What happens when you and your husband disagree about your lottery order?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. CRITICAL UPDATE: We have agreement!

Just submitted our apps! Final list is:

Ross
Garrison
ITDS
EL Haynes
John Lewis
Lee Montessori Brookland

We just talked through the details of the commute for Garrison vs. ITDS AND the lottery/waitlist stats that show that with three kids and two years to lotto, when our oldest gets to 5th/6th, we can essentially go there for middle school if we want and revisit this then.

I was honest with him that this list meant we almost certainly won’t be going to ITDS (realistically, it’ll be Garrison or John Lewis) and he’s fine with it. And if something crazy happens and we end up at ITDS, I’ll take that as a Sign from Fate and buy the damn e-bike.

Thanks everyone for your support during this weirdly stressful time!!

Great update!! Good luck and let us know where you get in!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are working on our lottery list for first grade. We're looking for a school that will work for our family at least through 4th or 5th grade (though beyond is obviously a bonus). It's our first time seriously considering our school options (we've just been at our IB since PK3).

My husband and I are very egalitarian parents, and have been working together on research, went to EdFest together, and have now gone to 6 open houses with 3-4 more on the horizon, almost all together. We are generally very much on the same page about our priorities, and each of the schools we've seen, we've agreed upon where it should go on our list.

The most recent school we looked at we vastly disagree, and I'm honestly not sure how to move forward. Our assessment of the school is actually pretty similar. With regards to Priority A, we agree that it's actually the best of all the schools we've visited so far. But with regards to Priority B, we agree it's bad, basically at the bottom.

But the problem is that one of us thinks that it should essentially be off our list because Priority B makes it untenable. The other thinks that the issues with Priority B are surmountable, and because it's SO good at Priority A it should be near (or at) the top of our list.

I'm being vague on purpose, both in the names of the schools and the competing priorities, because I'm not interested in how other random internet people would prioritize this (though I'm happy to come back and post at the end of the discussion for the curious). I'm wondering how you handle actually making the decision as parents and partners. Have other people faced lottery order disagreement? How did you come to a resolution?

What happens? You defer to your husband, the head of the household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are working on our lottery list for first grade. We're looking for a school that will work for our family at least through 4th or 5th grade (though beyond is obviously a bonus). It's our first time seriously considering our school options (we've just been at our IB since PK3).

My husband and I are very egalitarian parents, and have been working together on research, went to EdFest together, and have now gone to 6 open houses with 3-4 more on the horizon, almost all together. We are generally very much on the same page about our priorities, and each of the schools we've seen, we've agreed upon where it should go on our list.

The most recent school we looked at we vastly disagree, and I'm honestly not sure how to move forward. Our assessment of the school is actually pretty similar. With regards to Priority A, we agree that it's actually the best of all the schools we've visited so far. But with regards to Priority B, we agree it's bad, basically at the bottom.

But the problem is that one of us thinks that it should essentially be off our list because Priority B makes it untenable. The other thinks that the issues with Priority B are surmountable, and because it's SO good at Priority A it should be near (or at) the top of our list.

I'm being vague on purpose, both in the names of the schools and the competing priorities, because I'm not interested in how other random internet people would prioritize this (though I'm happy to come back and post at the end of the discussion for the curious). I'm wondering how you handle actually making the decision as parents and partners. Have other people faced lottery order disagreement? How did you come to a resolution?

the lottery is so hit-or-miss (usually miss) that your priorities really don't matter much. By first grade, the chances of getting a lottery seat somewhere are next to none. As the Kindergarten saying goes, "You get what you get, so don't get upset."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. CRITICAL UPDATE: We have agreement!

Just submitted our apps! Final list is:

Ross
Garrison
ITDS
EL Haynes
John Lewis
Lee Montessori Brookland

We just talked through the details of the commute for Garrison vs. ITDS AND the lottery/waitlist stats that show that with three kids and two years to lotto, when our oldest gets to 5th/6th, we can essentially go there for middle school if we want and revisit this then.

I was honest with him that this list meant we almost certainly won’t be going to ITDS (realistically, it’ll be Garrison or John Lewis) and he’s fine with it. And if something crazy happens and we end up at ITDS, I’ll take that as a Sign from Fate and buy the damn e-bike.

Thanks everyone for your support during this weirdly stressful time!!

Great update!! Good luck and let us know where you get in!

We once had a spot at ITS and strongly considered it because of locking in middle school option. But ultimately said no (didn't want the commute and felt it wasn't strong enough academically) and then by the time we got to middle school, our feeder was much better AND we realized our kid would be better off at a different charter middle, and was lucky enough to get a spot.

