friend lost bracelet I gave her to repair in India

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Initially, OP made it sound like these bracelets are akin to wedding rings, had great sentimental value, etc. Now she's saying her husband is mad at all the drama - so he's mad that it's possible the bangles are not 100% gold but he's NOT mad that OP's friend lost/stole something that was described as having great sentimental value?

If I asked a friend to help me with an important project (which is what a "help me get my wedding bracelet repaired" request would be), and then the friend not only didn't help but lost the item and had no explanation or real apology for that, I would be pretty upset and wouldn't just be dropping it to avoid drama because I can afford a new bracelet. I can afford a new wedding ring too, but if I asked someone to transport it for repair and they'd lost it, I'd have a little more response than OP, I think.

Op here. It's a symbol to show you're married and when I am visiting it's important to his family that I wear them. There are a lot of cultural differences at play here. Thanks to the people who were nice and not condescending. I have been so close to this friend for so long. I don't know if anyone is lying to me but I am going to choose to move on. I was concerned for a few reasons. 1) did my husband's family know it was fake and not tell me thinking I wouldn't find out or do they have different definitions of what makes something "real"

As for buying Indian jewelry here or going to a jewelry store here, it didn't occur to me. I don't shop here for Indian stuff. Jewelry has never been my thing. When we visit India everyone makes a big deal that I don't wear gold so my MIL wanted to gift me something probably to shut up people. There was a rumor going around something like- why did he marry this girl who doesn't wear gold? I think culturally if someone isn't wearing gold some may think that they are poor. I'm getting all my jewelry details also from my husband who has no interest in jewelry.

Anyway, I got a job offer today so I am going to worry about that. Thanks again for all your help to the nice people!

Maybe after DH gets his bonus in February I will have him treat me to a new bangle from an indian shop in NJ..

OP, no one is questioning why your MIL bought the bracelets in India. Posters are questioning why you felt you needed to give this very sentimental piece of jewelry to a friend to have repaired in India instead of just taking it to a local repair shop yourself.

[Anonymous]

This is not real people. Stop taking the bait

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok so maybe she thought it was a $20 piece of bangle and thats what she is offering you back.

It's impossible to compensate for the loss of a sentimental item, and so far there is still disagreement on whether the item was gold or not. The friend is not doing a proper job of apologizing. A sincere apology with no replacement is better than friend's proposal to buy 3 random cheap bracelets.

op here. now she's saying it's a temporary fix so I have another one when I see my mother in law soon

If your MIL looks at your arms at all, MIL will notice. If you need a replacement, get your own so it suits you. I think if you let your friend buy a cheap replacement it takes the pressure off your friend to find the bracelet.

op here. I told her no thanks and to let me know when she finds it.

If your MiL is coming soon and friend is still in India why won’t you say your friend has it in India being repaired? This is such an odd post with new relevant information being slowly unveiled…. Seems fake tbh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Initially, OP made it sound like these bracelets are akin to wedding rings, had great sentimental value, etc. Now she's saying her husband is mad at all the drama - so he's mad that it's possible the bangles are not 100% gold but he's NOT mad that OP's friend lost/stole something that was described as having great sentimental value?

If I asked a friend to help me with an important project (which is what a "help me get my wedding bracelet repaired" request would be), and then the friend not only didn't help but lost the item and had no explanation or real apology for that, I would be pretty upset and wouldn't just be dropping it to avoid drama because I can afford a new bracelet. I can afford a new wedding ring too, but if I asked someone to transport it for repair and they'd lost it, I'd have a little more response than OP, I think.

Op here. It's a symbol to show you're married and when I am visiting it's important to his family that I wear them. There are a lot of cultural differences at play here. Thanks to the people who were nice and not condescending. I have been so close to this friend for so long. I don't know if anyone is lying to me but I am going to choose to move on. I was concerned for a few reasons. 1) did my husband's family know it was fake and not tell me thinking I wouldn't find out or do they have different definitions of what makes something "real"

As for buying Indian jewelry here or going to a jewelry store here, it didn't occur to me. I don't shop here for Indian stuff. Jewelry has never been my thing. When we visit India everyone makes a big deal that I don't wear gold so my MIL wanted to gift me something probably to shut up people. There was a rumor going around something like- why did he marry this girl who doesn't wear gold? I think culturally if someone isn't wearing gold some may think that they are poor. I'm getting all my jewelry details also from my husband who has no interest in jewelry.

