How is it possible for people to not be able to afford children?

[Anonymous]

Because they can't afford to have children and maintain their current lifestyle. They don't want to give up eating out 5x a week, taking multiple vacations a year, buying the nicest everything.

[Anonymous]

Well, before inflation happened I was paying $4k/month for two kids in a very unimpressive daycare. Since that's about the median wage for a lot of 4 person families it's pretty apparent why it's unaffordable for even 30 year olds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this for real?
You were making 50K, which is closer to what an average american makes compared to what your husband makes. Now imagine that instead of having a husband making 150K, you had one that made 50k like you did. Staying home under that situation would leave you 50K minus taxes, which is not poverty level, but low for any practical purpose. If instead you decided to go to work, you'd be spending 20k+ on daycare, assuming both you and your husband had regular schedules and didn't work shifts.

OP here. I'd assume that as a woman who's interested in having children you wouldn't look for a man making 50K unless you're fresh out of school or you wanted to become a provider yourself and as I said. 150K is pretty normal here. Almost any couple of professionals should be able to hit that mark in their 30s.

Shame on you, OP. You’re obviously a troll as I’m assuming that you aren’t stupid enough to believe that everyone can marry a high earner and/or wants to marry one at any cost including foregoing a good relationship with a different partner with a lower income. People with average incomes deserve children too and the cost is too high for these individuals because of the cost of childcare, college, groceries, housing, etc.

OP sounds like a Boomer masquerading as a person in their 30s. I have never once heard a person in their 30s express an opinion like this. I’m not even sure the Duggar kids would agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if she’s a troll or not but I agree with her. I work at a school full of lower to lower middle class parents in the DC metro area and most of them are doing a terrific job raising kids on not much money. They would think it insane that upper middle class white collar professionals think they can’t have kids. I wonder how many of those professionals have parents with paid off homes and 5 bedrooms but they wouldn’t be willing to move home for a few years to cover costs. When families stick together it’s not hard to make it work if it’s your priority.

I don’t think anyone is equating income with being a good parent (or not). I also don’t know what OP means when they ask “can you afford a kid”.

I come from a very large family where my parents didn’t make much money. They put food on the table (think school lunch quality), and a roof over our heads with multiple kids to each bedroom. Paid for a little bit of college, but most of us had to take out loans. That was it.

My childhood wasn’t terrible…but it wasn’t great. Parents constantly worried about a layoff or emergency expense that might bankrupt us. Money (or lack thereof) was constantly talked about.

I certainly didn’t want my kids growing up that way. I guess my parents could afford constantly scrimping and not being able to pay for any extras…but it was not a pleasant way to grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, before inflation happened I was paying $4k/month for two kids in a very unimpressive daycare. Since that's about the median wage for a lot of 4 person families it's pretty apparent why it's unaffordable for even 30 year olds.

No one is forcing you to live in the DC area and no one is forcing you to pay Bright Horizon prices. No one forced you to have children two years apart. We had ours three years apart so we were only paying double daycare for two years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, before inflation happened I was paying $4k/month for two kids in a very unimpressive daycare. Since that's about the median wage for a lot of 4 person families it's pretty apparent why it's unaffordable for even 30 year olds.

No one is forcing you to live in the DC area and no one is forcing you to pay Bright Horizon prices. No one forced you to have children two years apart. We had ours three years apart so we were only paying double daycare for two years.

What a bizarre response…this is DC urban moms…PP gave a fairly straightforward explanation of one expense of having children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if she’s a troll or not but I agree with her. I work at a school full of lower to lower middle class parents in the DC metro area and most of them are doing a terrific job raising kids on not much money. They would think it insane that upper middle class white collar professionals think they can’t have kids. I wonder how many of those professionals have parents with paid off homes and 5 bedrooms but they wouldn’t be willing to move home for a few years to cover costs. When families stick together it’s not hard to make it work if it’s your priority.

I don’t think anyone is equating income with being a good parent (or not). I also don’t know what OP means when they ask “can you afford a kid”.

I come from a very large family where my parents didn’t make much money. They put food on the table (think school lunch quality), and a roof over our heads with multiple kids to each bedroom. Paid for a little bit of college, but most of us had to take out loans. That was it.

My childhood wasn’t terrible…but it wasn’t great. Parents constantly worried about a layoff or emergency expense that might bankrupt us. Money (or lack thereof) was constantly talked about.

I certainly didn’t want my kids growing up that way. I guess my parents could afford constantly scrimping and not being able to pay for any extras…but it was not a pleasant way to grow up.