No regrets whatsoever and adding this because I think it's great that you are not making this decision based on ITDS middle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. CRITICAL UPDATE: We have agreement!

Just submitted our apps! Final list is:

Ross
Garrison
ITDS
EL Haynes
John Lewis
Lee Montessori Brookland

We just talked through the details of the commute for Garrison vs. ITDS AND the lottery/waitlist stats that show that with three kids and two years to lotto, when our oldest gets to 5th/6th, we can essentially go there for middle school if we want and revisit this then.

I was honest with him that this list meant we almost certainly won’t be going to ITDS (realistically, it’ll be Garrison or John Lewis) and he’s fine with it. And if something crazy happens and we end up at ITDS, I’ll take that as a Sign from Fate and buy the damn e-bike.

Thanks everyone for your support during this weirdly stressful time!!

I just want to say that this is an incredibly stressful process, and it sounds like you handled it very well and clearly have a very solid marriage and relationship. Your kids are lucky to have parents who are thinking about them and your family in such a thoughtful, clear-eyed way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. CRITICAL UPDATE: We have agreement!

Just submitted our apps! Final list is:

Ross
Garrison
ITDS
EL Haynes
John Lewis
Lee Montessori Brookland

We just talked through the details of the commute for Garrison vs. ITDS AND the lottery/waitlist stats that show that with three kids and two years to lotto, when our oldest gets to 5th/6th, we can essentially go there for middle school if we want and revisit this then.

I was honest with him that this list meant we almost certainly won’t be going to ITDS (realistically, it’ll be Garrison or John Lewis) and he’s fine with it. And if something crazy happens and we end up at ITDS, I’ll take that as a Sign from Fate and buy the damn e-bike.

Thanks everyone for your support during this weirdly stressful time!!

I just want to say that this is an incredibly stressful process, and it sounds like you handled it very well and clearly have a very solid marriage and relationship. Your kids are lucky to have parents who are thinking about them and your family in such a thoughtful, clear-eyed way.

I wouldn't underestimate how much of a toll commuting can take even when you have a simple walkable commute. We commute from Columbia in Adams Morgan to Ross, which is a 20 minute commute for an adult walking. But doing it 4 times a day is relentless and uphill with pre-K and Kindergartners at the end of a long day is grueling. Busses, particularly on 16th street are pretty reliable and frequent and but it still adds time. Even if you get into your top choices Ross or Garrison I would plan to be flexible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are working on our lottery list for first grade. We're looking for a school that will work for our family at least through 4th or 5th grade (though beyond is obviously a bonus). It's our first time seriously considering our school options (we've just been at our IB since PK3).

My husband and I are very egalitarian parents, and have been working together on research, went to EdFest together, and have now gone to 6 open houses with 3-4 more on the horizon, almost all together. We are generally very much on the same page about our priorities, and each of the schools we've seen, we've agreed upon where it should go on our list.

The most recent school we looked at we vastly disagree, and I'm honestly not sure how to move forward. Our assessment of the school is actually pretty similar. With regards to Priority A, we agree that it's actually the best of all the schools we've visited so far. But with regards to Priority B, we agree it's bad, basically at the bottom.

But the problem is that one of us thinks that it should essentially be off our list because Priority B makes it untenable. The other thinks that the issues with Priority B are surmountable, and because it's SO good at Priority A it should be near (or at) the top of our list.

I'm being vague on purpose, both in the names of the schools and the competing priorities, because I'm not interested in how other random internet people would prioritize this (though I'm happy to come back and post at the end of the discussion for the curious). I'm wondering how you handle actually making the decision as parents and partners. Have other people faced lottery order disagreement? How did you come to a resolution?

What happens? You defer to your husband, the head of the household.

Barf, and also his idea here is so stupid that he does not deserve deference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are working on our lottery list for first grade. We're looking for a school that will work for our family at least through 4th or 5th grade (though beyond is obviously a bonus). It's our first time seriously considering our school options (we've just been at our IB since PK3).

My husband and I are very egalitarian parents, and have been working together on research, went to EdFest together, and have now gone to 6 open houses with 3-4 more on the horizon, almost all together. We are generally very much on the same page about our priorities, and each of the schools we've seen, we've agreed upon where it should go on our list.

The most recent school we looked at we vastly disagree, and I'm honestly not sure how to move forward. Our assessment of the school is actually pretty similar. With regards to Priority A, we agree that it's actually the best of all the schools we've visited so far. But with regards to Priority B, we agree it's bad, basically at the bottom.

