Am I being unreasonable? Neighbor complaints about noise - sorry long

[Anonymous]

I have four kids and I think you're unreasonable. She already asked you to be quiet. You haven't. I assume you don't work outside the home either. I live in a single family home and I don't allow my kids to run or scream in our home---it's not respectful or safe. A neighbor next door is a third reason not to scream or yell and your kids should be taught not to do this. Your neighbor is not unreasonable-you are. Since you refuse to teach your kids basic manners (my kids can run and be wild at the park or in our fenced backyard), you need to move. Screaming isn't even allowed in our backyard, unless my kids are alerting me to danger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In short -- she came over and asked if you could keep it quieter, and you said

1. No.
2. You're unneighborly.
3. Deal with it.
4. You're loud, too.
5. Go ahead and call the police.

Yes?

It sounds like she had an unreasonable request and you were snarky in reply, then she got angry. So, I don't think you are innocent in this, OP.

+1

OP is also on the defensive side in some of her comments/replies here.

She knocked on my door to complain about my family while she had the audacity to turn lights off when I went to apologize for something we were not even doing wrong. Yes I'll act defensive and sparkly. Sorry.

For this alone, I hope your neighbor throws a few wild parties just when your kids fall asleep, but ends it just as the noise ordinances kick in. I mean they wouldn't be doing anything "wrong" so no big deal.

[Anonymous]

OP -- apparently you wanted validation, and not opinions.

With each successive self-righteous post of yours, I feel snarkier and snarkier.

Perhaps you have a similar effect on your neighbor?

And do you have rugs? I hope so, since if you don't, then I know you are not serious about noise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In short -- she came over and asked if you could keep it quieter, and you said

1. No.
2. You're unneighborly.
3. Deal with it.
4. You're loud, too.
5. Go ahead and call the police.

Yes?

It sounds like she had an unreasonable request and you were snarky in reply, then she got angry. So, I don't think you are innocent in this, OP.

+1

OP is also on the defensive side in some of her comments/replies here.

She knocked on my door to complain about my family while she had the audacity to turn lights off when I went to apologize for something we were not even doing wrong. Yes I'll act defensive and sparkly. Sorry.

For this alone, I hope your neighbor throws a few wild parties just when your kids fall asleep, but ends it just as the noise ordinances kick in. I mean they wouldn't be doing anything "wrong" so no big deal.

And I wouldn't complain. It's her right. She does laundry and wakes up my kids and I out up with it. I'm a good neighbor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, remember - treat people how you want to be treated. There may be a time when you want peace, and your neighbor makes a lot of noise that bothers you and your family. You won't have legs to stand on, if you disregard their frustrations now.

I went over twice with an apologetic heart. That's exactly how I wish to be treated. Thanks for reminding all of us of this very honorable rule.

Sure, but "disregarding" doesn't mean going over with an "apologetic heart." It means making an effort to change, not just say "sorry." In general in life, apologies are meaningless without a concerted effort to change.

Obviously, the OP doesn't really want an answer to her question, "Am I being unreasonable" unless everyone agrees with her. This is evident by her calling opposing views the work of 'jokers.'

OP, why did you post this here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, remember - treat people how you want to be treated. There may be a time when you want peace, and your neighbor makes a lot of noise that bothers you and your family. You won't have legs to stand on, if you disregard their frustrations now.

I went over twice with an apologetic heart. That's exactly how I wish to be treated. Thanks for reminding all of us of this very honorable rule.

Sure, but "disregarding" doesn't mean going over with an "apologetic heart." It means making an effort to change, not just say "sorry." In general in life, apologies are meaningless without a concerted effort to change.

Obviously, the OP doesn't really want an answer to her question, "Am I being unreasonable" unless everyone agrees with her. This is evident by her calling opposing views the work of 'jokers.'

OP, why did you post this here?

I agree. It's amazing to me when people post questions seeking validation, and then get defensive when people don't agree with them, and the replies don't fulfill an op's validation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP -- apparently you wanted validation, and not opinions.

With each successive self-righteous post of yours, I feel snarkier and snarkier.

Perhaps you have a similar effect on your neighbor?

And do you have rugs? I hope so, since if you don't, then I know you are not serious about noise.

Do I need rugs over carpet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a neighbor like this once. He was home working on his dissertation and needed silence to concentrate. Once I came home from an overnight and there was a note taped to my door that I was being outrageously loud and he felt like he was living next to a bowling alley. I had not been home in 24 hours....

Psycho.
My neighbor did this. He swore he was kept up all night by my DD watching tv in her room. She doesn't have a tv in her room and on the nights in question, she was at her Dad's home all night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, remember - treat people how you want to be treated. There may be a time when you want peace, and your neighbor makes a lot of noise that bothers you and your family. You won't have legs to stand on, if you disregard their frustrations now.

