So angry at my mother I could just explode

[Anonymous]

OP, I hope your daughter won't continue to be scares of being in her crib and of putting on her PJs. But it would be understandable if she is.

Given that she is almost 2, you might decide to move her out of a crib now, and toddler proof her room instead. With my children, they both left their cribs very early (they were both good climbers) and I just put a mattress on the floor for them for a while before I got them a toddler bed.

The mattress should have fewer associations with the crib and she will be able to get up and out when she wants to which could help.

[Anonymous]

Well, it sounds like your mom is just not a good candidate for overnight visits or babysitting, in light of her medication use. I would be very angry, and tell her as much, but I would not prohibit shorter daytime visits because of it.

[Anonymous]

I would be worried about my mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone being so mean to the OP? I would be livid. It's not okay to leave a baby in her crib alone screaming for four hours. OP, I'm sorry.

Because OP has absolutely zero proof that this really happened. Sounds like her mom was trying to explain what really happened and OP refused to listen.

I just read OP's follow-up post. OP dies need to take a deep breath, but she is not being irrational.
Her mother took a sedating medication, did not set her alarm and locked her door will her granddaughter was in her care.
She left her in a crib for hours, upset, wet and hungry.
No, that is not CPS-level neglect, particularly as it happened only once, but iris a clear sign that her judgment is impaired enough that she should not be caring for her granddaughter solo.

[Anonymous]

^^**does**

[Anonymous]

Didn't read all the posts, but just wanted to say sorry OP. sounds like you had a tough day all around. Agree that you can't leave your DC with your mom any more. Stuck with other caregivers. My mom can't watch my kids unattended, and recognizing that makes it easier.

Your daughter will be totally fine.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

And so sorry for your loss, OP. Hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was sleeping at her house and my mom overslept, and did not set an alarm clock, and did not use a monitor or keep the doors open in her hallway. I found my daughter crying in her crib, hungry and wet, 4 hours after she wakes up every day. So, yeah. Short of physical injury I can't think of much worse. I want to cry just typing this.

So you have no idea if it really was 4 hrs? Maybe she was exhausted from playing with your mom? Maybe she happily played for awhile? Sorry but you are assuming a lot and sound a little crazy.

No, this was first thing in the morning. I put her to bed there last night, showed up at noon today to find her crying in the bed with my mom passed out in the other room. She wakes up at clockwork at 8:00 every morning. She was starving and wet and now she is scared to go back in a crib. She was screaming so loudly when my husband tried to put her pajamas on that I could hear her two floors away.

You sound ridiculous. Why are you leaving your kid overnight to begin with?

Because I had a miscarriage and had to have a D&C this morning and had to be at pre-op with my husband at 6:00 a.m. This was just not a good day.

And btw, my mom does not deny what happened at all. She was disoriented and I had to bang on her (locked) bedroom door for minutes to wake her up and she asked what time it was. She just thinks it's my fault for reasons that make no sense, like I should have helped her set her alarm the night before.

Ok, I'm not posting any more about this, it boggles my mind that anyone could side with someone who would do something so neglectful.

Okay, I'm with you. Your mom was completely stoned when you got there. She didn't tell you about taking the medication. She was too disoriented to asnwer the door. The baby was in the crib, crying, and you don't know for how long.

She's not capable of caring for a child. If the child had gotten sick while she was out of it or if the child had tried to climb out of the crib or if there were a fire, she was not capable of dealing with it.

I wouldn't giver her a second chance. She didn't tell you about the medication beforehand which means you can't trust her to be honest with you in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was sleeping at her house and my mom overslept, and did not set an alarm clock, and did not use a monitor or keep the doors open in her hallway. I found my daughter crying in her crib, hungry and wet, 4 hours after she wakes up every day. So, yeah. Short of physical injury I can't think of much worse. I want to cry just typing this.

I don't really see the issue. Hungry and wet sucks but parents do this all the time. I'm a live in nanny and have found babies still in their cribs at noon crying because the parents are too hung over. It's normal.

I really hope this is a troll.

No I am not a troll. It's not an everyday occurrence or in my case an every weekend occurrence as I work during the week. But yes I have worked for a few families that leave babies in cribs or have toddlers who roam free for upwards of 6 hrs on weekends. The older kids fend for themselves. I try and not step in as its not my place but after a 2 yr old started throwing wine bottles on the ground in the kitchen I stepped in to clean up the glass. The children wake up at 7 am the parents usually around noon.

That's neglect.

It's not bad enough to get CPS involved, but it's neglect.

If the parents are in bed because they are hung over, and it's every weekend, then it's neglect because of substance abuse. Poor kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone being so mean to the OP? I would be livid. It's not okay to leave a baby in her crib alone screaming for four hours. OP, I'm sorry.

Because OP has absolutely zero proof that this really happened. Sounds like her mom was trying to explain what really happened and OP refused to listen.

No, it doesn't -- OP posted that she had to bang on her mother's bedroom door because she was passed out asleep in there. She found her daughter wet, hungry, and crying in the crib, still in her pj's at noon. "What really happened"??? What would you assume if you walked in on that situation?

[Anonymous]

Oh, OP. I am sorry for your loss and for your mother letting you down.

Your grief is likely magnifying your very real feelings about the situation with your mom. I have been there--had a bad argument with my daycare provider just days after a friend died in a car accident. The safety issue was legit, but boy did it amplify my feelings about it.

Anyway, do what you can to just hunker down and take care of yourself and get through this. Wait awhile until you bring it back up with your mom.

What a terrible day, OP. I hope things get better from here.

[Anonymous]

Op,

I'm sorry for your loss. You have a right to be angry. Focusing on that anger towards your mother might be easier than managing the loss. The anger you feel about your loss might also be getting directed towards your mom. Be gentle with yourself.

[Anonymous]

OP I am sorry. It is a terrible day when you find out that 1) someone has not been taking care of your DD very well, and 2) you cannot trust your mother to take care of your DD. It has other reaching problems -- like your feelings are hurt, your worried about your 2 year old (I would be also) and you can't have your mother babysit. All of that is very upsetting. I would think hard before letting her take care of the baby again. My MIL was like this and it ended in a concussion. My toddler was OK, but never again.

[Anonymous]

OP, so sorry for your loss ^^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was sleeping at her house and my mom overslept, and did not set an alarm clock, and did not use a monitor or keep the doors open in her hallway. I found my daughter crying in her crib, hungry and wet, 4 hours after she wakes up every day. So, yeah. Short of physical injury I can't think of much worse. I want to cry just typing this.

So you have no idea if it really was 4 hrs? Maybe she was exhausted from playing with your mom? Maybe she happily played for awhile? Sorry but you are assuming a lot and sound a little crazy.

No, this was first thing in the morning. I put her to bed there last night, showed up at noon today to find her crying in the bed with my mom passed out in the other room. She wakes up at clockwork at 8:00 every morning. She was starving and wet and now she is scared to go back in a crib. She was screaming so loudly when my husband tried to put her pajamas on that I could hear her two floors away.

You sound ridiculous. Why are you leaving your kid overnight to begin with?

the fuck?