Do working moms actually like the "WOHM" acronym??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. WOHM loves her job. She just can't understand WHY SAHMs seem to be incapable of accepting the fact that (gasp!) they have a sweet gig being able to focus exclusively on their one job (caring for kids and running the house) when their WOH counterparts have to juggle those same responsibilities on top of another job. It's easy to understand, so I'm not sure why folks are so confused that we need a new thread every week.

You must have had a very short maternity leave if this is what you think the life of any average SAHM is. I've done both since having two kids and being a SAH is much harder.

Ok, tell us how having 2 kids and staying at home is harder than having two kids and working full time.

I too would like to know this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. WOHM loves her job. She just can't understand WHY SAHMs seem to be incapable of accepting the fact that (gasp!) they have a sweet gig being able to focus exclusively on their one job (caring for kids and running the house) when their WOH counterparts have to juggle those same responsibilities on top of another job. It's easy to understand, so I'm not sure why folks are so confused that we need a new thread every week.

You must have had a very short maternity leave if this is what you think the life of any average SAHM is. I've done both since having two kids and being a SAH is much harder.

Ok, tell us how having 2 kids and staying at home is harder than having two kids and working full time.

Why does it matter which is harder? Is there a contest? Are people handing out prizes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've done both. Being a WOHM is MUCH more demanding and stressful. Why? Because as a SAHM, you only have one job. All of your focus and energy can go into that one job. Plus you get HELP on that one job from your spouse at the end of the day (or should be). That doesn't mean everyone is GOOD at that one job, but your attention can be directed in that one space.

I'm a much better parent because I have my very intellectually stimulating and satisfying job that I love. But, for the folks such as myself right now with two part-time jobs, you are always split. I work 60+ hours a week for an extremely stressful (yet satisfying) paying job, then have to cram as much time in with my kid in about 2 hours each day during the week as the second job. When LO goes to bed, rather than my one job being done, I work again for another few hours for my paying job. I don't get to take mental breaks during the day, run errands on my own schedule, take the time to grocery shop and make healthy meals, and the list goes on. I absolutely agree with PP that on weekends, supposed "down time," DH and I are running around doing all the errands, laundry, cleaning, visiting family, ect that we can't do during the week that a SAHM would ordinarily do. There is no comparison.

I just fixed a few things for you, for clarity's sake, and agree with everything you said:

I've done both. Being a WOHM is MUCH more demanding and stressful. Why? Because as a SAHM, you only have one responsibility. All of your focus and energy can go into that one responsibility. Plus you get HELP on that one responsibility from your spouse at the end of the day (or should be). That doesn't mean everyone is GOOD at that one responsibility, but your attention can be directed in that one space.

I'm a much better parent because I have my very intellectually stimulating and satisfying job that I love. But, for the folks such as myself right now with two part-time jobs, you are always split. I work 60+ hours a week for an extremely stressful (yet satisfying) paying job, then have to cram as much time in with my kid in about 2 hours each day during the week as the second job. When LO goes to bed, rather than my one job being done, I work again for another few hours for my paying job. I don't get to take mental breaks during the day, run errands on my own schedule, take the time to grocery shop and make healthy meals, and the list goes on. I absolutely agree with PP that on weekends, supposed "down time," DH and I are running around doing all the errands, laundry, cleaning, visiting family, ect that we can't do during the week that a SAHM would ordinarily do. There is no comparison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. WOHM loves her job. She just can't understand WHY SAHMs seem to be incapable of accepting the fact that (gasp!) they have a sweet gig being able to focus exclusively on their one job (caring for kids and running the house) when their WOH counterparts have to juggle those same responsibilities on top of another job. It's easy to understand, so I'm not sure why folks are so confused that we need a new thread every week.

You must have had a very short maternity leave if this is what you think the life of any average SAHM is. I've done both since having two kids and being a SAH is much harder.

Ok, tell us how having 2 kids and staying at home is harder than having two kids and working full time.

I too would like to know this.

Simple, there is a lot of downtime with work ( I say this a a lawyer). You get adult conversation and bonuses for doing a good job. No one is screaming mom constantly. You generally aren't stuck doing the mundane task that no one wants to do, but someone has to. I went back to work fulltime when I had a 2 and 4 year old -- the work place was a lot calmer than my home. It was easier.

