I have 8 kids, ask me anything!

[Anonymous]

so much vitriol towards the OP. very odd -- i think it's one poster. anyway....i have no idea why anyone would call a woman with 8 kids anti-feminist or submissive based on her choice to have 8 kids. my good friend has 6 kids and is one of the most independent, intelligent, career and family-minded woman i've ever met. and hardly submissive.

how old were you when you started having children? did you always plan to have so many? are you done having children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're still behind C9BL.

Yes, but her husband makes more than twice what my husband makes--wow!

You know, I've thought about having a "I'm C9BL, ask me anything!" thread, but I was always too afraid I would be permanently emotionally scarred from the experience. I think I'll stay relatively low-key

I do have a question for you, OP! We have nine children (so far) because we are open to life, but you mentioned you use birth control and actively chose this particular number. How do you reconcile that with your Baptist faith? I know some Baptists are open to life, some not--a dear friend from law school days was the youngest of 14, and her dad was a Baptist pastor. What is your theology?

Thanks! Life is beautiful

While we do try to tie our religion into our every day life we realize that we can't do everything strictly by the bible. We make our decisions based off of what will work best for our family and what we believe is right. I know that my God will stand behind us and accept the choices we make because he gave us the ability to choose for a reason. He wants us to live our life in a way that is fulfilling yet aims to please and accept him. I think we do a good job of that with the 8 kids we do have. I don't need to go without birth control and have 20 kids to prove that I aim to please and obey him. He knows and accepts my decisions I'm sure. As long as I continue to have him on my side, all is good

I appreciate your answer, OP, thank you.

May I follow up by asking if you use FAM for birth control? Or do you use a artificial method?

No we do not use FAM. We considered it but were not confident in going that route so I just went with a pill. But like I said in another reply, I'm no longer on the pill. I had my tubes tied after the birth of our last child so we are DONE!

Thank you again, OP. I find your perspective fascinating! I don't know of I have ever met anyone like you.

If I understand you correctly, you believe God wants you to use your free will to have as many or as few children as you desire. Most people these days desire zero, one, or two--you just happen to desire eight.

You must be a very loving mother, and I wish you well. I appreciate hearing things from your point of view, because I was just having a discussion with my book club friends about being open to life. Most people, like you, choose a certain number of children. We don't. We have our personal desires, and many of us want large families, but some are afraid of the work and the expense. But we are all united in a belief that God, Who created sex, designed it to be unitive and procreative, and it needs to be respected as such. If we are feeling overwhelmed, we can practice periodic chastity, but not artificial or permanent birth control.

So some of us have many children. Some could not have children, but adopted. Some had children quickly, and close together, and then just couldn't have more. We all try to make peace with our situations, as they were what resulted when we loved what we believe to be true about sex.

If you had lived before the Pill, would you have used FAM, or would you have left the size of your family up to God?

Yes that is correct.

Thank you so much for being understanding and respectful. I understand and respect your views on the matter as well. If for some reason the pill was not around then we would most likely have used FAM. It's not the ideal route that we would want to take but having just a little control over something as serious as adding another person to this world is something I'd like to have. I commend you and others who leave it up to God but I suppose I am just not comfortable doing so.

OP, I have really appreciated your answers!

I commend your generous heart. My friends joke all the time that we don't understand why anyone chooses to have kids, period. But you have chosen to have eight, of your own free will, and that's impressive! No way around it, it's a lot of work, with a lot of love, and to actually welcome the uncertainty and craziness reflects well on you. I aspire to that kind of generosity, but I'm a crazy cat lady at heart. And today, as I'm surrounded by bags and bags of clothes while we do the seasonal change-over, I am falling very short!

The issue of control is one I struggle with a lot. Then again, I guess that is the human condition: what do we control? What should we control? Serenity prayer, right?

In any case, give all your kids an extra kiss for me today

[Anonymous]

Why do you think it's OK to consume so many finite resources?