Anyway, I got a job offer today so I am going to worry about that. Thanks again for all your help to the nice people!

Maybe after DH gets his bonus in February I will have him treat me to a new bangle from an indian shop in NJ..

OP, no one is questioning why your MIL bought the bracelets in India. Posters are questioning why you felt you needed to give this very sentimental piece of jewelry to a friend to have repaired in India instead of just taking it to a local repair shop yourself.

I posted above saying "Initially..." and I don't even care why she didn't take it to a local repair shop. THAT makes all the sense in the world - your friend is going to the place where the thing came from and offers to take it to a repair shop while there, no big deal. I am confused as to why OP doesn't think it's a big deal that her friend is no longer in possession of, at the very least, a $600 bracelet.

It really reads like a person who is trying to conceal that they made a mistake that will hurt someone's feelings. That she is planning to wear different jewelry rather than just owning up to the overall situation is where she seems naive. When the decoy bracelet is discovered or the MIL asks what shop the bracelet is at or something else that OP cannot answer, she will then be held accountable for losing something important AND lying about it. Additionally, for someone saying "THERE ARE CULTURAL ISSUES AT PLAY" she seems not to really understand them, while a lot of the PPs also understand them due to being of the same culture.

OP, my overall point is that it really sounds like your "friend" is scamming you and that you do not seem to realize or care about this puts you at risk of being scammed again by her or someone else in the future. Think critically about this situation. You are not being given adequate explanations. If you offered this explanation to your MIL, is she likely to say, "Oh sure no problem, that all seems completely reasonable"? Doubt it very much.

[Anonymous]

OP, there is a style of Bengali jewelry that has a non-gold core made of shellac inside and then a very fine work on gold sheets (not gold leaf) outside.

Your friend has stolen or lost a very unique piece of gold jewelry. I would suggest that you get the remaining bangle appraised as well as figure out the purity and weight of the gold and send her a copy of the appraisal.

Tell her that she can give you the appraisal amount, or she can give you the value of the gold. If you get another bangle made, remember that you will still have to pay for the making charges and that usually is as much as the gold price.

What a beetch. I would never trust anyone with money, expensive equipment or jewelry. My DH and I have been robbed by aquaintences who have claimed that they have lost items, jewelry or money. They all happened to be South Indians, primarily because there are more South Indians around me. All from Hyderabad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, there is a style of Bengali jewelry that has a non-gold core made of shellac inside and then a very fine work on gold sheets (not gold leaf) outside.

Your friend has stolen or lost a very unique piece of gold jewelry. I would suggest that you get the remaining bangle appraised as well as figure out the purity and weight of the gold and send her a copy of the appraisal.

Tell her that she can give you the appraisal amount, or she can give you the value of the gold. If you get another bangle made, remember that you will still have to pay for the making charges and that usually is as much as the gold price.

What a beetch. I would never trust anyone with money, expensive equipment or jewelry. My DH and I have been robbed by aquaintences who have claimed that they have lost items, jewelry or money. They all happened to be South Indians, primarily because there are more South Indians around me. All from Hyderabad.

OP. Omg. We are so close. It's very hard for me to believe she would do something like this...... I am also naive...... I'm just trying to think the best of people. I don't want to end a friendship over this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing I’ve learned is that Indians are very very sneaky

Yes. It’s possible to completely generalize the culture and behavior of over a billion people.

Gawd you’re a disgrace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there is a style of Bengali jewelry that has a non-gold core made of shellac inside and then a very fine work on gold sheets (not gold leaf) outside.

Your friend has stolen or lost a very unique piece of gold jewelry. I would suggest that you get the remaining bangle appraised as well as figure out the purity and weight of the gold and send her a copy of the appraisal.

Tell her that she can give you the appraisal amount, or she can give you the value of the gold. If you get another bangle made, remember that you will still have to pay for the making charges and that usually is as much as the gold price.

What a beetch. I would never trust anyone with money, expensive equipment or jewelry. My DH and I have been robbed by aquaintences who have claimed that they have lost items, jewelry or money. They all happened to be South Indians, primarily because there are more South Indians around me. All from Hyderabad.

OP. Omg. We are so close. It's very hard for me to believe she would do something like this...... I am also naive...... I'm just trying to think the best of people. I don't want to end a friendship over this.

