Explain to me the financial risk of SAH if partner is a high earner

[Anonymous]

Op, Im considering the same question - DH hit $2+M this year and I make $200k. We have three young kids. I have higher earning potential (could probably get to $350k), but then we would both have “big” jobs and no one would be with the kids. Obviously not what we want, so Im figuring out how to SAH and feel comfortable with the risk.

DH offered a post nup, if that would be helpful, as we have been discussing my fears about quitting my job. I appreciate that we can talk about it, and I truly think DH is not a jerk, so I think he would do right by the kids if we did divorce (they are in private school, have a nice lifestyle). However, while we have foot savings/retirement, we expect it to take 7 more years to hit our “number” for early retirement, so divorce before then would be challenging.

I think we have a strong marriage, I think we have good communication, and we have both been willing to work with a therapist in the past, so I don’t have active fears of divorce, but it’s hard to be financially dependent on someone else after having been independent for so many years.

I think I will end up quitting, and one of my requirements will be that all of DH’s income gets out in our joint account so I have access to the funds all the time, and that I manage all the money. I think DH will be fine with that, and my plan is to set aside an amount into my own account each month so I have my own nest egg.

We also have DH with life insurance in the amount of our “number” for retirement, so if he died unexpectedly I wouldn’t have to worry about working immediately (or maybe ever). DH also has disability insurance for 60% of his earnings.

DH LOVES his job. I wouldn’t even consider quitting if DH didn’t enjoy his work - he seriously get energy from working. I’m happy for him that he makes a lot doing something he loves. He doesn’t always love the long hours, but he loves the majority of the work he does.

Finally, we are living a nice lifestyle, but our expenses are around $350K per year (obviously need higher gross income to support that). So we continue to live below our means, so in the instance of divorce/disability/death, there is no need for a significant lifestyle shift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, Im considering the same question - DH hit $2+M this year and I make $200k. We have three young kids. I have higher earning potential (could probably get to $350k), but then we would both have “big” jobs and no one would be with the kids. Obviously not what we want, so Im figuring out how to SAH and feel comfortable with the risk.

DH offered a post nup, if that would be helpful, as we have been discussing my fears about quitting my job. I appreciate that we can talk about it, and I truly think DH is not a jerk, so I think he would do right by the kids if we did divorce (they are in private school, have a nice lifestyle). However, while we have foot savings/retirement, we expect it to take 7 more years to hit our “number” for early retirement, so divorce before then would be challenging.

I think we have a strong marriage, I think we have good communication, and we have both been willing to work with a therapist in the past, so I don’t have active fears of divorce, but it’s hard to be financially dependent on someone else after having been independent for so many years.

I think I will end up quitting, and one of my requirements will be that all of DH’s income gets out in our joint account so I have access to the funds all the time, and that I manage all the money. I think DH will be fine with that, and my plan is to set aside an amount into my own account each month so I have my own nest egg.

We also have DH with life insurance in the amount of our “number” for retirement, so if he died unexpectedly I wouldn’t have to worry about working immediately (or maybe ever). DH also has disability insurance for 60% of his earnings.

DH LOVES his job. I wouldn’t even consider quitting if DH didn’t enjoy his work - he seriously get energy from working. I’m happy for him that he makes a lot doing something he loves. He doesn’t always love the long hours, but he loves the majority of the work he does.

Finally, we are living a nice lifestyle, but our expenses are around $350K per year (obviously need higher gross income to support that). So we continue to live below our means, so in the instance of divorce/disability/death, there is no need for a significant lifestyle shift.

What ? His income is NOT coming to joint accounts already and you are considering to quit? Please, don’t ! And people who rely on life insurance - be mindful the beneficiary can be changed after divorce. Even if the court mandate him to maintain it (which is hard to get), he can change beneficiaries against that ruling. Ex wife will get embroiled in a lengthy dispute with insurance companies if he dies

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, Im considering the same question - DH hit $2+M this year and I make $200k. We have three young kids. I have higher earning potential (could probably get to $350k), but then we would both have “big” jobs and no one would be with the kids. Obviously not what we want, so Im figuring out how to SAH and feel comfortable with the risk.

DH offered a post nup, if that would be helpful, as we have been discussing my fears about quitting my job. I appreciate that we can talk about it, and I truly think DH is not a jerk, so I think he would do right by the kids if we did divorce (they are in private school, have a nice lifestyle). However, while we have foot savings/retirement, we expect it to take 7 more years to hit our “number” for early retirement, so divorce before then would be challenging.

I think we have a strong marriage, I think we have good communication, and we have both been willing to work with a therapist in the past, so I don’t have active fears of divorce, but it’s hard to be financially dependent on someone else after having been independent for so many years.

I think I will end up quitting, and one of my requirements will be that all of DH’s income gets out in our joint account so I have access to the funds all the time, and that I manage all the money. I think DH will be fine with that, and my plan is to set aside an amount into my own account each month so I have my own nest egg.

We also have DH with life insurance in the amount of our “number” for retirement, so if he died unexpectedly I wouldn’t have to worry about working immediately (or maybe ever). DH also has disability insurance for 60% of his earnings.

