DIL invite

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a DIL and would never do this to my MIL and FIL, who host a very different kind of Thanksgiving than what I prefer. I think it's shockingly rude of your son and DIL to invite the family to a Thanksgiving dinner at their house when you traditionally host... without even giving you a heads-up.

Not only that, but it puts the other guests in a really awkward position.

My MIL and FIL are like you and have a lot of extended family and some friends who come, each and every year.

Your son should have discussed it with you first, period. This is on him. For all you know, your DIL assumed he had.

This is a good point too! My aunt has been hosting our family's Thanksgiving for two decades. At this point it's assumed by everyone that we're going there each year. This could change of course someday, but if I just got an evite out of the blue from her DIL, in early November, inviting me to Thanksgiving at her house, I would be frankly confused.

I blame the son as much as the DIL, but upending family tradition like this, via evite and with no warning, is strange behavior.

I guess a larger point is, if this is a big family tradition, then it's one thing for son and DIL to say, "you know mom, we are busy this year and can't travel, we'll just be doing our own thing for Thanksgiving this year." That's fine. It's another thing to try to poach all of OPs guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it weird to offer my good China, which is a complete set? My DIL doesn't have enough to set for our whole family. I'm just trying to be nice.

I don't think you're real at this point. But, assuming you are real, your poor DIL. No wonder she sent out an evite.

Yes it is really, really weird to offer to bring plates upon which to serve dinner to the home of another adult. It's not nice at all. It's crazy controlling. Man. Your poor DIL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it weird to offer my good China, which is a complete set? My DIL doesn't have enough to set for our whole family. I'm just trying to be nice.

I don't think you're real at this point. But, assuming you are real, your poor DIL. No wonder she sent out an evite.

Yes it is really, really weird to offer to bring plates upon which to serve dinner to the home of another adult. It's not nice at all. It's crazy controlling. Man. Your poor DIL!

Ok, I'm the previous poster who thought the son and DIL were at fault, but I agree this is weird and passive-agressive too. No one is behaving well here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it weird to offer my good China, which is a complete set? My DIL doesn't have enough to set for our whole family. I'm just trying to be nice.

I don't think you're real at this point. But, assuming you are real, your poor DIL. No wonder she sent out an evite.

Yes it is really, really weird to offer to bring plates upon which to serve dinner to the home of another adult. It's not nice at all. It's crazy controlling. Man. Your poor DIL!

It's also very insulting, that she isn't smart enough or well bred enough to know how to set a table. It says "your dishes aren't good enough and you aren't good enough, and I am and my dishes are better, so I'm bringing mine". When you are invited to your friends house for a dinner party, do you bring your China? WTH? A guest should be gracious, I don't care if my hostess food on a pape plate, I am a guest in someone else's home, don't judge and be kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it weird to offer my good China, which is a complete set? My DIL doesn't have enough to set for our whole family. I'm just trying to be nice.

I don't think you're real at this point. But, assuming you are real, your poor DIL. No wonder she sent out an evite.

Yes it is really, really weird to offer to bring plates upon which to serve dinner to the home of another adult. It's not nice at all. It's crazy controlling. Man. Your poor DIL!

It's also very insulting, that she isn't smart enough or well bred enough to know how to set a table. It says "your dishes aren't good enough and you aren't good enough, and I am and my dishes are better, so I'm bringing mine". When you are invited to your friends house for a dinner party, do you bring your China? WTH? A guest should be gracious, I don't care if my hostess food on a pape plate, I am a guest in someone else's home, don't judge and be kind.

If my MIL knew I was having a ton of people over, she would offer to bring extra dishes. I can't imagine being insulted by the offer.

I don't have enough dishes to serve 25 people. She knows I don't have enough dishes to serve 25 people. She offers to bring some. Great, I would prefer that over having to buy additional dishes myself.

OP, just ask her if she needs you to bring extra dishes, and if she says yes, let her specify the type. Who cares if it's a matching set or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it weird to offer my good China, which is a complete set? My DIL doesn't have enough to set for our whole family. I'm just trying to be nice.

I don't think you're real at this point. But, assuming you are real, your poor DIL. No wonder she sent out an evite.

Yes it is really, really weird to offer to bring plates upon which to serve dinner to the home of another adult. It's not nice at all. It's crazy controlling. Man. Your poor DIL!

It's also very insulting, that she isn't smart enough or well bred enough to know how to set a table. It says "your dishes aren't good enough and you aren't good enough, and I am and my dishes are better, so I'm bringing mine". When you are invited to your friends house for a dinner party, do you bring your China? WTH? A guest should be gracious, I don't care if my hostess food on a pape plate, I am a guest in someone else's home, don't judge and be kind.

If my MIL knew I was having a ton of people over, she would offer to bring extra dishes. I can't imagine being insulted by the offer.

