Kids vs. career: New top job with travel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:http://money.cnn.com/2015/06/15/news/economy/working-moms-kids-better-off-harvard-study/

lol, you're quite thick aren't you. The issue isn't working vs. not working. It's two traveling parents and asking nanny to pick up the overnight slack vs. one traveling parent and one working parent home at night.

[Anonymous]

Yes, this is not a working vs not working. It is about which job will be able to work for this mom and family.
No one has told her to quit both jobs and stay at home.

Logistically, both parents can not be traveling 50-70% for their jobs. that is not how it works when you have kids. Unless you really are fine with a nanny raising them because, lets be honest, that is what will be happening.
The little they will see their parents, and mostly at night will not add up to much and likely little quality time. To say different is just lying to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, this is not a working vs not working. It is about which job will be able to work for this mom and family.
No one has told her to quit both jobs and stay at home.

Logistically, both parents can not be traveling 50-70% for their jobs. that is not how it works when you have kids. Unless you really are fine with a nanny raising them because, lets be honest, that is what will be happening.
The little they will see their parents, and mostly at night will not add up to much and likely little quality time. To say different is just lying to yourself.

These arent infants, kids will be busy with school and other activities until the evening anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, this is not a working vs not working. It is about which job will be able to work for this mom and family.
No one has told her to quit both jobs and stay at home.

Logistically, both parents can not be traveling 50-70% for their jobs. that is not how it works when you have kids. Unless you really are fine with a nanny raising them because, lets be honest, that is what will be happening.
The little they will see their parents, and mostly at night will not add up to much and likely little quality time. To say different is just lying to yourself.

These arent infants, kids will be busy with school and other activities until the evening anyway.

6 and 8 is still quite young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, this is not a working vs not working. It is about which job will be able to work for this mom and family.
No one has told her to quit both jobs and stay at home.

Logistically, both parents can not be traveling 50-70% for their jobs. that is not how it works when you have kids. Unless you really are fine with a nanny raising them because, lets be honest, that is what will be happening.
The little they will see their parents, and mostly at night will not add up to much and likely little quality time. To say different is just lying to yourself.

These arent infants, kids will be busy with school and other activities until the evening anyway.

You're right, they're not infants. It's easier to do this kind of travel when they're infants because infants are ultimately fine as long as they are fed, clothed, clean, and loved. Older kids need their parents. I can speak authoritatively about this because I am currently living the life OP is contemplating. The older my kids get, the harder it becomes for me to travel. I am missing games, performances, special activities, and just time with them on a regular basis. It is reaching the point that it is completely unsustainable and I am looking to get out. Perhaps there are other people who don't care if they miss those things and are fine having the nanny take them. But I can assure you that it doesn't work for my family. OP, if you have the option and money is not an issue, choose your family. Nobody lays on their deathbed wishing they had spent more time at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, this is not a working vs not working. It is about which job will be able to work for this mom and family.
No one has told her to quit both jobs and stay at home.

Logistically, both parents can not be traveling 50-70% for their jobs. that is not how it works when you have kids. Unless you really are fine with a nanny raising them because, lets be honest, that is what will be happening.
The little they will see their parents, and mostly at night will not add up to much and likely little quality time. To say different is just lying to yourself.

These arent infants, kids will be busy with school and other activities until the evening anyway.

You're right, they're not infants. It's easier to do this kind of travel when they're infants because infants are ultimately fine as long as they are fed, clothed, clean, and loved. Older kids need their parents. I can speak authoritatively about this because I am currently living the life OP is contemplating. The older my kids get, the harder it becomes for me to travel. I am missing games, performances, special activities, and just time with them on a regular basis. It is reaching the point that it is completely unsustainable and I am looking to get out. Perhaps there are other people who don't care if they miss those things and are fine having the nanny take them. But I can assure you that it doesn't work for my family. OP, if you have the option and money is not an issue, choose your family. Nobody lays on their deathbed wishing they had spent more time at work.

Pp, and everything in your first sentence is utterly and completely wromg. I'm sorry that you dont even know what you missed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work outside the home, always have and finding that balance between family/work has not always been easy. It sounds like the OP has that now. To possibly throw that away takes a deep hard look at finances, priorities and what their family can handle.
I am a firm believer that there is no one size fits all and each family has to find its own normal.
However, without committed buy in from her husband this will not work for any sustained length of time. Sad but true.
No one thinks she should throw her career away, but both parents can't have high travel, high demanding, stressful jobs that take them away from the family. They just can't unless your kids are being raised by someone else. If she wants that job, then he needs to give his up for something with minimal travel where he can be the 'go to' person on the home front.
If he is honestly willing and will do that, then great, she should go for it 100%
If not, then she needs to evaluate her families true needs (including her own) and see if this new set up can meet those.
I also worry about the old bait and switch where a job sounds too good to be true and likely is. More travel, longer hours, less pay, more oversight, etc.
This job sounds too good to be true but i hope it is not and turns out to be wonderful. In my experience though, that rarely happens.

Agree with your last few sentences on it possibly being too good to be true. I said the same upthread. Sometimes it sounds great in the intervybut the reality doesn't match up.

[Anonymous]

So, what did you decided OP?

