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Schools and Education General Discussion
holding boys back?
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Anonymous
| To the PP, we are in the same boat and share your sentiment. DS turned 4 in April, and we are fully expecting to be among the youngest in the class. |
Anonymous
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Us too, my son turns 4 on Sept 1st and we're going to go ahead and join the preK class. It's a small Catholic school--only 10-12 kids in class with 2 teachers (we no longer live in DC, but the norm here also seems to hold them back), 3 days/week, and I know that one of the boys in his class is only a couple of weeks older, so at least he'll have one kid who is close in age. Next spring the pre-K and Kindergarten teachers will evaluate where he is and recommend staying in preK or moving up, we'll see what happens. Not sure if we're going to stick with Catholic school, but it's a possibility for us.
I'll be fine with it if the teachers suggest we wait for Kindergarten, but would probably find another program with 4-5 days/week half day at that point. One of my brothers was held back, the other it was suggested but my parents didn't do it and I know my mom still regrets it because my brother is still socially very weird. |
Anonymous
| With all due respect, PP, your brother could be socially weird for any number of reasons... not just because of the class he was in at school years ago. |
Anonymous
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My brother, now 28, was red-shirted many years ago when, I take it, it was a more unusual thing to do. His birthday fell two weeks before the cutoff. He was an early reader and very bright child, but my parents (both teachers) felt it was important he be on the older side for social-development reasons. They were heavily influenced by my dad's experience of skipping two grades and graduating from high school at 16, followed by flunking out of college at 17. My father eventually returned and graduated from college, but was not able to get into medical school because of his poor early-college grades and has all his life had some self-esteem issues which seem related to being young and socially insecure.
My parents' priority was how my brother would do in high school/college, and from that perspective it was a success. He was very athletic, confident, and social in high school and attended an Ivy League college and grad school. I have a late-summer birthday son myself and am not sure what to do, but I am leaning toward redshirting. I found the NY Times article someone mentioned very persuasive. It reports on a large recent study which refutes the previous research (mentioned earlier in this thread) which tied behavior and self-esteem issues to redshirting. If you're interested in this you should read the article, but the gist as I remember it is that it found that there are negative effects connected to being the youngest and that they are measurable well into high school. It also describes, poignantly, the struggles of some younger children to keep up in the modern kindergarten classroom, and the social-responsibility issue of holding your affluent, privileged child back. It's a good read. |
Anonymous
|
Cut-off dates have continued to move and, I hope, will stabilize at some point so we can get back to a 12 month age span in our classrooms. In my day the cut-off date was Dec. 1st. DC public school and MoCo have recently made the transition to Sept. 1st. Some of the private schools now have unofficial cut-off dates of July 1st.
The problem with these constantly shifting dates is that the teachers now need to teach to a wider developmental age group. The current trend is for parents to hold back late summer kids and some privates are now doing the same, although their official dates are typically Sept. 1. So, it seems realistic that the cut-off date will likely move up to June 1st, and hopefully, settle there. |
Anonymous
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Good grief--June 1?
My DS has a mid June birthday and there is NO WAY I'd hold him back. That is patently ridiculous. This nonsense lowers the bar for boys and their parents. Children live up--or down--to expectations. Stop coddling and obsessing! |
Anonymous
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I think that a lot of this is about parents not wanting to hear anything negative about their child from teachers. If the child is a year older than everyone else, the complaints are less likely.
My dd's teacher always compared her to kids 6 months older. They could count to 80 and she could not. Well 6 months later, she is counting to 80! |
Anonymous
But then wouldn't the parents of April/May boys be the ones wondering to hold them back or send them to school? It seems no matter what the cut-off date is, someone is going to be the youngest. And some parents will want to hold them back so they can be the oldest in their class and not the youngest. |
Anonymous
Agree. I think the best solution is mandatory start dates. |
Anonymous
Exactly. My kids has a late Spring birthday and has kids more than a year older in his class. It is causing all sorts of strife, both at the parent level and with the kids (they pick up on these things...Daddy, why is XXXXXX a a whole year older?) Invariably, the kids are all basically the same in class, so the redshirted kids and being developmentally stifled, rather than excelling. It seems counterintuitive, but really it is simply bizarre. I feel really bad for the kid who is going to be an "old 18" or even 19 as a senior in high school while peers nationwide are already enjoying college life. |
Anonymous
The point is that some private schools are continuing to move the dates up with "unofficial cutoff" dates of July 1st and even June 1st. These same schools also refuse to allow May birthday kids to be kept back - I know a family who actually to do just that. It would be great to get to a point where schools will determine the appropriate cutoff date and be firm about it. The K curriculum has evolved a lot over the years (it's also full day w/most kids coming in w/prior school experience), so it makes sense that the start dates should've changed during that time as well. I just would like to see the date get set at some consistent point that the schools will hold the parents to - I don't care if it's June 1st or October 1st or anywhere in between. I don't like having my kid's curriculum watered down to accomodate the 16 month age range in the class he's in. |
Anonymous
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The best solution would be a national mandatory date to start school, and putting an end to the "option" of redshirting. If we had mandatory start dates it would level the playing field.
I suspect that the negative social aspects of being the youngest are in the earliest years, I can not say that at 40, a 41 year old is more mature than I am. So it would be nice if the schools could cluster the younger Kindergarteners in classes according to birth date. That is if a school has 3 kindergarten classes, put the kids born Sept to Dec in one class, then the Jan to April in one, then May to September in another class. And continue this through grade 6 or so with slight changes as years go by. Hopefully, the kids can develop more age appropriately. To the PP who's father skipped two grades, that is extreme, and as would be expected. the outcome was bad. My sister had a similar problem. She is a doctor, but her social life is not healthy. I can't help but think that the people who red shirt are in a way cheating. They are using my kids immaturity (age appropriate) to build up their child's self confidence. |
Anonymous
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I take it that all the posters today and yesterday have not yet tried applying their summer birthday boys to private schools yet. When you call the schools in the fall and if you ask, they will "counsel" you to wait a year if you were planning to apply for preK. If you were planning to apply to K, they will leave the choice of whether to apply to K or prek to you, but their message/suggestion that you wait a year is very clear.
If you do not ask them they will not say anything to you. Not convinced? Ask the AD offices how may boys, if any, they typically admit who will be turning 4 (preK) or 5 (K) the summer (after June 1) before they enter. Still not convinced? Pay attention when you tour the schools. Most classrooms have the name of child and their birthdate listed as part of a graph or for decoration. It will be clear as day then. Why don't they change the official cut off to June 1 then? Because then the unofficial cut off would then slide to April, March, Feb, etc. Also, schoold do admit several girls with late summer birthdays. So the 9/1 deadline is used. |
Anonymous
Any private school that "counseled" me to hold back my son before even meeting him would not be a school worth investigating. |
Anonymous
| To chime in - it's not only the boys. They recommended that my DD with a summer birthday reapply next year. Perhaps it was a soft rejection, but I really don't think so given the personal way we were contacted. |