Your opinion on my family's homework policy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congrats, they think rules don't apply to them. Good luck getting them to pay their taxes.

A's and B's may not be good enough to get into a good college. Of course if all you aspire to is somewhere like JMU, you should be o.k.,

Oh, can it.

low expectations, sub-par results. College acceptance is so competitive, but I have heard there is one for everybody; i.e., the right "fit" and all. I wonder which school is the right fit for kids who choose which homework they will and will not do? Maybe put this on your application essay - why I picked and chose which homework I would do.?

Also a good thing to discuss in your future job interviews: "I simply ignore assigned tasks that I'd rather not do."

Or "I was able to determine and focus on the tasks that were a priority for achieving the end goal and not waste time on things that added little value." I'd much rather hire someone who can thoughtfully evaluate our systems and processes to find things that are inefficient/ineffective than someone who just follows along because that's what they've been told. I want thinkers, not lemmings, on my team. If something doesn't make sense, I want my team members to challenge it. If I disagree, we can discuss it, but I hope the discussion is more than "do it because I said so." I didn't hear anything in OP's description where the teacher provided arguments in support of homework for the A student beyond "it's disrespectful of me to not do it." If any manager in my organization justified having an employee do something based solely on respect for authority vs. articulating how and why it mattered in achieving our goals, they would be gone.

no, things you decided were of little value. We don't want to hire people who take this decision upon themselves. I hire people who do what they're told, not pick and choose among the ones they think are of value. Most employers tell you what the assignment is. The employees' job is to do it or they won't be around very long

Yes, but you are focused on process, not outcome. My employees are most productive when I tell them what the goal is and then trust them enough to figure out how to attain it. While there may be certain procedures they need to follow or steps they need to take, I welcome their thoughts on why they might not be necessary to achieve the outcome. If I can't justify it to them, then it's time to rethink it. All this judgment about people ending up at allegedly middling schools or in middling jobs seems reversed to me -- it's the people who can think outside the box without going too far astray who achieve the most. In the case of the student, the goal is to learn the material. Where he is getting A's, he's done that. Where he's getting B's, there is room for improvement and completing the homework might be one way to accomplish it. There also may be other tools for mastering the material that are more efficient/effective than homework (deeper reading, more focus in class, a tutor, etc...).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"good enough" seems to be the OPs approach. A solid carreer in Government bureaucracy is the probable outcome. Not a good life lesson IMHO. "do your best" is the cub scout motto and a much better way to look at life if you want more than a 9-5 grind....

You know, I have a solid career (I like to spell it with one "r") in Government bureaucracy. I'm happy, make a decent salary, get a lot of time off, and generally feel very content with my life. There are worse things that can happen than to make six figures and have limited stress.

As to the OP with the homework policy, if it works for you and your family I think that is fine. The only thing I'd say is that if the teachers are really pushing back, it may be the school doesn't fit your philosophy of school and life for your children. I'll be honest and say "Race to Nowhere" has really made me reevaluate how I handle my kids High School years and I feel very similar to OP. In addition to being a decent student, and a responsible person, I feel they need a chance to explore and be kids.

once you get to high school. doing homework is part of being a kid.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Wow, didn't expect this to be so controversial!

First let me clarify a few things:
1) My kids will go to college, but we aren't crazed on them having to go to an Ivy. If they want to, great...if they don't, great. One of my sons has straight As and is an incredible athlete, and will probably be an Ivy candidate. the other two aren't so driven, they seem like they will be happy with state colleges.
2) We did NOT ignore any emails from teachers. When I said I received an email showing the missing homework, it was an automated email that comes out of the system. its not a "dear mrs. x" email. I doubt you can even respond to those emails.
3) the school guidelines indicate that 3 hours of homework is the norm, 4 if the kid is in honors/AP. Theres no need for me to go to teachers to talk about homework, its accepted as being normal and is well known by all of the parents.
4) My kids don't think rules don't apply to them. The rules absolutely apply to them--the rule is if you don't do homework, you get a 0. they have received 0s every time.
5) I don't think our prior state of residence had lower expectations. True, there was a no homework policy, but in most classes, especially in math and science, my kids found the grade level work to be behind where they were when we moved. There was a lot of repeat for them.

Im not a snowflake mom. My kids have chores, are expected to follow rules. My mom is a teacher, my husband is a teacher.

