S/O what do you consider “haves”
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Anonymous
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My kids are haves. I was a have not who worked damn hard to become a have. I grew up working poor and only caught a break due to the wonderful program in my state where you need little more than a pulse to get a scholarship that covers The majority of tuition. I worked my a$$ off, literally working 2 jobs and school, to earn a degree. Nothing has been handed to me. EVER. My success has been only through determination and perseverance.
My kids have college tuition 100% funded. They live in 4K sq ft house. They attend a highly rated school. They participate in any extracurricular activities they want. They swim in our in-ground pool every single day of summer break. They attend good summer camps. They’ve been on wonderful vacations. My husband and I laugh how they’ve only ever stayed at deluxe resorts when we go to Disney (which is often). We have long talks with the kids about how life was for us as a child (my husband had a similar upbringing). They’ve seen the run down 600 sq ft house I lived in until age 15. They know how I went to the zoo one time, on a field trip, my entire childhood. They’ve been to the zoo literally hundreds of times. We have many long talks about how hard their mom and dad have worked to give them a better life. I can’t redo my childhood. However, I can give them many opportunities that were not within reach for me. That’s what is so great about this land of opportunity. It really is. I couldn’t help being a have not as a child. But there was no way in hell I was going to raise my kids that way. |
Anonymous
I don’t know if it is the same person bragging about how their kid has been to 30 countries. We go away every long weekend and school break. If we wanted to visit 10 different countries per year, we could. That is not what we want to do. We do some some domestic beach trips both driving and flying. I love Arizona and Maine. We will visit nyc, Philadelphia and Boston to visit friends and family. My 7 and 9yo have only been to probably 20 countries, maybe 15. Who really cares? No one is keeping tabs. |
Anonymous
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I think in 20 years or so we can expect to see the following post from 30-country lady’s kids:
When I was a child, my parents took me to 30 countries, but could only afford to do so in coach. It was terrible. Now that I am a parent myself, I ensure that my children only fly international business class. My children are definitely “haves.” |
Anonymous
Who cares about your very mundane and boring trips to Maine, Philly, Arizona, etc? If I want to die slowly of boredom, I’ll follow your vacation recommendations. Please enjoy your meals at Cracker Barrel while on your beach vacations in Virginia Beach. You’re so klassy! |
Anonymous
You enjoy trolling, don't you? |
Anonymous
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Honestly, I find this thread helpful. We ALL want to give our kids the absolute best, but seeing things like "My kids swim in our pool all summer and hiked the Inca trail" actually written makes it clear how morally empty and vapid thinking of life in those terms is. Someone is always going to give their kids MORE than you can, does that make them a better parent? A better person?
There are so many threads on this board about class distinctions and how we can give our kids MORE, and so few on how we can help them become good people. It is good to see the distinctions so clearly and decide where your focus will be. |
Anonymous
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The phrase "Haves and Haves Nots" is a term of art that refers to the very wealthy and the very poor.
Using that definition, we are not "Haves" That said, we have and provide our children with a lot. To very poor families, we probably look like we "have" a lot and we do. We have all the UMC trappings of stability and a happy and calm home, so I hope not to have my kids posting about their crazy parents on a board like this someday. Working to instill some strong values as well. |
Anonymous
This made me laugh, so funny! |
Anonymous
Who else spots the sad sad missed opportunity here? |
Anonymous
My kids have also been to Monaco and Amalfi Coast. Most of their international travel has been to the Caribbean and Mexico. We don’t go to VA Beach. We live in an affluent area and surrounded by wealth. Several of our neighbors leave their 10,000+ sf homes empty for the majority of the year because they have multiple other homes in other countries. I have only met one neighbor once. They spend most of their time in Europe. Get off your high horse. You are not the only family who travels. To say that is the norm is obnoxious though. I can at least admit we are rich. |
Anonymous
Elementary school children who have traveled to 30+ countries is NOT the norm—that was the entire point of my post (which flew right over your head). Btw, you’re trying way too hard here. Stay klassy! |
Anonymous
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Have’s are people with family money, IMO.
They were haves before they were born, and even if they try and make it without “family help” the connections they have from growing up wealthy, and the calming safety net they have to fall in if they fail (even if they swear they don’t want their families help) make them a world of difference from the new money entrepreneur. Though that new money maker will allow for future generations to be haves, so this is not a knock at it. |
Anonymous
Why is visiting 30 countries a big deal? One could take a Caribbean cruise and knock off five, and another 10 in a single visit to Europe. I am sure many kids, and even more parents, have done that. Am I missing something? |
Anonymous
My goodness you’re dense! Reading is fundamental—please read at least some of this thread before commenting. Btw, if extensive foreign travel for an American child (age 10 and under) is so commonplace, then why don’t you know more children that age who have done so? Btw, the PP’s children have traveled to 5 continents. How old were you when you landed on your 5th continent? I doubt that you were anywhere near 10. |
Anonymous
I don’t know, these days with extensive airline alliances one can easily visit three or even four continents in a single trip (think US to Kenya or South Africa, with stopovers in the Middle East on the way out and Europe on the return). I know families that have done that, and it never seemed particularly impressive. |