Not potty-trained at 3...

[Anonymous]

You or whoever started this thread with a badly disguised judgment. What did you think you'd get in response, roses?

OP here. I have a judgment about potty training for sure. I didn't attempt to disguise it. I asked for a reality check. I think a lot of posters, maybe the majority, say it is fine and a fair amount seem to agree that it is weird. It has definitely given me food for thought. I will also say that my judgment is not based on a tiny snapshot into this child's life but rather a pretty intimate knowledge of her, her family, and her abilities. I see them all the time and I watch her pretty often. She is very verbal, she is very smart, and in my estimation she is ready and has been.

[Anonymous]

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For example, these are the same kids who don't swim well until later because the parents freak them out about it, don't climb to the top of the jungle gym, are picky eaters, etc.

Are you saying that all fearful anxious kids are late potty trainers? I don't think that is true. Some kids just have anxious personalities. It isn't always the parents' fault.

I think generally it is the parents who foster anxiety and behavior that is behind most other children by seizing on it and encouraging it, instead of dealing with it in a way that allows the child to cope and overcome obstacles. I generally think late potty training is a parenting issue. I also think, based on my own observations of many parents after having 2 children, that other instances of children being fearful of trying things and moving to the next level, etc., are the result of parenting. Of course, I understand that come children are fearful/cautious while others are intrepid; however, I think that generally when a child shuts down repeatedly due to fear and cannot accomplish the things his/her peers do, it is the result of how the parents handle new situations. I am sure most people on this board will disagree and say that their child "just wasn't ready" to use a toilet until 3.5, or swim underwater until 5, etc. I am saying that I believe these instances are the result of parenting/nurture and not nature (expect in extreme circumstances like special needs). I understand that makes people defensive.

Oh my goodness. Well, DS potty trained just shy of 2, easily. He's extremely articulate and does a ton of things well, but he's not an adventurer. By your standards he's a victim of anxious parenting, because we don't force him, at 3.5 to put his face in the water (and I'm an all-American swimmer, full college scholarship, and lifeguard for years, and I didn't put MY face into the water until well after 5 years old, incidentally) nor do we push him hard into things that scare him (though we do gently encourage) I just think your post is laughable. It goes to show what snap judgments are good for. I'm not defensive at all. I really don't care what some person, who doesn't seem terribly bright, thinks about my kids or my parenting.

Your post does not change my opinion that the reason your child will not jump into the pool from the edge is because of something you are doing. Regardless of whether it's a bad thing or not, you should take responsibility. This is another area where kids start getting embarrassed around 3.5/4 when their peers can swim. 5 is ridiculous.

You don't seem to understand how little I care about your opinion on my parenting. With every post you seem more like a loon. I do think you're probably just trolling, as I find it hard to believe anyone would be so adamant about their idiotic opinions. Save it for someone who cares about what you have to say? (Guessing nobody in real life does...)

All I am saying is that parents should take responsibility. My child used a sippy cup at home until age 4, which I think is way too long. I fully acknowledge that it was because I allowed it, and not because she was not "showing signs of readiness" to give it up. She probably would have drunk from that thing on the couch happily until 4th grade. It was my job as her mother to throw it away. So, I take full responsibility. If someone else had been in charge, maybe she would have given it up at age 2. JUST LIKE IF I WERE IN CHARGE, YOUR KID WOULD BE POTTY TRAINED WELL BEFORE THREE. I am saying your kid is fine and was ready at 2. IT'S YOU, and YOUR DECISION to wait. If you feel ok about that, great. But STOP BLAMING IT ON YOUR KID.

[Anonymous]

How did this post go from potty training to swimming? Swimming is a totally different situation. Many children for many reasons not learn to swim until much later than 5 years of age. Sometimes the judgement on this board is just ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP seems to think this needs to be done because the kid was mocked by another little kid--she witnessed another child calling this child a baby!
Oh, the horror! As if the other kid wouldn't find some other reason to call a kid "baby!"
And as if the way we respond to playground taunts is to immediately make sure our children conform to whatever the other children think is appropriate!
Hey, OP, if this 3 year old girl is "clearly ready" why doesn't she ask her parents for some underpants? A 3 year old can talk, right? I mean, if she wants to potty train, why would she not tell her parents this?
If it's not clear by now, I think you should MYOB.

