Your opinion on my family's homework policy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Wow, didn't expect this to be so controversial!

First let me clarify a few things:
1) My kids will go to college, but we aren't crazed on them having to go to an Ivy. If they want to, great...if they don't, great. One of my sons has straight As and is an incredible athlete, and will probably be an Ivy candidate. the other two aren't so driven, they seem like they will be happy with state colleges.
2) We did NOT ignore any emails from teachers. When I said I received an email showing the missing homework, it was an automated email that comes out of the system. its not a "dear mrs. x" email. I doubt you can even respond to those emails.
3) the school guidelines indicate that 3 hours of homework is the norm, 4 if the kid is in honors/AP. Theres no need for me to go to teachers to talk about homework, its accepted as being normal and is well known by all of the parents.
4) My kids don't think rules don't apply to them. The rules absolutely apply to them--the rule is if you don't do homework, you get a 0. they have received 0s every time.
5) I don't think our prior state of residence had lower expectations. True, there was a no homework policy, but in most classes, especially in math and science, my kids found the grade level work to be behind where they were when we moved. There was a lot of repeat for them.

Im not a snowflake mom. My kids have chores, are expected to follow rules. My mom is a teacher, my husband is a teacher.

We also have experienced an unusually high level of teen suicide in my district, which has made us re-think our priorities. if our kids get good grades, we want them outside riding bikes, holding down a part time job to earn spending money, playing sports, going kayaking with us, etc. We are trying to focus on the whole kid, not entirely on their education as their sole being at this point in their lives. Who knows, but they all seem well adjusted and happy. I don't worry about their futures. I think I am a responsible parent, and I think I am training them to be as independent as possible.

I did not tell teachers about our family homework policy. It is my kids job to communicate with teachers.

Lastly, I did speak with their other teachers, via an email I sent to the entire group of teachers, asking them to give me feedback. Every email was incredibly supportive. Bottom line, they said "your kid is the least of my worries", that they were good kids, did fine in school, were socially well adjusted, and for me to stop worrying. A few of them thanked me for putting the responsibility of my kids grades on my kids. One of them said if she was smart enough to not do homework and still get good grades she wouldn't have done the homework either

So, I think for now at least, I will stick with our policy. it feels good for our family. And I promise, my kids will pay their taxes and return their library books

I'm not looking fro Ivy either, but if my kid want to study engineering at Va Tech, he has to have an average close to a 4.0 and A's in math and sciences or else we won;t get in. Tech is a decent engineering school, not top ranked, but it is in state. And that means doing homework because B's are just not going to cut it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Wow, didn't expect this to be so controversial!

First let me clarify a few things:
1) My kids will go to college, but we aren't crazed on them having to go to an Ivy. If they want to, great...if they don't, great. One of my sons has straight As and is an incredible athlete, and will probably be an Ivy candidate. the other two aren't so driven, they seem like they will be happy with state colleges.
2) We did NOT ignore any emails from teachers. When I said I received an email showing the missing homework, it was an automated email that comes out of the system. its not a "dear mrs. x" email. I doubt you can even respond to those emails.
3) the school guidelines indicate that 3 hours of homework is the norm, 4 if the kid is in honors/AP. Theres no need for me to go to teachers to talk about homework, its accepted as being normal and is well known by all of the parents.
4) My kids don't think rules don't apply to them. The rules absolutely apply to them--the rule is if you don't do homework, you get a 0. they have received 0s every time.
5) I don't think our prior state of residence had lower expectations. True, there was a no homework policy, but in most classes, especially in math and science, my kids found the grade level work to be behind where they were when we moved. There was a lot of repeat for them.

Im not a snowflake mom. My kids have chores, are expected to follow rules. My mom is a teacher, my husband is a teacher.

We also have experienced an unusually high level of teen suicide in my district, which has made us re-think our priorities. if our kids get good grades, we want them outside riding bikes, holding down a part time job to earn spending money, playing sports, going kayaking with us, etc. We are trying to focus on the whole kid, not entirely on their education as their sole being at this point in their lives. Who knows, but they all seem well adjusted and happy. I don't worry about their futures. I think I am a responsible parent, and I think I am training them to be as independent as possible.

I did not tell teachers about our family homework policy. It is my kids job to communicate with teachers.

