Uncomfortable religious situations you were forced into

[Anonymous]

I'll contribute with a slightly different story of same religion discomfort. I am Jewish, observe the High Holidays and Passover but don't keep kosher or do the more minor holidays (though I am conversant with them). One day in college I was walking down the street and was approached by a Lubovitcher (a Hassidic sect that, unusually for Jews, proselytizes -- but only to other Jewish denominations). He asked me if I was Jewish. I was taken aback but didn't want to deny it. He instantly produced a lulav and an etrog, which are used for the Jewish holiday of Sukkot. He asked me to repeat the appropriate Hebrew blessings after him and to shake them (a Sukkot ritual). I should have declined, but I was 18 and stupid and I couldn't think how to decline without offending him. So I did it. And felt like such a ridiculous fraud standing there on a public street shaking a lulav and etrog -- things I hadn't thought about or cared about since Hebrew school. It's been almost 20 years and I still remember how foolish and fake I felt.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a very standard, mainline Protestant church. So, religion has always felt pretty safe to me. Probably as a result of that, I have very fond memories of all the times I stayed with other people and got taken along to their churches--Awana at the Baptist church, Bible school at a conservative evangelical church, Catholic mass, etc. I was probably fortunate that I was never taken to any genuinely offensive religious event--no damnation and no snakes.

In college, I participated in a campus ministry group that visited lots of different religious groups, and as an adult, I've enjoyed going to Southern Baptist, Catholic, and Jewish weddings (in addition to many in my own religious tradition). I even went to an old fashioned camp meeting revival with a friend in Georgia.

As a parent now, I'd probably be too afraid of offending anyone to take my kids' friends along to church with us, and that's too bad because I do think those experiences can be beneficial. I'm sympathetic to the posters here who have had traumatic experiences, but I'm sad that the alternative seems to be to wall ourselves off from religious experiences different from our own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in a very standard, mainline Protestant church. So, religion has always felt pretty safe to me. Probably as a result of that, I have very fond memories of all the times I stayed with other people and got taken along to their churches--Awana at the Baptist church, Bible school at a conservative evangelical church, Catholic mass, etc. I was probably fortunate that I was never taken to any genuinely offensive religious event--no damnation and no snakes.

In college, I participated in a campus ministry group that visited lots of different religious groups, and as an adult, I've enjoyed going to Southern Baptist, Catholic, and Jewish weddings (in addition to many in my own religious tradition). I even went to an old fashioned camp meeting revival with a friend in Georgia.

As a parent now, I'd probably be too afraid of offending anyone to take my kids' friends along to church with us, and that's too bad because I do think those experiences can be beneficial. I'm sympathetic to the posters here who have had traumatic experiences, but I'm sad that the alternative seems to be to wall ourselves off from religious experiences different from our own.

You can take my kid with you to church/temple/mosque/whatever! I think it can be wonderful and welcoming and generous to share your culture with others.

[Anonymous]

In your situation absolutely I would force you to go. You were under their supervision. I would never leave you home alone nor would I disrupt my family life because you are uncomfortable going. Your mother chose them to look after you, blame your own mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In your situation absolutely I would force you to go. You were under their supervision. I would never leave you home alone nor would I disrupt my family life because you are uncomfortable going. Your mother chose them to look after you, blame your own mother.

+1. At some point OP said they could have just left her home alone. Well, your own mother thought you were too immature to be left home alone -- that's why she plopped you with this family for three days!!! Also, LOL at OP saying the family asking her "what she learned" at church was somehow offensive. Dude, that's a tame non-question. You could just say, "That community is important" or "that the world needs peace." OP sounds like she's still a teen and thinks her parent asking her, "How was school?" is so invasive that she has to yell, "Fine!" and run upstairs to her room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In your situation absolutely I would force you to go. You were under their supervision. I would never leave you home alone nor would I disrupt my family life because you are uncomfortable going. Your mother chose them to look after you, blame your own mother.

+1. At some point OP said they could have just left her home alone. Well, your own mother thought you were too immature to be left home alone -- that's why she plopped you with this family for three days!!! Also, LOL at OP saying the family asking her "what she learned" at church was somehow offensive. Dude, that's a tame non-question. You could just say, "That community is important" or "that the world needs peace." OP sounds like she's still a teen and thinks her parent asking her, "How was school?" is so invasive that she has to yell, "Fine!" and run upstairs to her room.

Three days is not a morning. One could think a teenager is fine for a morning but not want them to stay in a house alone for 3 days. Also, I highly doubt OP's mother had any idea this would happen. My own mother was fine with me attending religious events with friends of other religions but only if the parents asked first. And all the parents did. And so did we. Come over on a Friday night that we may be going to synagogue? We'll warn you first so you can decide if you want to come or not.