And for some posters here, you also apparently get the right to condescend to every mom who makes a different choice than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've done both. Being a WOHM is MUCH more demanding and stressful. Why? Because as a SAHM, you only have one job. All of your focus and energy can go into that one job. Plus you get HELP on that one job from your spouse at the end of the day (or should be). That doesn't mean everyone is GOOD at that one job, but your attention can be directed in that one space.

I'm a much better parent because I have my very intellectually stimulating and satisfying job that I love. But, for the folks such as myself right now with two part-time jobs, you are always split. I work 60+ hours a week for an extremely stressful (yet satisfying) paying job, then have to cram as much time in with my kid in about 2 hours each day during the week as the second job. When LO goes to bed, rather than my one job being done, I work again for another few hours for my paying job. I don't get to take mental breaks during the day, run errands on my own schedule, take the time to grocery shop and make healthy meals, and the list goes on. I absolutely agree with PP that on weekends, supposed "down time," DH and I are running around doing all the errands, laundry, cleaning, visiting family, ect that we can't do during the week that a SAHM would ordinarily do. There is no comparison.

I just fixed a few things for you, for clarity's sake, and agree with everything you said:

I've done both. Being a WOHM is MUCH more demanding and stressful. Why? Because as a SAHM, you only have one responsibility. All of your focus and energy can go into that one responsibility. Plus you get HELP on that one responsibility from your spouse at the end of the day (or should be). That doesn't mean everyone is GOOD at that one responsibility, but your attention can be directed in that one space.

I'm a much better parent because I have my very intellectually stimulating and satisfying job that I love. But, for the folks such as myself right now with two part-time jobs, you are always split. I work 60+ hours a week for an extremely stressful (yet satisfying) paying job, then have to cram as much time in with my kid in about 2 hours each day during the week as the second job. When LO goes to bed, rather than my one job being done, I work again for another few hours for my paying job. I don't get to take mental breaks during the day, run errands on my own schedule, take the time to grocery shop and make healthy meals, and the list goes on. I absolutely agree with PP that on weekends, supposed "down time," DH and I are running around doing all the errands, laundry, cleaning, visiting family, ect that we can't do during the week that a SAHM would ordinarily do. There is no comparison.

What pray tell is that one responsibility? Is it cleaning and housework? Laundry? Cooking and packing lunches? Is it changing diapers? Driving Kids every where and going to all conferences/appointments? Is it taking care of all the finances? Is it taking care of a elderly sick parent? Is it homework help? Not all families have a dad who can help with these tasks, most high earners have super long hours and/or lots of overnight travel.

I have far more time for mental breaks and far more adult companionship when working outside the home.

[Anonymous]

Meh. I've done all of the above:

Worked for pay out of the home with a long commute.
Worked for pay in the home with zero commute.
Worked part time in/out of the home.
Been a stay at home mum.

They all have advantages and disadvantages. If I had my druthers, I'd work part time from home, with occasional in-person meetings with colleagues in my own home.

Or, no, wait, if I REALLY had my druthers, I'd be independently wealthy, pursue some projects in the community and city on my own time--preferably to assist low-income families in need of child care/education support, with a bbsitter for 10 hours a week so I could go to the gym with a trainer, then when the kids got older, I'd be a near full time employee at a non-profit, half time working from home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. WOHM loves her job. She just can't understand WHY SAHMs seem to be incapable of accepting the fact that (gasp!) they have a sweet gig being able to focus exclusively on their one job (caring for kids and running the house) when their WOH counterparts have to juggle those same responsibilities on top of another job. It's easy to understand, so I'm not sure why folks are so confused that we need a new thread every week.

You must have had a very short maternity leave if this is what you think the life of any average SAHM is. I've done both since having two kids and being a SAH is much harder.

Ok, tell us how having 2 kids and staying at home is harder than having two kids and working full time.

I too would like to know this.