I went over twice with an apologetic heart. That's exactly how I wish to be treated. Thanks for reminding all of us of this very honorable rule.

Sure, but "disregarding" doesn't mean going over with an "apologetic heart." It means making an effort to change, not just say "sorry." In general in life, apologies are meaningless without a concerted effort to change.

Obviously, the OP doesn't really want an answer to her question, "Am I being unreasonable" unless everyone agrees with her. This is evident by her calling opposing views the work of 'jokers.'

OP, why did you post this here?

I didn't call all the opposing poster jokers. Just the joker ones. Some I actually took seriously and they got me thinking.

[Anonymous]

I think she sounds rotten, but I do draw the line at letting kids slide down stairs on cardboard boxes. If I was your landlord I'd be pissed, not to mention your adjoining neighbor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she sounds rotten, but I do draw the line at letting kids slide down stairs on cardboard boxes. If I was your landlord I'd be pissed, not to mention your adjoining neighbor.

Why so? We don't share stairwells.

[Anonymous]

I'd be unhappy b/c it probably scratches your hardwood and/or causes all kinds of dings and dents and scuffs in your walls and banisters and risers.

I have three kids. They are loud and wild sometimes. However, I would never allow them to do this, in our house or any one else's house. I don't think it's respectful of your house or your landlord.

[Anonymous]

OP, for the time being, you need to live next door to this person. You do not want this to escalate. Since your neighbor is aggrieved, you need to bend over backwards to make it appear, at least, that you are trying your very best to accommodate her.

You have chosen to live in a town house, and you have to accept that your neighbors might be upset by normal household noise. Children are noisy, but if the normal noise your children makes bothers your neighbor, you need to do everything you can to lessen the noise, including having playdates at friends who have houses with big yards and no shared walls, going to parks to run around, making your kids use indoor voices, as well as their friends. I would not invite the screaming child over to your house again. That sounds intolerable, and if I were your neighbor, I would complain about it. If you lived in a SFH and you had the screamer over, then fine, but you don't and you have to adapt your life to that reality.

I would not have been as confrontational as you were. I know you've tried to be accommodating, but unreasonable people can make your life hell, so just be very solicitous to her face and make jokes about her behind her back.

Of course you can't be silent, but you can make an effort to keep the noise down, even if it feels excessive to you. Do you really want her to call the police/landlord/authorities? If she has no kids, she has lots of time to swear out complaints against you -- why put up with that? Life is too short. Keep your kids as quiet as you can.

[Anonymous]

I agree that both groups have to be willing to adjust. I've lived in this situation and OP I'm guessing you have NO IDEA how loud your kids are because you are along for the games and apparently nonstop giggling you all do throughout the day. That's understandable, we rarely realize how we are impacting others until we're in their situation. Also I have to say you seem very "cutesy" in your response to everything, you baked cookies and seemed to think that you neighbor would be all, "daaawh, thank you" and embrace you and your giggling sprouts. It all seems extremely self-serving to me, like you want everyone to think you all are just too adorable. Just reading your responses here grated on me, I can't imagine how you are in person.

And for those saying people should move to a place that doesn't allow kids, have you heard of fair housing laws? Except for owner-occupied rentals and over-50 housing family status discrimination housing is ILLEGAL, there are no kid-free places except the two I've mentioned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, remember - treat people how you want to be treated. There may be a time when you want peace, and your neighbor makes a lot of noise that bothers you and your family. You won't have legs to stand on, if you disregard their frustrations now.

I went over twice with an apologetic heart. That's exactly how I wish to be treated. Thanks for reminding all of us of this very honorable rule.

Sure, but "disregarding" doesn't mean going over with an "apologetic heart." It means making an effort to change, not just say "sorry." In general in life, apologies are meaningless without a concerted effort to change.

Obviously, the OP doesn't really want an answer to her question, "Am I being unreasonable" unless everyone agrees with her. This is evident by her calling opposing views the work of 'jokers.'

OP, why did you post this here?

I feel it's going to be a long thread..

OP, your neighbor sounds like a peach, but you are not as innocent and neighborly as you believe yourself to be. Yes, your children make noise, and yes, it exceeds the allowed levels, at least occasionally, so your neighbor's complaints are not completely groundless.

Someone said earlier that there are no winners in this situation, and I tend to agree. However, there're steps you can take to help resolve the situation.

Take your children outside to run. Tell them not to scream inside. You won't be able to totally eliminate the noise but, hopefully, it will make things for your neighbor a bit better and you'll be able to say that you've made a good faith effort to improve the situation.