Lastly, I did speak with their other teachers, via an email I sent to the entire group of teachers, asking them to give me feedback. Every email was incredibly supportive. Bottom line, they said "your kid is the least of my worries", that they were good kids, did fine in school, were socially well adjusted, and for me to stop worrying. A few of them thanked me for putting the responsibility of my kids grades on my kids. One of them said if she was smart enough to not do homework and still get good grades she wouldn't have done the homework either

So, I think for now at least, I will stick with our policy. it feels good for our family. And I promise, my kids will pay their taxes and return their library books

I'm not looking for Ivy either, but if my kid want to study engineering at Va Tech, he has to have an average close to a 4.0 and A's in math and sciences or else he won't get in. Tech is a decent engineering school, not top ranked, but it is in state. And that means doing homework because B's are just not going to cut it.

[Anonymous]

Good for you. You're teaching your kids a very valuable lesson - to prioritize. Unfortunately, I didn't learn that lesson until grad school when I became a nervous wreck because I couldn't keep up with the unreasonable amount of outside reading that professors assigned. I quickly learned to read book reviews instead of the actual book and scan documents rather than read an entire article. It was an absolute necessity, as no one could possibly meet the workload unless they never slept, never ate, or did anything other than read. It's important to teach our kids to be well-rounded individuals. A little homework is fine, but it's absolutely OK to limit the amount that students are expected to do. It's good practice for real life, as they learn to set boundaries and set priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good for you. You're teaching your kids a very valuable lesson - to prioritize. Unfortunately, I didn't learn that lesson until grad school when I became a nervous wreck because I couldn't keep up with the unreasonable amount of outside reading that professors assigned. I quickly learned to read book reviews instead of the actual book and scan documents rather than read an entire article. It was an absolute necessity, as no one could possibly meet the workload unless they never slept, never ate, or did anything other than read. It's important to teach our kids to be well-rounded individuals. A little homework is fine, but it's absolutely OK to limit the amount that students are expected to do. It's good practice for real life, as they learn to set boundaries and set priorities.

many do it and have have amazing accomplishments including community service - but you're right. they prioritize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:where'd OP go?
so A's and B's sounds fine but if B's are in Math and English you need to work much harder.
Are they taking the most rigorous classes available?
Maybe she doesn't have high aspirations for college acceptances -- someone with this attitude may be fine with say U of Mary Washington.

snob

There are very bright students at U of Mary Washington. Not everyone wants Ivy.

-Ivy grad x2

big, big gap between U. Mary Washington and an "Ivy." The former has admission rate of 76%. Seems fine for students who chose not to do their assigned homework.

It's fine for many students.

Yes, many students who can construct a sentence far better than this "Ivy" grad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:where'd OP go?
so A's and B's sounds fine but if B's are in Math and English you need to work much harder.
Are they taking the most rigorous classes available?
Maybe she doesn't have high aspirations for college acceptances -- someone with this attitude may be fine with say U of Mary Washington.

snob

There are very bright students at U of Mary Washington. Not everyone wants Ivy.

-Ivy grad x2

big, big gap between U. Mary Washington and an "Ivy." The former has admission rate of 76%. Seems fine for students who chose not to do their assigned homework.

It's fine for many students.

Yes, many students who can construct a sentence far better than this "Ivy" grad.

What's your problem? Did you have a difficult time understanding my message? Was it grammatically incorrect?

Are you this annoying IRL? Go fuck your snobby self.

[Anonymous]

Considering the homework I have seen come out of FCPS is a joke, I would agree with the poster not to have my kid do it.

However, in our school, homework completion IS a part of the grade, so we plow through the mediocre brain exercise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Change schools. You need find to find one that matches your style. I totally get where you are coming from, but you are undermining their teachers and school. You are missing the bigger picture in teaching your kids respect and integrity.

And this is exactly what this teacher said. And maybe there's an element of truth to this. I just don't know. That's why I am rethinking.

But at the same time, everything in my gut tells me that their management of their grades is the overall point here. They actually ARE being responsible by not doing the homework and taking the responsibility for the ramifications of that decision. So if they are willing to accept the consequences, what is the actual issue here?

makes me think that the issue is the teacher is taking this personally, as a reflection of her personally. When in fact it has absolutely zero to do with her.

So I don't want to rethink our entire family policy on one teacher who personalizes our rules.

