Bringing puppy to Christmas

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care how many times the MIL has allowed OP to bring her German Shepherd. The MIL has openly admitted she plans to let the puppy have accidents on OP’s carpets and will bring carpet cleaner. That is not acceptable at all. How are people thinking that is reasonable in any way?

This X1000!

It highly, highly likely that MIL will never fully house train her dog. Dachshunds like many small dogs are hard to potty train. You need to constantly take them out when they are puppies and really adhere to the nap in crate, potty, play, nap cycle. Potty break before and after eating and drinking. If you let a small dog puppy just pee on the pee pads or pee on the carpet you will never end up with a fully potty trained dog. Pee pads are for accidents which you should be doing everything to minimize.

Once a dog pees on the carpet, it’s really hard for another dog not to pee there. A German Shepard may be smart enough and obedient enough to restrain himself but if OP has a different dog over sometime it’s likely the same spot will get hit.

[Anonymous]

I would throw it back into her court and say how about if you ask the other guests and see if they want to deal with the free roaming dog and kids. If they say it's ok, just do it.

Or you can wait till the day it causes problems and if anything happens, you need to put the dog in a crate. Can the dog stay outside and when it's time to sleep, in a crate?
With a dog, you can't just leave it at home.
If it gets worse, she can stay at a hotel that allow pets and come to the house every day with the dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were you, I would talk to the mother-in-law and speak in terms of the safety of the puppy versus whether or not you want an untrained dog in your house. It's a puppy is only three months old and a small breed, it will be very tiny, and potentially in danger from the children and other animals in chaos that will be occurring in the house at Christmas. And that's how you talk to your mother-in-law. Explaining that a crate or playpen is the safest for the puppy when it's not attended. If she wants the dog in the main part of the house, the puppy should be on a leash so that she can see the cues to go outside or even the queue that the puppy is uncomfortable, scared, or anxious.

You people are crazy. OP is allowed to say that she doesn’t want to have an untrained dog crap in her house. The puppy’s happiness is immaterial. The MIL is invited to enjoy her family under certain circumstances and if she doesn’t like those, she can decline. That’s how hospitality works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We will be hosting 18-23 for a week for Christmas (I know - insane 😂). 10 small children and we have three house pets ourselves (all very good with kids). This will be a massive undertaking for DH and I, but we are happy to have family here. MIL will have a 3 month old dachshund puppy she wants to bring to the house. We feel obliged to say yes since she always lets us being our large, German shepherd when we travel (we used to board her when she was younger and never brought her along as a puppy for obvious reasons). We agreed, but because our house is mostly carpet, said the puppy needs to stay crated or can run around outside and not run around the house.

Mil is very upset with this and is throwing a fit. Are we being cruel here? She wants to put pee pads down and let it run around the house, but we have a dog, cat and free roam rabbit as well. I don’t see how the puppy will truly be potty trained by then, and we really don’t want pee/poop in the house. There will be so much chaos already going on, this just seems so unkind to also put on us.

I’m firmly standing my ground here right now, but need a reality check as to if this is fair or not.

I think you should stand your ground, but I just felt the need to clarify one thing (as a professional dog trainer).
If her pupper is trained properly by professionals and with consistency, her pup should absolutely be totally house broken by three months old.

Again, that's neither here nor there, I just wanted to clarify that one aspect for you.

[Anonymous]

You need to baby gate and childproof 1 or 2 rooms for the puppy. Your MIL’s timing with the puppy is unfortunate but keeping a puppy in a crate for a week is cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would throw it back into her court and say how about if you ask the other guests and see if they want to deal with the free roaming dog and kids. If they say it's ok, just do it.

Or you can wait till the day it causes problems and if anything happens, you need to put the dog in a crate. Can the dog stay outside and when it's time to sleep, in a crate?
With a dog, you can't just leave it at home.
If it gets worse, she can stay at a hotel that allow pets and come to the house every day with the dog.

Every word here is the worst advice ever. Except maybe the hotel part. But she’ll still let the dog piss on OP’s floors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were you, I would talk to the mother-in-law and speak in terms of the safety of the puppy versus whether or not you want an untrained dog in your house. It's a puppy is only three months old and a small breed, it will be very tiny, and potentially in danger from the children and other animals in chaos that will be occurring in the house at Christmas. And that's how you talk to your mother-in-law. Explaining that a crate or playpen is the safest for the puppy when it's not attended. If she wants the dog in the main part of the house, the puppy should be on a leash so that she can see the cues to go outside or even the queue that the puppy is uncomfortable, scared, or anxious.