[Anonymous]

More power to you. Wouldn't be for me, but as long as you and your family are happy, that's great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think most PPs have not witnessed families >5. I can't speak to a wealthy family, but most middle class families I knew with >5 kids were chaotic. Their homes and cars were disgusting. The older children cared for the younger. 'Mom' was half-baked. Pregnancies and sleeplessness is hard on the mind. While the kids were great together, it felt like a tribe of kids without a parent.

Must have been your neighborhood. I grew up in an area where there were lots of large families and they were nothing like you describe.

[Anonymous]

What are your kids doing right now?

[Anonymous]

To the posters stating that "no one" wants 8 kids-- this just demonstrates a very narrow-minded viewpoint. Of course some people want 8 kids, and why not, if they have the resources to care for them? I only have one right now, and eventually want 3-4, but I will never understand people thinking it is fine and all about "choice" to have zero or one or two, but attacking those who choose to have more than, say, 3 kids. This is entirely inconsistent. It's like saying women should be able to do "whatever they want," then attacking the choice to SAH. The families I have known with 5 or more children were organized and loving, and the children were polite and close to their parents AND to their siblings. Live and let live, people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I just wanted to say that I like you and your family, and especially your answer on making time for each child, and not having the older children care for the younger ones.

My questions:
What did you find to be the best age gap from one child to the next?
Did you have any C-sections?
Do you have family/parents living close to you?
Were your kids delivered by the same OB?
Do you live in NoVa or further out?
Do your kids attend the same school(s), and are they public
or private?
What did you find your biggest challenge as your number of kids increased?

P.S. Ignore the haters. Enough of the spelling and grammar corrections.

I really like doing a 2 year gap. With the 2 year age gap, the 2 year old is starting to become older and more independent. This makes it easier to welcome a new family member! The 2 year old understands a bit and can get excited about the baby. It's also great because once they get older they will be close in age which is wonderful imo.

No c-sections.

Yes. Most of my husband's family lives here or within 2 hours of here. I have close family here but most of my distant relatives are 4-6 hours away.

No.

We live in Fairfax.

They all attend a private school.

The biggest challenge is trying to shift my parenting techniques to suit the new ages. I know that may sound confusing so let me explain. Obviously you can't treat a 15 year old like a 5 year old. I have to figure out what works best for this age and what works best for that age. It can be a challenge trying to discipline a tantrum throwing toddler and in the same breath take away the teenager's phone for not cleaning her room. Does that make sense? I hope so lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can we see a pic of you?

Hmm, I can try. I uploaded this to flickr just now. Let me know if it works! I've never posted a picture on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so much vitriol towards the OP. very odd -- i think it's one poster. anyway....i have no idea why anyone would call a woman with 8 kids anti-feminist or submissive based on her choice to have 8 kids. my good friend has 6 kids and is one of the most independent, intelligent, career and family-minded woman i've ever met. and hardly submissive.

how old were you when you started having children? did you always plan to have so many? are you done having children?

I was 25. We didn't have a set plan of how many we wanted, we just decided that we would know when the time came to stop having more. We are very done

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can we see a pic of you?

Hmm, I can try. I uploaded this to flickr just now. Let me know if it works! I've never posted a picture on here.

Someone's gonna say it so let me be the first:

Why are you letting your kid drink orange soda?




Just kidding. Whatever. Eight kids are not for me, but if it works for you and you feel like you wanna tell the world (aka DCUM) about it, more power to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're still behind C9BL.

Yes, but her husband makes more than twice what my husband makes--wow!

You know, I've thought about having a "I'm C9BL, ask me anything!" thread, but I was always too afraid I would be permanently emotionally scarred from the experience. I think I'll stay relatively low-key

I do have a question for you, OP! We have nine children (so far) because we are open to life, but you mentioned you use birth control and actively chose this particular number. How do you reconcile that with your Baptist faith? I know some Baptists are open to life, some not--a dear friend from law school days was the youngest of 14, and her dad was a Baptist pastor. What is your theology?