But the problem is that one of us thinks that it should essentially be off our list because Priority B makes it untenable. The other thinks that the issues with Priority B are surmountable, and because it's SO good at Priority A it should be near (or at) the top of our list.

I'm being vague on purpose, both in the names of the schools and the competing priorities, because I'm not interested in how other random internet people would prioritize this (though I'm happy to come back and post at the end of the discussion for the curious). I'm wondering how you handle actually making the decision as parents and partners. Have other people faced lottery order disagreement? How did you come to a resolution?

the lottery is so hit-or-miss (usually miss) that your priorities really don't matter much. By first grade, the chances of getting a lottery seat somewhere are next to none. As the Kindergarten saying goes, "You get what you get, so don't get upset."

Please get off this board if you're going to spread bizarre misinformation.

https://public.tableau.com/app/profile/aaron2446/viz/MSDCSeatsandWaitlistOfferData_draft/MSDCPublicDisplay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. CRITICAL UPDATE: We have agreement!

Just submitted our apps! Final list is:

Ross
Garrison
ITDS
EL Haynes
John Lewis
Lee Montessori Brookland

We just talked through the details of the commute for Garrison vs. ITDS AND the lottery/waitlist stats that show that with three kids and two years to lotto, when our oldest gets to 5th/6th, we can essentially go there for middle school if we want and revisit this then.

I was honest with him that this list meant we almost certainly won’t be going to ITDS (realistically, it’ll be Garrison or John Lewis) and he’s fine with it. And if something crazy happens and we end up at ITDS, I’ll take that as a Sign from Fate and buy the damn e-bike.

Thanks everyone for your support during this weirdly stressful time!!

I just want to say that this is an incredibly stressful process, and it sounds like you handled it very well and clearly have a very solid marriage and relationship. Your kids are lucky to have parents who are thinking about them and your family in such a thoughtful, clear-eyed way.

OP here. What a lovely thing to say! You made my day

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. CRITICAL UPDATE: We have agreement!

Just submitted our apps! Final list is:

Ross
Garrison
ITDS
EL Haynes
John Lewis
Lee Montessori Brookland

We just talked through the details of the commute for Garrison vs. ITDS AND the lottery/waitlist stats that show that with three kids and two years to lotto, when our oldest gets to 5th/6th, we can essentially go there for middle school if we want and revisit this then.

I was honest with him that this list meant we almost certainly won’t be going to ITDS (realistically, it’ll be Garrison or John Lewis) and he’s fine with it. And if something crazy happens and we end up at ITDS, I’ll take that as a Sign from Fate and buy the damn e-bike.

Thanks everyone for your support during this weirdly stressful time!!

I just want to say that this is an incredibly stressful process, and it sounds like you handled it very well and clearly have a very solid marriage and relationship. Your kids are lucky to have parents who are thinking about them and your family in such a thoughtful, clear-eyed way.

I wouldn't underestimate how much of a toll commuting can take even when you have a simple walkable commute. We commute from Columbia in Adams Morgan to Ross, which is a 20 minute commute for an adult walking. But doing it 4 times a day is relentless and uphill with pre-K and Kindergartners at the end of a long day is grueling. Busses, particularly on 16th street are pretty reliable and frequent and but it still adds time. Even if you get into your top choices Ross or Garrison I would plan to be flexible.

We are also OOB at Ross and it is also an annoying commute for us. But I think the school is worth it.

[Anonymous]

You all are fighting over a list of OK but not great schools that have not good to OK middle school options. Ross is worth a commute. If you are willing to commute to other schools, pick a school that's better and feeds into a better middle school. Do you plan to stay in your current place for a long time? If not, go to your IB. Easy commute and probably as good as some options you listed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP with an update: We've made exactly zero progress on this issue. I want our list to be:

Ross
Garrison
EL Haynes
John Lewis
ITDS (thus insuring we will never go there)

He wants:

Ross
ITDS
Garrison
EL Haynes
John Lewis

Which, with two lottery numbers (we have two kids) gives us a decent shot at ITDS. (Ross is a pipe dream)

He's now talking about an e-bike. I don't think there even are e-bikes that fit three kids!

This is going to sound a little crazy, but I actually think this is one of the biggest disagreements we've had in our 10 years together. Usually when we disagree, either talking it through leads to someone changing their mind OR there's a clear person who cares more and that person decides. Endless talking has gotten us nowhere (other than Frustrated), and we both really, really care about this. I do NOT want this commute, he LOVES the school.