So if it wasn’t a pleasant way to grow up, would you actually forgo having children altogether if you couldn’t do it any better? That’s what people are saying here. Better to have no kids than have them share rooms and eat “school lunch quality” foods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if she’s a troll or not but I agree with her. I work at a school full of lower to lower middle class parents in the DC metro area and most of them are doing a terrific job raising kids on not much money. They would think it insane that upper middle class white collar professionals think they can’t have kids. I wonder how many of those professionals have parents with paid off homes and 5 bedrooms but they wouldn’t be willing to move home for a few years to cover costs. When families stick together it’s not hard to make it work if it’s your priority.

I don’t think anyone is equating income with being a good parent (or not). I also don’t know what OP means when they ask “can you afford a kid”.

I come from a very large family where my parents didn’t make much money. They put food on the table (think school lunch quality), and a roof over our heads with multiple kids to each bedroom. Paid for a little bit of college, but most of us had to take out loans. That was it.

My childhood wasn’t terrible…but it wasn’t great. Parents constantly worried about a layoff or emergency expense that might bankrupt us. Money (or lack thereof) was constantly talked about.

I certainly didn’t want my kids growing up that way. I guess my parents could afford constantly scrimping and not being able to pay for any extras…but it was not a pleasant way to grow up.

So if it wasn’t a pleasant way to grow up, would you actually forgo having children altogether if you couldn’t do it any better? That’s what people are saying here. Better to have no kids than have them share rooms and eat “school lunch quality” foods.

Yes, that is actually a reasonable conclusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this for real?
You were making 50K, which is closer to what an average american makes compared to what your husband makes. Now imagine that instead of having a husband making 150K, you had one that made 50k like you did. Staying home under that situation would leave you 50K minus taxes, which is not poverty level, but low for any practical purpose. If instead you decided to go to work, you'd be spending 20k+ on daycare, assuming both you and your husband had regular schedules and didn't work shifts.

OP here. I'd assume that as a woman who's interested in having children you wouldn't look for a man making 50K unless you're fresh out of school or you wanted to become a provider yourself and as I said. 150K is pretty normal here. Almost any couple of professionals should be able to hit that mark in their 30s.

This is hilarious. You're asking how people how people have difficulty affording kids while also apparently taking the position that anyone interested in kids should have at least one earner making $150k+.

Don't ever change, Dcum!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if she’s a troll or not but I agree with her. I work at a school full of lower to lower middle class parents in the DC metro area and most of them are doing a terrific job raising kids on not much money. They would think it insane that upper middle class white collar professionals think they can’t have kids. I wonder how many of those professionals have parents with paid off homes and 5 bedrooms but they wouldn’t be willing to move home for a few years to cover costs. When families stick together it’s not hard to make it work if it’s your priority.

I don’t think anyone is equating income with being a good parent (or not). I also don’t know what OP means when they ask “can you afford a kid”.

I come from a very large family where my parents didn’t make much money. They put food on the table (think school lunch quality), and a roof over our heads with multiple kids to each bedroom. Paid for a little bit of college, but most of us had to take out loans. That was it.

My childhood wasn’t terrible…but it wasn’t great. Parents constantly worried about a layoff or emergency expense that might bankrupt us. Money (or lack thereof) was constantly talked about.

I certainly didn’t want my kids growing up that way. I guess my parents could afford constantly scrimping and not being able to pay for any extras…but it was not a pleasant way to grow up.

So if it wasn’t a pleasant way to grow up, would you actually forgo having children altogether if you couldn’t do it any better? That’s what people are saying here. Better to have no kids than have them share rooms and eat “school lunch quality” foods.

Yeah, I probably would forego…1/2 of my siblings hold crap jobs and live almost subsistence lifestyles…things didn’t turn out well for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've heard the "I can't afford children" from many couples without children. These couples are in their 30s which is an age at which you've worked enough to have a decently paying career, so it's weird. I was making around 50K before I had my children and stayed home and my husband didn't hit 150k until a couples of years later, so we're pretty average in our area. We're planning to send our kids to public school when they're older and enroll them in cheaper activities, but it looks like everyone around us is holding out for private schools which can be incredibly expensive. Have these lifestyle expectations made children "unaffordable" or there's something else I'm missing?

A couple making a combined $100k in this area can easily afford one child. The FT daycare years will be uncomfortable, but public K12 will ease some of the crunch. Gently used cars. Whole family dresses in clothes from JCP, Kohl’s, even Target and does low budget driving vacations. The kid does CC, then transfers to state flagship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've heard the "I can't afford children" from many couples without children. These couples are in their 30s which is an age at which you've worked enough to have a decently paying career, so it's weird. I was making around 50K before I had my children and stayed home and my husband didn't hit 150k until a couples of years later, so we're pretty average in our area. We're planning to send our kids to public school when they're older and enroll them in cheaper activities, but it looks like everyone around us is holding out for private schools which can be incredibly expensive. Have these lifestyle expectations made children "unaffordable" or there's something else I'm missing?