I don't have enough dishes to serve 25 people. She knows I don't have enough dishes to serve 25 people. She offers to bring some. Great, I would prefer that over having to buy additional dishes myself.

OP, just ask her if she needs you to bring extra dishes, and if she says yes, let her specify the type. Who cares if it's a matching set or not?

You should wait to be asked, or you could say to the hostess "can I please bring anything?" And if she says "yes, china" then bring china. DIL Is a grown woman, she can figure out what she needs and how to get it. If she needs dishes, she can ask to borrow some. Or she can buy some, maybe she had been waiting for an excuse to get more place settings or a new set. Who knows. But it ain't MIL's business to shove her own China down DIL's throat. If DIL says, hey MIL, would you bring your China to dinner? Then you're good to go, but offering to bring China, is kind of ridiculous. Because they all have to match?

And my autocorrect keeps writing China like this, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it weird to offer my good China, which is a complete set? My DIL doesn't have enough to set for our whole family. I'm just trying to be nice.

I don't think you're real at this point. But, assuming you are real, your poor DIL. No wonder she sent out an evite.

Yes it is really, really weird to offer to bring plates upon which to serve dinner to the home of another adult. It's not nice at all. It's crazy controlling. Man. Your poor DIL!

It's also very insulting, that she isn't smart enough or well bred enough to know how to set a table. It says "your dishes aren't good enough and you aren't good enough, and I am and my dishes are better, so I'm bringing mine". When you are invited to your friends house for a dinner party, do you bring your China? WTH? A guest should be gracious, I don't care if my hostess food on a pape plate, I am a guest in someone else's home, don't judge and be kind.

If my MIL knew I was having a ton of people over, she would offer to bring extra dishes. I can't imagine being insulted by the offer.

I don't have enough dishes to serve 25 people. She knows I don't have enough dishes to serve 25 people. She offers to bring some. Great, I would prefer that over having to buy additional dishes myself.

OP, just ask her if she needs you to bring extra dishes, and if she says yes, let her specify the type. Who cares if it's a matching set or not?

You should wait to be asked, or you could say to the hostess "can I please bring anything?" And if she says "yes, china" then bring china. DIL Is a grown woman, she can figure out what she needs and how to get it. If she needs dishes, she can ask to borrow some. Or she can buy some, maybe she had been waiting for an excuse to get more place settings or a new set. Who knows. But it ain't MIL's business to shove her own China down DIL's throat. If DIL says, hey MIL, would you bring your China to dinner? Then you're good to go, but offering to bring China, is kind of ridiculous. Because they all have to match?

And my autocorrect keeps writing China like this, sorry.

I completely agree with this PP. It's very rude behavior.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe nobody's stating the obvious:

The son should have handled this.

When the OP got the evite and was hurt, she should have called her son - not his wife! OP is being super passive aggressive by not talking to her son and blaming everything on his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe nobody's stating the obvious:

The son should have handled this.

When the OP got the evite and was hurt, she should have called her son - not his wife! OP is being super passive aggressive by not talking to her son and blaming everything on his wife.

Then you haven't read the thread, because that was suggested repeatedly. Not one person said she should call the dil, not one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe nobody's stating the obvious:

The son should have handled this.

When the OP got the evite and was hurt, she should have called her son - not his wife! OP is being super passive aggressive by not talking to her son and blaming everything on his wife.

Then you haven't read the thread, because that was suggested repeatedly. Not one person said she should call the dil, not one.

Seriously, that's been stated multiple times. Read the actual thread.

[Anonymous]

I didn't read all 8 or 9 pages of this thread.


Here is my suggestion: OP you have thanksgiving dinner at your house at 1 p.m. DIL has dinner at her house at 4 p.m. You host for your friends and whoever else, then clean up and go over to DIL's house for pumpkin pie in the evening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the PPs. I think this is very weird and presumptuous that she did this without discussing it.

+1

This is not how families behave. Questions about why OP's son didn't do it are asinine. WTF is the difference?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with the PPs. I think this is very weird and presumptuous that she did this without discussing it.

+1

This is not how families behave. Questions about why OP's son didn't do it are asinine. WTF is the difference?

In normal families I'd agree. Based on what MIL has posted here, no. There's a lot more to this story than what OP posted initially. Poor DIL. I bet the weird china thing is just the tip of the iceberg.

[Anonymous]

DIL here. I can't ever get DH to talk to his parents about difficult convos like this. I'm in my 30s and want to host my own Thanksgivings at least every other year. It's ridiculous that MIL gets to always host. I miss my own family's traditions, foods and cooking.

[Anonymous]

Why exactly does you DIL have to spend every Thanksgiving with you and your friends? What about her own family? What about her starting her own traditions with her husband and children or maybe even her own friends? It's crazy to have one tradition that you have to do every single year.

Things change when your children get married!