Spanking

[Anonymous]

I'm late to the party, but ... isn't it hard to teach a child not to hit when you're hitting them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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And to everyone saying "My child doesn't respond to anything else." - you are wrong. You haven't done it right yet. I guarantee that any child on this planet can be raised properly without spanking. You have to want to put in the effort of course...

How incredibly condescending to those struggling with a difficult child.

I stand by what I posted. My entire post not just this snippet. No child deserves to be hit. No child needs to be hit in order to be parented. If you 'need' to hit you have bad parenting skills. Check yourself before you blame your kids. I don't care how appalled you act for being called out. There is NO child, no matter how difficult, who needs spanking to be disciplined. Get your parenting act together, do your research, get help if you need to but stop hitting your children. How anyone can seriously condemn violence between adults yet hit their own children is beyond me. How anyone can seriously say they are trying to teach their kids not to hit, have manners and be good people but use corporal punishment when parenting is beyond me.

You spanking parents have no clue how to parent properly or you would not be spanking your defenseless children. Disgusting. I am SO glad I was born and grew up in a country where spanking is not only illegal but detested by anyone even mildly intelligent.

Take a down a notch, sanctimommy? Children don't have same logic abilities or verbal abilities or self awareness as adults. Sometimes you need to spank to indicate that a behavior is unacceptable. It's akin to training puppies. It works, but if you don't like it - don't do it.

You spank your children then? You are disgusting. I am usually a VERY calm and collected poster no matter how hairy the subject on DCUM...but spanking is a whole different level of wrong. You are comparing your children to puppies then? And you are surprised why I judge you? Parents who spank and after being called out even defend spanking are disgusting. There is no nice, polite, politically correct words for parents who hurt their children intentionally. There just aren't.

NP. I spank my children. It's a reasonable form of punishment, as long as you do it rationally and don't go overboard (same as timeouts-, for that matter). Your condemnation is emotional but not based on sound reasoning.

It's not a reasonable form of punishment. Which intelligent person could seriously think that? Is it reasonable for police officers to hit prisoners? Is it reasonable for men to hit their spouses? Is it reasonable for women to hit their spouses? Is it reasonable for teenagers to hit their classmates? Yet somehow some people still believe it is reasonable for parents to hit their children. My condemnation is based on intense emotions as well as VERY sound reasoning. There are so many studies done and expert opinions out there as well as so many countries making spanking illegal that you can not seriously walk around today and claim spanking is the proper way to raise children.

Parent/child relationship is not anywhere near the same as those relationships. No one is responsible for another adult; parents are responsible for children. If a spouse does something that the other spouse doesn't like, the spouse can divorce. Parents can't divorce their kids.

Society doesn't have the same expectations of behavior that we have on adults. Parents are expected to have some control and responsibility over their kids in our society. We don't expect for a husband and wife in this country to have the same type of relationship that a parent and child has.

You are right. Nothing is quite the same as the relationship between a parent and a child. Children are innocent. They are vulnerable. They depend absolutely on their parents. They can not fend for themselves. They can not defend themselves. They can not just leave, they are stuck with their parents until they grow up. As a parent abusing that relationship, that dependency, that trust by hurting your child is despicable. Sorry but your 'point' really only proves even more that parents should NEVER hit their children.

the point shows that using your logic of equating children to adults is ridiculous, regardless of the spanking issue. Yes, they need to be loved and protected, and sometimes, they need to be protected from themselves.

If you saw an 8 yr old girl walking for miles alone with a bucket on her head, you'd call CPS on her parents for abuse, yet in many 3rd world countries, girls do this to get clean water. Perspective and situational. What you call abuse, others call trying to discipline their kids.

We don't spank as our go-to punishment. Most of the time, taking away a privilege works. But, in certain cases, when a parent has tried for a year to enforce discipline to change a very bad behavior, a quick smack to the bottom was called for.

There are many well adjusted adults today that were spanked a few times as children. These adult children still have great, loving relationships with their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm late to the party, but ... isn't it hard to teach a child not to hit when you're hitting them?