I am interested in finding out if this job really is what it says it is!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the unknown factor here is what kind of kids you have. I keep thinking of a certain friends' kids. The kids are independent and I really think they would be fine with parents who were not often around, as long as their basic needs were met and they have transportation to activities. They are exceptionally independent and emotionally straightforward. I have one kid sort of like that, and one who's not. My one who is not couldn't cope with the separation: he needs us and no nanny will do it.

Take heed. Is either kid a sensitive child that craves your time and attention?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:http://money.cnn.com/2015/06/15/news/economy/working-moms-kids-better-off-harvard-study/

You are missing the issue - this is not about working v. staying home.

Exactly. Why does it always turn into that. There are SAHM that are barely there for their kids and their are part and full time moms that are there.

Two parents working full time AND also traveling weekly and biweekly? Just no. There is absolutely no way this will work without major stress on the kids, marriage, and your soul. Kids ages 6 and 8 really really need parents, or at least one that is tune with what is going on in school, activities, and their life. Big changes ahead. It does not get easier. They may not physically need you to do everything but mentally and emotionally, they need you more than ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, this is not a working vs not working. It is about which job will be able to work for this mom and family.
No one has told her to quit both jobs and stay at home.

Logistically, both parents can not be traveling 50-70% for their jobs. that is not how it works when you have kids. Unless you really are fine with a nanny raising them because, lets be honest, that is what will be happening.
The little they will see their parents, and mostly at night will not add up to much and likely little quality time. To say different is just lying to yourself.

These arent infants, kids will be busy with school and other activities until the evening anyway.

You're right, they're not infants. It's easier to do this kind of travel when they're infants because infants are ultimately fine as long as they are fed, clothed, clean, and loved. Older kids need their parents. I can speak authoritatively about this because I am currently living the life OP is contemplating. The older my kids get, the harder it becomes for me to travel. I am missing games, performances, special activities, and just time with them on a regular basis. It is reaching the point that it is completely unsustainable and I am looking to get out. Perhaps there are other people who don't care if they miss those things and are fine having the nanny take them. But I can assure you that it doesn't work for my family. OP, if you have the option and money is not an issue, choose your family. Nobody lays on their deathbed wishing they had spent more time at work.

+1

The older they get the more you need to be present for them. It doesn't seem like that when they are younger because you feel like you need them more but even as teens, they need you more than you think.

[Anonymous]

I;d want DH to scale travel way back, 1 week every 3 months instead of every month- honestly I think it gets REALLY easy to neglect a marriage with this much come and go if you have kids. If you have no kids, or shoot, even 1 kid that is a bit older then there is more time to put in- but the kids are going to suck away all available time that travel doesn't for the 2 of you, so I think one of you needs to do less travel- which doesn't need to be OP- it can totally be DH!

I think I would feel burned out after 1-2 years max on this schedule.

To the "c-suite mom" up post- look I get what you are trying to say, I agree with much of it. But I also think its shitty to say that you feel like your "highest calling" is a joke if its carting your kids to practice. You sound really out of touch like many in the c- suite. The vast majority of people don't define themselves by their jobs, they just do what they have to do to make a comfortable life for themselves or to survive, or just like work "enough" but know damn well that their impact or legacy or whatever when it comes to work is nothing different than tons of others. So, yeah, my legacy or highest achievement might be that I went to 99% of games or whatever I could for my kids because I don't harbor illusions that if I weren't there, my organization would be chugging along just the same. That doesn't make me pathetic, just saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, this is not a working vs not working. It is about which job will be able to work for this mom and family.
No one has told her to quit both jobs and stay at home.

Logistically, both parents can not be traveling 50-70% for their jobs. that is not how it works when you have kids. Unless you really are fine with a nanny raising them because, lets be honest, that is what will be happening.
The little they will see their parents, and mostly at night will not add up to much and likely little quality time. To say different is just lying to yourself.

These arent infants, kids will be busy with school and other activities until the evening anyway.

You're right, they're not infants. It's easier to do this kind of travel when they're infants because infants are ultimately fine as long as they are fed, clothed, clean, and loved. Older kids need their parents. I can speak authoritatively about this because I am currently living the life OP is contemplating. The older my kids get, the harder it becomes for me to travel. I am missing games, performances, special activities, and just time with them on a regular basis. It is reaching the point that it is completely unsustainable and I am looking to get out. Perhaps there are other people who don't care if they miss those things and are fine having the nanny take them. But I can assure you that it doesn't work for my family. OP, if you have the option and money is not an issue, choose your family. Nobody lays on their deathbed wishing they had spent more time at work.

Can we just kill this myth?

There is NEVER a time when your kids don't need you. Never. They need you from babyhood to adulthood. We make choices based on needs of the family as to the job and hours we work, but kids of all ages need you. Every age and stage is important and impacts development.

+1

The older they get the more you need to be present for them. It doesn't seem like that when they are younger because you feel like you need them more but even as teens, they need you more than you think.

[Anonymous]

Your kids will resent it, one parent working late hours and traveling is enough. Both intense careers is not fair to the kids and you, as the Mom, will feel guilty. Problem with kids today is because no one is home for them 100% to count on and foster upbringing.

[Anonymous]

Keep the job you have. You're not going to miss working more, but you would miss your kids.