I have been a sahm, a wohm and a ptwohm. [i]For me[i], sahm was and still is harder. Being a wohm came more naturally to me. It fit my personality better. It took a long time to adjust to the different cadences and flow of the sah day. I am not naturally a sahm. It isn't as good a fit, but it is what works best for my family as a whole. I never intended to be a sah, but when things happen - we have to adapt with them and do what is needed. I had a cushy setup as a wohp and I have a fairly cushy set up as a sah- so neither have been back breaking. Parenting part OTOH is not for sissies. I have battle scars.

If you think that sah is easier than woh, then maybe that means sah is a better fit for you - but like me - you do what works best for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've done both. Being a WOHM is MUCH more demanding and stressful. Why? Because as a SAHM, you only have one job. All of your focus and energy can go into that one job. Plus you get HELP on that one job from your spouse at the end of the day (or should be). That doesn't mean everyone is GOOD at that one job, but your attention can be directed in that one space.

I'm a much better parent because I have my very intellectually stimulating and satisfying job that I love. But, for the folks such as myself right now with two part-time jobs, you are always split. I work 60+ hours a week for an extremely stressful (yet satisfying) paying job, then have to cram as much time in with my kid in about 2 hours each day during the week as the second job. When LO goes to bed, rather than my one job being done, I work again for another few hours for my paying job. I don't get to take mental breaks during the day, run errands on my own schedule, take the time to grocery shop and make healthy meals, and the list goes on. I absolutely agree with PP that on weekends, supposed "down time," DH and I are running around doing all the errands, laundry, cleaning, visiting family, ect that we can't do during the week that a SAHM would ordinarily do. There is no comparison.

I just fixed a few things for you, for clarity's sake, and agree with everything you said:

I've done both. Being a WOHM is MUCH more demanding and stressful. Why? Because as a SAHM, you only have one responsibility. All of your focus and energy can go into that one responsibility. Plus you get HELP on that one responsibility from your spouse at the end of the day (or should be). That doesn't mean everyone is GOOD at that one responsibility, but your attention can be directed in that one space.

I'm a much better parent because I have my very intellectually stimulating and satisfying job that I love. But, for the folks such as myself right now with two part-time jobs, you are always split. I work 60+ hours a week for an extremely stressful (yet satisfying) paying job, then have to cram as much time in with my kid in about 2 hours each day during the week as the second job. When LO goes to bed, rather than my one job being done, I work again for another few hours for my paying job. I don't get to take mental breaks during the day, run errands on my own schedule, take the time to grocery shop and make healthy meals, and the list goes on. I absolutely agree with PP that on weekends, supposed "down time," DH and I are running around doing all the errands, laundry, cleaning, visiting family, ect that we can't do during the week that a SAHM would ordinarily do. There is no comparison.

What pray tell is that one responsibility? Is it cleaning and housework? Laundry? Cooking and packing lunches? Is it changing diapers? Driving Kids every where and going to all conferences/appointments? Is it taking care of all the finances? Is it taking care of a elderly sick parent? Is it homework help? Not all families have a dad who can help with these tasks, most high earners have super long hours and/or lots of overnight travel.

I have far more time for mental breaks and far more adult companionship when working outside the home.

None of those are jobs. They are responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh. I've done all of the above:

Worked for pay out of the home with a long commute.
Worked for pay in the home with zero commute.
Worked part time in/out of the home.
Been a stay at home mum.

They all have advantages and disadvantages. If I had my druthers, I'd work part time from home, with occasional in-person meetings with colleagues in my own home.

Or, no, wait, if I REALLY had my druthers, I'd be independently wealthy, pursue some projects in the community and city on my own time--preferably to assist low-income families in need of child care/education support, with a bbsitter for 10 hours a week so I could go to the gym with a trainer, then when the kids got older, I'd be a near full time employee at a non-profit, half time working from home.

I like you My dreams are eerily similar

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've done both. Being a WOHM is MUCH more demanding and stressful. Why? Because as a SAHM, you only have one job. All of your focus and energy can go into that one job. Plus you get HELP on that one job from your spouse at the end of the day (or should be). That doesn't mean everyone is GOOD at that one job, but your attention can be directed in that one space.

