Hey working mothers, a work-life balance is a myth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"You can have it all, but you are going to be REALLY tired and stressed". - Reality talking

Most women have it wrong, either marry a Mr Mom type or you don't wear all hats at the same time.

Don't wear the hats consecutively, do it like this:

20's - Single playtime, time for going all in on college and career, invest $

30's - Have your babies, take a break to raise them into late ES

40's - Go back to work part-time or full-time if it's flexible, your kids are more independent and don't need daycare

50's - Kids are grown, do whatever work you enjoy

60's - Work, play and enjoy the grandkids

This assumes you are not a significant contributor to HHI.

It also assumes you have control over how old you eventually are when you meet your husband, nor whether you have infertility issues or other problems that can suck years away. My life will look something like this

20's - Single playtime, time for going all in on college and career, "investing"

Early 30's through late 30s - Search desperately for Mr Right because for whatever reason it did not happen in my 20s.

Late 30s/early 40s - 4 years of IVF, blowing through savings.

early- mid 40s - Have babies, take a break to raise them during preschool years

50's - Go back to work full-time because you are thinking about simultaneous college and retirement

60's - Keep working

70s Probably keep working, even though you are exhausted, realize you will never meet the grandkids.



So yes PP gave the ideal plan but LIFE DOES NOT ALWAYS PLAY OUT IN SUCH A NEAT PLAN.

Fellow infertility obstacle hurdler here... hello & welcome to our esteemed club.

I completely agree with your timeline, it could be mine.
Adding one time you omitted though... which is all that damn time I wasted worrying about regular birth control & wondering if I was "late".

If I only knew then what I know now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"You can have it all, but you are going to be REALLY tired and stressed". - Reality talking

Most women have it wrong, either marry a Mr Mom type or you don't wear all hats at the same time.

Don't wear the hats consecutively, do it like this:

20's - Single playtime, time for going all in on college and career, invest $

30's - Have your babies, take a break to raise them into late ES

40's - Go back to work part-time or full-time if it's flexible, your kids are more independent and don't need daycare

50's - Kids are grown, do whatever work you enjoy

60's - Work, play and enjoy the grandkids

This assumes you are not a significant contributor to HHI.

Just do one thing well at a time, instead of juggling too many balls. Don't have a bunch of babies, which you are in Med school or in a heavy job, you'll do nothing well and beat yourself up. - older Mom who has been there

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you think would be an ideal Job for a single mom to achieve a balance? Dad is not very involved, so I need to be available for dr, dentist, teacher meetings, etc.
want to cover the bills, but don’t need to be rich — want to maximize time w kids.
What would you pick if you were restarting your life, like me??

Dental hygienist? You can basically set your own hours to be two, three, five days a week, make a decent salary and very low stress (albeit physically demanding)

[Anonymous]

Actually, there was an excellent NPR segment a million years ago that highlighted research that determined that people who get married and pop out babies shortly after college/grad school are doing it right. Why? Because it's best for mom to stay home for a chunk of her late 20s/early 30s and then return to the workforce. Good luck starting/rebooting your career in your 40s after being a sahm. It's much easier to start or go back to work in your late 20s/early 30s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you think would be an ideal Job for a single mom to achieve a balance? Dad is not very involved, so I need to be available for dr, dentist, teacher meetings, etc.
want to cover the bills, but don’t need to be rich — want to maximize time w kids.
What would you pick if you were restarting your life, like me??

Dental hygienist? You can basically set your own hours to be two, three, five days a week, make a decent salary and very low stress (albeit physically demanding)

Ugh some of us don't have the stomach for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"You can have it all, but you are going to be REALLY tired and stressed". - Reality talking

Most women have it wrong, either marry a Mr Mom type or you don't wear all hats at the same time.

Don't wear the hats consecutively, do it like this:

20's - Single playtime, time for going all in on college and career, invest $

30's - Have your babies, take a break to raise them into late ES

40's - Go back to work part-time or full-time if it's flexible, your kids are more independent and don't need daycare

50's - Kids are grown, do whatever work you enjoy

60's - Work, play and enjoy the grandkids

This assumes you are not a significant contributor to HHI.

It also assumes you have control over how old you eventually are when you meet your husband, nor whether you have infertility issues or other problems that can suck years away. My life will look something like this

20's - Single playtime, time for going all in on college and career, "investing"

Early 30's through late 30s - Search desperately for Mr Right because for whatever reason it did not happen in my 20s.

Late 30s/early 40s - 4 years of IVF, blowing through savings.

early- mid 40s - Have babies, take a break to raise them during preschool years

50's - Go back to work full-time because you are thinking about simultaneous college and retirement

60's - Keep working

70s Probably keep working, even though you are exhausted, realize you will never meet the grandkids.



So yes PP gave the ideal plan but LIFE DOES NOT ALWAYS PLAY OUT IN SUCH A NEAT PLAN.

Fellow infertility obstacle hurdler here... hello & welcome to our esteemed club.

I completely agree with your timeline, it could be mine.
Adding one time you omitted though... which is all that damn time I wasted worrying about regular birth control & wondering if I was "late".

If I only knew then what I know now.

thanks for sharing your timeline and I agree. I spent my 30s getting operated on and fighting to stay alive. My career took a hit, but not because of kids, but because of health issues (where is that in the whole work/life balance discussion)? Finally became a mom at age 39. The good thing is, I don't get worked up by some of the kid stuff because of the medical stuff, but there is no "balance" only harmony

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men can't have it all either. Which is why I think work hours should be enforced. Employers are relying on your unpaid work hours to get ahead and you're sacrificing family time for your employer. It's a whole spiraling effect.

Stop the crazy immigration that allows companies to screw workers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men can't have it all either. Which is why I think work hours should be enforced. Employers are relying on your unpaid work hours to get ahead and you're sacrificing family time for your employer. It's a whole spiraling effect.

Stop the crazy immigration that allows companies to screw workers

I don't see immigration as the issue. IMO, it is because of the male-dominated work place. Men have always been expected to stay late, work long hours and do unpaid work.