Pregnant with non-boyfriend - he wants me to keep it

[Anonymous]

Messed up for the older kids to have a younger sibling be so much more indulged IDK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marry him?

I’ve thought about this. I worry, though, because he hasn’t even met my children, and it would be a huge change for everyone involved in a very short amount of time. Seems like a recipe for disaster.

You have six-to-nine months to do the introductions and get everyone on the same page before you have to go to the courthouse, get married, and start cohabitating.

+1. Successful marriages have started off far worse. This could be a blessing for all of you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marry him, idiot.

+1

This man has never even met her kids. Seems idiotic to rush into marriage.

So??? Introduce them! They’ve been dating for a year. This isn’t a one night stand or shack up

[Anonymous]

Pondering here--these days "dating" is equivalent to "having sex" (or even living together) although it is possible that was the only time you had sex?

Reason I bring this up: he's opposed to the abortion because of Catholicism. I'm not Catholic but I have a general handle on the Catholic POV regarding sex, marriage, the purpose of sex, and birth control. UNLESS it was only the one time and you all got carried away (but not so much that he couldn't pull out), it looks like he's not enough of a devout Catholic to get to play the religion card.

[Anonymous]

You have hit the jackpot. Have him pay very good alimony and child support, hire a nanny and a housekeeper and keep on living your life. This kid will be taken care of.
Dad can also have custody! Dang I would be thrilled!

[Anonymous]

Agree if he will do a 50-50 time share and hire a full time nanny for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All you DCUMers saying to marry the guy are blinded by his supposed "millions". Reminds me of 50 Shades of Grey. If he was some bus driver making $30K a year, we all know what the answer to OP's question would be. The hypocrisy is astounding. Personally, I don't think highly of people who end up in OP's situation..men or women...but it does sound like OP is one of those single moms.

Nope, just being practical. It is an absolute fact that money can bring more stability to a marriage, and take out a whole list of stressors. Or course it is easier to marry a rich man who loves you vs. a poor one. If OP is a pregnant single mom, the stability that an established man who loves her would bring to her life would be a good thing.

On a side note, I'd be curious to know the general source of this guy's money. Is he self-made? Is he a layabout over grown party boy with a trust fund? Is he feeding at the trough of his parents' wealth, in which case they could cut off support at any time? Is he a responsible guy with a trust fund?

He is financially conservative and had a modest trust that he invested well. Well-educated, super smart, very hard worker. He’s a business executive.

Op if you let him get away, you’re a complete fool. You said you want to be married again who in the hell better than this do you think is out there?

[Anonymous]

For people saying that he is bs his Catholic beliefs..as Catholic I can tell you that not all sins are considered in the same way. Sex out of the wedlock is a grave sin but generally tollerated and common. Abortion is considered very serious because we believe life starts at conception so abortion is the same as killing a person. In other words even a lapsed Catholic may still consider refusing abortion as a non negotiable value.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you just give him the kid to raise on his own?

Didn't you read what she wrote? He is committed only to work, works 60 hours a week and travels extensively. He won't commit to a relationship with OP but you think he's commit to raising a child? Do you really think he's going to change his work life to spend time with this child if she hands it over to him to raise? He will just hand off the baby again, to day and night nannies. I'm sure that someone will post that doing that would be living the dream, to them. But not exactly a great existence for the child. And I'd bet that as soon as dad tires of the novelty of playing daddy, (assuming he'd even take the baby solo without OP), he's likely to start telling OP that his Catholic upbringing is telling him the baby really needs to be with mom....

And giving him the child does not change the fact that OP's children would have their lives upended. They'll know about the baby and wonder where the baby went (unless you think OP can hide her pregnancy and the birth from them). Or they'll have their lives rocked later when their half-sibling turns up wanting to get to know mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For people saying that he is bs his Catholic beliefs..as Catholic I can tell you that not all sins are considered in the same way. Sex out of the wedlock is a grave sin but generally tollerated and common. Abortion is considered very serious because we believe life starts at conception so abortion is the same as killing a person. In other words even a lapsed Catholic may still consider refusing abortion as a non negotiable value.

