that I don't care lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has a friend whose parents truly believe that when she comes here they are outside only. In the rain. Snow. Cold. They are not. The girls are 17/18. We are fine with having her inside because she and her family are super Covid safe.

Just saying you may think your amazing child is following your rules and they might not be. She goes and sits outside on our porch right before they pick her up. If the mother asked me I’d tell her the truth but I’m not goin out if my way to tell her.

Wow. You suck.

And this is why we don’t let our kids socialize with their friends right now. You can’t trust others to follow the rules.

Why do I suck? Seriously- I thought about telling her mom but they are 17 and 18 years old. I did tell my DD that she ought to tell her friend to be more true truthful with her mom. But... hasn’t it always been my house, my rules? That’s how it goes, right? I think it’s on this girl to tell her parents that she is choosing to come indoors at our place. Or maybe your “you suck” is because I let her? In that case, I get it, I guess. But we are also very careful and hopefully not exposing this girl to anything. I don’t know. I feel like people are making decisions based on risk assessments and the threat (or very real presence) of mental health issues. At this point it is what it is.

NP here. You are a truly awful person. You know that these parents have decided that YOU are too much of a covid risk, but you just don't care. What it is is that you are selfish and inconsiderate.

So you expect me to change my risk assessments and choices for my family because another family might have different ones? I am careful. Just not hyper vigilant when it comes to my kid having this one friend inside. I am not calling the mom of an 18 year old to tattle on her. And I’m not changing my house rules because yours are different.

So, when that kid catches covid, brings it home to their family, parents die, are you willing to step up and be a parent to that child? You have no rules so there are none to change.

Stop hyperventilating. The chances of that happening are essentially zero.

And learn to keep your nose out of other families' business. If the kids visiting my house are violating some of their families' rules, that's for them to sort out internally. If the parents in question want to know whether we require masking or whatever, they can ask us. But, I'm not going to waste my time trying to keep up with other families' rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD has a friend whose parents truly believe that when she comes here they are outside only. In the rain. Snow. Cold. They are not. The girls are 17/18. We are fine with having her inside because she and her family are super Covid safe.

Just saying you may think your amazing child is following your rules and they might not be. She goes and sits outside on our porch right before they pick her up. If the mother asked me I’d tell her the truth but I’m not goin out if my way to tell her.

Wow. You suck.

And this is why we don’t let our kids socialize with their friends right now. You can’t trust others to follow the rules.

Why do I suck? Seriously- I thought about telling her mom but they are 17 and 18 years old. I did tell my DD that she ought to tell her friend to be more true truthful with her mom. But... hasn’t it always been my house, my rules? That’s how it goes, right? I think it’s on this girl to tell her parents that she is choosing to come indoors at our place. Or maybe your “you suck” is because I let her? In that case, I get it, I guess. But we are also very careful and hopefully not exposing this girl to anything. I don’t know. I feel like people are making decisions based on risk assessments and the threat (or very real presence) of mental health issues. At this point it is what it is.

NP here. You are a truly awful person. You know that these parents have decided that YOU are too much of a covid risk, but you just don't care. What it is is that you are selfish and inconsiderate.

So you expect me to change my risk assessments and choices for my family because another family might have different ones? I am careful. Just not hyper vigilant when it comes to my kid having this one friend inside. I am not calling the mom of an 18 year old to tattle on her. And I’m not changing my house rules because yours are different.

So, when that kid catches covid, brings it home to their family, parents die, are you willing to step up and be a parent to that child? You have no rules so there are none to change.

Stop hyperventilating. The chances of that happening are essentially zero.

And learn to keep your nose out of other families' business. If the kids visiting my house are violating some of their families' rules, that's for them to sort out internally. If the parents in question want to know whether we require masking or whatever, they can ask us. But, I'm not going to waste my time trying to keep up with other families' rules.

No one is suggesting you poll the families of all the kids at your house, but the woman in question knows that the expectation is that they will be outside. She is saying that she has no moral obligation to another human because "basically an adult". It is repugnant behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these parents who say outside only...how do you know your teen is actually doing that?

Because my teen posts pics.

They post what they want you to see. When the rest of us see how they are behaving outside or inside, its very different.

Nope. I look thru the phone.

[Anonymous]

Outside with masks only. They each have other circles, so when you add them all together it is just too many points of exposure to permit.