Tween DS is amazing at sport he now hates, loves sport he's medicore at

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:He's fortunate to be playing a sport he loves. Clearly, let him do it. Are you seriously considering pressuring him to drop a sport he enjoys to do something he doesn't?

Do you even have kids? Who lets their child get bullied into disliking a sport and thinks that’s okay?

A kid saying to another kid “come play in our basketball team, it’s cool!” Is not bullying.

What about when boys are calling swim a “gay” sport and your son an f-word? Is that not bullying too, you dunce?

Well this got dark. You don't have a sport problem OP. You have a problem that your son has jerks for friends. Way to bury the lead. If he's on the other end of that, it's not about swimming. It's about him and how he's interacting with his peers.

I call BS on this latest update. OP is making that up because she’s upset about being called out for her psychotic and borderline abusive insistence that her son continue to spend all his free time swimming back and forth across a pool instead of playing a fun game with his friends.

You are so obviously biased no one can take you seriously.

No, they are correct. It’s only the weird, obsessive tiger sports parents that “can’t take them seriously.”

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:He's fortunate to be playing a sport he loves. Clearly, let him do it. Are you seriously considering pressuring him to drop a sport he enjoys to do something he doesn't?

Do you even have kids? Who lets their child get bullied into disliking a sport and thinks that’s okay?

A kid saying to another kid “come play in our basketball team, it’s cool!” Is not bullying.

What about when boys are calling swim a “gay” sport and your son an f-word? Is that not bullying too, you dunce?

Well this got dark. You don't have a sport problem OP. You have a problem that your son has jerks for friends. Way to bury the lead. If he's on the other end of that, it's not about swimming. It's about him and how he's interacting with his peers.

I call BS on this latest update. OP is making that up because she’s upset about being called out for her psychotic and borderline abusive insistence that her son continue to spend all his free time swimming back and forth across a pool instead of playing a fun game with his friends.

You are so obviously biased no one can take you seriously.

No PP is right. OP is a bad mom and a worse liar. The bullying was a footnote in the original (it wasn't even called bullying) and then she invented it when people pushed back. It's transparent. OP needs people to cheer on her mistreatment of her son and will say whatever it takes to get it. It's disgusting, but it's DCUM so it's unsurprising.

The PP is obviously biased against one sport and in favor of the other.

[Anonymous]

Swimming is a boring sport I don’t blame the poor kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's fortunate to be playing a sport he loves. Clearly, let him do it. Are you seriously considering pressuring him to drop a sport he enjoys to do something he doesn't?

Do you understand higher level teen basketball? It's too late. He's not good enough to play past this little local league.

I'm sorry getting "elite" was so difficult for your child, but it's not that hard for everyone. My child didn't start playing until 7th grade and is a natural.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The middle school years are often tough for swimming. But many swimmers (especially) boys really start to enjoy the sport more in high school. Boys tend to keep getting faster as they get bigger and stronger. Also, it's a sport where they interact with girls a lot.

Is the basketball team where he goes to high school so competitive that he won't be able to play? I know this is often the case. I would tell him that. If he's willing to take that risk, then let him cut back on swimming (I would try to avoid stopping swimming altogether), and let him give more time to basketball. After a year of that, let him choose.

Correct. He would not make a freshman school basketball team. He would not make any travel basketball team.

While he is the best boy swimmer for his age on his travel swim team.

So what? What matters most, his happiness or being 'the best" or "on travel team"? Focus on the child.

No, he's being unduly influenced by idiot boy middle schoolers who think swimming is not cool and basketball is. Swimming is not a sport you can generally stop and pick up later--it's a sport you need to be conditioned for, so stopping can make it very hard to pick it up again.

OP--is there an older boy H.S. boy on his club team or summer team who could maybe talk to him/encourage him? Have you had him talk to his coaches about this? Or could switching to a new club team maybe reinvigorate him.

Middle schoolers don't understand swimming. By high school, all those boys telling him how uncool swimming is will admire your son for his dedication (up at 4am for practice), remarkable physical condition, and regular interaction with the girls on his team. Don't listen to all these people telling you to just let him throw in the towel. Obviously, you can't force a kid to continue in a sport. But you should really make sure he's making the decision to leave the sport for the right reasons.

+1. I'm convinced this forum is full of childless misanthropes.