This is Op. Yes, it is. But my worry is one day a bigger person will really hurt him in response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm late to the party, but ... isn't it hard to teach a child not to hit when you're hitting them?

This is Op. Yes, it is. But my worry is one day a bigger person will really hurt him in response.

Absurd. This doesn't happen in the real world. You're concocting a world... Or rather, telling tourself a story to justify your actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm late to the party, but ... isn't it hard to teach a child not to hit when you're hitting them?

this assumes that the point of the lecture (spanking) is not to hit anyone, ever. while in fact the point is not to hit the parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm late to the party, but ... isn't it hard to teach a child not to hit when you're hitting them?

This is Op. Yes, it is. But my worry is one day a bigger person will really hurt him in response.

Absurd. This doesn't happen in the real world. You're concocting a world... Or rather, telling tourself a story to justify your actions.

Really? Because the worl I live in people get shot for perceived slights or not respecting the authoeity of the neighborhood watch guy.-op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm late to the party, but ... isn't it hard to teach a child not to hit when you're hitting them?

This is Op. Yes, it is. But my worry is one day a bigger person will really hurt him in response.

Absurd. This doesn't happen in the real world. You're concocting a world... Or rather, telling tourself a story to justify your actions.

Really? Because the worl I live in people get shot for perceived slights or not respecting the authoeity of the neighborhood watch guy.-op

+1 In the real world, when you hit someone, chances are, the person will hit you back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm late to the party, but ... isn't it hard to teach a child not to hit when you're hitting them?

this assumes that the point of the lecture (spanking) is not to hit anyone, ever. while in fact the point is not to hit the parent.

The point is to follow the rules and not to hit/spank anyone when not in a position of legitimate authority to do so. A parent, whether the other posters like it or not, IS in a position of legitimate authority over the child, and a parent spanking a child is a valid method of discipline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm late to the party, but ... isn't it hard to teach a child not to hit when you're hitting them?

+1

I'm frankly astonished at the number of parents on here who are advocating for spanking. I really don't get it. Set aside the fact that it's HITTING, no matter how "softly" you do it, it's extremely lazy parenting.

In OP's case, the stuff at school sounds like that particular classroom and teacher is a bad fit - at age 3 the teacher should be working with the kids on how to react appropriately, and redirecting them when problems arise. It doesn't sound like that's happening. OP should be using similar strategies (modeling behavior, telling child behavior isn't appropriate, redirecting) at home. Yes it can be time consuming and frustrating, but that's parenting. It takes time for small children to learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

The point is to follow the rules and not to hit/spank anyone when not in a position of legitimate authority to do so. A parent, whether the other posters like it or not, IS in a position of legitimate authority over the child, and a parent spanking a child is a valid method of discipline.

Wow, so wrong on so many levels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm late to the party, but ... isn't it hard to teach a child not to hit when you're hitting them?

+1

I'm frankly astonished at the number of parents on here who are advocating for spanking. I really don't get it. Set aside the fact that it's HITTING, no matter how "softly" you do it, it's extremely lazy parenting.

In OP's case, the stuff at school sounds like that particular classroom and teacher is a bad fit - at age 3 the teacher should be working with the kids on how to react appropriately, and redirecting them when problems arise. It doesn't sound like that's happening. OP should be using similar strategies (modeling behavior, telling child behavior isn't appropriate, redirecting) at home. Yes it can be time consuming and frustrating, but that's parenting. It takes time for small children to learn.

Why do people always say it's "lazy parenting"? Is that a tacit admission of its effectiveness? And since when is the purpose of parenting to find the most difficult route possible? In and of itself, there's nothing wrong with "easy." In a different light, that just means "it works."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And to everyone saying "My child doesn't respond to anything else." - you are wrong. You haven't done it right yet. I guarantee that any child on this planet can be raised properly without spanking. You have to want to put in the effort of course...

How incredibly condescending to those struggling with a difficult child.

I stand by what I posted. My entire post not just this snippet. No child deserves to be hit. No child needs to be hit in order to be parented. If you 'need' to hit you have bad parenting skills. Check yourself before you blame your kids. I don't care how appalled you act for being called out. There is NO child, no matter how difficult, who needs spanking to be disciplined. Get your parenting act together, do your research, get help if you need to but stop hitting your children. How anyone can seriously condemn violence between adults yet hit their own children is beyond me. How anyone can seriously say they are trying to teach their kids not to hit, have manners and be good people but use corporal punishment when parenting is beyond me.