Anyway the subject of this thread isn't "religious trauma," it's "uncomfortable situations." I can see why OP, as a teenager, might have been uncomfortable. That doesn't mean she was traumatised. Nor does it mean she would react the same way now as an adult. It's just something she remembers and is throwing out there. I think it's an interesting discussion on both sides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In your situation absolutely I would force you to go. You were under their supervision. I would never leave you home alone nor would I disrupt my family life because you are uncomfortable going. Your mother chose them to look after you, blame your own mother.

+1. At some point OP said they could have just left her home alone. Well, your own mother thought you were too immature to be left home alone -- that's why she plopped you with this family for three days!!! Also, LOL at OP saying the family asking her "what she learned" at church was somehow offensive. Dude, that's a tame non-question. You could just say, "That community is important" or "that the world needs peace." OP sounds like she's still a teen and thinks her parent asking her, "How was school?" is so invasive that she has to yell, "Fine!" and run upstairs to her room.

+1
Agree completely

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In your situation absolutely I would force you to go. You were under their supervision. I would never leave you home alone nor would I disrupt my family life because you are uncomfortable going. Your mother chose them to look after you, blame your own mother.

+1. At some point OP said they could have just left her home alone. Well, your own mother thought you were too immature to be left home alone -- that's why she plopped you with this family for three days!!! Also, LOL at OP saying the family asking her "what she learned" at church was somehow offensive. Dude, that's a tame non-question. You could just say, "That community is important" or "that the world needs peace." OP sounds like she's still a teen and thinks her parent asking her, "How was school?" is so invasive that she has to yell, "Fine!" and run upstairs to her room.

Three days is not a morning. One could think a teenager is fine for a morning but not want them to stay in a house alone for 3 days. Also, I highly doubt OP's mother had any idea this would happen. My own mother was fine with me attending religious events with friends of other religions but only if the parents asked first. And all the parents did. And so did we. Come over on a Friday night that we may be going to synagogue? We'll warn you first so you can decide if you want to come or not.

Anyway the subject of this thread isn't "religious trauma," it's "uncomfortable situations." I can see why OP, as a teenager, might have been uncomfortable. That doesn't mean she was traumatised. Nor does it mean she would react the same way now as an adult. It's just something she remembers and is throwing out there. I think it's an interesting discussion on both sides.

I'm not leaving someone else's kid alone in my house, period. The topic also includes the worse "forced." It is a very interesting discussion. I hope OP reflects on this memory with more generosity of spirit toward her gracious hosts.

[Anonymous]

^^^ the word "forced"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And to this day in your grown up skin you still feel uncomfortable about the situation ?

You need a hobby. It's not like you were tortured.

+1

This family was doing you, and/or your mom, a FAVOR, OP. Are you so ungracious for their hospitality that this is what you remember?

Wow. Just Wow. I was a teenager. There were no diapers to change and we went to the same school and soccer practice (so its not like they had to go out of their way). So because they were doing me a "favor" its ok that they forced me to go to their church and bible study even after I said I was uncomfortable?

So you were fine accepting their hospitality in the form of meals, lodging and security for 3 days but when they tried to "treat you like family," you decide that you prefer the motel method? Yes, op, they had every right to expect that you would participate in family activities, I assume with their daughter who was your friend. If you or your mother had a problem with it, you should have made other arrangements. The fact that you still remember every detail so many years later says something about you, not them. And it's not positive.

OMG give it a rest!! PP was a teenager whose PARENTS arranged for her to stay with these people, likely without knowing the extent of their religiousness. Are you so dense that you can't understand this? PP and parents didn't know until it was too late-she was there and parents had left town. I applaud PP for being mature enough to tell her hosts that she was uncomfortable. That's more than I would have done. You have serious issues lady (or man).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And to this day in your grown up skin you still feel uncomfortable about the situation ?

You need a hobby. It's not like you were tortured.

+1

This family was doing you, and/or your mom, a FAVOR, OP. Are you so ungracious for their hospitality that this is what you remember?

Wow. Just Wow. I was a teenager. There were no diapers to change and we went to the same school and soccer practice (so its not like they had to go out of their way). So because they were doing me a "favor" its ok that they forced me to go to their church and bible study even after I said I was uncomfortable?