I am not childless or a misanthrope. I'm the mother of two swimmers -- both swimming D1 in college. The people on this thread saying "let him play basketball" and "sports are supposed to be fun," clearly know nothing about swimming, the challenges that come with it, and how rewarding it is for kids who stick with it.

OP -- does your kid swim in the summer and on his high school team? Does he have friends on his club team?

My brother swam D1, hated it, and never swam again. He still plays pickup basketball and loves it. I quit club swimming in high school but still enjoy it and swim masters. I don’t see the point in forcing a kid to play a sport they don’t enjoy, or stopping them from playing something they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's fortunate to be playing a sport he loves. Clearly, let him do it. Are you seriously considering pressuring him to drop a sport he enjoys to do something he doesn't?

Do you even have kids? Who lets their child get bullied into disliking a sport and thinks that’s okay?

A kid saying to another kid “come play in our basketball team, it’s cool!” Is not bullying.

What about when boys are calling swim a “gay” sport and your son an f-word? Is that not bullying too, you dunce?

Well this got dark. You don't have a sport problem OP. You have a problem that your son has jerks for friends. Way to bury the lead. If he's on the other end of that, it's not about swimming. It's about him and how he's interacting with his peers.

I call BS on this latest update. OP is making that up because she’s upset about being called out for her psychotic and borderline abusive insistence that her son continue to spend all his free time swimming back and forth across a pool instead of playing a fun game with his friends.

You are so obviously biased no one can take you seriously.

No PP is right. OP is a bad mom and a worse liar. The bullying was a footnote in the original (it wasn't even called bullying) and then she invented it when people pushed back. It's transparent. OP needs people to cheer on her mistreatment of her son and will say whatever it takes to get it. It's disgusting, but it's DCUM so it's unsurprising.

The PP is obviously biased against one sport and in favor of the other.

Just like OP’s kid.

[Anonymous]

This thread is crazy. My DS swims D1 in college. He played basketball from age 6 through senior year of HS (Rec, travel and then rec). He played baseball through 9th grade. He quit club swimming at the beginning of HS for almost 2 years. Your DS will not suffer if he takes a break from swimming and decides to go back to it. If you are on the right team, swimming is fun, just different than other team sports. Let your kid be a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone ever dealt with this? Advice please.

DS is amazing at swimming but gets defiant about swimming anymore. I think his tween friends are pressuring him about it because it's not a "cool" sport. On the other hand he plays in a very casual neighborhood basketball league and he loves it. He appears advanced at basketball in this league but only because it's so casual and full of kids who do not take it seriously. Were this a basketball league at the level of his swimming activities, he wouldn't make a team. Now he has delusions about basketball because he thinks he's so good at it and it's a "cooler" sport.

Is he a recruitable swimmer at schools he actually would want to attend?

If not then just let him play basketball.

If so then maybe have that discussion with him.

I know a kid that was recruited DIII, fully intending to drop the sport his freshman year (his parents even encouraged it so he would have more time to study) but made so many good friends on the team that he played for 4 years.

[Anonymous]

Why are you all so invested in controlling your kids' lives? This type of parenting is why there is such a high level of depression and anxiety among young adults. What do you thinking swimming is going to do for your kid? Do you think he's going to the Olympics? Do you think he's going to get into a fancy college because he swims? Swimming isn't going to get your kid anywhere if he hates doing it. If you pressure him to do it when he wants to back away and try something new he will end up hating it, and probably you, and maybe himself.

You think his friends are making him dislike swimming, but I promise you that YOU are the one making him dislike swimming because you are so clearly over-invested in his success and overly intense about something that is supposed to be about HIM. You are using him to serve your own psychological need to feel vicariously successful and your kid senses this even if you don't.

Let the kid walk away and try new things without needing it to "to somewhere" or pad his little tween resume. Then go find another way to feel good about yourself.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:He's fortunate to be playing a sport he loves. Clearly, let him do it. Are you seriously considering pressuring him to drop a sport he enjoys to do something he doesn't?

Do you understand higher level teen basketball? It's too late. He's not good enough to play past this little local league.

Why does the level matter? Are you looking for a scholarship? Just let him play with his friends.

None of the kids in either sport are going pro. Just let him play the one he enjoys.

He can swim at the very least all through high school at a high level. He will not be able to play organized basketball after he ages out of this local youth league.