We also have experienced an unusually high level of teen suicide in my district, which has made us re-think our priorities. if our kids get good grades, we want them outside riding bikes, holding down a part time job to earn spending money, playing sports, going kayaking with us, etc. We are trying to focus on the whole kid, not entirely on their education as their sole being at this point in their lives. Who knows, but they all seem well adjusted and happy. I don't worry about their futures. I think I am a responsible parent, and I think I am training them to be as independent as possible.

I did not tell teachers about our family homework policy. It is my kids job to communicate with teachers.

Lastly, I did speak with their other teachers, via an email I sent to the entire group of teachers, asking them to give me feedback. Every email was incredibly supportive. Bottom line, they said "your kid is the least of my worries", that they were good kids, did fine in school, were socially well adjusted, and for me to stop worrying. A few of them thanked me for putting the responsibility of my kids grades on my kids. One of them said if she was smart enough to not do homework and still get good grades she wouldn't have done the homework either

So, I think for now at least, I will stick with our policy. it feels good for our family. And I promise, my kids will pay their taxes and return their library books

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Wow, didn't expect this to be so controversial!

First let me clarify a few things:
1) My kids will go to college, but we aren't crazed on them having to go to an Ivy. If they want to, great...if they don't, great. One of my sons has straight As and is an incredible athlete, and will probably be an Ivy candidate. the other two aren't so driven, they seem like they will be happy with state colleges.
2) We did NOT ignore any emails from teachers. When I said I received an email showing the missing homework, it was an automated email that comes out of the system. its not a "dear mrs. x" email. I doubt you can even respond to those emails.
3) the school guidelines indicate that 3 hours of homework is the norm, 4 if the kid is in honors/AP. Theres no need for me to go to teachers to talk about homework, its accepted as being normal and is well known by all of the parents.
4) My kids don't think rules don't apply to them. The rules absolutely apply to them--the rule is if you don't do homework, you get a 0. they have received 0s every time.
5) I don't think our prior state of residence had lower expectations. True, there was a no homework policy, but in most classes, especially in math and science, my kids found the grade level work to be behind where they were when we moved. There was a lot of repeat for them.

Im not a snowflake mom. My kids have chores, are expected to follow rules. My mom is a teacher, my husband is a teacher.

We also have experienced an unusually high level of teen suicide in my district, which has made us re-think our priorities. if our kids get good grades, we want them outside riding bikes, holding down a part time job to earn spending money, playing sports, going kayaking with us, etc. We are trying to focus on the whole kid, not entirely on their education as their sole being at this point in their lives. Who knows, but they all seem well adjusted and happy. I don't worry about their futures. I think I am a responsible parent, and I think I am training them to be as independent as possible.

I did not tell teachers about our family homework policy. It is my kids job to communicate with teachers.

Lastly, I did speak with their other teachers, via an email I sent to the entire group of teachers, asking them to give me feedback. Every email was incredibly supportive. Bottom line, they said "your kid is the least of my worries", that they were good kids, did fine in school, were socially well adjusted, and for me to stop worrying. A few of them thanked me for putting the responsibility of my kids grades on my kids. One of them said if she was smart enough to not do homework and still get good grades she wouldn't have done the homework either

So, I think for now at least, I will stick with our policy. it feels good for our family. And I promise, my kids will pay their taxes and return their library books

Wow! 3 hrs. is the norm for non-AAP? Is this FCPS? My kids aren't in HS yet, but that seems like a lot on a routine, daily basis. If this is accurate, then OP, I'm with you.... prioritize what you really need to do and let the rest go. I could see 2 hrs. But any more than that on a daily basis seems like too much. Times sure have changed since I was in HS!

[Anonymous]

Ooops! I meant "non-AP"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congrats, they think rules don't apply to them. Good luck getting them to pay their taxes.

A's and B's may not be good enough to get into a good college. Of course if all you aspire to is somewhere like JMU, you should be o.k.,

Oh, can it.

low expectations, sub-par results. College acceptance is so competitive, but I have heard there is one for everybody; i.e., the right "fit" and all. I wonder which school is the right fit for kids who choose which homework they will and will not do? Maybe put this on your application essay - why I picked and chose which homework I would do.?

Also a good thing to discuss in your future job interviews: "I simply ignore assigned tasks that I'd rather not do."

Actually, OP's kids will likely gravitate toward workplaces that expect you to get the job done and don't care how you do it. They're more highly evolved--and generally more successful--than firms that expect a warm body in its seat from 9 to 5, pushing papers and wasting time in meetings.

