Dating an older man - 20 years older

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you believe a relationship between a 30 year old woman and 50 year old man could actually succeed, assuming everything else is perfect. The man is divorced with almost grown-up children. Careers, interests, and maturity align. Is the age difference just too much??

I’m 62 and don’t believe I else date an 82 year old. I’m done care taking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you believe a relationship between a 30 year old woman and 50 year old man could actually succeed, assuming everything else is perfect. The man is divorced with almost grown-up children. Careers, interests, and maturity align. Is the age difference just too much??

I’m 62 and don’t believe I else date an 82 year old. I’m done care taking.

This is wise. My 90 year old grandfather's current wife is 70; they married when he was in his early 70s and she was in her early 50s.

She (somehow) feels blindsided by the vast gap in health/ability now that he's declining. She still wants to be an "active senior" and is frustrated.

Watching all that unfold, I'd never date someone more than 10 years older than me, but honestly would feel better with 5 or less.

[Anonymous]

As my mother would say, 50 is 30 if he’s rich

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all comments but can share personal eperience of 15 yr age difference. Met my DH when I was in late 20s, never married before and no kids. He was divorced with almost adult kids. He totally love bombed me and made me feel amazing like no man my own age did. Fast forward to life now...
He's controlling AF and treats me like he knows best.
Therapist told me this isn't uncommon with large age difference because younger women tend to be more passive/easier to dominate. He's also very immature which I now see is the reason we first got along great. I grew up, but he was already grown up. The generation difference wasnt a big deal at first but over time got harder to relate. Different music, references, jokes, etc.

Not saying this is how all large age diff relationships will go but don't ignore the red flags. Don't wait till you have kids involved like I do and it's much harder to cut ties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read all comments but can share personal eperience of 15 yr age difference. Met my DH when I was in late 20s, never married before and no kids. He was divorced with almost adult kids. He totally love bombed me and made me feel amazing like no man my own age did. Fast forward to life now...
He's controlling AF and treats me like he knows best.
Therapist told me this isn't uncommon with large age difference because younger women tend to be more passive/easier to dominate. He's also very immature which I now see is the reason we first got along great. I grew up, but he was already grown up. The generation difference wasnt a big deal at first but over time got harder to relate. Different music, references, jokes, etc.

Not saying this is how all large age diff relationships will go but don't ignore the red flags. Don't wait till you have kids involved like I do and it's much harder to cut ties.

Pp. One more thing...keep in mind lots of men get ED as they age. I was early 30s when my DH started having issues. Have spent most of my 30s with no sex.

[Anonymous]

He wants a live in nurse. I would only proceed if he is extremely wealthy. Like Jeff Bezos wealth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a man in my mid 50s. I had a GF who was mid 30s. I couldn't see getting super serious because things seemed imbalanced between us. My therapist thought I was a fool not to commit to her because she was nice, attractive, and intelligent.

I'm sure my body will fall apart before her body will but I was actually more physically fit/active than she was.

Sometimes I told her I thought I was too old for her. She'd get angry. She said I was condescending for saying that. She knew what she wanted. She said she was much more attracted to older men than men her own age. She really was very attracted to me, which made the sex out of this world.

Now she's with a guy in his early 60s! Meanwhile, I'm dating women my own age and not enjoying anything close to the kind of chemistry I had with her.

What is your net worth ?

[Anonymous]

Friend left her marriage for active 50 year old at the gym. After covid locked everything down he got fat and is inactive and claims he's too old to do the things they used to do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A younger husband would be better if you are planning to have kids. I would be leery of having kids with a 50+ year old, unless he's rich enough that you can afford all the help you need and will be taken care of if he dies earlier than expected.

Some of the doom and gloom here is a bit overblown though. Most 70 year olds do not need assisted living, in modern times -- especially not the mostly middle/upper-middle class people that post here. It's just a harsh reality that higher socioeconomic status means better health and longer life.

If he's 50, you've got a better than even chance of 25+ years of reasonably good health before he is old and frail. Most people would consider 25 years of a happy marriage to be a blessing. Nothing lasts forever.

But, I still wouldn't do it unless he's got money, or at least a really good career, where financial issues aren't going to be a problem. It sounds mean, but you don't want to be stuck with an old, poor man. It's one thing to be with an old rich guy, or a young, poor guy, but not an old poor guy.

Just more evidence men age like wine while women age like milk.

No one's eyeing the 40-something guy with the huge beer gut for his looks. Stop it.

[Anonymous]

I'm a 37 year old woman dating a 54 year old man. He was a client of mine for 13 years before we even started the idea of dating. He's respectful, kind, and we are best friends. I've never had anyone my own she treat me so well. It just fell into place, we weren't even thinking about sex or age. So the fact that you all are acting like either side in a scenario like this has something wrong with them is ridiculous. How dare you condemn every single couple like they're all sickos. You must be miserable to be judging everyone like this. I truly hope you find happiness and love like I have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do his kids like you? Not just as dad's casual girlfriend, but will they welcome you as a grandparent? Will they accommodate you in their family and consider your preferences like a real family member? I ask because "almost grown" children can seem very disengaged, but when marriage is on the table, things get real. How will you feel if when grandparenting starts to take up his time or interferes with things you want to do?

Also consider finances. My dad has basically disowned me in favor of making sure his younger wife has enough to live on after he's gone. I make good money myself, so I don't mind, but you must think about how things would play out in your situation. Also, who will be your family after he is gone? Who will make decisions when you are unable, visit you, and guard your well-being? Don't count on your stepchildren here-- you didn't raise them, and they will be busy with their own families and their mother if she is alive.

You saying maturity aligns is a red flag. You probably think you are extra-mature, but I usually observe that in these situations, the man is immature, and the woman is immature or gullible enough to believe that she's extra-mature.

+1000

I caught that too. Think about this OP. What is attractive about a 50 year old man with the maturity of a 30 year old? That is what you said, you know.

+10000. Dude sounds like a loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having lived in Asia, there were a bunch of guys who decided to trade in their wives for a new model half their age.

However, it was total social poison. It was completely looked down upon among most expats (except those men!) and eventually they would only be socialising with similar couples.

So, I would say if you are the younger woman, prepare yourself to not be included in his social circle. Particularly if he has traded in his wife for you...

I work and spend a lot of time in Asia. I’m a 53 year old happily married female and mother of teens for what that’s worth. I’m always astounded at how freaking pathetic these dudes are. It’s like they convinced themselves that it’s cool and they can’t see how pathetic they are. And they have actually convinced themselves that these women find them remotely sexually attractive. Um. No. That’s not why they are with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having lived in Asia, there were a bunch of guys who decided to trade in their wives for a new model half their age.

However, it was total social poison. It was completely looked down upon among most expats (except those men!) and eventually they would only be socialising with similar couples.

So, I would say if you are the younger woman, prepare yourself to not be included in his social circle. Particularly if he has traded in his wife for you...

I work and spend a lot of time in Asia. I’m a 53 year old happily married female and mother of teens for what that’s worth. I’m always astounded at how freaking pathetic these dudes are. It’s like they convinced themselves that it’s cool and they can’t see how pathetic they are. And they have actually convinced themselves that these women find them remotely sexually attractive. Um. No. That’s not why they are with you.

Who cares about the opinions of expats. Asia has moved past the expat is king mentality and these expat women can get over themselves. Maybe those Asian women don’t want to hang out with you 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As my mother would say, 50 is 30 if he’s rich

Your mother is wise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no doubt your money fever aligns with his fat wallet and bank accounts. Yikes

Again, men age like wine...

You mean money ages like wine. Not the man.