Who cares if you can swim at a high level if you don't enjoy it (and the two are kind of opposite...if the kid does it just to please his parents, he won't be high level anymore).

There are actually plenty of HS rec basketball leagues. It is the easiest sport to continue playing at an organized level...albeit at a recreational level.

OP doesn't really indicate the HS. The DMV has some of the best HS teams in the country...and some that are piss-poor (Walls, Gaithersburg, St. Anselms, etc.).

OP's son will likely care when he gets to high school and has no sport. Also, people don't swim because it's "fun" the way they play basketball or soccer because it's fun. That's why there are pickup up basketball/soccer leagues. Nobody says to their friend, "hey, let's go swim 8,000 yards for fun!" There are plenty of reasons people keep swimming -- the goal setting, the sense of accomplishment, the incredible physical challenge, the amazing friends that swimmers make, the excitement at big swim meets, etc. Some people might feel a sense of peace or well-being as a result of swim practice, but it's not "fun." It's similar to working out/going to the gym--adults generally don't do that because it's "fun." People who know nothing about swimming and don't understand the sport or what motivates swimmers should not be giving advice on this board.

You can tell yourself anything you want, tiger swim mom, but your D1 swimmers kids resent you to their core.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's fortunate to be playing a sport he loves. Clearly, let him do it. Are you seriously considering pressuring him to drop a sport he enjoys to do something he doesn't?

Do you understand higher level teen basketball? It's too late. He's not good enough to play past this little local league.

Why does the level matter? Are you looking for a scholarship? Just let him play with his friends.

None of the kids in either sport are going pro. Just let him play the one he enjoys.

He can swim at the very least all through high school at a high level. He will not be able to play organized basketball after he ages out of this local youth league.

Who cares if you can swim at a high level if you don't enjoy it (and the two are kind of opposite...if the kid does it just to please his parents, he won't be high level anymore).

There are actually plenty of HS rec basketball leagues. It is the easiest sport to continue playing at an organized level...albeit at a recreational level.

OP doesn't really indicate the HS. The DMV has some of the best HS teams in the country...and some that are piss-poor (Walls, Gaithersburg, St. Anselms, etc.).

OP's son will likely care when he gets to high school and has no sport. Also, people don't swim because it's "fun" the way they play basketball or soccer because it's fun. That's why there are pickup up basketball/soccer leagues. Nobody says to their friend, "hey, let's go swim 8,000 yards for fun!" There are plenty of reasons people keep swimming -- the goal setting, the sense of accomplishment, the incredible physical challenge, the amazing friends that swimmers make, the excitement at big swim meets, etc. Some people might feel a sense of peace or well-being as a result of swim practice, but it's not "fun." It's similar to working out/going to the gym--adults generally don't do that because it's "fun." People who know nothing about swimming and don't understand the sport or what motivates swimmers should not be giving advice on this board.

You can tell yourself anything you want, tiger swim mom, but your D1 swimmers kids resent you to their core.

Former high level D1 swimmer here who also did a couple teams sports until 10th grade. PP is exactly right about swimming not being “fun” in the same way as team sports. Swimmers are kind of a different breed — you have a lot of time with your own thoughts and there aren’t the same kinds of breaks that are built in to team practices. But this is why it’s even more important that the kid loves swimming. It’s hard enough even when you do love it. I remember crying my way through hard practices sometimes.

I doubt OP’s kid will regret “not having a sport in high school” if they are burned out on swimming. That’s not how kids think. I don’t know anyone who quit swimming in middle or high school who went back to it in a serious way. Many stayed doing summer league only but not club. It makes no sense to force a kid to keep doing it if they are hating it and enjoy a different sport. One of the best former swimmers on our neighborhood summer team (still has records) apparently quit swimming in early teen years to play football or something. An athletic kid can usually pick up other things with hard work. You can’t exert this level of control on a kid once they’ve hit middle school. They know what’s going on and will really resent you forcing a sport on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The middle school years are often tough for swimming. But many swimmers (especially) boys really start to enjoy the sport more in high school. Boys tend to keep getting faster as they get bigger and stronger. Also, it's a sport where they interact with girls a lot.

Is the basketball team where he goes to high school so competitive that he won't be able to play? I know this is often the case. I would tell him that. If he's willing to take that risk, then let him cut back on swimming (I would try to avoid stopping swimming altogether), and let him give more time to basketball. After a year of that, let him choose.