You people are crazy. OP is allowed to say that she doesn’t want to have an untrained dog crap in her house. The puppy’s happiness is immaterial. The MIL is invited to enjoy her family under certain circumstances and if she doesn’t like those, she can decline. That’s how hospitality works.

NP here, and way to go... PP's point went straight over your head.

The PP is saying that the OP should work smarter, not harder.
The PP is saying that she should approach her MIL with the dialog that OP's concerned for the dogs safety & well being.
That someone could step on the dog or accidentally hurt it, and with so many people coming in and out of the house, the dog could run outside and nobody might notice -- and then it will be unfamiliar with its surroundings and completely lost.

As someone whose entire job used to be negotiation, I can tell you that the PP's approach is FAR more likely to produce the results that OP wants, and far less unlikely to alienate her MIL in the process by offending her.

Sure, the OP can be stubborn and rigid and stick to her guns by telling her MIL just how disgusting she thinks her dog would be, but that approach is unlikely to get her out of hosting the dog, AND if she actually DOES mange to get out of hosting the dog after telling her MIL that, their relationship won't be unscathed afterward because her relationship with her MIL will suffer for some time to come. Why would she want to hurt/offend/alienate her MIL if she doesn't have to?

But sure, let the OP go with your "honest" approach rather than utilizing reverse psychology.
I'm sure you're just wonderful at negotiating with such a stubborn, negative, "I'm right & brutally honest" approach.
No negative reprocussions there, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to baby gate and childproof 1 or 2 rooms for the puppy. Your MIL’s timing with the puppy is unfortunate but keeping a puppy in a crate for a week is cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to baby gate and childproof 1 or 2 rooms for the puppy. Your MIL’s timing with the puppy is unfortunate but keeping a puppy in a crate for a week is cruel.

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to baby gate and childproof 1 or 2 rooms for the puppy. Your MIL’s timing with the puppy is unfortunate but keeping a puppy in a crate for a week is cruel.

Agreed.

Exactly! Those other 10 kids can share a room and that leaves 2 rooms for the puppy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to baby gate and childproof 1 or 2 rooms for the puppy. Your MIL’s timing with the puppy is unfortunate but keeping a puppy in a crate for a week is cruel.

Op here - are you actually serious here?? There’s no way I have two full rooms available that can be puppy proofed. Not a chance. Our house is mostly carpet unfortunately. We have five bedrooms upstairs and a basement bedroom where MIL/FIL are staying (all carpet). There’s a small 4x4 area of tile down there. I have offered up a puppy pen for upstairs and one for the tiled area. I can’t puppy proof an entire room or two.

We have allowed their various dogs over the last 20 years to come. Far, far more than how often we have brought our dog. They have owned two aggressive dogs that we once allowed and they bit a kid simply for walking into the room. We didn’t realize how ill behaved the dogs were (if this tells you how honest snd open they are about things). They eventually put that dog down as it bit another grandchild and also their other pets. The other dog was never allowed to come again even though they insisted in it coming.

Their aging dachshund has been to our old house and current one. Last time it was elderly and it was sick and vomited all over the house. I had no idea how sick it was, but allowing that to happen in our house was beyond rude.

So, my one well behaved, quiet, docile and kind GSD has been to their house twice, maybe 3 times over 9 years. I feel like we have been more than fair and accommodating. They travel to us more, or we all travel to other locations (and we don’t bring pets).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to baby gate and childproof 1 or 2 rooms for the puppy. Your MIL’s timing with the puppy is unfortunate but keeping a puppy in a crate for a week is cruel.

Op here - are you actually serious here?? There’s no way I have two full rooms available that can be puppy proofed. Not a chance. Our house is mostly carpet unfortunately. We have five bedrooms upstairs and a basement bedroom where MIL/FIL are staying (all carpet). There’s a small 4x4 area of tile down there. I have offered up a puppy pen for upstairs and one for the tiled area. I can’t puppy proof an entire room or two.

We have allowed their various dogs over the last 20 years to come. Far, far more than how often we have brought our dog. They have owned two aggressive dogs that we once allowed and they bit a kid simply for walking into the room. We didn’t realize how ill behaved the dogs were (if this tells you how honest snd open they are about things). They eventually put that dog down as it bit another grandchild and also their other pets. The other dog was never allowed to come again even though they insisted in it coming.

Their aging dachshund has been to our old house and current one. Last time it was elderly and it was sick and vomited all over the house. I had no idea how sick it was, but allowing that to happen in our house was beyond rude.

So, my one well behaved, quiet, docile and kind GSD has been to their house twice, maybe 3 times over 9 years. I feel like we have been more than fair and accommodating. They travel to us more, or we all travel to other locations (and we don’t bring pets).

