Husband wants to take a huge paycut to join a startup

[Anonymous]

You’d retire at 40 with that amount- and three kids under 10? I wouldn’t.

[Anonymous]

OP

People have discussed this but I think what you need is a plan to get a handle on your expenses.

Given your family's ability to save, it is likely you do not follow a strict budget and the lack of knowledge may be what is making you panic slightly.

If you do not know how much you spend, can you reverse engineer the past 6 months to see how much you spent to get a realistic understanding of what will require either cutting back or dipping into savings?

Only with real numbers in front of you will you have a handle on what is actually at risk for this three year investment of time.

Knowing nothing but the fact that you are clearly amazing savers and you probably pay a lot in taxes, I would expect your actually spending does not exceed $200K/year and is probably much less given the lack of a mortgage. Even if you had to dip into savings for $150K/year, that would only be $450K over 3 years, less than 40% of your cash savings. I would actually suggest moving half of your cash into relatively conservative investments.





How mu

[Anonymous]

This is a scenario I recognize well from my own parents and their circle. My dad came from very little, worked hard to do extremely well, but often with men like this (maybe women too but I think more often in men) it is NEVER enough. And they get riskier and riskier. If I made over 700K working around 50 hours a week with low travel months I think I'd say, hey, this is a good gig. I'm not faulting this guy for wanting to fulfill a dream or another challenge but when is enough enough? You can see this play out time and time again and sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Most start up fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two triggers: wealth and SAHM. The combo is insanely triggering to some.

It's that combo and then acting as if you have a tough situation. Which she did in her OP. If she had been less emotional and more focused on budgets and cash flow there would be less ire. But portraying her millions and dropping to $100k salary as hardship? Yeah tiniest violin is tuning up.

She isn't acting as though her situation is tough. She has fears about choosing risk over stability. That has nothing at all to do with how she spends her day. To a human, anyway.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two triggers: wealth and SAHM. The combo is insanely triggering to some.

+1
I am seeing threads with this theme-DH makes half a mil, the woman makes next to nothing, millions in savings, and the woman freaking out about scraping by. See the other one about a SAHM asking for life insurance when she already has 4-5 mil payout if DH dies.
Maybe it is the same troll starting these to taunt the WOHM who work for a paycheck and the not-so wealthy SAHM.

Man, your "freak out" threshold is low, I just viewed it as a reasonable question.

+1

OP: "hi I'm concerned about our HHI going down by 80%. But, I understand why my DH wants to do it, and I'm looking for advice and how to think about this big potential transition."

DCUM: "Quit freaking out and be grateful!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two triggers: wealth and SAHM. The combo is insanely triggering to some.

+1
I am seeing threads with this theme-DH makes half a mil, the woman makes next to nothing, millions in savings, and the woman freaking out about scraping by. See the other one about a SAHM asking for life insurance when she already has 4-5 mil payout if DH dies.
Maybe it is the same troll starting these to taunt the WOHM who work for a paycheck and the not-so wealthy SAHM.

Man, your "freak out" threshold is low, I just viewed it as a reasonable question.

+1

OP: "hi I'm concerned about our HHI going down by 80%. But, I understand why my DH wants to do it, and I'm looking for advice and how to think about this big potential transition."

DCUM: "Quit freaking out and be grateful!"

Yeah, $2.7M will be gone tomorrow buying shoes for 3 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He well earned that shot. Let him or he will regret it.
Even if it fails, that's life. With your assets you don't have to live in fear. I guess as a SAHM you don't feel powerful enough to dig yourself out of a hole. Maybe work on that.

What does this mean? Not being snarky, I just honestly don't know what you're saying here.

NP. It probably means the for OP the man was her plan, and she has no means to support herself by her own admission.

And honestly a man like this who makes half a million and saved up millions and still isn't satisfied may have ambitions for improvements outside of his career, not sure if OP is worried about their marriage too. Hence be supportive and weather this phase, OP seems vulnerable

OP here. No I am not worried about my marriage. We have always seen ourselves as a partnership and that the money he makes is "our" money. He is asking me if he should do this, he's not telling me. I don't think it's fair to paint me as a leech. I've made sacrifices too. He went back to work two days after I had each of our babies and I didn't say anything. He frequently goes on last minute business trips and I don't say anything. It's not like I've been on easy street all these years. I've been home with three little kids.