DH LOVES his job. I wouldn’t even consider quitting if DH didn’t enjoy his work - he seriously get energy from working. I’m happy for him that he makes a lot doing something he loves. He doesn’t always love the long hours, but he loves the majority of the work he does.

Finally, we are living a nice lifestyle, but our expenses are around $350K per year (obviously need higher gross income to support that). So we continue to live below our means, so in the instance of divorce/disability/death, there is no need for a significant lifestyle shift.

What ? His income is NOT coming to joint accounts already and you are considering to quit? Please, don’t ! And people who rely on life insurance - be mindful the beneficiary can be changed after divorce. Even if the court mandate him to maintain it (which is hard to get), he can change beneficiaries against that ruling. Ex wife will get embroiled in a lengthy dispute with insurance companies if he dies

+1000000. I do not know why women even allow this. This is a red flag.

[Anonymous]

After you put in 20 years Virginia will give you lifetime alimony, there are some calculations involved but I believe it winds up being around 40% of the spouses after-tax income

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is a magnet. Men that are high earners like that (no matter what they look like)?have endless options and end up feeling entitled to do what they want.

Over time, by middle age, he will cheat. Women at the office will be throwing it at him.

You're a misandrist.

[Anonymous]

Keep your job.
My DH makes 1.6m and I make 190k and I keep my job. It’s just too risky.
And you are at a much higher risk of divorce since this is a second marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After you put in 20 years Virginia will give you lifetime alimony, there are some calculations involved but I believe it winds up being around 40% of the spouses after-tax income

What is the law in Maryland?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are all of these alarming stories on here about men hiding money offshore. Truth is I grew up UMC, knew a lot of wealthy people and almost everyone stayed married. I’d be interested in the statistics for two well educated people getting divorced. I live in an affluent town and only know one person who is divorced now.

Honestly if marriage is so so risky then you shouldn’t have kids. It’s not really marriage that puts you at risk. It is kids!

It was much harder to offshore assets when you were growing up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are all of these alarming stories on here about men hiding money offshore. Truth is I grew up UMC, knew a lot of wealthy people and almost everyone stayed married. I’d be interested in the statistics for two well educated people getting divorced. I live in an affluent town and only know one person who is divorced now.

Honestly if marriage is so so risky then you shouldn’t have kids. It’s not really marriage that puts you at risk. It is kids!

What ? You never heard of wealthy people having all their money protected in trusts? Often you marry into a wealthy family and you must stay married to continue having access to the lifestyle and funds. You are out - you have zero. It’s also not a healthy reason to stay in marriage

Sure but all of the wealthy women I know stayed married. The few I know who divorced remarried wealthy men or inherited on their own. DCUM posters like to act like wealthy women are just kicked to the curb left and right, but that’s hardly the case.

But they put up with a lot to stay married. They accepted cheating, alcoholism, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Alimony is not really a thing. You would get child support.

Risk is you put career on hold and can't ever get it back. If you get a divorce you get 1/2, then child support, then the kids turn 18 and no more monthly payments. You have to support yourself and 10-15 years later, that 1/2 is gone bc you bought a house with it. You have little earning power.

Prob not that huge of a risk if you aren't on the brink of divorce, TBH.

Alimony is very much a thing where there is an income disparity like that.

[Anonymous]

OP, we have a similar income disparity, although I make closer to $250k and DH makes more like $1m. I am not going to quit until I personally have $3m in accounts in my name (401k and brokerage) and kids' 529 plans are fully funded. Once I have at least $120k in passive income that I control and I know the kids' college is funded, I feel good about an early retirement to spend my time with kids when they are teenagers. I also have a lot of hobbies that I'd like to spend more time on. I work because I can't get comfortable with the financial risk of not working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After you put in 20 years Virginia will give you lifetime alimony, there are some calculations involved but I believe it winds up being around 40% of the spouses after-tax income

What if he has zero income in the US? My exH did just that. Easy-peasy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, we have a similar income disparity, although I make closer to $250k and DH makes more like $1m. I am not going to quit until I personally have $3m in accounts in my name (401k and brokerage) and kids' 529 plans are fully funded. Once I have at least $120k in passive income that I control and I know the kids' college is funded, I feel good about an early retirement to spend my time with kids when they are teenagers. I also have a lot of hobbies that I'd like to spend more time on. I work because I can't get comfortable with the financial risk of not working.

So, you don’t trust your husband! At that income you could easily save half of his and live comfortably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Keep your job.
My DH makes 1.6m and I make 190k and I keep my job. It’s just too risky.
And you are at a much higher risk of divorce since this is a second marriage.

You don’t trust your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we have a similar income disparity, although I make closer to $250k and DH makes more like $1m. I am not going to quit until I personally have $3m in accounts in my name (401k and brokerage) and kids' 529 plans are fully funded. Once I have at least $120k in passive income that I control and I know the kids' college is funded, I feel good about an early retirement to spend my time with kids when they are teenagers. I also have a lot of hobbies that I'd like to spend more time on. I work because I can't get comfortable with the financial risk of not working.

So, you don’t trust your husband! At that income you could easily save half of his and live comfortably.

Isn't that the entire premise of the post?