Husband wants to take a huge paycut to join a startup

[Anonymous]

I will give some practical advice, because though the details are a bit different I have a DH like this and 2 kids and we has made similar decisions.

1. It sounds like your DH has had other offers to do this and feels particularly good about this one. Understand why. I would guess he has good insticts and judgement if he is making that HHI. I would look for reasons to trust his judgement. It will be easier for you if you are excited also and on the same page.

2. Organize a meeting where you can propose a new budget and discuss some of the tradeoffs with him. Maybe pick a different summer camp. Talk about packing lunch. Talk together about the decisions and then track the spending. I think this will calm your anxiety. Set a number that you feel comfortable with drawing down savings each year. Do not go over that number.

3. Now that your kids are a bit older - are you interested in getting a job? I have always worked and this has allowed my DH to take more risks. I held the insurance, and make a good salary and that certainly helps with the ups and downs of startup life. I also really like working. Maybe you set a timeline - say 1 year, and then you can decide if you want to go back to work based on your feelings and how well the startup is going. This does increase stress levels and I recognize that it may not be for everyone because my career can be stressful in its own right.

4. Like others here, my DH has had good experiences and bad here but overall been very financially successful. It is a different risk reward equation. He sounds like he understands that and is still attracted to that and I would overall encourage him to explore it.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

^ do not take a job if your DH is going to be working for a startup. He will work crazy hours and not be available to do childcare. You will be stuck juggling all the balls. This is a marriage killer.

[Anonymous]

^ This is PP who is in a similar situation. Two careers with one being a busy growing startup has not been a marriage killer for us but I said that it would not work for everyone. We high stress tolerance level. You have to know yourselves and your personalites. That is why i recommended taking time before even deciding that - to see how busy it would be and to evalaute the changing needs of the family.

[Anonymous]

fwiw, my husband jumped from a fairly low paying job to a start up. 3 years later, he is doing quite well and making better money than he ever did before. if it keeps going until it sells or goes public, he's make us rich. if it unexpectedly tanks, he can get a better job than he had before. So, win-win on that front.

it was much tougher on the non-financial front. we didn't have millions in savings; so I was locked into my boring, well-paid job with good benefits. his company requires him to be on the road constantly. so, I have been breadwinner and default parent for 2 small children for 3 years and working a job I don't like much. That's the pits for a marriage. we're finally getting to the point where it looks like I can maybe take a step back and find a different job. And you can bet your bottom dollar I wouldn't have kept working this job if I had 3 million squirreled away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will give some practical advice, because though the details are a bit different I have a DH like this and 2 kids and we has made similar decisions.

1. It sounds like your DH has had other offers to do this and feels particularly good about this one. Understand why. I would guess he has good insticts and judgement if he is making that HHI. I would look for reasons to trust his judgement. It will be easier for you if you are excited also and on the same page.

2. Organize a meeting where you can propose a new budget and discuss some of the tradeoffs with him. Maybe pick a different summer camp. Talk about packing lunch. Talk together about the decisions and then track the spending. I think this will calm your anxiety. Set a number that you feel comfortable with drawing down savings each year. Do not go over that number.

3. Now that your kids are a bit older - are you interested in getting a job? I have always worked and this has allowed my DH to take more risks. I held the insurance, and make a good salary and that certainly helps with the ups and downs of startup life. I also really like working. Maybe you set a timeline - say 1 year, and then you can decide if you want to go back to work based on your feelings and how well the startup is going. This does increase stress levels and I recognize that it may not be for everyone because my career can be stressful in its own right.

4. Like others here, my DH has had good experiences and bad here but overall been very financially successful. It is a different risk reward equation. He sounds like he understands that and is still attracted to that and I would overall encourage him to explore it.

Good luck.

Summer camp is COMPLETELY optional for a SAHM, not sure why that is even an issue.

If I was as at a startup and I saw one of our executives packing his lunch, I would be looking for a new gig pronto... Are you trolling the OP??

[Anonymous]

What are the roles all of you startup PPs working? Are you technical or more marketing/business/legal?

