Allowing 12yo to celebrate with small glass of champagne?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am italian and basically don’t drink. I only drink if there is something to celebrate or if I am going out (which happens maybe once a month).

No one in my family drank much except for my grandfathers that always had wine with meals. I did not grow up thinking alcohol was this amazing yet forbidden thing and never grew to like it. I could have alcohol anytime I wanted (wine and beer because I don’t think my family ever had hard liquor in the house). I remember drinking a beer with my dad once when I was 7 and getting very tipsy. It was never a big deal. I used to go clubbing a lot in Italy in high school and I would only get fruit juice at the bar (as did most of my girlfriend).

When I came to the US at 19 I was shocked with the level of drinking and how kids in my dorm would just drink to get drunk. I still don’t get it.

My husband (not Italian) drinks a lot more (almost every day I think). My kids have been able to try and taste wine and beer since they were little. If they ever ask for, I would pour them small glass and we probably have given them a little bit of champagne to cheer on special occasions. Definitely at 12, but we did it a lot younger too.

I still don’t get it. Everything in excess is bad for you.

Very similar situation here. I’m another Italian and rarely drink. We don’t have alcohol in the house because no one drinks it.

But my parents have poured my kids tiny glasses at family functions if they wanted them for as long as I can remember, the same as they did for us growing up. It wasn’t s big deal. I would it put any thought into this and if she wanted some she could have a little.

If you are concerned enough to crowdsource, don’t give her any. It’s too out of your comfort level.

[Anonymous]

So the old way of thinking used to be we Americans are too uptight and if we were more laid back about letting kids have sips or little cups of wine they wouldn't abuse alcohol down the line.

Now we are finding out alcohol is pretty bad for the brain. Some alcoholics will tell you from the first sip they were triggered. One expert is saying in 10 years we will look at alcohol the way we do cigarettes-extremely damaging and a poor choice.

In my 20s I would have said sure it's no big deal. Now from all I have read, I really would not introduce my kids to it. I will respect their choices down the road when they are legal, but I will arm them with all the info.

Even the studies that said a little wine is healthy are being debunked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So the old way of thinking used to be we Americans are too uptight and if we were more laid back about letting kids have sips or little cups of wine they wouldn't abuse alcohol down the line.

Now we are finding out alcohol is pretty bad for the brain. Some alcoholics will tell you from the first sip they were triggered. One expert is saying in 10 years we will look at alcohol the way we do cigarettes-extremely damaging and a poor choice.

In my 20s I would have said sure it's no big deal. Now from all I have read, I really would not introduce my kids to it. I will respect their choices down the road when they are legal, but I will arm them with all the info.

Even the studies that said a little wine is healthy are being debunked.

I forgot to mention, I do have a college friend who always seem to have struggle with alcohol. She and her now ex husband allowed their kids to have alcohol really young with the whole idea of how making it a forbidden fruit is what causes problems. Keep in mind she was allowed alcohol young and seemed to abuse it. She is a mostly functional alcoholic who has never lost a job, but has needed to call in "sick" for hangovers and she has a DUI. Anyway two of her young adult kids have been in treatment for alcohol and substance abuse and her highschooler definitely is abusing alcohol so being laid back about alcohol did not prevent the issues. In her case I think she was laid back about alcohol because she was in denial about her own substance abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would let my kid have a sip if they were curious but not pour them a glass. Definitely no.

Same

[Anonymous]

Jesus, it’s fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So the old way of thinking used to be we Americans are too uptight and if we were more laid back about letting kids have sips or little cups of wine they wouldn't abuse alcohol down the line.

Now we are finding out alcohol is pretty bad for the brain. Some alcoholics will tell you from the first sip they were triggered. One expert is saying in 10 years we will look at alcohol the way we do cigarettes-extremely damaging and a poor choice.

In my 20s I would have said sure it's no big deal. Now from all I have read, I really would not introduce my kids to it. I will respect their choices down the road when they are legal, but I will arm them with all the info.

Even the studies that said a little wine is healthy are being debunked.

Who cares? It makes life way more fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ridiculous question OP. Grow up. Be a real parent.

This, of course. Op is a drama queen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the benefit of letting them?

That the family enjoys a toast and a celebration together?

So you're teaching them that they can only celebrate if there's alcohol?

Yes. Clearly the message is the absolute only way to celebrate is with alcohol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the benefit of letting them?

That the family enjoys a toast and a celebration together?

So you're teaching them that they can only celebrate if there's alcohol?

Yes. Clearly the message is the absolute only way to celebrate is with alcohol.

Seriously. Some of you are so over the top. Jesus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A very small glass - it’s fine. I started having a tiny glass of sparkling wine at Christmas and
thanksgiving with my family around that age. I’m a productive, responsible mom of 2 with a good job, good marriage and no issues with alcohol.

Also a productive, gainfully employed, decent human whose mother would sneak her a wine cooler (remember those!) in a hotel glass filled to the brim with ice. I have a healthy relationship with alcohol, I assure you, it didn’t taint me.

At 12? Yikes.

And I was about to say I don't think OPs scenario is a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the benefit of letting them?

That the family enjoys a toast and a celebration together?

So you're teaching them that they can only celebrate if there's alcohol?

Yes. Clearly the message is the absolute only way to celebrate is with alcohol.

They why can't they toast with a drink appropriate for 12 yo child? Its not as if they can't participate without the champagne. Some of you have really let alcohol culture get in your head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine. Really.

This.

No, the opposite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:future alcoholic in training

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We're French and our kids have had sips ever since they were little.

However:

1. Never a glass, or even a small glass. Alcohol is not good for anyone's health.

2. Now they're teens and our oldest is allowed to drink for real in France (not here, because he's not 21 yet), they don't drink. They've tasted lots of things, they didn't like it, so they politely refuse.

I don't quite understand the intense debates this generates on DCUM. I hope real world Americans don't care that much. It's like the intense debate around prepping for the Cogat on the AAP thread. DCUM parents are very high-strung about certain topics!

This is the USA, not France. You’d never find me on a French chat board criticizing the French. And I bet if I did the French wouldn’t like it one bit and would be sure to let me know.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are leaving the country for a very special vacation. The hotel provides a bottle of sparkling wine and we are considering allowing DD12 a small half glass to toast with us. Is this in poor taste?

This is perfectly normal unless you live in anxietyville.