PP is a little bit crazy. If this is the first time she loses something of yours, think horses, not zebras. It's likely it was stolen from her or lost, and that no one is lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Initially, OP made it sound like these bracelets are akin to wedding rings, had great sentimental value, etc. Now she's saying her husband is mad at all the drama - so he's mad that it's possible the bangles are not 100% gold but he's NOT mad that OP's friend lost/stole something that was described as having great sentimental value?

If I asked a friend to help me with an important project (which is what a "help me get my wedding bracelet repaired" request would be), and then the friend not only didn't help but lost the item and had no explanation or real apology for that, I would be pretty upset and wouldn't just be dropping it to avoid drama because I can afford a new bracelet. I can afford a new wedding ring too, but if I asked someone to transport it for repair and they'd lost it, I'd have a little more response than OP, I think.

Op here. It's a symbol to show you're married and when I am visiting it's important to his family that I wear them. There are a lot of cultural differences at play here. Thanks to the people who were nice and not condescending. I have been so close to this friend for so long. I don't know if anyone is lying to me but I am going to choose to move on. I was concerned for a few reasons. 1) did my husband's family know it was fake and not tell me thinking I wouldn't find out or do they have different definitions of what makes something "real"

As for buying Indian jewelry here or going to a jewelry store here, it didn't occur to me. I don't shop here for Indian stuff. Jewelry has never been my thing. When we visit India everyone makes a big deal that I don't wear gold so my MIL wanted to gift me something probably to shut up people. There was a rumor going around something like- why did he marry this girl who doesn't wear gold? I think culturally if someone isn't wearing gold some may think that they are poor. I'm getting all my jewelry details also from my husband who has no interest in jewelry.

Anyway, I got a job offer today so I am going to worry about that. Thanks again for all your help to the nice people!

Maybe after DH gets his bonus in February I will have him treat me to a new bangle from an indian shop in NJ..

OP, no one is questioning why your MIL bought the bracelets in India. Posters are questioning why you felt you needed to give this very sentimental piece of jewelry to a friend to have repaired in India instead of just taking it to a local repair shop yourself.

I posted above saying "Initially..." and I don't even care why she didn't take it to a local repair shop. THAT makes all the sense in the world - your friend is going to the place where the thing came from and offers to take it to a repair shop while there, no big deal. I am confused as to why OP doesn't think it's a big deal that her friend is no longer in possession of, at the very least, a $600 bracelet.

It really reads like a person who is trying to conceal that they made a mistake that will hurt someone's feelings. That she is planning to wear different jewelry rather than just owning up to the overall situation is where she seems naive. When the decoy bracelet is discovered or the MIL asks what shop the bracelet is at or something else that OP cannot answer, she will then be held accountable for losing something important AND lying about it. Additionally, for someone saying "THERE ARE CULTURAL ISSUES AT PLAY" she seems not to really understand them, while a lot of the PPs also understand them due to being of the same culture.

OP, my overall point is that it really sounds like your "friend" is scamming you and that you do not seem to realize or care about this puts you at risk of being scammed again by her or someone else in the future. Think critically about this situation. You are not being given adequate explanations. If you offered this explanation to your MIL, is she likely to say, "Oh sure no problem, that all seems completely reasonable"? Doubt it very much.[/quote

OP here. I would never offer this explanation or let my MIL know I am aware it's gold-covered now. It was a gift. My husband is pissed about this, but it's not the end of the world. If my MIL asks, I can say my friend lost it. I'm not going to lie. I feel uncomfortable to confront my friend about this. I don't have proof she's scammed me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Initially, OP made it sound like these bracelets are akin to wedding rings, had great sentimental value, etc. Now she's saying her husband is mad at all the drama - so he's mad that it's possible the bangles are not 100% gold but he's NOT mad that OP's friend lost/stole something that was described as having great sentimental value?

If I asked a friend to help me with an important project (which is what a "help me get my wedding bracelet repaired" request would be), and then the friend not only didn't help but lost the item and had no explanation or real apology for that, I would be pretty upset and wouldn't just be dropping it to avoid drama because I can afford a new bracelet. I can afford a new wedding ring too, but if I asked someone to transport it for repair and they'd lost it, I'd have a little more response than OP, I think.

