SAHM: what do you do to protect yourself financially?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know that no one wants to think of a marriage ending but i just saw a post about a SAHM who wants to leave her husband but financially it seems too difficult. If you are a SAHM who is helping advance husband’s career by taking on the brunt of childcare and housework do you have a post nup agreement? Does he put money into a bank account for you that only you can access? Can you live off alimony if you divorce?

Most Wohms make pitiful amounts of money and cannot have the same standard of living if they divorced. If you are working, you also get less alimony.

I WOH and don't consider $165K a year and good benefits to be "pitiful." But whatevs.

I WAH and make $170k. It would be considerably less because my husband makes $400k. But, I have all of the health benefits, etc. We are 21 years in so 1 house is paid off and the other house almost there. That is protection too since there wouldn't be a mortgage and kids (pre-teen, teen) already have maxed out 529s.

My parents ALWAYS said to always have your own form of income. Keep one foot in the door, even if it is part-time. You always need a means to support yourself---and have your own retirement!

Sage advice from your parents. Also, both parties need to know where all the assets are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A former BigLaw colleague of mine was the nicest guy in the world until he left his SAH wife and three kids for another woman. The last guy you'd ever expect to do this. His wife ended up getting one-half of his earnings until the kids were grown, with a MINIMUM of 500k a year -- basically making him a slave to big law for at least a dozen more years.

Moral of the story: get a good lawyer.

But see, he really wasn’t. Even before he did that. Nice guys don’t change that much.

He probably is a nice guy, just believed his own hype. Ive seen it before. If you realize that anyone (including nice people) is susceptible to fall to temptation, you can avoid situations where you end up developing feelings for someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an MD, residency and fellowship training, and I do occasional work on weekends, so I won’t have a gap in my CV. I can go back to work at any point.

Why on earth work so hard just to quit? Especially when medicine is generally so flexible?

It really isn’t flexible. I am not sure where you got that from.

It’s actually one of the most flexible professions once you’re mid career. Basically every female doc I know is part time, makes her own hours, etc.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2019/08/21/upshot/medicine-family-friendly-profession-women.amp.html

[Anonymous]

I have had a long-term (20+) year happy marriage and I would never be as smug and arrogant as some of you in this thread. Frankly, I was really lucky. I could have as easily picked badly. Some of you sound so arrogant and delusional that I wonder just how deluded you are about the rest of your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an MD, residency and fellowship training, and I do occasional work on weekends, so I won’t have a gap in my CV. I can go back to work at any point.

Why on earth work so hard just to quit? Especially when medicine is generally so flexible?

It really isn’t flexible. I am not sure where you got that from.

It’s actually one of the most flexible professions once you’re mid career. Basically every female doc I know is part time, makes her own hours, etc.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2019/08/21/upshot/medicine-family-friendly-profession-women.amp.html

I guess that describes me. Maybe you wouldn’t consider me a SAHM.

It isn’t flexible once that schedule is made though. It’s not like I can just work from home if I have a sick kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an MD, residency and fellowship training, and I do occasional work on weekends, so I won’t have a gap in my CV. I can go back to work at any point.

Why on earth work so hard just to quit? Especially when medicine is generally so flexible?

It really isn’t flexible. I am not sure where you got that from.

It’s actually one of the most flexible professions once you’re mid career. Basically every female doc I know is part time, makes her own hours, etc.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2019/08/21/upshot/medicine-family-friendly-profession-women.amp.html

I guess that describes me. Maybe you wouldn’t consider me a SAHM.

It isn’t flexible once that schedule is made though. It’s not like I can just work from home if I have a sick kid.

If you are working, I wouldn’t consider you a SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an MD, residency and fellowship training, and I do occasional work on weekends, so I won’t have a gap in my CV. I can go back to work at any point.

Why on earth work so hard just to quit? Especially when medicine is generally so flexible?

It really isn’t flexible. I am not sure where you got that from.

It’s actually one of the most flexible professions once you’re mid career. Basically every female doc I know is part time, makes her own hours, etc.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2019/08/21/upshot/medicine-family-friendly-profession-women.amp.html

I guess that describes me. Maybe you wouldn’t consider me a SAHM.

It isn’t flexible once that schedule is made though. It’s not like I can just work from home if I have a sick kid.

If you are working, I wouldn’t consider you a SAHM

I don’t know. Where is the line between working mom and SAHM? I would never pretend to be a working physician. That sounds like I am working 60 hours/wk, and really, I work about 15 hours weekends my husband isn’t working and a 1/2 day every now and again teaching a couple of classes to the med students and residents. I definitely had a day when I quit my job, and I have yet to go back.

[Anonymous]

I definitely had concerns about this and about five years ago I had a real heart to heart with my husband. He did two things - first he gave me a complete run down of all of our assets and second he has transferred more than half of the assets under my name. I know that they are marital assets and would be divided but it gave me comfort that he did something given my concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I definitely had concerns about this and about five years ago I had a real heart to heart with my husband. He did two things - first he gave me a complete run down of all of our assets and second he has transferred more than half of the assets under my name. I know that they are marital assets and would be divided but it gave me comfort that he did something given my concern.

