What happens when you and your husband disagree about your lottery order?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, we are in adams Morgan and looking at ITDS too but it seems impossible with the commute. We have a car but I prefer not to drive it as looking for street parking back at adams Morgan can easily add 20 min.

It's true that commuting to ITDS by metro isn't the easiest, but it can be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, we are in adams Morgan and looking at ITDS too but it seems impossible with the commute. We have a car but I prefer not to drive it as looking for street parking back at adams Morgan can easily add 20 min.

It's true that commuting to ITDS by metro isn't the easiest, but it can be done.

If you take the red line then over the pedestrian bridge to the Bryant St food hall, it's okay. Still pretty far though.

[Anonymous]

What's your reason for not having a car? With three kids, it makes a lot of sense to get a car and drive them to school. Make sure you clarify how many days a week DH will drive them to school. And what happens if his job situation changes and suddenly (oops!) he is unavailable.

Have you considered moving closer? Also, what if one kid gets in but the other(s) don't?

[Anonymous]

Even with a car, I found a similar commute to a charter absolutely soul crushing. There will be traffic/road/construction/emergency issues beyond your control that add lots of time to your commute and feel like they subtract years from your life. Going across town--in either direction--just SUCKS. A bus commute just adds more to the issues beyond your control. I realize this works out for lots of people, but for me, raising kids in DC and getting them the education I thought they deserved (my kids are run-of-the-mill above-average students that abound in the DMV, no extra needs for support or enrichment) in the end was just exhausting. Chasing the lottery, keeping up with the ever-rotating issues at two different charters, driving all over the city for dropoff/pickup plus activities--it was not for me. When we moved to Montgomery County (my eyes are open - every district has its issues), it was a game changer. My kids thrived with a stable group of peers (who lived nearby), the freaking JOY of putting them on the yellow school bus was an enormous weight lifted, their middle-of-the-pack elementary & middle schools offered 10x more than anywhere we'd been in DC, and the commute for DH and I (both hybrid), was not radically worse.
I know this is not what you asked for, but I see an exhausting future for your family of 5 trying to make this work year after year, finding a place that works for all the kids, has a decent middle school, is a reasonable commute, etc. There are alternatives to living in DC. I wish you the best.

[Anonymous]

One of my rules for the lottery is that my kids need to be able to get to school on their own two feet -- walk, bike, or doable and easy metro/bus commute. We drive them when it is raining, but have never felt like the car is required.

I think people who have a daily car commute end up hating it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my rules for the lottery is that my kids need to be able to get to school on their own two feet -- walk, bike, or doable and easy metro/bus commute. We drive them when it is raining, but have never felt like the car is required.

I think people who have a daily car commute end up hating it.

Or they become very adamant about how great their school is/how terrible other options are in order to justify the misery of the commute to themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my rules for the lottery is that my kids need to be able to get to school on their own two feet -- walk, bike, or doable and easy metro/bus commute. We drive them when it is raining, but have never felt like the car is required.

I think people who have a daily car commute end up hating it.

Or they become very adamant about how great their school is/how terrible other options are in order to justify the misery of the commute to themselves.

or they figure out that it's not ideal but manageable and do so without extreme responses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my rules for the lottery is that my kids need to be able to get to school on their own two feet -- walk, bike, or doable and easy metro/bus commute. We drive them when it is raining, but have never felt like the car is required.

I think people who have a daily car commute end up hating it.

Or they become very adamant about how great their school is/how terrible other options are in order to justify the misery of the commute to themselves.

or they figure out that it's not ideal but manageable and do so without extreme responses.

Or they hire after-school help.

[Anonymous]

Is one of the priorities a need to garner as much attention as possible with unnecessary vagaries?

[Anonymous]

OP with an update: We've made exactly zero progress on this issue. I want our list to be:

Ross
Garrison
EL Haynes
John Lewis
ITDS (thus insuring we will never go there)

He wants:

Ross
ITDS
Garrison
EL Haynes
John Lewis

Which, with two lottery numbers (we have two kids) gives us a decent shot at ITDS. (Ross is a pipe dream)

He's now talking about an e-bike. I don't think there even are e-bikes that fit three kids!

This is going to sound a little crazy, but I actually think this is one of the biggest disagreements we've had in our 10 years together. Usually when we disagree, either talking it through leads to someone changing their mind OR there's a clear person who cares more and that person decides. Endless talking has gotten us nowhere (other than Frustrated), and we both really, really care about this. I do NOT want this commute, he LOVES the school.

I recognize everyone on this board so far agrees with my assessment that this is untenable (which I appreciate) but relationship-wise, I just don't know how to move forward here, and we've only got like two weeks to make this decision. We're going to take a Lime e-bike out this weekend and test out the bike commute... but at the end of the day, even if it's possible, I do NOT think this is worth it. We each do about half the commutes and that's not going to change. I'd be totally fine putting it right after Garrison, but he's no fool, he knows that means it's not happening.

Anyone have any relationship advice here? How to move past an impasse like this?

[Anonymous]

Do the e-bike routine on a work day at the with the exact timing and routine of how you would handle this five days a week, and he should see how untenable this will be.

[Anonymous]

There are e-bikes that fit 3 kids, but that's a huge lifestyle adjustment and will really suck for large stretches of the year + whenever it rains. If he is the parent who does all pickups/droppoffs it could still work. The only thing I can't agree to is him insisting on *you* taking on a terrible commute.

What about moving? If you get into a school that you both think is great that goes through 8th grade for 3 kids, that's not a terrible reason to pick a new neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Is he proposing he would do e-bike commute and you would do what? What is his actual plan? We are in Adams Morgan family with an e-bike, and i'm your typical barely over 5 ft female and i cannot even take one kid on the bike as the bike plus kid weigh more than I do and it's terrifying to me. Have him figure out YOUR commute. And if that means you spend 2 hours of your day on the bus and not making dinner/etc whatever it is that you would be doing - is he willing to pick up the slack?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he proposing he would do e-bike commute and you would do what? What is his actual plan? We are in Adams Morgan family with an e-bike, and i'm your typical barely over 5 ft female and i cannot even take one kid on the bike as the bike plus kid weigh more than I do and it's terrifying to me. Have him figure out YOUR commute. And if that means you spend 2 hours of your day on the bus and not making dinner/etc whatever it is that you would be doing - is he willing to pick up the slack?

OP here. We would both e-bike, each taking some days. I'm tall and pretty strong, and I have commuted by bike in the past (though not with children!!) Neither of us have ever written a bike with a kid on it and I have no idea how that feels. I guess I was picturing one of those little trailers? I dunno, I started a separate thread on this.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry that your husband is a moron. Have him try out the e-bike, and then have him do it again with some workout dumbbells in a backpack to represent the growth of the kids each year. Because come on dude.

ITDS is not worth this and I say that as an ITDS parent.

But it's fair for me to ask how you feel about the middle school of Garrison.