Too late. He was careless creating a life that might be aborted against his wishes. He signed on to the possibility of an abortion when he had unprotected sex with a woman he didn't marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have hit the jackpot. Have him pay very good alimony and child support, hire a nanny and a housekeeper and keep on living your life. This kid will be taken care of.
Dad can also have custody! Dang I would be thrilled!

Alimony? She and the non-boyfriend are not married. Alimony is paid in a divorce. Your greedy drooling over this "jackpot" is dulling your mind.

So you have no thought at all for OP's own children and how this might affect them and their relationship with OP? Because that is the real consideration. All the cash and nannies and housekeepers in the world won't alter the fact that this baby or marriage or not marrying all will affect OP's kids' lives. And don't assume the change will be entirely for the better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you just give him the kid to raise on his own?

Didn't you read what she wrote? He is committed only to work, works 60 hours a week and travels extensively. He won't commit to a relationship with OP but you think he's commit to raising a child? Do you really think he's going to change his work life to spend time with this child if she hands it over to him to raise? He will just hand off the baby again, to day and night nannies. I'm sure that someone will post that doing that would be living the dream, to them. But not exactly a great existence for the child. And I'd bet that as soon as dad tires of the novelty of playing daddy, (assuming he'd even take the baby solo without OP), he's likely to start telling OP that his Catholic upbringing is telling him the baby really needs to be with mom....

And giving him the child does not change the fact that OP's children would have their lives upended. They'll know about the baby and wonder where the baby went (unless you think OP can hide her pregnancy and the birth from them). Or they'll have their lives rocked later when their half-sibling turns up wanting to get to know mom.

Yeah, the older children would be seriously freaked out if they saw their mother’s child being given up to someone the children didn’t know. It would upend their feeling of stability no matter how the situation was explained. There’s no developmentally appropriate way to handle it. If OP has this child, participating in raising it is the only way to go.

[Anonymous]

Why in the world did you tell him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All you DCUMers saying to marry the guy are blinded by his supposed "millions". Reminds me of 50 Shades of Grey. If he was some bus driver making $30K a year, we all know what the answer to OP's question would be. The hypocrisy is astounding. Personally, I don't think highly of people who end up in OP's situation..men or women...but it does sound like OP is one of those single moms.

Nope, just being practical. It is an absolute fact that money can bring more stability to a marriage, and take out a whole list of stressors. Or course it is easier to marry a rich man who loves you vs. a poor one. If OP is a pregnant single mom, the stability that an established man who loves her would bring to her life would be a good thing.

On a side note, I'd be curious to know the general source of this guy's money. Is he self-made? Is he a layabout over grown party boy with a trust fund? Is he feeding at the trough of his parents' wealth, in which case they could cut off support at any time? Is he a responsible guy with a trust fund?

LOL, spoken like a gold-digger!

Money makes child care easier. Fact of life.

Then why is DCUM full of unhappy UMC wives???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have hit the jackpot. Have him pay very good alimony and child support, hire a nanny and a housekeeper and keep on living your life. This kid will be taken care of.
Dad can also have custody! Dang I would be thrilled!

Alimony? She and the non-boyfriend are not married. Alimony is paid in a divorce. Your greedy drooling over this "jackpot" is dulling your mind.

So you have no thought at all for OP's own children and how this might affect them and their relationship with OP? Because that is the real consideration. All the cash and nannies and housekeepers in the world won't alter the fact that this baby or marriage or not marrying all will affect OP's kids' lives. And don't assume the change will be entirely for the better.

They can agree on whatever, call it what you will. A stipend which is spent on older kids among other things. Nanny for baby, housekeeper for all. I don’t know how well the older kids’ father is providing for them.