So angry at my mother I could just explode

[Anonymous]

I'm not reading 7 pages but what's the "loss"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand why you are so upset OP

I would also be concerned about your mother's health and well-being. It isn't normal for an adult to sleep until noon, and especially an adult with the responsibility of a toddler.

This. I'm in a similar boat and DH and I have decided not to allow my DD to be unsupervised with my mom. My mom loves and adores DD, but she herself is not in great health, on meds that make her very sleepy and sometimes forgetful. After a couple of issues with DD in my mom's care we made the decision that my mom can come to our house to play and hang out with DD but that DH and/or I will always be present. Anyway, sorry that you're dealing with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not reading 7 pages but what's the "loss"?

She had a miscarriage. OP, sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

I am with you, OP. I would be livid and extremely hurt. I'm sorry for your loss. I can't believe your mother wasn't up taking care of DD and worrying about you. I would probably never leave my child with her alone again until they were self sufficient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not reading 7 pages but what's the "loss"?

She had a miscarriage. OP, sorry for your loss.

Oh my goodness. I read the first post and didn't see that follow up. I'm sorry OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn't read all the posts, but just wanted to say sorry OP. sounds like you had a tough day all around. Agree that you can't leave your DC with your mom any more. Stuck with other caregivers. My mom can't watch my kids unattended, and recognizing that makes it easier.

Your daughter will be totally fine.

Good luck!

+1 (although I did read all the posts). I'd be upset as well, and my mother also cannot watch my daughter unattended. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Oh my goodness. OP, so sorry for your loss, the situation with your mom, and all of the bizarrely antagonistic and mean comments earlier in the thread.

I think some people have an odd view of what baseline care should be if it's okay to leave such a young child unattended for hours. OP could have just left her child in the crib at home alone and left for her procedure and it would have been the same amount of care that her mom provided, and I assume nobody would think that was okay.

I hope that OP and her mom can come to some sort of resolution in their personal relationship. I would not let my mom take care of the child again and would want to have a sit down talk about what is going on with mom to allow this to happen. Mom being under the influence of the drug (and possibly alcohol) probably made her reaction to OP's distress more out of whack than might be normal. So, if mom is sober, perhaps OP and mom can have a good conversation about what happened. Nevertheless, I would not allow mom to ever be a solo caregiver again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone being so mean to the OP? I would be livid. It's not okay to leave a baby in her crib alone screaming for four hours. OP, I'm sorry.

OP doesn't know what happened.

She probably knows what happened better than the PPs do. Why would one of us know better?

She -does- know. The mother admitted it.

[Anonymous]

At first I thought OP was overreacting and surely the mom had just put the baby down for a nap, still in her PJs. But now I'm completely on OP's side -- I can't imagine how scared and pissed off my two year old would be after crying in her crib for 4 hours. Not to mention hungry. It is not even a little bit normal for an adult to sleep until noon and be able to sleep through that level of noise. Something else is clearly going on with OP's mom.

I'm sorry OP -- sounds like a truly horrible day.

[Anonymous]

OP I am truly sorry for your loss. What your mother did was wrong. There is no excuse for it. I don't understand why some people are being this awful. I hope you skipped all of their comments. Don't read them. You don't deserve this. Your DC didn't deserve being left alone for that long either. I'm sure not only are you emotionally fragile, but your hormones must be out of whack too considering the ordeal you just went through. Please be kind to yourself and surround yourself with people who are supportive of and helpful to you. I hope you can find someone else who can help care for your DC. Don't let your mother watch your child again. Maybe when your DC is older, but not now.

[Anonymous]

I would be livid, too--mostly because your mother didn't tell you she was taking a sedative! That's an important piece of information and a competent adult should know that would affect her ability to take care of a small child. And your mother should have been responsible enough to set an alarm and otherwise ensure that she would be able to hear your daughter cry. Worse is the fact that she won't accept responsibility for her own bad judgment and is trying to blame you for her mistake. That last fact would mean that I would not trust her to take care of your daughter by herself again.

[Anonymous]

Why was the baby sleeping at your moms? Do you work the night shift or travel for work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why was the baby sleeping at your moms? Do you work the night shift or travel for work?

OP already answered this. She had to be at the hospital early for a D&C after a miscarriage. Don't ask stupid questions.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry OP. We have not been able to leave our kids with my parents overnight, they are old and have way too many medical problems...My mom has to take painkillers in order to function, after a bad car accident years ago, she has a lot of reconstructive surgery. She is still working from home and has to time her meds carefully so she can be clearheaded during part of the day and still get the rest she needs. My Dad has several chronic health issues. When we go to a museum, he has to use a wheelchair to be able to do the whole exhibit. We did daytime dropoffs when our eldest kid was younger and wasn't too fast on her feet, like an afternoon hike but back for dinner.
I guess what I am saying is maybe it is time to shift from being horrified and angry, to realizing you have joined the sandwich generation and your parents are part of your circle of caring. It sounds like Mom will need more help and it will be easier if you approach it from a place of daughter sympathy instead of mommy rage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why was the baby sleeping at your moms? Do you work the night shift or travel for work?

She was having an early morning D&C for a miscarriage. If you're going to grill the poor woman, at least read the thread.

Initially, I thought OP was overreacting, but she had to wake her mother at noon from behind a closed, locked door with no monitor set. I don't care if the kid was only screaming 15 minutes. Being THAT zonked out for any reason is not okay when watching a child.

It sounds like it was a terrible day, OP. I'm sorry. I understand medication mishaps, but it sounds like your mom knew it made her drowsy (comatose!) and didn't disclose. That's not an accident. An accident would be not knowing/expecting to be knocked out and being horrified at the situation.

It's not acceptable and to make an already bad day worse is really shitty.