I'm a much better parent because I have my very intellectually stimulating and satisfying job that I love. But, for the folks such as myself right now with two part-time jobs, you are always split. I work 60+ hours a week for an extremely stressful (yet satisfying) paying job, then have to cram as much time in with my kid in about 2 hours each day during the week as the second job. When LO goes to bed, rather than my one job being done, I work again for another few hours for my paying job. I don't get to take mental breaks during the day, run errands on my own schedule, take the time to grocery shop and make healthy meals, and the list goes on. I absolutely agree with PP that on weekends, supposed "down time," DH and I are running around doing all the errands, laundry, cleaning, visiting family, ect that we can't do during the week that a SAHM would ordinarily do. There is no comparison.

I just fixed a few things for you, for clarity's sake, and agree with everything you said:

I've done both. Being a WOHM is MUCH more demanding and stressful. Why? Because as a SAHM, you only have one responsibility. All of your focus and energy can go into that one responsibility. Plus you get HELP on that one responsibility from your spouse at the end of the day (or should be). That doesn't mean everyone is GOOD at that one responsibility, but your attention can be directed in that one space.

I'm a much better parent because I have my very intellectually stimulating and satisfying job that I love. But, for the folks such as myself right now with two part-time jobs, you are always split. I work 60+ hours a week for an extremely stressful (yet satisfying) paying job, then have to cram as much time in with my kid in about 2 hours each day during the week as the second job. When LO goes to bed, rather than my one job being done, I work again for another few hours for my paying job. I don't get to take mental breaks during the day, run errands on my own schedule, take the time to grocery shop and make healthy meals, and the list goes on. I absolutely agree with PP that on weekends, supposed "down time," DH and I are running around doing all the errands, laundry, cleaning, visiting family, ect that we can't do during the week that a SAHM would ordinarily do. There is no comparison.

What pray tell is that one responsibility? Is it cleaning and housework? Laundry? Cooking and packing lunches? Is it changing diapers? Driving Kids every where and going to all conferences/appointments? Is it taking care of all the finances? Is it taking care of a elderly sick parent? Is it homework help? Not all families have a dad who can help with these tasks, most high earners have super long hours and/or lots of overnight travel.

I have far more time for mental breaks and far more adult companionship when working outside the home.

None of those are jobs. They are responsibilities.

Right, no one used the word "job" except you.

The point is that when one is working outside the home, one gets to hand off responsibility for child care for 8-12 hours a day, that is a significant break from that particular responsibility. If one employs a nanny, like me, than one also outsources a number of household chores, ie. laundry, some grocery shopping, dishwashing, cooking . . . A SAHM has to deal with all of those responsibilities all of the time with no breaks. There's a lot more drudgery in being a SAH that WOHMs often overlook.

[Anonymous]

I SAHM. And I do it because it is easier than working for everyone in my family. I think women would be crazy to take the harder route. Everyone should maximize their utility/happiness. I would assume that working moms think working is easier/better than the alternative (which for some might mean homelessness and other not great things). It makes no sense to argue about who has it easier unless you just enjoy being a martyr who against her own interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. WOHM loves her job. She just can't understand WHY SAHMs seem to be incapable of accepting the fact that (gasp!) they have a sweet gig being able to focus exclusively on their one job (caring for kids and running the house) when their WOH counterparts have to juggle those same responsibilities on top of another job. It's easy to understand, so I'm not sure why folks are so confused that we need a new thread every week.

You must have had a very short maternity leave if this is what you think the life of any average SAHM is. I've done both since having two kids and being a SAH is much harder.

Ok, tell us how having 2 kids and staying at home is harder than having two kids and working full time.

I too would like to know this.

Simple, there is a lot of downtime with work ( I say this a a lawyer). You get adult conversation and bonuses for doing a good job. No one is screaming mom constantly. You generally aren't stuck doing the mundane task that no one wants to do, but someone has to. I went back to work fulltime when I had a 2 and 4 year old -- the work place was a lot calmer than my home. It was easier.

And for some posters here, you also apparently get the right to condescend to every mom who makes a different choice than you.

Maybe being a lawyer means you work with grownups but my job involves hand holding with some very stubborn and willfully ignorant people. My kids are more mature than than the people I work with and for!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've done both. Being a WOHM is MUCH more demanding and stressful. Why? Because as a SAHM, you only have one job. All of your focus and energy can go into that one job. Plus you get HELP on that one job from your spouse at the end of the day (or should be). That doesn't mean everyone is GOOD at that one job, but your attention can be directed in that one space.