You spanking parents have no clue how to parent properly or you would not be spanking your defenseless children. Disgusting. I am SO glad I was born and grew up in a country where spanking is not only illegal but detested by anyone even mildly intelligent.

Take a down a notch, sanctimommy? Children don't have same logic abilities or verbal abilities or self awareness as adults. Sometimes you need to spank to indicate that a behavior is unacceptable. It's akin to training puppies. It works, but if you don't like it - don't do it.

You spank your children then? You are disgusting. I am usually a VERY calm and collected poster no matter how hairy the subject on DCUM...but spanking is a whole different level of wrong. You are comparing your children to puppies then? And you are surprised why I judge you? Parents who spank and after being called out even defend spanking are disgusting. There is no nice, polite, politically correct words for parents who hurt their children intentionally. There just aren't.

NP. I spank my children. It's a reasonable form of punishment, as long as you do it rationally and don't go overboard (same as timeouts-, for that matter). Your condemnation is emotional but not based on sound reasoning.

It's not a reasonable form of punishment. Which intelligent person could seriously think that? Is it reasonable for police officers to hit prisoners? Is it reasonable for men to hit their spouses? Is it reasonable for women to hit their spouses? Is it reasonable for teenagers to hit their classmates? Yet somehow some people still believe it is reasonable for parents to hit their children. My condemnation is based on intense emotions as well as VERY sound reasoning. There are so many studies done and expert opinions out there as well as so many countries making spanking illegal that you can not seriously walk around today and claim spanking is the proper way to raise children.

but it is ok for parents to handcuff children because prison guards do it to prisoners? please stop with nonsensical analogies.

Ah ha!! Rather than spanking, handcuff your children and put them in a big cage. That's what happens to adults who misbehave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm late to the party, but ... isn't it hard to teach a child not to hit when you're hitting them?

+1

I'm frankly astonished at the number of parents on here who are advocating for spanking. I really don't get it. Set aside the fact that it's HITTING, no matter how "softly" you do it, it's extremely lazy parenting.

In OP's case, the stuff at school sounds like that particular classroom and teacher is a bad fit - at age 3 the teacher should be working with the kids on how to react appropriately, and redirecting them when problems arise. It doesn't sound like that's happening. OP should be using similar strategies (modeling behavior, telling child behavior isn't appropriate, redirecting) at home. Yes it can be time consuming and frustrating, but that's parenting. It takes time for small children to learn.

Why do people always say it's "lazy parenting"? Is that a tacit admission of its effectiveness? And since when is the purpose of parenting to find the most difficult route possible? In and of itself, there's nothing wrong with "easy." In a different light, that just means "it works."

No, that's again confusing results with actual effectiveness. Yes, it is probably effective to sit your kids in front of the TV all day long to solve the instant problem of them being annoying/ melting down/ whatever, but long term, not effective. Lazy parenting. In other words, I don't have time to try to play a long game here, so I'm just going to hit you and make the immediate problem go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm late to the party, but ... isn't it hard to teach a child not to hit when you're hitting them?

this assumes that the point of the lecture (spanking) is not to hit anyone, ever. while in fact the point is not to hit the parent.

The point is to follow the rules and not to hit/spank anyone when not in a position of legitimate authority to do so. A parent, whether the other posters like it or not, IS in a position of legitimate authority over the child, and a parent spanking a child is a valid method of discipline.

I'm that PP.... I'm not disputing that there's a logical basis for it, I just don't necessarily agree with the logical basis. I think it's going to be hard to teach a child not to hit if you hit them, even if you an articulate a logical basis for doing so. That is one of my main reasons for not spanking.

[Anonymous]

I think there is a wide range here. But I don't believe any parent when he or she says they spank in a controlled manner..absent of his or her own anger. I think that is utter bullshit. You spank because you are fed up and angry and out of control yourself...and seriously people just need to own this.