But I am staying open minded about this.

MO, I understand home work should not be more than 20 minutes per night X grade so, 1st= 20 minutes, etc...,etc... However, I know in my child's MS home work is part of the grade. It is my understanding that HS nightly homework doesn't really count toward their grade so it should not affect the outcome - projects, term paper and the like, different story. I say your philosophy is working so don't worry about it and you are not saying "don't do it" just "maintain and A/B grade. So if it works don't worry about it. However I would not share this philosophy with a child's teacher because it comes across as disrespectful and some teachers may not be to thrilled to hear this is intentional. So keep doing it but keep it in the family no one needs to know as it could affect your child's grade. On the other hand, I think this raises a good question to be discussed about the enormous amount of homework FCPS students have. I also have talked with parents who are taken back when their child has a teacher who gives to little homework. So I think there are 3 sides to the story parent for/parent against/teacher for/teacher against. But I will say that some children do need that review to be successful. Busy work no but review yes for the child who needs it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Change schools. You need find to find one that matches your style. I totally get where you are coming from, but you are undermining their teachers and school. You are missing the bigger picture in teaching your kids respect and integrity.

And this is exactly what this teacher said. And maybe there's an element of truth to this. I just don't know. That's why I am rethinking.

But at the same time, everything in my gut tells me that their management of their grades is the overall point here. They actually ARE being responsible by not doing the homework and taking the responsibility for the ramifications of that decision. So if they are willing to accept the consequences, what is the actual issue here?

makes me think that the issue is the teacher is taking this personally, as a reflection of her personally. When in fact it has absolutely zero to do with her.

So I don't want to rethink our entire family policy on one teacher who personalizes our rules.

But I am staying open minded about this.

MO, I understand home work should not be more than 20 minutes per night X grade so, 1st= 20 minutes, etc...,etc... However, I know in my child's MS home work is part of the grade. It is my understanding that HS nightly homework doesn't really count toward their grade so it should not affect the outcome - projects, term paper and the like, different story. I say your philosophy is working so don't worry about it and you are not saying "don't do it" just "maintain and A/B grade. So if it works don't worry about it. However I would not share this philosophy with a child's teacher because it comes across as disrespectful and some teachers may not be to thrilled to hear this is intentional. So keep doing it but keep it in the family no one needs to know as it could affect your child's grade. On the other hand, I think this raises a good question to be discussed about the enormous amount of homework FCPS students have. I also have talked with parents who are taken back when their child has a teacher who gives to little homework. So I think there are 3 sides to the story parent for/parent against/teacher for/teacher against. But I will say that some children do need that review to be successful. Busy work no but review yes for the child who needs it.

and...BTW...I think your kids are doing great if they can pull A's and B's with doing the minimum, kudo's to them (and you)!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:where'd OP go?
so A's and B's sounds fine but if B's are in Math and English you need to work much harder.
Are they taking the most rigorous classes available?
Maybe she doesn't have high aspirations for college acceptances -- someone with this attitude may be fine with say U of Mary Washington.

snob

There are very bright students at U of Mary Washington. Not everyone wants Ivy.

-Ivy grad x2

big, big gap between U. Mary Washington and an "Ivy." The former has admission rate of 76%. Seems fine for students who chose not to do their assigned homework.

It's fine for many students.

Yes, many students who can construct a sentence far better than this "Ivy" grad.

What's your problem? Did you have a difficult time understanding my message? Was it grammatically incorrect?

Are you this annoying IRL? Go fuck your snobby self.

Are you this crass and stupid IRL?

Thought so. (Psst--worse than grammatically incorrect. You're missing a whole word.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:where'd OP go?
so A's and B's sounds fine but if B's are in Math and English you need to work much harder.
Are they taking the most rigorous classes available?
Maybe she doesn't have high aspirations for college acceptances -- someone with this attitude may be fine with say U of Mary Washington.

snob

There are very bright students at U of Mary Washington. Not everyone wants Ivy.

-Ivy grad x2

big, big gap between U. Mary Washington and an "Ivy." The former has admission rate of 76%. Seems fine for students who chose not to do their assigned homework.

It's fine for many students.

Yes, many students who can construct a sentence far better than this "Ivy" grad.

What's your problem? Did you have a difficult time understanding my message? Was it grammatically incorrect?