Never meant to paint you as a leech. But your financial plan is solely your DH.

For most working parents DH has to go back to work a couple days after having kids too; it's actually much worse to leave you 6 week old crying infant with some sub daycare worker you just met, so please shut the F up about sacrifice in your paid off McMansion and MILLIONS in assets.

FFS, you are the living defintion of EASY STREET.

But your DH wanderlust for better pastures does seem to be jeopardizing that, hopefully just professionally.

I am curious how you consider yourself partners when he has been crafting this secret plan (paid off mortgage, huge growth stifling cash savings) and not discussing with you years ago.

Op here. It's not a "secret" plan. I knew he had this in the back of his mind. He's been approached by other startups but they could afford to offer to pay a salary so I said no and he agreed. And they were just never the right people. He feels different about this this one though. I suspect that if he doesn't do it he'll have major FOMO.

Not secret but in your OP: Unbeknownst to me, this is why we have so much cash.

I thought we were saving up for a "rainy day" so to speak. He has talked about this but I never thought it would seriously happen. I always assumed it was a pipe dream. He really likes his job, the hours are really good, the people are nice. We have a good thing going. Why rock the boat on the off chance that you might make 10M in a buyout, kwim? We don't need a 10M payout. We live fine as it is.

Because it's not about the money, at heart. It's about the thrill of building something. My guess is that your DH won't view the years as a waste even if it totally fails.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two triggers: wealth and SAHM. The combo is insanely triggering to some.

+1
I am seeing threads with this theme-DH makes half a mil, the woman makes next to nothing, millions in savings, and the woman freaking out about scraping by. See the other one about a SAHM asking for life insurance when she already has 4-5 mil payout if DH dies.
Maybe it is the same troll starting these to taunt the WOHM who work for a paycheck and the not-so wealthy SAHM.

Man, your "freak out" threshold is low, I just viewed it as a reasonable question.

+1

OP: "hi I'm concerned about our HHI going down by 80%. But, I understand why my DH wants to do it, and I'm looking for advice and how to think about this big potential transition."

DCUM: "Quit freaking out and be grateful!"

Yeah, $2.7M will be gone tomorrow buying shoes for 3 kids.

Look, I agree the OP has nothing to worry about and should be willing to take this risk. I also think the DCUM vitriol and anger in response is way over the top. OP had a question and was looking for advice. It's just weird that every thread turns to insults and antagonism. There's really nothing to get worked up about this question.

[Anonymous]

Np. Well if we agree that most startups fail, is it really worth the risk if he has a good job now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Np. Well if we agree that most startups fail, is it really worth the risk if he has a good job now?

I believe the risk and energy that comes from building something is a large part of the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Np. Well if we agree that most startups fail, is it really worth the risk if he has a good job now?

Sounds like it would be a growth experience either way. It sounds like he'll land on his feet even if the startup doesn't work out.

[Anonymous]

You and he have saved a ton of money to be able to do this. Many years ago, after we had saved a lot of money (nothing like you have!) my DH did this. He was frustrated being a well paid cog in a big organization and wanted to do something entrepreneurial when our children were 5, 3 and 1. A long story made short, he took a lower salary and a lot of equity and made a great deal of money. He then took some of it and invested in another business and again did incredibly well. Give him the three years he needs to see if it will work and give him all the support and encouragement he needs. Sure, pinch pennies a bit but don't go crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Np. Well if we agree that most startups fail, is it really worth the risk if he has a good job now?

What is worth the risk?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You and he have saved a ton of money to be able to do this. Many years ago, after we had saved a lot of money (nothing like you have!) my DH did this. He was frustrated being a well paid cog in a big organization and wanted to do something entrepreneurial when our children were 5, 3 and 1. A long story made short, he took a lower salary and a lot of equity and made a great deal of money. He then took some of it and invested in another business and again did incredibly well. Give him the three years he needs to see if it will work and give him all the support and encouragement he needs. Sure, pinch pennies a bit but don't go crazy.

Op shouldhere from folks who did this were it didn't work out to understand most likely real world scenarios and how it all worked out ok. Maybe not $$$ ok but still fine. ??