OP, I agree that you probably should have talked to the teachers first about it, just out of respect for them. But I'm in awe of how self-directed your kids are; independence is not a highly prized attribute in some areas of NoVa.

[Anonymous]

I think it's a fine HW policy if it works for your kids. I

Every kid is different. I hate how the assumption here is that every child is capable of and should be expected to get straight As in the most rigorous courses available and anything less is a sign of bad parenting.

Not every kid wants or needs to go to a school with a 5 to 20% admission rate. I'll be happy if my DC gets admitted to an average school with a degree program she likes that will result in her being employable when she's 22.

[Anonymous]

" independence is not a highly prized attribute in some areas of NoVa." The military-mindset doesn't like critical thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:" independence is not a highly prized attribute in some areas of NoVa." The military-mindset doesn't like critical thinking.

It's not independence when Mommy trains you to do it so she can brag on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

I probably would do this but the teachers won't let us get away with it. A zero on an assignment counts in the grades and some of the material tested is from the homework, not classroom work. Frankly, I haven't seen any homework since DC was in 7th grade I thought was frivolous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:" independence is not a highly prized attribute in some areas of NoVa." The military-mindset doesn't like critical thinking.

Actually, it does. Don't make assumptions based on a couple military guys you met.
But that's a whole other thread....

I get what OP is saying but... I grew up in the 80s and 3 hrs of homework in HS was normal. A lot of calculus and biology and chemistry needs to be reviewed over and over. Good on kids that don't need to review calculus and 45 min in class is enough to remember everything.

My 1st grader had 30 min each night. It wasn't busy work, but important to reinforce lessons and improve reading and math proficiency.
I expect he will have 2-3 hours each night in high school. A lot of it will be doing required reading, not filling in worksheets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" independence is not a highly prized attribute in some areas of NoVa." The military-mindset doesn't like critical thinking.

Actually, it does. Don't make assumptions based on a couple military guys you met.
But that's a whole other thread....

I get what OP is saying but... I grew up in the 80s and 3 hrs of homework in HS was normal. A lot of calculus and biology and chemistry needs to be reviewed over and over. Good on kids that don't need to review calculus and 45 min in class is enough to remember everything.

My 1st grader had 30 min each night. It wasn't busy work, but important to reinforce lessons and improve reading and math proficiency.
I expect he will have 2-3 hours each night in high school. A lot of it will be doing required reading, not filling in worksheets.

I seriously doubt Op's kid is taking calculus, but she can tell us. If I'm wrong I will apologize.

[Anonymous]

WHAT HIGH SCHOOL PLEASE THAT ALLOWS STUDENTS TO NOT TURN IN ASSIGNED HOMEWORK WITHOUT ANY RAMIFICATIONS? I would seriously like to know as it does not describe DC's school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" independence is not a highly prized attribute in some areas of NoVa." The military-mindset doesn't like critical thinking.

Actually, it does. Don't make assumptions based on a couple military guys you met.
But that's a whole other thread....

I get what OP is saying but... I grew up in the 80s and 3 hrs of homework in HS was normal. A lot of calculus and biology and chemistry needs to be reviewed over and over. Good on kids that don't need to review calculus and 45 min in class is enough to remember everything.

My 1st grader had 30 min each night. It wasn't busy work, but important to reinforce lessons and improve reading and math proficiency.
I expect he will have 2-3 hours each night in high school. A lot of it will be doing required reading, not filling in worksheets.

I seriously doubt Op's kid is taking calculus, but she can tell us. If I'm wrong I will apologize.

Not OP. I posted earlier that I did this. Homework was a portion of the grade that i chose to get 0's on. I took BC Calc, AP physics, as well as AP English andFrench, among others. I got all As, took the AP tests, went to college on scholarship and placed out of the first year of classes. I got a BSEE, so skipping homework didn't hurt me.

I imagine most high school students should do some of the homework, but maybe some do not need to do any of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a fine HW policy if it works for your kids. I

Every kid is different. I hate how the assumption here is that every child is capable of and should be expected to get straight As in the most rigorous courses available and anything less is a sign of bad parenting.

Not every kid wants or needs to go to a school with a 5 to 20% admission rate. I'll be happy if my DC gets admitted to an average school with a degree program she likes that will result in her being employable when she's 22.

Amen to that! Such a refreshing attitude here on DCUM!