OP here. Your question is laughable. In addition to being made fun of, I have detailed examples of her readiness. But are you really saying that if a child does not ask her parents for something it means she is not ready? Seriously? She didn't ask me to make her dinner, give her a bath, or make her take her multivitamin the last time she spent the night at my house but I did those things because she needs them. We are the adults here. I am involved in her life but I have been clear that I am minding my own business and that I am using this thread to sort out my feelings on the subject. Your reading comprehension and reasoning skills are scary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP seems to think this needs to be done because the kid was mocked by another little kid--she witnessed another child calling this child a baby!
Oh, the horror! As if the other kid wouldn't find some other reason to call a kid "baby!"
And as if the way we respond to playground taunts is to immediately make sure our children conform to whatever the other children think is appropriate!
Hey, OP, if this 3 year old girl is "clearly ready" why doesn't she ask her parents for some underpants? A 3 year old can talk, right? I mean, if she wants to potty train, why would she not tell her parents this?
If it's not clear by now, I think you should MYOB.

OP here. Your question is laughable. In addition to being made fun of, I have detailed examples of her readiness. But are you really saying that if a child does not ask her parents for something it means she is not ready? Seriously? She didn't ask me to make her dinner, give her a bath, or make her take her multivitamin the last time she spent the night at my house but I did those things because she needs them. We are the adults here. I am involved in her life but I have been clear that I am minding my own business and that I am using this thread to sort out my feelings on the subject. Your reading comprehension and reasoning skills are scary.

Oh, OP, you really need to stop talking. How deep can you dig yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MYOB. Our pediatrician told me I could start potty training at 2 and be done at 3 years and 3 months or I could start at 3 and be done at 3 years and 3 months. So, if you knew us, you too would be judging us based on our decision about when to potty train our child. Ours isn't suffering any ill effects and potty training was a breeze.

.

Total agree. You can try to force potty training as much as you want, but it won't happen til the kid is ready. And, not a minute before. DC also became ready at 3 years and 3 mo.

[Anonymous]

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I don't think this is unusual at all especially for boys and especially for first born boys.

Whoa, why are you attributing it mostly to first born boys? What is the basis for that?

They don't have any older siblings to model after. And they are boys and they just don't care.

That's what people mean when they say a boy is "all boy" -- that he doesn't care if he poops in his pants?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Are you kiddin? On the DCUM most kids aren't trained till 4 and then most of them are still sleeping in pull ups at five. This is a population off rents who let kids dictate everything and any "challenge" is immediately diagnosed as kid isn't ready. Parents also just fine diapers easier than finding restrooms. Age 3 is plenty ready to start.

Are you buying or changing their diapers? Then shut up.

I think I have said this before. A diaper on a 3 year old is the biggest red flag a parent can throw up for me. This means that the parent bends over backwards in a zillion ways to try to help the child, but always ends up harming him/her. For example, these are the same kids who don't swim well until later because the parents freak them out about it, don't climb to the top of the jungle gym, are picky eaters, etc. Be respectful of your child as a person and help him or her grow and be confident. This starts in babyhood/toddlerhood. He/she will have an easier time in school, making friends, and in life. Infantilizing is not helping. As soon as I see that diaper, I run. My kids don't even know how to react to 3 year olds talking about having a poop in their pants (I have seen them have a funny look on their faces in a couple of these situations) because we don't generally spend time with these people and their school requires potty training by 2.5. And no--I AM NOT REFERRING TO THE SPECIAL NEEDS COMMUNITY.

The thing is though, you'd never guess when you see him on the playground or running around at his brothers tball game that my 3.5 year old is special needs. And, in fact, in the grand scheme his special needs are pretty mild, but they do directly affect his ability to toilet train. Yet I'm sure you see his diaper and judge both him and me. Believe me, I've tried every method, every book, every prize, anything you can think of, but he is simply not capable at this point. And there is no one more frustrated by that than me.

I'm not talking about special needs, regardless of whether I can diagnose the child. I'm only talking about non-special needs. Many people have posted that it's totally normal to wait until 3. They were not discussing SN. No one is talking about your SN child!