So you were fine accepting their hospitality in the form of meals, lodging and security for 3 days but when they tried to "treat you like family," you decide that you prefer the motel method? Yes, op, they had every right to expect that you would participate in family activities, I assume with their daughter who was your friend. If you or your mother had a problem with it, you should have made other arrangements. The fact that you still remember every detail so many years later says something about you, not them. And it's not positive.

Which part of "respecting personal boundaries" is such an alien language to crazy evangelical Christians?

Which part of "why did her mother send her over there for three days in the first place" is such an alien language to such militant anti-religious people?

Wow, dramatic much? I'm not getting "militant" anywhere here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In your situation absolutely I would force you to go. You were under their supervision. I would never leave you home alone nor would I disrupt my family life because you are uncomfortable going. Your mother chose them to look after you, blame your own mother.

+1. At some point OP said they could have just left her home alone. Well, your own mother thought you were too immature to be left home alone -- that's why she plopped you with this family for three days!!! Also, LOL at OP saying the family asking her "what she learned" at church was somehow offensive. Dude, that's a tame non-question. You could just say, "That community is important" or "that the world needs peace." OP sounds like she's still a teen and thinks her parent asking her, "How was school?" is so invasive that she has to yell, "Fine!" and run upstairs to her room.

Three days is not a morning. One could think a teenager is fine for a morning but not want them to stay in a house alone for 3 days. Also, I highly doubt OP's mother had any idea this would happen. My own mother was fine with me attending religious events with friends of other religions but only if the parents asked first. And all the parents did. And so did we. Come over on a Friday night that we may be going to synagogue? We'll warn you first so you can decide if you want to come or not.

Anyway the subject of this thread isn't "religious trauma," it's "uncomfortable situations." I can see why OP, as a teenager, might have been uncomfortable. That doesn't mean she was traumatised. Nor does it mean she would react the same way now as an adult. It's just something she remembers and is throwing out there. I think it's an interesting discussion on both sides.

Op described it as though she's been traumatized. Subsequent posts as well (not sure if it was op, or others). I think many of us agree that it was uncomfortable. However, it's ok to feel uncomfortable sometimes. It should not have caused lasting damage to her very being.

[Anonymous]

Three days is not a morning. One could think a teenager is fine for a morning but not want them to stay in a house alone for 3 days. Also, I highly doubt OP's mother had any idea this would happen. My own mother was fine with me attending religious events with friends of other religions but only if the parents asked first. And all the parents did. And so did we. Come over on a Friday night that we may be going to synagogue? We'll warn you first so you can decide if you want to come or not.

Anyway the subject of this thread isn't "religious trauma," it's "uncomfortable situations." I can see why OP, as a teenager, might have been uncomfortable. That doesn't mean she was traumatised. Nor does it mean she would react the same way now as an adult. It's just something she remembers and is throwing out there. I think it's an interesting discussion on both sides.

+1000000000000000000000000000000000000000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Taking a teenager you are watching for a few days to church with you is one thing. Making teenager actively participate In and talk about what they learned in a bible study that contradicts their own beliefs is clearly another. Then after OP said to said family that she was uncomfortable they took her again. I think you are thinking about this from an adult perspective. As an adult if I feel uncomfortable in a situation like that I can simply leave without any real problems. In this particular situation I can see how that would be difficult for the OP-because causing too much problem would have more than likely made the subsequent time with the family extremely awkward. Someone mentioned waiting outside. Well let's talk about that. What if the family got offended and acted rudely to her for the rest of the time? Maybe you should remember what it's like to be a teenager and look at the situation through those eyes. How is it ok that the host family gets to push all their beliefs on the OP but then when she stated she was uncomfortable her beliefs don't matter just because she is staying with them? No, everyone doesn't have the same beliefs-true and both parties should have been respected.

You might be the only person with competent reading comprehension and a working brain in this discussion. I can't believe it took 7 pages for someone to explain why the OP's situation was legitimately uncomfortable.

+10000!

[Anonymous]

When I was in HS I went to church (willingly) with a Mormon friend of mine. Besides it being incredibly long (3 hours!) I thought it was mostly fine if not a little strange/different from my own experiences. The morning started with all children/youth going to their own class according to age/grade. Boys and girls were separated. Then after that, boys and girls of same age/grade were in a class together, then all children would join adults for the final hour in the main chapel. The only time I felt really awkward or uncomfortable was during the coed class. That class's main focus was getting the boys and girls to date each other, get married and have lots of Mormon babies. I was probably 16 at the time but the way it was presented made it seem like they wanted you to be doing this RIGHT NOW. It was in a small western town with a large Mormon population. I knew of at least one couple at my high school that were already married.

I didn't grow up there. I had moved there at the beginning of high school from a large city so felt VERY out of place!