Private school parent small talk in December: EVERYONE bragging about upcoming ritzy trips

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're going skiing because we "always" do at this time of year and my husband and kids expect it at this point. But honestly it is a hassle and I kind of hate it. Because we have to leave the day after Christmas, that means getting the house cleaned up from hosting Christmas, pack everyone up for skiing (which is a lot more packing then normal with all the gear and clothing you have to bring), then come home to the tree still being up, etc.

I'd rather just stay home and enjoy being warm and cozy in my own house.

My kids have packed their own bags since they were 6. You need to take things off your plate. My DH is the one that takes down the Christmas decor. I do clean up after Christmas and make sure the house is spotless for our return. It’s easier when everyone pitches in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Except us. We aren't poor but you can't help but feel a little on the prole side of upper middle class this time of year when you have to disclose, "No, no big trips. We're just staying home." It feels like every single private school parent you bump into is itching to sort of brag about and detail their vacation home or their upcoming ski trip or some ritzy beach destination. Anyone else feel this way this time of year?

Sweetie, it’s not a brag. They are just being matter-of-fact. Stop internalizing that shit. It’s a bad look.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thankfully, DD is in the Nutcracker so we can't travel, but I hear you.

This kept up out of trip competition for 15 years! Loved it.

[Anonymous]

It’s just a normal thing people talk about. Think about something totally normal to you that you’d talk to about with people in your cohort, and how someone with a totally different job and lifestyle would feel left out. That’s you. It’s no one’s fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would bother me more if I didn't mind traveling during the holidays. I HATE it and we are happy to stay home.

+1

This is such a stressful time of year to travel. And it seems like at least one person in our family is sick when we plan something.

IRL conversations I have with people traveling around Christmas involves stories of people pumping themselves with cold medicine or coming down with a stomach bug on day 2 or whatever. We’ve had a few Thanksgiving trips ruined by flu and norovirus. And then you’re away from the comfort of home. I’d much rather travel when the weather is nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you thinking it's bragging--

If you ask me "what are you guys doing over break?" and I'm a friend of yours and I say "oh nothing really, staying around here" and then you find out 2 weeks later than I actually went to Dublin or Paris with my 3 kids, wouldn't you find it odd or pretty much dishonest that I gave one answer but then went on a trip that was obviously not planned the last minute?

We have a place in Vail and we spend the entire winter there. When people ask what we're doing, I say we might travel out of town, but we're not sure. I'm European, so this might be cultural, but for us, anything that might look like bragging is very faux pas. My FIL is American and likes to brag about his homes, vacations, cars, career etc. For him, it's the pride for being successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's just small talk. Nobody cares or remembers. The same question gets asked repeatedly as a filler question.

+1

My kids’ orthodontist asks the same question every visit, just swaps out the holiday- “Are you all traveling for spring break/4th of July/Labor Day/over the holidays?” It’s predictable. I view it as the modern equivalent of talking about the weather.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you thinking it's bragging--

If you ask me "what are you guys doing over break?" and I'm a friend of yours and I say "oh nothing really, staying around here" and then you find out 2 weeks later than I actually went to Dublin or Paris with my 3 kids, wouldn't you find it odd or pretty much dishonest that I gave one answer but then went on a trip that was obviously not planned the last minute?

We have a place in Vail and we spend the entire winter there. When people ask what we're doing, I say we might travel out of town, but we're not sure. I'm European, so this might be cultural, but for us, anything that might look like bragging is very faux pas. My FIL is American and likes to brag about his homes, vacations, cars, career etc. For him, it's the pride for being successful.

Vail?

Sounds like you are bragging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you thinking it's bragging--

If you ask me "what are you guys doing over break?" and I'm a friend of yours and I say "oh nothing really, staying around here" and then you find out 2 weeks later than I actually went to Dublin or Paris with my 3 kids, wouldn't you find it odd or pretty much dishonest that I gave one answer but then went on a trip that was obviously not planned the last minute?

We have a place in Vail and we spend the entire winter there. When people ask what we're doing, I say we might travel out of town, but we're not sure. I'm European, so this might be cultural, but for us, anything that might look like bragging is very faux pas. My FIL is American and likes to brag about his homes, vacations, cars, career etc. For him, it's the pride for being successful.

Vail?

Sounds like you are bragging.

Nah. Val d'Isere? Then we're talking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Except us. We aren't poor but you can't help but feel a little on the prole side of upper middle class this time of year when you have to disclose, "No, no big trips. We're just staying home." It feels like every single private school parent you bump into is itching to sort of brag about and detail their vacation home or their upcoming ski trip or some ritzy beach destination. Anyone else feel this way this time of year?

Trips don't bother me at all. What I do think is rude is parents talking about private holiday events at school events in front of those not invited ie: events at Chevy or Met club etc... No I am not jealous because I was also invited but I still think it is so boorish and ill mannered to behave this way. A Chevy mom was talking about her private event in front of a group of moms - several were not invited. The Chevy crowd seems to be the only crowd that does this sort of thing. I never hear parents that belong to Congo or Columbia do this sort of thing. Why is that?

[Anonymous]

I think it's just small talk. "Seen any good movies?" "Going anywhere for the break?" "Crazy weather, huh?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Except us. We aren't poor but you can't help but feel a little on the prole side of upper middle class this time of year when you have to disclose, "No, no big trips. We're just staying home." It feels like every single private school parent you bump into is itching to sort of brag about and detail their vacation home or their upcoming ski trip or some ritzy beach destination. Anyone else feel this way this time of year?[/quote]


This is not our experience in private, OP. At all. People are discreet. Could you possibly be LOOKING for this issue out of insecurity? Or more sensitive than most to same?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. But I’m not jealous or insecure. We have the money to do something, we just choose not to. Maybe that makes it easier? I really like hearing about trips because I find it interesting. I don’t assume people are bragging, but making conversation.

Right.

Congratulations. You’re one of the people OP is talking about. How unflattering for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you thinking it's bragging--

If you ask me "what are you guys doing over break?" and I'm a friend of yours and I say "oh nothing really, staying around here" and then you find out 2 weeks later than I actually went to Dublin or Paris with my 3 kids, wouldn't you find it odd or pretty much dishonest that I gave one answer but then went on a trip that was obviously not planned the last minute?

We have a place in Vail and we spend the entire winter there. When people ask what we're doing, I say we might travel out of town, but we're not sure. I'm European, so this might be cultural, but for us, anything that might look like bragging is very faux pas. My FIL is American and likes to brag about his homes, vacations, cars, career etc. For him, it's the pride for being successful.

Obviously, your opinion doesn't count here because you are not tied to the school schedule if you spend "all winter" there. You obviously don't have kids in a fancy private school. I do and am tied to the school schedule. BTW I have 2 condos in Vail and spend loads of time there. It's actually a cheap vacation for us. We own our own gear, buy the Vail local Epic pass in April, eat at home, and stay in our own place. We rent the condos when we don't use them. To us, this is not a "ritzy" vacation and nothing I feel I should hide from anyone. When people ask and they know me they usually say "are you skiing?" And I say "yeah, any travel plans?". We ski spring break and MLK weekend too. Only for family emergencies have we deviated from this pattern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's just small talk. "Seen any good movies?" "Going anywhere for the break?" "Crazy weather, huh?"

Yup.

“Yachting to St. Tropez during the break?”

Just normal small talk.