Op here. It's a symbol to show you're married and when I am visiting it's important to his family that I wear them. There are a lot of cultural differences at play here. Thanks to the people who were nice and not condescending. I have been so close to this friend for so long. I don't know if anyone is lying to me but I am going to choose to move on. I was concerned for a few reasons. 1) did my husband's family know it was fake and not tell me thinking I wouldn't find out or do they have different definitions of what makes something "real"

As for buying Indian jewelry here or going to a jewelry store here, it didn't occur to me. I don't shop here for Indian stuff. Jewelry has never been my thing. When we visit India everyone makes a big deal that I don't wear gold so my MIL wanted to gift me something probably to shut up people. There was a rumor going around something like- why did he marry this girl who doesn't wear gold? I think culturally if someone isn't wearing gold some may think that they are poor. I'm getting all my jewelry details also from my husband who has no interest in jewelry.

Anyway, I got a job offer today so I am going to worry about that. Thanks again for all your help to the nice people!

Maybe after DH gets his bonus in February I will have him treat me to a new bangle from an indian shop in NJ..

OP, no one is questioning why your MIL bought the bracelets in India. Posters are questioning why you felt you needed to give this very sentimental piece of jewelry to a friend to have repaired in India instead of just taking it to a local repair shop yourself.

I posted above saying "Initially..." and I don't even care why she didn't take it to a local repair shop. THAT makes all the sense in the world - your friend is going to the place where the thing came from and offers to take it to a repair shop while there, no big deal. I am confused as to why OP doesn't think it's a big deal that her friend is no longer in possession of, at the very least, a $600 bracelet.

It really reads like a person who is trying to conceal that they made a mistake that will hurt someone's feelings. That she is planning to wear different jewelry rather than just owning up to the overall situation is where she seems naive. When the decoy bracelet is discovered or the MIL asks what shop the bracelet is at or something else that OP cannot answer, she will then be held accountable for losing something important AND lying about it. Additionally, for someone saying "THERE ARE CULTURAL ISSUES AT PLAY" she seems not to really understand them, while a lot of the PPs also understand them due to being of the same culture.

OP, my overall point is that it really sounds like your "friend" is scamming you and that you do not seem to realize or care about this puts you at risk of being scammed again by her or someone else in the future. Think critically about this situation. You are not being given adequate explanations. If you offered this explanation to your MIL, is she likely to say, "Oh sure no problem, that all seems completely reasonable"? Doubt it very much.

OP isn't from that culture. Sure, she understands some things, but she isn't Indian. It doesn't sound like she was born there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there is a style of Bengali jewelry that has a non-gold core made of shellac inside and then a very fine work on gold sheets (not gold leaf) outside.

Your friend has stolen or lost a very unique piece of gold jewelry. I would suggest that you get the remaining bangle appraised as well as figure out the purity and weight of the gold and send her a copy of the appraisal.

Tell her that she can give you the appraisal amount, or she can give you the value of the gold. If you get another bangle made, remember that you will still have to pay for the making charges and that usually is as much as the gold price.

What a beetch. I would never trust anyone with money, expensive equipment or jewelry. My DH and I have been robbed by aquaintences who have claimed that they have lost items, jewelry or money. They all happened to be South Indians, primarily because there are more South Indians around me. All from Hyderabad.

OP. Omg. We are so close. It's very hard for me to believe she would do something like this...... I am also naive...... I'm just trying to think the best of people. I don't want to end a friendship over this.

PP is a little bit crazy. If this is the first time she loses something of yours, think horses, not zebras. It's likely it was stolen from her or lost, and that no one is lying.

New poster. This, above! It was stolen or lost; the shop likely did tell her it is not real gold (your MIL got scammed when buying it, OP; your friend is not the scammer here!). And most of all I think possibly, OP, you did not make the whole "it's incredibly sentimental and important!" thing NEARLY as clear to her as you honestly believe you did. Which is why she's not weeping and groveling with guilt and upending her entire trip to India over a fake gold bracelet she doesn't fully realize you think is friendship-killing important.

She has been a good friend for years. She tried to do you a favor that wasn't wise for either of you -- never send sentimentally important jewelry that far away for repairs, and she should not have agreed or offered to take it.

Have you even considered that the incredibly long flights etc., plus whatever travel she's done within India, and wherever she's stayed while there, her luggage, purse, everything has been exposed to countless opportunities for this one little bangle to get stolen or simply lost? Much likelier that it was stolen or lost and she's not acting sufficiently upset for you because she just doesn't grasp this is such a big deal for you, and none of that is her fault.