Are you this annoying IRL? Go fuck your snobby self.

Are you this crass and stupid IRL?

Thought so. (Psst--worse than grammatically incorrect. You're missing a whole word.)

Not the ivy grad, but do you get that most people don't edit their posts on this forum? I just type and hit send. I'm not being graded, and I treat it as I would a casual conversation. I find the self appointed reviewers on this board very annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Not the ivy grad, but do you get that most people don't edit their posts on this forum? I just type and hit send. I'm not being graded, and I treat it as I would a casual conversation. I find the self appointed reviewers on this board very annoying.

Do you mention where you went to college in your casual conversations? That was (and will continue to be) my point--if the true snobs, such as the alleged Ivy grad, put down the rest of the great unwashed here yet make stupid errors in their own posts, you can bet I will point it out every time. Feel free to skip those replies.

[Anonymous]

"As and Bs" sounds great if you're aiming for one of the second tier schools. Esp. if the Bs are in Math and English.

Anyway, to me doing your homework is just part of growing up, and nothing at all unreasonable about 3 hours a night for high schoolers. Esp. those who manage their time well and are academically motivated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Not the ivy grad, but do you get that most people don't edit their posts on this forum? I just type and hit send. I'm not being graded, and I treat it as I would a casual conversation. I find the self appointed reviewers on this board very annoying.

Do you mention where you went to college in your casual conversations? That was (and will continue to be) my point--if the true snobs, such as the alleged Ivy grad, put down the rest of the great unwashed here yet make stupid errors in their own posts, you can bet I will point it out every time. Feel free to skip those replies.

Freakshow

Should I add more words so you can understand that?

Would you also like me to explain *why* I mentioned where I went to college? Maybe that went over your head too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Wow, didn't expect this to be so controversial!

First let me clarify a few things:
1) My kids will go to college, but we aren't crazed on them having to go to an Ivy. If they want to, great...if they don't, great. One of my sons has straight As and is an incredible athlete, and will probably be an Ivy candidate. the other two aren't so driven, they seem like they will be happy with state colleges.
2) We did NOT ignore any emails from teachers. When I said I received an email showing the missing homework, it was an automated email that comes out of the system. its not a "dear mrs. x" email. I doubt you can even respond to those emails.
3) the school guidelines indicate that 3 hours of homework is the norm, 4 if the kid is in honors/AP. Theres no need for me to go to teachers to talk about homework, its accepted as being normal and is well known by all of the parents.
4) My kids don't think rules don't apply to them. The rules absolutely apply to them--the rule is if you don't do homework, you get a 0. they have received 0s every time.
5) I don't think our prior state of residence had lower expectations. True, there was a no homework policy, but in most classes, especially in math and science, my kids found the grade level work to be behind where they were when we moved. There was a lot of repeat for them.

Im not a snowflake mom. My kids have chores, are expected to follow rules. My mom is a teacher, my husband is a teacher.

We also have experienced an unusually high level of teen suicide in my district, which has made us re-think our priorities. if our kids get good grades, we want them outside riding bikes, holding down a part time job to earn spending money, playing sports, going kayaking with us, etc. We are trying to focus on the whole kid, not entirely on their education as their sole being at this point in their lives. Who knows, but they all seem well adjusted and happy. I don't worry about their futures. I think I am a responsible parent, and I think I am training them to be as independent as possible.

I did not tell teachers about our family homework policy. It is my kids job to communicate with teachers.

Lastly, I did speak with their other teachers, via an email I sent to the entire group of teachers, asking them to give me feedback. Every email was incredibly supportive. Bottom line, they said "your kid is the least of my worries", that they were good kids, did fine in school, were socially well adjusted, and for me to stop worrying. A few of them thanked me for putting the responsibility of my kids grades on my kids. One of them said if she was smart enough to not do homework and still get good grades she wouldn't have done the homework either

So, I think for now at least, I will stick with our policy. it feels good for our family. And I promise, my kids will pay their taxes and return their library books

I'm not looking fro Ivy either, but if my kid want to study engineering at Va Tech, he has to have an average close to a 4.0 and A's in math and sciences or else we won;t get in. Tech is a decent engineering school, not top ranked, but it is in state. And that means doing homework because B's are just not going to cut it.

Amen. Mine wants to be an engineer. My budget covers VA Tech.