Private school parent small talk in December: EVERYONE bragging about upcoming ritzy trips

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Except us. We aren't poor but you can't help but feel a little on the prole side of upper middle class this time of year when you have to disclose, "No, no big trips. We're just staying home." It feels like every single private school parent you bump into is itching to sort of brag about and detail their vacation home or their upcoming ski trip or some ritzy beach destination. Anyone else feel this way this time of year?

I used to feel this way but I also think it’s just assumed that everyone can afford to travel somewhere. So it’s making small talk and also sharing tips on where to go and where to stay. That said yes you also get the people who really make a big deal and drop it into totally unrelated conversations.

Agree. We travel a few times a year and chat about it but i don’t think of it as bragging. Maybe they think they are just doing neutral small talk.

If they say it’s quaint to stay home, then yes, they are a-holes. You have to be secure in yourself and your choices.

Kids are dying and starving all over the world. I’m grateful to have a roof over my head and a safe environment for my kids even if we don’t get anywhere fancy for the holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Except us. We aren't poor but you can't help but feel a little on the prole side of upper middle class this time of year when you have to disclose, "No, no big trips. We're just staying home." It feels like every single private school parent you bump into is itching to sort of brag about and detail their vacation home or their upcoming ski trip or some ritzy beach destination. Anyone else feel this way this time of year?

Is this a serious post? Get a grip. If you ask me a question about our Holliday plans, I will tell you honestly about our trip. I would hope that you would do the same.

There have been several years where we were "staying at home." Where is the shame in that?

It's absolutely ok to be excited for parents to travel to a fancy locale over the Hollidays or even their vacation home.

I'm not sure where your insecurity is coming from.

[Anonymous]

This is the first break we haven't traveled since DS was born 10 years ago. But it's almost always been to see my father, who just so happens to live in the Caribbean. Works out well! So it sounds fancier than it is. However I broke my ankle last week and we had to cancel our trip and are staying home. I am actually asking friends what they are up to because I hope to have some people to hang out with since I already have the PTO.

[Anonymous]

Most don’t come across as bragging. But a few are, absolutely; these are the insecure ones and generally not my people so I don’t care.

My son says some kids try to one-up each other by bragging about lavish vacations. These are same kids having over the top birthday parties. He thinks it’s funny.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all eight pages but agree as a FA family for over a decade that I rarely encounter people who come across as bragging. Some appear "tone deaf" in that they may not understand that some others do not live in the same way but those are not my people. The beauty of being a FA family is that we live in a neighborhood with families with similar lifestyles and incomes. So outside of school, no one we know is taking a trip that requires air travel. Do your kids not have friends closer to home? That's strange because everyone I know that is on FA have their people outside of school.

[Anonymous]

We often ski at this time of year because my husband and kids love it. When folks ask what we're doing, I tell them this. But we don't take exotic trips anywhere, nor do we own a beach house, nor do we go to the Caribbean in winter, nor do we go to NYC and stay at fabulous hotels, nor do we get to stay at home and enjoy our tree and go to all our wonderful museums and the zoo, etc., etc., etc. BTW, the last would be my choice, OP, and when people say they're doing that, I am green with envy. As a parent with many years of experience in this status-conscious city, I would advise you to focus on what you have and enjoy it. Be pleased for those who have something else and enjoy it. Don't fall for the the competitive parenting game . . . maybe play reindeer games instead?

[Anonymous]

I’m exhausted to be honest, and thrilled to stay home with no daily school grind, time off work and enjoy my family, drink coffee in my pjs and read as much as I want. Every time we travel over the holidays there is some issue or weather problem, too much stress and we just need a break! Some of my high school daughter’s friends are traveling but no one seems to care/be jealous, they are just trying to make it to next week.

[Anonymous]

My public school neighbors are like this in Arlington. My high school kids prefer to stay home over the Xmas break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Response to your family staying home is always something like, "Oh. That's lovely. Very traditional." Stings a little.

I have a hard time believing people really say "very traditional"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. But I’m not jealous or insecure. We have the money to do something, we just choose not to. Maybe that makes it easier? I really like hearing about trips because I find it interesting. I don’t assume people are bragging, but making conversation.

