Would our DD feel out of place at private school if our HHI is $250,000

[Anonymous]

Depends on how other students were raised. Were they raised with good manners and a sense of noblesse oblige, or were they raised to be materialistic? Many "old money" people realize they didn't personally earn their money or privilege and will not judge them by HHI.

[Anonymous]

Anyone else here feel like these high HHIs come primarily from ONE working parent, not two? It seems that the wealthiest families have a SAHM (rarely, a SAHD). Sometimes I feel "poorer" just b/c we both work. The majority of moms seems to SAH and volunteer at the school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else here feel like these high HHIs come primarily from ONE working parent, not two? It seems that the wealthiest families have a SAHM (rarely, a SAHD). Sometimes I feel "poorer" just b/c we both work. The majority of moms seems to SAH and volunteer at the school

I felt this way at private. All the volunteering meetings were scheduled during the school day, and as I worked in downtown D.C. I could never make them. The kids with both parents working were also the ones in the after-school program, while the kids of SAHMs got to go home. When my kids got older it was a SAHM (bless her) who took them to travel soccer practice at 4pm.

Cue the pp who thinks the kids don't notice and it's the parents' problem. FWIW, my kids raised differences like this with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else here feel like these high HHIs come primarily from ONE working parent, not two? It seems that the wealthiest families have a SAHM (rarely, a SAHD). Sometimes I feel "poorer" just b/c we both work. The majority of moms seems to SAH and volunteer at the school

+ 1

[Anonymous]

Don't fool yourselves people. Kids know. Whether they care or not is dependent upon their own upbringing and possibly their innate personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else here feel like these high HHIs come primarily from ONE working parent, not two? It seems that the wealthiest families have a SAHM (rarely, a SAHD). Sometimes I feel "poorer" just b/c we both work. The majority of moms seems to SAH and volunteer at the school

I felt this way at private. All the volunteering meetings were scheduled during the school day, and as I worked in downtown D.C. I could never make them. The kids with both parents working were also the ones in the after-school program, while the kids of SAHMs got to go home. When my kids got older it was a SAHM (bless her) who took them to travel soccer practice at 4pm.

Cue the pp who thinks the kids don't notice and it's the parents' problem. FWIW, my kids raised differences like this with me.

YES, on the 4:00 PM practices. I know you said travel soccer, but IME private schools will randomly schedule practices at 4, like they just assume that a non-working parent, a parent with a very flexible work schedule (and a very short commute or works from home), or a driving nanny will just be able to get them there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone else here feel like these high HHIs come primarily from ONE working parent, not two? It seems that the wealthiest families have a SAHM (rarely, a SAHD). Sometimes I feel "poorer" just b/c we both work. The majority of moms seems to SAH and volunteer at the school

I felt this way at private. All the volunteering meetings were scheduled during the school day, and as I worked in downtown D.C. I could never make them. The kids with both parents working were also the ones in the after-school program, while the kids of SAHMs got to go home. When my kids got older it was a SAHM (bless her) who took them to travel soccer practice at 4pm.

Cue the pp who thinks the kids don't notice and it's the parents' problem. FWIW, my kids raised differences like this with me.

YES, on the 4:00 PM practices. I know you said travel soccer, but IME private schools will randomly schedule practices at 4, like they just assume that a non-working parent, a parent with a very flexible work schedule (and a very short commute or works from home), or a driving nanny will just be able to get them there.

Yes, 4:30 or 5:00 anything before 6:30 makes it difficult for working parents to get kids to practices, esp. with any kind of commute. And if you have to pick them up first at after-care and go home, it makes it even more difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are considering private school for our two DD starting in 6th grade, but worry that she'll feel out of place because our HHI is $250,000.

(The grandparents -- who lived modestly but are now doing well thanks to their investments -- would fund the tuition.)

DH and I are both attorneys from top public universities, and I work part-time.

At my workplace, I know quite a few people who send their kids to private school. They seem to have quite a bit more money than we do.

For us, because we're happy with our public schools in Bethesda, it is not essential to move to private, but we think it would be a great opportunity for our daughters.

Our cards are Hondas (2007 and 2003), and our vacations are pretty average. Our daughter loves to host school friends at our house for playdates and sleepovers, but that's because most of our neighbors have small Cape Cods like we do. I'm worried that, if her peers had substantially nicer houses, she might feel reluctant to invite them over. And the house does not have a lot of room for entertaining anyway. I worry that my DDs might not make a lot of friends if they are not willing to reciprocate with playdates/sleepovers, etc.

I welcome the thoughts of anyone who is in this situation, or whose child may have a friend in this situation. Thank you.

Excellent question! So I grew up this way. I was the not rich kid a private school. But there were lots of us. And while I was sometimes bugged by the fact it also became a source of strength. When my classmates got BMW's for their 16th birthday I got a job (and rides) to a fast food joint where I made 3.75 an hour. After a few years I bought a 600 car. I don't know about for girls or in this era of social media it was largely a non-issue. Although if they are really happy where they are that counts for a lot in my opinion. Do your research by connecting with lots of folks - parents and students at the new school (http://www.paying-for-private-school.com/2016/12/19/doing-your-research/) before making a decision.


This is meant in the spirit of love an awareness:
For the respondents who criticized the OP's post, decision process and salary, what gives? I am sure it is not meant this way but it comes across that anyone who makes much more money that you is a out of touch and spoiled and anyone who makes much less is miserable and needs help. It is possible that all of us on this message board might just be part of the global 1%. Check this out:
[url]
http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2015/07/09/how-americans-compare-with-the-global-middle-class/[/url]

[Anonymous]

Don't public school families with two working parents have the same afternoon challenges?

[Anonymous]

OP I don't believe a lot of these posts are from private school parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I don't believe a lot of these posts are from private school parents.

Really, you think the posts saying "I can't make the PTO meeting or take my kid to after school practice" are fake? Why on earth would you think that?

[Anonymous]

No PP I believe the SAHMS ones...it's posters like 11:23 I don't believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't public school families with two working parents have the same afternoon challenges?

I don't know whether or not public schools give more thought to the fact that both parents may be working and have commutes when scheduling practices.

[Anonymous]

Vast majority of moms in my kid's grade at a D.C. private work outside the home. PA meetings and such always take place at 8:3am. School team practices happen at school after school with no need for parent to shuttle.

[Anonymous]

My two kids are at a private elementary in NW DC, and we think it's been a good experience from an educational standpoint.

I have noticed that my DS's class is pretty much families who are upper middle class. Most families had a similar income. And there are kids on financial aid too, who are included and welcomed. The friendships seem pretty easy.

As for my DD's class, just coincidentally, it is mostly wealthy families (except for our family who have sacrificed a lot to pay tuition). Some of them are uber wealthy -- SAHMs, Mercedes or Range Rover SUVs, beach houses, ski vacations, horses, beautifully designed homes, birthday parties at country clubs, etc. Unfortunately, my DD does notice it and feels a bit out of place. She still has lots of friends. Honestly, I just think that the friendships are easier when the girl is of a similar family income.