[Anonymous]

During my late 20s and throughout my 30s, I worked for three (3) "can't miss" start-ups, going in during the very early stages. I was supposed to have retired before age 40 being that I was one of the first persons riding the telecomm/Internet boom in the mid-90s. Guess what? None of the 3 startups ever went public.... At age 50, still working to recover. Had I just worked for a more established company (or stayed on with my first job) and participated in the stock and 401K offerings, I would have close to $3-5M today. I'm not even close. If your hubby is raking in $600K and with the cash hoard, take it easy and enjoy the finer offerings of life. I think your hubby is going through a phase, perhaps a mid-life crisis. Talk him out of it for your family;s sake!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:During my late 20s and throughout my 30s, I worked for three (3) "can't miss" start-ups, going in during the very early stages. I was supposed to have retired before age 40 being that I was one of the first persons riding the telecomm/Internet boom in the mid-90s. Guess what? None of the 3 startups ever went public.... At age 50, still working to recover. Had I just worked for a more established company (or stayed on with my first job) and participated in the stock and 401K offerings, I would have close to $3-5M today. I'm not even close. If your hubby is raking in $600K and with the cash hoard, take it easy and enjoy the finer offerings of life. I think your hubby is going through a phase, perhaps a mid-life crisis. Talk him out of it for your family;s sake!!

DH will not listen to this at all, no chance.

[Anonymous]

My husband did exactly that with almost exactly your numbers. We’re doing just fine. In terms of cash flow, we’re in the red maybe 3k a month, which is really NBD given our savings. DH much happier at his new job and that means a lot to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, he’s the one going to the job every day and doing the work, so I say it’s his choice.

Oh hell no. Marriage is a PARTNERSHIP.

+ 100!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:During my late 20s and throughout my 30s, I worked for three (3) "can't miss" start-ups, going in during the very early stages. I was supposed to have retired before age 40 being that I was one of the first persons riding the telecomm/Internet boom in the mid-90s. Guess what? None of the 3 startups ever went public.... At age 50, still working to recover. Had I just worked for a more established company (or stayed on with my first job) and participated in the stock and 401K offerings, I would have close to $3-5M today. I'm not even close. If your hubby is raking in $600K and with the cash hoard, take it easy and enjoy the finer offerings of life. I think your hubby is going through a phase, perhaps a mid-life crisis. Talk him out of it for your family;s sake!!

Did you work there for enjoyment or for a potential pay-out? My friend's husband left a pre IPO start-up for a smaller, more enjoyable start-up, because it was more appealing to him, leaving behind all but a small percentage of the stock options. Several of his friends did the same. They don't regret it one bit, they really enjoy what they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will give some practical advice, because though the details are a bit different I have a DH like this and 2 kids and we has made similar decisions.

1. It sounds like your DH has had other offers to do this and feels particularly good about this one. Understand why. I would guess he has good insticts and judgement if he is making that HHI. I would look for reasons to trust his judgement. It will be easier for you if you are excited also and on the same page.

2. Organize a meeting where you can propose a new budget and discuss some of the tradeoffs with him. Maybe pick a different summer camp. Talk about packing lunch. Talk together about the decisions and then track the spending. I think this will calm your anxiety. Set a number that you feel comfortable with drawing down savings each year. Do not go over that number.

3. Now that your kids are a bit older - are you interested in getting a job? I have always worked and this has allowed my DH to take more risks. I held the insurance, and make a good salary and that certainly helps with the ups and downs of startup life. I also really like working. Maybe you set a timeline - say 1 year, and then you can decide if you want to go back to work based on your feelings and how well the startup is going. This does increase stress levels and I recognize that it may not be for everyone because my career can be stressful in its own right.

4. Like others here, my DH has had good experiences and bad here but overall been very financially successful. It is a different risk reward equation. He sounds like he understands that and is still attracted to that and I would overall encourage him to explore it.

Good luck.

Summer camp is COMPLETELY optional for a SAHM, not sure why that is even an issue.

If I was as at a startup and I saw one of our executives packing his lunch, I would be looking for a new gig pronto... Are you trolling the OP??

How do you know if it's not his personally prepared strict diet lunch? I find it very hard to eat outside of home more than once a week once you hit 40: too much salt, sugar, etc.

[Anonymous]

You have way more than enough savings for him to do this and not make changes to your lifestyle. He has been saving and planning for this for years, waiting for the right opportunity to come along. It is here and he should go for it. You do not need to wait tables or skip the basement reno when you have almost 3mil in savings and he will still be making 6 figures. It sounds like your husband is very fiscally responsible and you should trust him on this. If you manage to blow through a million dollars in three years, he can go back to a higher paying job. He worked hard to make this happen, so don't hold him back or make him change his lifestyle!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband did exactly that with almost exactly your numbers. We’re doing just fine. In terms of cash flow, we’re in the red maybe 3k a month, which is really NBD given our savings. DH much happier at his new job and that means a lot to me.

Do you still have a mortgage? OP doesn't and that may make a huge difference as well.

[Anonymous]

Is there VC funding? How far out is there $? What is their burn rate per month? I would want funding from a third party (VC) to prove that an independent party thinks it is viable. And it funded at a reasonable level.

And remember, that 10% will get diluted as they raise more $.