Correct. He would not make a freshman school basketball team. He would not make any travel basketball team.

While he is the best boy swimmer for his age on his travel swim team.

So what? What matters most, his happiness or being 'the best" or "on travel team"? Focus on the child.

No, he's being unduly influenced by idiot boy middle schoolers who think swimming is not cool and basketball is. Swimming is not a sport you can generally stop and pick up later--it's a sport you need to be conditioned for, so stopping can make it very hard to pick it up again.

OP--is there an older boy H.S. boy on his club team or summer team who could maybe talk to him/encourage him? Have you had him talk to his coaches about this? Or could switching to a new club team maybe reinvigorate him.

Middle schoolers don't understand swimming. By high school, all those boys telling him how uncool swimming is will admire your son for his dedication (up at 4am for practice), remarkable physical condition, and regular interaction with the girls on his team. Don't listen to all these people telling you to just let him throw in the towel. Obviously, you can't force a kid to continue in a sport. But you should really make sure he's making the decision to leave the sport for the right reasons.

+1. I'm convinced this forum is full of childless misanthropes.

I am not childless or a misanthrope. I'm the mother of two swimmers -- both swimming D1 in college. The people on this thread saying "let him play basketball" and "sports are supposed to be fun," clearly know nothing about swimming, the challenges that come with it, and how rewarding it is for kids who stick with it.

OP -- does your kid swim in the summer and on his high school team? Does he have friends on his club team?

To the mom of the D1 swimmers - did your son's enjoy swimming? did they ask to quit to play a sport they enjoy more? answers to those questions would be helpful for the OP to navigate her son's desire to play basketball.
Regarding starting a sport late - my daughter started Lacrosse in grade 10 and played D3 college. The OPs sons may play basketball now and eventually picka new sport in highschool that leads him to play that sport in college. Many rugby and football players dont start until highschool. If college sports are your goal - just stay athletic and eventually find a passion. In the end, the OPs son could max out his swimming times in middle school (which is extremely common) and not end up making D1 anyways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone ever dealt with this? Advice please.

DS is amazing at swimming but gets defiant about swimming anymore. I think his tween friends are pressuring him about it because it's not a "cool" sport. On the other hand he plays in a very casual neighborhood basketball league and he loves it. He appears advanced at basketball in this league but only because it's so casual and full of kids who do not take it seriously. Were this a basketball league at the level of his swimming activities, he wouldn't make a team. Now he has delusions about basketball because he thinks he's so good at it and it's a "cooler" sport.

Did you confirm with your son that he wants to quit because "his friends are pressuring him". It could just be that your son doesnt want to let you down so he is using his friend's pressure to quit as an excuse.

also - how tall are you and your husband? if you arent over 5'6 and husband over 6'0, your son has zero chance to advance to D1 swimming (or basketball). And those are bare minimum heights. At that point, just play sports for fun. He will likely find a new sport that he can play D1 in highschool - and that sport will suit his body type better.

[Anonymous]

Geez. My kid has a physical disability and can’t play any team sport. get some perspective!! this is a young kid - a tween. let him do what he wants as long has he’s staying active and having fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing about this story makes sense.

Other kids who suck at basketball in his local rec league (you said he's running circles around them with no basketball experience, right?) are also bullying him to say swimming is lame and basketball is cool? So kids are harassing him to play basketball with them, a sport they aren't good at and play at a low level?

I have a swimmer. You can fit in a low key basketball rec league without super uptight attendance expectations no problem. One practice a week and one game a weekend. My son did it for years. Our county provides the league through 12th grade. Which is common.

And agree you calling it travel swim is weird. No one ever calls it that.

#bullshit

Thanks for chiming in, Columbo. I think the pressure against swimming is coming from boys at school and friends he plays the online video games with, not the basketball team. And basketball seems fun because he believes he's really good without really any practice. While swimming is tons of practices to become as good as he's become. But he's not good at basketball, he only THINKS he's good. He is exceptional at swimming because of the practices and his body type.

The OPs son is in MIDDLE SCHOOL. Google how extremely common it is for 8-12 year old kids to dominate swim and seem like they have the perfect body type - only to hit puberty and realize they have zero chance at D1. The Parent is completely delusional. And swimming is expensive - so save your money and pay cash for college if "college scholarship is the end goal"