With this additional update, just say no. As a host you don’t need to negotiate the terms under which MIL will or won’t accept. It’s your house. Say no and she can decide to come or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to baby gate and childproof 1 or 2 rooms for the puppy. Your MIL’s timing with the puppy is unfortunate but keeping a puppy in a crate for a week is cruel.

Op here - are you actually serious here?? There’s no way I have two full rooms available that can be puppy proofed. Not a chance. Our house is mostly carpet unfortunately. We have five bedrooms upstairs and a basement bedroom where MIL/FIL are staying (all carpet). There’s a small 4x4 area of tile down there. I have offered up a puppy pen for upstairs and one for the tiled area. I can’t puppy proof an entire room or two.

We have allowed their various dogs over the last 20 years to come. Far, far more than how often we have brought our dog. They have owned two aggressive dogs that we once allowed and they bit a kid simply for walking into the room. We didn’t realize how ill behaved the dogs were (if this tells you how honest snd open they are about things). They eventually put that dog down as it bit another grandchild and also their other pets. The other dog was never allowed to come again even though they insisted in it coming.

Their aging dachshund has been to our old house and current one. Last time it was elderly and it was sick and vomited all over the house. I had no idea how sick it was, but allowing that to happen in our house was beyond rude.

So, my one well behaved, quiet, docile and kind GSD has been to their house twice, maybe 3 times over 9 years. I feel like we have been more than fair and accommodating. They travel to us more, or we all travel to other locations (and we don’t bring pets).

With this additional update, just say no. As a host you don’t need to negotiate the terms under which MIL will or won’t accept. It’s your house. Say no and she can decide to come or not.

DP. Agree, this update from OP above gives a lot of context (which I wish OP had not felt obliged to give, since the original request by MIL was already a huge obvious NO! even without this background. But people here love to bash and nag an OP for more....).

OP, she's a terrible dog owner, period, long before this puppy came along. She had a dog that had to be put down for biting. I don't care if that dog was huge and her current one is a tiny puppy, she's got zero sense about animals. Flat out no to this puppy. But I think your DH and not you should be the one navigating all this, and the one saying the unequivocal no. Especially if she might try to demonize you as the evil daughter-in-law here. DH's parent, DH's job, with your full backing of course.

[Anonymous]

I would sooner die than spend Christmas in OP’s chaotic home with a free range rodent, a german shepherd, a cat, at least two litter boxes and 13 children. I have to wind up my neck to fully express the extent of my “hell no” of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were you, I would talk to the mother-in-law and speak in terms of the safety of the puppy versus whether or not you want an untrained dog in your house. It's a puppy is only three months old and a small breed, it will be very tiny, and potentially in danger from the children and other animals in chaos that will be occurring in the house at Christmas. And that's how you talk to your mother-in-law. Explaining that a crate or playpen is the safest for the puppy when it's not attended. If she wants the dog in the main part of the house, the puppy should be on a leash so that she can see the cues to go outside or even the queue that the puppy is uncomfortable, scared, or anxious.

You people are crazy. OP is allowed to say that she doesn’t want to have an untrained dog crap in her house. The puppy’s happiness is immaterial. The MIL is invited to enjoy her family under certain circumstances and if she doesn’t like those, she can decline. That’s how hospitality works.

NP here, and way to go... PP's point went straight over your head.

The PP is saying that the OP should work smarter, not harder.
The PP is saying that she should approach her MIL with the dialog that OP's concerned for the dogs safety & well being.
That someone could step on the dog or accidentally hurt it, and with so many people coming in and out of the house, the dog could run outside and nobody might notice -- and then it will be unfamiliar with its surroundings and completely lost.

As someone whose entire job used to be negotiation, I can tell you that the PP's approach is FAR more likely to produce the results that OP wants, and far less unlikely to alienate her MIL in the process by offending her.

Sure, the OP can be stubborn and rigid and stick to her guns by telling her MIL just how disgusting she thinks her dog would be, but that approach is unlikely to get her out of hosting the dog, AND if she actually DOES mange to get out of hosting the dog after telling her MIL that, their relationship won't be unscathed afterward because her relationship with her MIL will suffer for some time to come. Why would she want to hurt/offend/alienate her MIL if she doesn't have to?

But sure, let the OP go with your "honest" approach rather than utilizing reverse psychology.
I'm sure you're just wonderful at negotiating with such a stubborn, negative, "I'm right & brutally honest" approach.
No negative reprocussions there, lol.

No, I totally understood it, but OP is then turning the decision over to the MIL when fundamentally it is not her decision. No one should go out of their way to offend family members, but neither should they hand power over to family members to behave inappropriately.