Same. It’s a busy time of year for me with work and we just like some downtime as a family. When I say we are not traveling, I don’t view that as some sort of judgment of me and when others tell me they are traveling, I also don’t view that as anything other than small talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Except us. We aren't poor but you can't help but feel a little on the prole side of upper middle class this time of year when you have to disclose, "No, no big trips. We're just staying home." It feels like every single private school parent you bump into is itching to sort of brag about and detail their vacation home or their upcoming ski trip or some ritzy beach destination. Anyone else feel this way this time of year?

Is this a serious post? Get a grip. If you ask me a question about our Holliday plans, I will tell you honestly about our trip. I would hope that you would do the same.

There have been several years where we were "staying at home." Where is the shame in that?

It's absolutely ok to be excited for parents to travel to a fancy locale over the Hollidays or even their vacation home.

I'm not sure where your insecurity is coming from.

Not from being able to spell correctly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you thinking it's bragging--

If you ask me "what are you guys doing over break?" and I'm a friend of yours and I say "oh nothing really, staying around here" and then you find out 2 weeks later than I actually went to Dublin or Paris with my 3 kids, wouldn't you find it odd or pretty much dishonest that I gave one answer but then went on a trip that was obviously not planned the last minute?

We have a place in Vail and we spend the entire winter there. When people ask what we're doing, I say we might travel out of town, but we're not sure. I'm European, so this might be cultural, but for us, anything that might look like bragging is very faux pas. My FIL is American and likes to brag about his homes, vacations, cars, career etc. For him, it's the pride for being successful.

Obviously, your opinion doesn't count here because you are not tied to the school schedule if you spend "all winter" there. You obviously don't have kids in a fancy private school. I do and am tied to the school schedule. BTW I have 2 condos in Vail and spend loads of time there. It's actually a cheap vacation for us. We own our own gear, buy the Vail local Epic pass in April, eat at home, and stay in our own place. We rent the condos when we don't use them. To us, this is not a "ritzy" vacation and nothing I feel I should hide from anyone. When people ask and they know me they usually say "are you skiing?" And I say "yeah, any travel plans?". We ski spring break and MLK weekend too. Only for family emergencies have we deviated from this pattern.

Sorry you have to rent your place and do dishes on vacation. Maybe, on day, your kids will afford to eat out while on vacation and not have strangers sleep in their beds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think people are bragging most of the time. It’s just a topic of conversation to bring up in small talk.

Parents—even pleasant, classy and modest parents—are always asserting their class? wealth and sophistication. It’s human nature. We sort each other constantly and want others to know what rung we’re on.

This tendency is killing the planet. The biosphere is collapsing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymou[b wrote:s]I haven't read all eight pages but agree as a FA family for over a decade that I rarely encounter people who come across as bragging[/b]. Some appear "tone deaf" in that they may not understand that some others do not live in the same way but those are not my people. The beauty of being a FA family is that we live in a neighborhood with families with similar lifestyles and incomes. So outside of school, no one we know is taking a trip that requires air travel. Do your kids not have friends closer to home? That's strange because everyone I know that is on FA have their people outside of school.

This. In my experiences in wealthy publics and privates and on boards of privates, people bend over backwards NOT to brag about lavish vacations. It just isn't done. So I think OP is a troll or is a pot-stirrer.

[Anonymous]

We have a place in Vail and we spend the entire winter there. When people ask what we're doing, I say we might travel out of town, but we're not sure. I'm European, so this might be cultural, but for us, anything that might look like bragging is very faux pas. My FIL is American and likes to brag about his homes, vacations, cars, career etc. For him, it's the pride for being successful.
___________

Obviously, your opinion doesn't count here because you are not tied to the school schedule if you spend "all winter" there. You obviously don't have kids in a fancy private school. I do and am tied to the school schedule. BTW I have 2 condos in Vail and spend loads of time there. It's actually a cheap vacation for us. We own our own gear, buy the Vail local Epic pass in April, eat at home, and stay in our own place. We rent the condos when we don't use them. To us, this is not a "ritzy" vacation and nothing I feel I should hide from anyone. When people ask and they know me they usually say "are you skiing?" And I say "yeah, any travel plans?". We ski spring break and MLK weekend too. Only for family emergencies have we deviated from this pattern.

I am here for this Vail cage match! Can we get someone with 3 Vail properties? Or Aspen? Aspen would trump, since it's not right on I-70.