Don't ditch a real friendship over a piece of metal, especially when there were only good intentions on her part. Why would she want to steal it anyway? Does she need cash? I doubt that.

As for MIL, wow, don't lie or cover this up. Just say that it's lost. The world Will. Not. End. Wear the one you have. If your MIL would be so upset that she'd somehow punish you over this -- your relationship with MIL needs much bigger work than just jewelry repair.

OP< this forum really loves to accuse people of horrible intentions and I'm seeing a lot of that here about your friend. Why would you listen to that accusatory stuff and not believe your friend?

[Anonymous]

Gold doesn’t tarnish. If it was turning black, it wasn’t pure gold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there is a style of Bengali jewelry that has a non-gold core made of shellac inside and then a very fine work on gold sheets (not gold leaf) outside.

Your friend has stolen or lost a very unique piece of gold jewelry. I would suggest that you get the remaining bangle appraised as well as figure out the purity and weight of the gold and send her a copy of the appraisal.

Tell her that she can give you the appraisal amount, or she can give you the value of the gold. If you get another bangle made, remember that you will still have to pay for the making charges and that usually is as much as the gold price.

What a beetch. I would never trust anyone with money, expensive equipment or jewelry. My DH and I have been robbed by aquaintences who have claimed that they have lost items, jewelry or money. They all happened to be South Indians, primarily because there are more South Indians around me. All from Hyderabad.

OP. Omg. We are so close. It's very hard for me to believe she would do something like this...... I am also naive...... I'm just trying to think the best of people. I don't want to end a friendship over this.

PP is a little bit crazy. If this is the first time she loses something of yours, think horses, not zebras. It's likely it was stolen from her or lost, and that no one is lying.

New poster. This, above! It was stolen or lost; the shop likely did tell her it is not real gold (your MIL got scammed when buying it, OP; your friend is not the scammer here!). And most of all I think possibly, OP, you did not make the whole "it's incredibly sentimental and important!" thing NEARLY as clear to her as you honestly believe you did. Which is why she's not weeping and groveling with guilt and upending her entire trip to India over a fake gold bracelet she doesn't fully realize you think is friendship-killing important.

She has been a good friend for years. She tried to do you a favor that wasn't wise for either of you -- never send sentimentally important jewelry that far away for repairs, and she should not have agreed or offered to take it.

Have you even considered that the incredibly long flights etc., plus whatever travel she's done within India, and wherever she's stayed while there, her luggage, purse, everything has been exposed to countless opportunities for this one little bangle to get stolen or simply lost? Much likelier that it was stolen or lost and she's not acting sufficiently upset for you because she just doesn't grasp this is such a big deal for you, and none of that is her fault.

Don't ditch a real friendship over a piece of metal, especially when there were only good intentions on her part. Why would she want to steal it anyway? Does she need cash? I doubt that.

As for MIL, wow, don't lie or cover this up. Just say that it's lost. The world Will. Not. End. Wear the one you have. If your MIL would be so upset that she'd somehow punish you over this -- your relationship with MIL needs much bigger work than just jewelry repair.

OP< this forum really loves to accuse people of horrible intentions and I'm seeing a lot of that here about your friend. Why would you listen to that accusatory stuff and not believe your friend?

Op here. Thanks so much! This has been so stressful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are two jewelers involved here. Jewelers (here and in India) are notoriously dishonest. Either the one here sold your MIL low quality gold or the one in India lied thinking they could pick up a piece for cheap. Also, your MIL may have (unknowingly) paid a premium on the making cost which resulted in a high purchase price even though the value of the gold was low.

Blackened joints doesn't mean the whole bangle is fake. It may just mean poor craftsmanship/metal at the joints. Getting the remaining one evaluated will bring some clarity. But know that without getting it melted, even the finest jewelers may not be able to tell how pure the gold is.

Most solid bangles in India are 22K (91.6%). If stones are involved, 18K (75%) using improves the metal strength.

The black tarnish may be oxidation of the silver solder brazing holding the pieces together. Silver is a common solder used in sticking other types of metals together.

But I also seriously doubt the bracelet is real gold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op this would be very upsetting - the friend losing your wedding bracelet - how exactly did she think she lost it?

She can't remember. She doesn't drink or do drugs..

What do you mean, she can't remember losing it? You say she got it back from the jeweler. Then what? When did she realize she no longer had it?