I recognize everyone on this board so far agrees with my assessment that this is untenable (which I appreciate) but relationship-wise, I just don't know how to move forward here, and we've only got like two weeks to make this decision. We're going to take a Lime e-bike out this weekend and test out the bike commute... but at the end of the day, even if it's possible, I do NOT think this is worth it. We each do about half the commutes and that's not going to change. I'd be totally fine putting it right after Garrison, but he's no fool, he knows that means it's not happening.

Anyone have any relationship advice here? How to move past an impasse like this?

I think your list is great and your husband's idea is completely insane (because you will probably get into ITDS and then be facing down a very very unpleasant commute plan). And I'm someone in this general area who sometimes puts one kid into an ebike and is a confident biker.

Riding with more than 100 pounds on an Ebike is DEEPLY UNPLEASANT. Kids plus backpacks. Tipping over is terrifying. Absolutely don't do this.

My guess is you will end up buying a car if you do your husband's list.

Your list, you likely end up at Garrison, walk to school and end up loving your school and community and playground after school.

Garrison is a great school! I would personally pick it over ITDS, though for younger kids the middle is less of a sure thing.

The Garrison middle school situation isn't looking good, they seem to care about building design instead of the academic program. Also the playground is closed until 6. That said, in your situation I would still choose Garrison or Seaton over a bike commute with several kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. CRITICAL UPDATE: We have agreement!

Just submitted our apps! Final list is:

Ross
Garrison
ITDS
EL Haynes
John Lewis
Lee Montessori Brookland

We just talked through the details of the commute for Garrison vs. ITDS AND the lottery/waitlist stats that show that with three kids and two years to lotto, when our oldest gets to 5th/6th, we can essentially go there for middle school if we want and revisit this then.

I was honest with him that this list meant we almost certainly won’t be going to ITDS (realistically, it’ll be Garrison or John Lewis) and he’s fine with it. And if something crazy happens and we end up at ITDS, I’ll take that as a Sign from Fate and buy the damn e-bike.

Thanks everyone for your support during this weirdly stressful time!!

Great update!! Good luck and let us know where you get in!

We once had a spot at ITS and strongly considered it because of locking in middle school option. But ultimately said no (didn't want the commute and felt it wasn't strong enough academically) and then by the time we got to middle school, our feeder was much better AND we realized our kid would be better off at a different charter middle, and was lucky enough to get a spot.

No regrets whatsoever and adding this because I think it's great that you are not making this decision based on ITDS middle.

Exact same story here, and we are now at a DCPS that is walking distance from our house and that has been a really great fit for our kid. Our MS feeder is acceptable and I can already tell a ton of kids from our cohort will be going there. I am REALLY glad we didn't commit to a difficult commute for 7 years by taking that ITS spot. There were things I liked about the school, but I think we wound up in a better situation in the end.

I do think ITS is great for people who live in the surrounding community. Not putting down the school at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. CRITICAL UPDATE: We have agreement!

Just submitted our apps! Final list is:

Ross
Garrison
ITDS
EL Haynes
John Lewis
Lee Montessori Brookland

We just talked through the details of the commute for Garrison vs. ITDS AND the lottery/waitlist stats that show that with three kids and two years to lotto, when our oldest gets to 5th/6th, we can essentially go there for middle school if we want and revisit this then.

I was honest with him that this list meant we almost certainly won’t be going to ITDS (realistically, it’ll be Garrison or John Lewis) and he’s fine with it. And if something crazy happens and we end up at ITDS, I’ll take that as a Sign from Fate and buy the damn e-bike.

Thanks everyone for your support during this weirdly stressful time!!

Great update!! Good luck and let us know where you get in!

We once had a spot at ITS and strongly considered it because of locking in middle school option. But ultimately said no (didn't want the commute and felt it wasn't strong enough academically) and then by the time we got to middle school, our feeder was much better AND we realized our kid would be better off at a different charter middle, and was lucky enough to get a spot.

No regrets whatsoever and adding this because I think it's great that you are not making this decision based on ITDS middle.

Exact same story here, and we are now at a DCPS that is walking distance from our house and that has been a really great fit for our kid. Our MS feeder is acceptable and I can already tell a ton of kids from our cohort will be going there. I am REALLY glad we didn't commit to a difficult commute for 7 years by taking that ITS spot. There were things I liked about the school, but I think we wound up in a better situation in the end.

I do think ITS is great for people who live in the surrounding community. Not putting down the school at all.

ITDS parent and I agree. It's fine! By far the best middle school within a mile of my house. And love having my kids in one school together for so many years. But I wouldn't drive far for it.