I'm a much better parent because I have my very intellectually stimulating and satisfying job that I love. But, for the folks such as myself right now with two part-time jobs, you are always split. I work 60+ hours a week for an extremely stressful (yet satisfying) paying job, then have to cram as much time in with my kid in about 2 hours each day during the week as the second job. When LO goes to bed, rather than my one job being done, I work again for another few hours for my paying job. I don't get to take mental breaks during the day, run errands on my own schedule, take the time to grocery shop and make healthy meals, and the list goes on. I absolutely agree with PP that on weekends, supposed "down time," DH and I are running around doing all the errands, laundry, cleaning, visiting family, ect that we can't do during the week that a SAHM would ordinarily do. There is no comparison.

I just fixed a few things for you, for clarity's sake, and agree with everything you said:

I've done both. Being a WOHM is MUCH more demanding and stressful. Why? Because as a SAHM, you only have one responsibility. All of your focus and energy can go into that one responsibility. Plus you get HELP on that one responsibility from your spouse at the end of the day (or should be). That doesn't mean everyone is GOOD at that one responsibility, but your attention can be directed in that one space.

I'm a much better parent because I have my very intellectually stimulating and satisfying job that I love. But, for the folks such as myself right now with two part-time jobs, you are always split. I work 60+ hours a week for an extremely stressful (yet satisfying) paying job, then have to cram as much time in with my kid in about 2 hours each day during the week as the second job. When LO goes to bed, rather than my one job being done, I work again for another few hours for my paying job. I don't get to take mental breaks during the day, run errands on my own schedule, take the time to grocery shop and make healthy meals, and the list goes on. I absolutely agree with PP that on weekends, supposed "down time," DH and I are running around doing all the errands, laundry, cleaning, visiting family, ect that we can't do during the week that a SAHM would ordinarily do. There is no comparison.

What pray tell is that one responsibility? Is it cleaning and housework? Laundry? Cooking and packing lunches? Is it changing diapers? Driving Kids every where and going to all conferences/appointments? Is it taking care of all the finances? Is it taking care of a elderly sick parent? Is it homework help? Not all families have a dad who can help with these tasks, most high earners have super long hours and/or lots of overnight travel.

I have far more time for mental breaks and far more adult companionship when working outside the home.

None of those are jobs. They are responsibilities.

Right, no one used the word "job" except you.

The point is that when one is working outside the home, one gets to hand off responsibility for child care for 8-12 hours a day, that is a significant break from that particular responsibility. If one employs a nanny, like me, than one also outsources a number of household chores, ie. laundry, some grocery shopping, dishwashing, cooking . . . A SAHM has to deal with all of those responsibilities all of the time with no breaks. There's a lot more drudgery in being a SAH that WOHMs often overlook.

I didn't use the word job. I changed the PP's wording from job to responsibilities to more accurately describe what she was talking about. There are jobs and there are responsibilities. That's all. I said nothing about which is harder. I made no value judgment. I've done both. But there are full time jobs, and there are responsibilities that come with staying home with your children full time. Neither is better than the other. You're the one comparing the two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What pray tell is that one responsibility? Is it cleaning and housework? Laundry? Cooking and packing lunches? Is it changing diapers? Driving Kids every where and going to all conferences/appointments? Is it taking care of all the finances? Is it taking care of a elderly sick parent? Is it homework help? Not all families have a dad who can help with these tasks, most high earners have super long hours and/or lots of overnight travel.

I have far more time for mental breaks and far more adult companionship when working outside the home.

I never understand these lists. I WOHM and do all of these things. Granted, I don't do them during the hours I am working, but they all still need to get done, meaning either my schedule has to shift around or I have to do them at night and on the weekend.

[Anonymous]

To 11:54 (the SAHM who thinks her job is harder):

Sounds like you miss adult interaction and have trouble managing your kids and schedule. Sounds like you might be bored or simply aren't cut out for homemaking (which truly is an art form). But that doesn't mean your job is harder.