Thanks! Life is beautiful

While we do try to tie our religion into our every day life we realize that we can't do everything strictly by the bible. We make our decisions based off of what will work best for our family and what we believe is right. I know that my God will stand behind us and accept the choices we make because he gave us the ability to choose for a reason. He wants us to live our life in a way that is fulfilling yet aims to please and accept him. I think we do a good job of that with the 8 kids we do have. I don't need to go without birth control and have 20 kids to prove that I aim to please and obey him. He knows and accepts my decisions I'm sure. As long as I continue to have him on my side, all is good

I appreciate your answer, OP, thank you.

May I follow up by asking if you use FAM for birth control? Or do you use a artificial method?

No we do not use FAM. We considered it but were not confident in going that route so I just went with a pill. But like I said in another reply, I'm no longer on the pill. I had my tubes tied after the birth of our last child so we are DONE!

Thank you again, OP. I find your perspective fascinating! I don't know of I have ever met anyone like you.

If I understand you correctly, you believe God wants you to use your free will to have as many or as few children as you desire. Most people these days desire zero, one, or two--you just happen to desire eight.

You must be a very loving mother, and I wish you well. I appreciate hearing things from your point of view, because I was just having a discussion with my book club friends about being open to life. Most people, like you, choose a certain number of children. We don't. We have our personal desires, and many of us want large families, but some are afraid of the work and the expense. But we are all united in a belief that God, Who created sex, designed it to be unitive and procreative, and it needs to be respected as such. If we are feeling overwhelmed, we can practice periodic chastity, but not artificial or permanent birth control.

So some of us have many children. Some could not have children, but adopted. Some had children quickly, and close together, and then just couldn't have more. We all try to make peace with our situations, as they were what resulted when we loved what we believe to be true about sex.

If you had lived before the Pill, would you have used FAM, or would you have left the size of your family up to God?

Yes that is correct.

Thank you so much for being understanding and respectful. I understand and respect your views on the matter as well. If for some reason the pill was not around then we would most likely have used FAM. It's not the ideal route that we would want to take but having just a little control over something as serious as adding another person to this world is something I'd like to have. I commend you and others who leave it up to God but I suppose I am just not comfortable doing so.

OP, I have really appreciated your answers!

I commend your generous heart. My friends joke all the time that we don't understand why anyone chooses to have kids, period. But you have chosen to have eight, of your own free will, and that's impressive! No way around it, it's a lot of work, with a lot of love, and to actually welcome the uncertainty and craziness reflects well on you. I aspire to that kind of generosity, but I'm a crazy cat lady at heart. And today, as I'm surrounded by bags and bags of clothes while we do the seasonal change-over, I am falling very short!

The issue of control is one I struggle with a lot. Then again, I guess that is the human condition: what do we control? What should we control? Serenity prayer, right?

In any case, give all your kids an extra kiss for me today

And I've appreciated your answers and questions

I completely agree with those questions on what should we control and what do we control. I think it's something many people battle with daily. How much control is enough and how much is too much? When should we just let someone else take over, whether it be God, your spouse, friend, whoever? Control is something I like having and I'm not comfortable if I do not have it! lol.

Will do!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are your kids doing right now?

Going crazy. I don't have a clue where they are. Some are on the roof I think...



Just kidding 2 are at their cousin's birthday sleepover, 2 are playing just dance, 1 is fishing with my husband, 2 are playing school in their bedroom, and 1 thinks she is playing just dance with her brother and sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can we see a pic of you?

Hmm, I can try. I uploaded this to flickr just now. Let me know if it works! I've never posted a picture on here.

Someone's gonna say it so let me be the first:

Why are you letting your kid drink orange soda?




Just kidding. Whatever. Eight kids are not for me, but if it works for you and you feel like you wanna tell the world (aka DCUM) about it, more power to you.

lol! Well in my defense, it was summer and we were out camping so they get to splurge a little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can we see a pic of you?

Hmm, I can try. I uploaded this to flickr just now. Let me know if it works! I've never posted a picture on here.

Definitely Mafia!