Partner said I’m not super attractive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a little lazy to just tell OP to break up with her partner. That's so easy for you to say but maybe they have a good relationship outside of this interaction. I dunno.

Bottom line is what he said was really insensitive and dumb, and he should apologize profusely. A romantic partner should make you feel wanted. So it is completely fair to feel hurt. I think OP just needs to think for herself, can she get over this? And it may depend on his reaction to her telling him how it made her feel. If he is mean and dismissive about it then that suggests she should consider ending the relationship.

nope.

no great relationship includes this interaction. end of story. we are helping op she needs to shut. it. down.

[Anonymous]

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I struggle with as a man is when my wife complains that she's not as attractive as she used to be. Since my options are to either agree with her or lie to her I try to say as little as possible. For what it's worth she looks great for her age and I'm still attracted to her - we're just not the young people we were when we met.

"Hon, you are [age], and you still look hot."

This is not hard.

[Anonymous]

Does he also have a cat that you hate you because it bit you when you were newly pregnant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been married for ten years and this wouldn’t phase me one bit lol.

Faze. Not phase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both sound shallow.

I don't think it's shallow for a woman to not want her partner to say to her that "I don't find you super attractive".

I'm not super attractive, neither is DH. But, I would never say that to him, or vice versa. DH says I'm beautiful all the time, but I know he knows that I'm not super attractive.

Someone who says that to a person that they supposedly love is just mean.

How did this happen, OP? Were you asking questions and pressing? Was he drunk? Were you arguing? Or ???

OP here. We were watching P@rn and he was watching one with big breasts and I said those look like mine and he said
“ no, hers are better. I jokingly said
“ what..you don’t like mine” and he said that they weren’t the best he’s had but he likes them. I did pry and he told me it’s okay because he’s sure there’s things that I don’t like about him. Then he said I wasn’t as attractive as his previous partners but I’m the nicest and have the best personality. I got mad and left.

It might not have been wise to push him for a compliment, but if you’re even close to looking like a busty porn star then there are a thousand guys who would think the world of you and treat you suitably. You’d be better with one of them than a guy who doesn’t recognize how lucky he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I struggle with as a man is when my wife complains that she's not as attractive as she used to be. Since my options are to either agree with her or lie to her I try to say as little as possible. For what it's worth she looks great for her age and I'm still attracted to her - we're just not the young people we were when we met.

"Hon, you are [age], and you still look hot."

This is not hard.

This. Wtf people? Did you grow up in barns among animals or something? You can't complement your WIFE w/o feeling like you're lying to her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I struggle with as a man is when my wife complains that she's not as attractive as she used to be. Since my options are to either agree with her or lie to her I try to say as little as possible. For what it's worth she looks great for her age and I'm still attracted to her - we're just not the young people we were when we met.

"Hon, you are [age], and you still look hot."

This is not hard.

Exactly! You can also throw in “and you’ve had [#] kids!”

[Anonymous]

Um, has he created a boob spreadsheet? How on Earth did this topic come up?

Some people particularly men don’t know how to shut up and empathize before their random impulsive thoughts pop into their heads and out of their mouths.

Just remind him that you are his wife/gf and not a thing.

I’m old and sick and a man who way out-earns my husband literally hit on my at my specialist appointment today. I’m old enough to feel flattered by the attention, not threatened like I used to, but I care about my husband’s feelings and this literally doesn’t matter at all, so I’m not saying anything about it to him.

Your guy sounds like he was raised by his frat brothers. He might need you to humanize him. Frat brothers are not good at teaching social skills. It’s not a fatal flaw, however.

He picked you, didn’t he? If so, then it doesn’t matter where your boobs fell on his friends’ rating system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He is definitely more attractive than I am. He gets hit on quite a bit. I’m cute but definitely not hot. Im also the least attractive of all his girlfriends.

It just hurts me. I don’t want to with a partner who feels they don’t love all of me.

This sounds like word salad, OP.

It also sounds like it very well may be just learning how to be monogamous. If you want to figure it out with him, I wish you both success.

[Anonymous]

Lay off the porn. Those breasts are not real. In fact, spoiler alert, many women around here have fake boobs, too.

That doesn’t mean yours aren’t better. They just aren’t fake.

Tell him to lay off the porn and stop comparing you to AI enhanced actresses if he doesn’t want to be compared to a high end vibrator.

[Anonymous]

Yeah no, if he's telling you now he doesn't find you unbelievably attractive, it will not get better with time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I struggle with as a man is when my wife complains that she's not as attractive as she used to be. Since my options are to either agree with her or lie to her I try to say as little as possible. For what it's worth she looks great for her age and I'm still attracted to her - we're just not the young people we were when we met.

And what she wants to hear (if you really want to not struggle) is simply - "You're the most beautiful girl in the world to me because I love you and you chose me. We're both not the young people we were when we met but you still make my heart race."

That's it. We know it's just asking for an ego boost. Just give it up. Sometimes we're fishing, sometimes we just want to be reassured, sometimes we just want to hear we're pretty because after some years you forget to tell us. The fact that you frame is as "lying" is weird. Don't be obtuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lay off the porn. Those breasts are not real. In fact, spoiler alert, many women around here have fake boobs, too.

That doesn’t mean yours aren’t better. They just aren’t fake.

Tell him to lay off the porn and stop comparing you to AI enhanced actresses if he doesn’t want to be compared to a high end vibrator.

Dislike terms like “not real” and “fake boobs”. Those with enhanced figures shouldn’t be made to feel less as a result of their surgery. Often this is a choice made to feel better about one’s body, not worse!

[Anonymous]

Tbh I'm mortified that so many ppl feel comfortable telling a woman who just had a baby and confirmed she has pp that she should leave her DH because of this.

You're awful awful people. Are you so removed from having a weeks old baby that you don't know that BOTH of the new parents are probably reeling - her esp but just in general this is a very stressful sleepless time.

Please OP. Get some sleep and help if you can. Maybe have a family member or good friend come over and just give you a break to take a real shower, eat a real meal and get some hours of true sleep. I almost divorced my DH during the first year and it was hell. But we got through it. We were both irrational. And even if the issue is valid - it shouldn't be end of relationship defining and I promise you both can compromise and come up with a plan.

FWIW - I had a cat at the same time and she hated my baby. Never did like him but stayed away / kept to herself until she died of old age when my DS was 3. The advice of the vet (your bf handling everything) is sound and also talking it out. Your bf doesn't love the cat more than you and baby. And you don't want the cat thrown in the garbage. There's some middle ground. And at the end of the day if the cat is aggressive and needs to be re-homed, it should be a mutual decision after at least some compromise on how to handle it now.