What and how? I assume your house already had both of you on the title. You can’t switch the owner of a retirement account or an account of RSUs. Are you talking about a regular brokerage account? I suppose you could add someone as an account owner, but no, you really can’t divide up the assets and devise going forward one person is the “owner.”

Please explain what you mean by your husband “transferring” more than half of the assets under your name. Because it sounds like he pulled one over on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an MD, residency and fellowship training, and I do occasional work on weekends, so I won’t have a gap in my CV. I can go back to work at any point.

Why on earth work so hard just to quit? Especially when medicine is generally so flexible?

It really isn’t flexible. I am not sure where you got that from.

It’s actually one of the most flexible professions once you’re mid career. Basically every female doc I know is part time, makes her own hours, etc.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2019/08/21/upshot/medicine-family-friendly-profession-women.amp.html

I guess that describes me. Maybe you wouldn’t consider me a SAHM.

It isn’t flexible once that schedule is made though. It’s not like I can just work from home if I have a sick kid.

What field are you in? I want your life.

If you are working, I wouldn’t consider you a SAHM

I don’t know. Where is the line between working mom and SAHM? I would never pretend to be a working physician. That sounds like I am working 60 hours/wk, and really, I work about 15 hours weekends my husband isn’t working and a 1/2 day every now and again teaching a couple of classes to the med students and residents. I definitely had a day when I quit my job, and I have yet to go back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No pre-nup. All money and assets owned jointly. Trust funds for kids. My own earned money in my name only. Strong marriage to a great guy.

You protect yourself by being very well educated, and not having kids with jerks. Because, guess what? Jerks showed you that they were jerks before they married you but you still went ahead and married them and procreated because you were desperate.

Both of these cannot be true. Either you have your own money, or all money is joint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I definitely had concerns about this and about five years ago I had a real heart to heart with my husband. He did two things - first he gave me a complete run down of all of our assets and second he has transferred more than half of the assets under my name. I know that they are marital assets and would be divided but it gave me comfort that he did something given my concern.

What and how? I assume your house already had both of you on the title. You can’t switch the owner of a retirement account or an account of RSUs. Are you talking about a regular brokerage account? I suppose you could add someone as an account owner, but no, you really can’t divide up the assets and devise going forward one person is the “owner.”

Please explain what you mean by your husband “transferring” more than half of the assets under your name. Because it sounds like he pulled one over on you.

Example - he transferred a large Schwab brokerage account from his name to mine.

[Anonymous]

I’ve maintained professional certification in my field through continuing ed courses, although I really haven’t worked for several years aside from some short-term projects for my former employer.

I’m fully vested in the pension system from my work before kids, and I have other retirement accounts that have kept growing in value although I’m not currently contributing. Our children’s college education is mostly paid for through 529’s. DH and I are savers, not spenders and we both have simple tastes. We were both over 30 when we married and had been dating for a number of years. Marriage is risky, but I think we went into it with clear heads and shared goals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have had a long-term (20+) year happy marriage and I would never be as smug and arrogant as some of you in this thread. Frankly, I was really lucky. I could have as easily picked badly. Some of you sound so arrogant and delusional that I wonder just how deluded you are about the rest of your life.

God, plus a million. I’ve been happily married to the love of my life for 10 years with two preschoolers. My eyes are still rolling all the way back into my head at the smugness of some of these posters. People... sh*t happens. Yes, even to you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an MD, residency and fellowship training, and I do occasional work on weekends, so I won’t have a gap in my CV. I can go back to work at any point.

Why on earth work so hard just to quit? Especially when medicine is generally so flexible?

It really isn’t flexible. I am not sure where you got that from.

It’s actually one of the most flexible professions once you’re mid career. Basically every female doc I know is part time, makes her own hours, etc.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nytimes.com/2019/08/21/upshot/medicine-family-friendly-profession-women.amp.html

I guess that describes me. Maybe you wouldn’t consider me a SAHM.

It isn’t flexible once that schedule is made though. It’s not like I can just work from home if I have a sick kid.

What field are you in? I want your life.

If you are working, I wouldn’t consider you a SAHM

I don’t know. Where is the line between working mom and SAHM? I would never pretend to be a working physician. That sounds like I am working 60 hours/wk, and really, I work about 15 hours weekends my husband isn’t working and a 1/2 day every now and again teaching a couple of classes to the med students and residents. I definitely had a day when I quit my job, and I have yet to go back.

You can have my life. Have a bunch of kids. Quit your job. Tell all of your colleagues that you are willing to cover for them any nights, holidays, or weekends that they don’t want to work. If you said this to 100 people, surely one person or another would take you up on it one or two days a month.