Glad to know that's the case for you. I'm just trying to remind anyone who is tempted to judge a parent based solely on seeing a diaper on what appears to be a "normal" 3 year old (I've read enough of these threads over the past 7 years to know that plenty of people do) to stop for a second and remind themselves that they don't know the specifics about any child or family.

Actually, when I was growing up, a diaper over 3 and definitely 4 usually did mean special needs. You should be annoyed that people with non-SN kids are to lazy/incompetent to potty train them and are making your kid receive unwarranted judgment. If your child were one of few 3 or older children in diapers, people would assume there was a good reason and lay off!

Actually, I think I'll just stick to worrying about my own kids and not wasting time or energy questioning others' toilet habits. But thanks for the suggestion.

Good. It definitely sounds like your kids might benefit from you worrying a little more about them in this regard.

Did it make you feel good to tell me that? To insinuate that my kid isn't trained because I'm not worried about it enough? I lay awake at night wondering how and when I'm going to be able to train this kid. So I hope it made you feel good. P.S. my first son was day and night trained by 2 years 4 months. But you just keep judging.

[Anonymous]

Your post does not change my opinion that the reason your child will not jump into the pool from the edge is because of something you are doing. Regardless of whether it's a bad thing or not, you should take responsibility.

Where did you get your degrees in psychology?

[Anonymous]

It's probably not going to have long term effects on your child's development if they are not potty trained by 3. But it is going to result in additional years of sending his/her disposable poop diapers to landfills (unless you are using cloth, which most aren't).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP seems to think this needs to be done because the kid was mocked by another little kid--she witnessed another child calling this child a baby!
Oh, the horror! As if the other kid wouldn't find some other reason to call a kid "baby!"
And as if the way we respond to playground taunts is to immediately make sure our children conform to whatever the other children think is appropriate!
Hey, OP, if this 3 year old girl is "clearly ready" why doesn't she ask her parents for some underpants? A 3 year old can talk, right? I mean, if she wants to potty train, why would she not tell her parents this?
If it's not clear by now, I think you should MYOB.

OP here. Your question is laughable. In addition to being made fun of, I have detailed examples of her readiness. But are you really saying that if a child does not ask her parents for something it means she is not ready? Seriously? She didn't ask me to make her dinner, give her a bath, or make her take her multivitamin the last time she spent the night at my house but I did those things because she needs them. We are the adults here. I am involved in her life but I have been clear that I am minding my own business and that I am using this thread to sort out my feelings on the subject. Your reading comprehension and reasoning skills are scary.

Oh, OP, you really need to stop talking. How deep can you dig yourself?

OP here. I haven't "dug myself" anywhere. I have been consistent and clear. What are you talking about? Use your words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's probably not going to have long term effects on your child's development if they are not potty trained by 3. But it is going to result in additional years of sending his/her disposable poop diapers to landfills (unless you are using cloth, which most aren't).

Oh wow. So now it's a social responsibility? Bwahaha

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MYOB. Our pediatrician told me I could start potty training at 2 and be done at 3 years and 3 months or I could start at 3 and be done at 3 years and 3 months. So, if you knew us, you too would be judging us based on our decision about when to potty train our child. Ours isn't suffering any ill effects and potty training was a breeze.

.

Total agree. You can try to force potty training as much as you want, but it won't happen til the kid is ready. And, not a minute before. DC also became ready at 3 years and 3 mo.

So why until the 1960s were 90% of kids trained before they turned two? In some parts of the world the kids are still trained before two?

What do you think explains this?

[Anonymous]

It is much harder to train a 3 yr old than a 2 yr old. If you wait until 3 then you do have to do child led training. If you train at 2 (early two - 22-26 months) you can do parent led training and get it over with much faster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Your post does not change my opinion that the reason your child will not jump into the pool from the edge is because of something you are doing. Regardless of whether it's a bad thing or not, you should take responsibility. This is another area where kids start getting embarrassed around 3.5/4 when their peers can swim. 5 is ridiculous.

It's so amusing, you keep coming up with more things that the child ought to be doing by an arbitrarily set age limit. I'm 39, make a ton of money and own two houses, and I've never in my life jumped into the pool from the edge of the pool, and I've never given two shits about what my peers could do. What's this weird obsession with swimming? What else is in your "Every Child Must Master" list? French cooking? Broderie anglaise?