A couple making a combined $100k in this area can easily afford one child. The FT daycare years will be uncomfortable, but public K12 will ease some of the crunch. Gently used cars. Whole family dresses in clothes from JCP, Kohl’s, even Target and does low budget driving vacations. The kid does CC, then transfers to state flagship.

You do appreciate that sounds like a crappy life to many people.

This isn’t how much do you need to make to keep a kid alive, it’s how much do you have to make to raise a kid in the way you want to raise them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this for real?
You were making 50K, which is closer to what an average american makes compared to what your husband makes. Now imagine that instead of having a husband making 150K, you had one that made 50k like you did. Staying home under that situation would leave you 50K minus taxes, which is not poverty level, but low for any practical purpose. If instead you decided to go to work, you'd be spending 20k+ on daycare, assuming both you and your husband had regular schedules and didn't work shifts.

OP here. I'd assume that as a woman who's interested in having children you wouldn't look for a man making 50K unless you're fresh out of school or you wanted to become a provider yourself and as I said. 150K is pretty normal here. Almost any couple of professionals should be able to hit that mark in their 30s.

Shame on you, OP. You’re obviously a troll as I’m assuming that you aren’t stupid enough to believe that everyone can marry a high earner and/or wants to marry one at any cost including foregoing a good relationship with a different partner with a lower income. People with average incomes deserve children too and the cost is too high for these individuals because of the cost of childcare, college, groceries, housing, etc.

In many "higher class" circles women are essentially raised to be trophy wives. They're sent to college, but expected to quit as soon as kids come. As a result, most of the families have a housewife with a high-earning spouse, which skews people's perception about the availability of high earning men. I used to work in high-end retail where many women were former SAHMs to high earning husbands. They could not understand why it was such a big deal for me to get my hours cut. They assumed that my husband would pay for everything if I couldn't make money on my own.

Since when raising your own kids makes you a trophy wife?

If your career is not functional as you're not expected to work after marriage, your husband is wealthy and pays for a lifestyle that you can't achieve on your own, which includes nannies, private school and after school activities where children aren't supervised by their parents themselves, then you're effectively a trophy wife, and your husband is an ATM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've heard the "I can't afford children" from many couples without children. These couples are in their 30s which is an age at which you've worked enough to have a decently paying career, so it's weird. I was making around 50K before I had my children and stayed home and my husband didn't hit 150k until a couples of years later, so we're pretty average in our area. We're planning to send our kids to public school when they're older and enroll them in cheaper activities, but it looks like everyone around us is holding out for private schools which can be incredibly expensive. Have these lifestyle expectations made children "unaffordable" or there's something else I'm missing?

Some people are not having kids. Their reasons don't need to make sense to you and chances are you'll never know why as it's none of your business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know if she’s a troll or not but I agree with her. I work at a school full of lower to lower middle class parents in the DC metro area and most of them are doing a terrific job raising kids on not much money. They would think it insane that upper middle class white collar professionals think they can’t have kids. I wonder how many of those professionals have parents with paid off homes and 5 bedrooms but they wouldn’t be willing to move home for a few years to cover costs. When families stick together it’s not hard to make it work if it’s your priority.

I don’t think anyone is equating income with being a good parent (or not). I also don’t know what OP means when they ask “can you afford a kid”.

I come from a very large family where my parents didn’t make much money. They put food on the table (think school lunch quality), and a roof over our heads with multiple kids to each bedroom. Paid for a little bit of college, but most of us had to take out loans. That was it.

My childhood wasn’t terrible…but it wasn’t great. Parents constantly worried about a layoff or emergency expense that might bankrupt us. Money (or lack thereof) was constantly talked about.

I certainly didn’t want my kids growing up that way. I guess my parents could afford constantly scrimping and not being able to pay for any extras…but it was not a pleasant way to grow up.

So if it wasn’t a pleasant way to grow up, would you actually forgo having children altogether if you couldn’t do it any better? That’s what people are saying here. Better to have no kids than have them share rooms and eat “school lunch quality” foods.

Yeah, I probably would forego…1/2 of my siblings hold crap jobs and live almost subsistence lifestyles…things didn’t turn out well for them.

This. We aren't living in the 50s with a thriving working class. I wouldn't want to raise kids in crap conditions when everyone around them either does drugs or sits around on video games. Hell, it's almost a disservice to kids if you can't afford to get them through college without student loan debt and that takes a lot of money saved each month from the day they are born.