Why does MIL make fun of everything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love your MIL.

She'd fit right into my family. We always say things like that. Never to hurt anyone, but to point out the infallible absurdities of life. We don't do this with acquaintances, of course, but with people we know well, who understand that humor is the only means of survival.

You're definitely finding accusations where none are intended.

Making the same repetitive attention-seeking comments with every meal or every time you walk into the living room is not “humor.” It’s idiocy.

[Anonymous]

My mom was the same way. One of her things was telling me every time she visited that our house looked just the same as it did last time she was there (which was generally 1-2 months prior). It wasn't that it was messy, she was calling me out for not changing my decor for the seasons. She'd say it in a perky upbeat voice that also sounded like she was a little stumped about it.

That was one of about a million different ways she put me down. It was hard to decide how to respond because if I confronted her she'd act like the victim, but also be happy that she got under my skin. Ignoring her was usually the best.

We also have Lego creations displayed in our family room! Why not? We all enjoy them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Classic DCUM: OP posts about her MIL making rude, passive-aggressive comments and the thread devolves into an argument about what constitutes an appropriate use of paper towels and cloth napkins.

Keep on keepin’ it real! 😂

Ok, how about this - OP you sound selfish and ungrateful. You should be thankful you have family to visit. How original, trashing on your MIL!

No, sorry. We’re not doing this martyr business anymore. You sound like the fools who comment on every post about a mother behaving terribly “Well, you should be GLAD to have your mother! My mother is DEAD!!!!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s so weird about wiping the food from a dinner plate into the trash using a paper towel? It’s not perhaps the most common practice but why is objectionable?

I'll set aside that OP isn't composting and is just tossing everything in the trash, but why not just use silverware to scrape off the plates?

Why not just use the paper towels?

It can be unsanitary. There is plenty of food that's going to seep through the paper towel and get on your fingers. Would you wipe the plate with your fingers?

Do you not have a dishwasher?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do folks really have cloth napkins for everyday dinners? That’s just odd to me.

NP. We do, yes. We don’t make a big deal about it, though, and we would certainly never comment (or even notice) if other people were using paper napkins or paper towels at their house. As long as there’s some type of napkin available, that’s fine!

Same. We mostly use cloth napkins for dinner, and I have paper napkins, but we have been known to grab paper towels when it’s more convenient. The point is, no method is “wrong” and a person who would comment upon something like that is deeply insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s so weird about wiping the food from a dinner plate into the trash using a paper towel? It’s not perhaps the most common practice but why is objectionable?

I'll set aside that OP isn't composting and is just tossing everything in the trash, but why not just use silverware to scrape off the plates?

Why not just use the paper towels?

It can be unsanitary. There is plenty of food that's going to seep through the paper towel and get on your fingers. Would you wipe the plate with your fingers?

Do you not have a dishwasher?

DP. It's not good to leave all that gunk in your dishwasher. It gets stuck in the trap, in the pipes, and becomes a "fat berg" in the sewers and becomes all of our problem. Much better in the trash. Are you my husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was the same way. One of her things was telling me every time she visited that our house looked just the same as it did last time she was there (which was generally 1-2 months prior). It wasn't that it was messy, she was calling me out for not changing my decor for the seasons. She'd say it in a perky upbeat voice that also sounded like she was a little stumped about it.

That was one of about a million different ways she put me down. It was hard to decide how to respond because if I confronted her she'd act like the victim, but also be happy that she got under my skin. Ignoring her was usually the best.

We also have Lego creations displayed in our family room! Why not? We all enjoy them.

“Oh, it’s more modern to just have a clean, well-kept house. Seasonal decorations are tacky. I’ll put up a few Christmas decorations when it’s time.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do folks really have cloth napkins for everyday dinners? That’s just odd to me.

Yes. We have used cloth napkins for every meal for 10+ years. We have fancy cloth napkins we iron for holidays and every day cloth napkins. We have a drawer in our buffet filled with folded napkins and a different drawer that has a basket for dirty napkins. When the dirty napkin basket is full, the kids take it to the laundry room.

Wait, there's a drawer of crusty dirty napkins? I feel like that's something I'll find when I clean out an old relatives house after they pass.

+1. That is insane, gross and just waiting for mice. We use cloth napkins with every meal and just…take them down to the laundry room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do folks really have cloth napkins for everyday dinners? That’s just odd to me.

NP. We do, yes. We don’t make a big deal about it, though, and we would certainly never comment (or even notice) if other people were using paper napkins or paper towels at their house. As long as there’s some type of napkin available, that’s fine!

We use either cloth napkins or paper towels. I had the feeling that cloth napkins were more environmentally friendly but I wonder.

[Anonymous]

I know some posters won’t agree, but you could try sprucing things up for the few days she’s there. I’m getting that the way you live/keep your house is a bit informal for her tastes. So, while she’s there, if you don’t want to hear her mouth, use some napkins, put away the legos, etc. I get that you’re busy but I do wonder about people who can’t be bothered to put their best foot forward when they are entertaining or hosting. Your MIL may feel like you’re saying she’s not worth the effort of making things nice for her visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know some posters won’t agree, but you could try sprucing things up for the few days she’s there. I’m getting that the way you live/keep your house is a bit informal for her tastes. So, while she’s there, if you don’t want to hear her mouth, use some napkins, put away the legos, etc. I get that you’re busy but I do wonder about people who can’t be bothered to put their best foot forward when they are entertaining or hosting. Your MIL may feel like you’re saying she’s not worth the effort of making things nice for her visit.

Yes! To be honest, the half paper towel thing is weird when you have guests in your home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s so weird about wiping the food from a dinner plate into the trash using a paper towel? It’s not perhaps the most common practice but why is objectionable?

I'll set aside that OP isn't composting and is just tossing everything in the trash, but why not just use silverware to scrape off the plates?

Why not just use the paper towels?

It can be unsanitary. There is plenty of food that's going to seep through the paper towel and get on your fingers. Would you wipe the plate with your fingers?

Do you not have a dishwasher?

DP. It's not good to leave all that gunk in your dishwasher. It gets stuck in the trap, in the pipes, and becomes a "fat berg" in the sewers and becomes all of our problem. Much better in the trash. Are you my husband?

Sigh. I’ll type slowly for you. You use the paper towel to get the “gunk” off your dishes, then throw the paper towel in the trash. Then you put the dish that your fingers may have touched through the paper towel (*gasp* *horror*) in the dishwasher, which removes your Evil Finger Germs from said plates when it runs its cycle, and you wash your damn hands with soap and water,

All caught up now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s so weird about wiping the food from a dinner plate into the trash using a paper towel? It’s not perhaps the most common practice but why is objectionable?

I'll set aside that OP isn't composting and is just tossing everything in the trash, but why not just use silverware to scrape off the plates?

Why not just use the paper towels?

It can be unsanitary. There is plenty of food that's going to seep through the paper towel and get on your fingers. Would you wipe the plate with your fingers?

Do you not have a dishwasher?

DP. It's not good to leave all that gunk in your dishwasher. It gets stuck in the trap, in the pipes, and becomes a "fat berg" in the sewers and becomes all of our problem. Much better in the trash. Are you my husband?

Sigh. I’ll type slowly for you. You use the paper towel to get the “gunk” off your dishes, then throw the paper towel in the trash. Then you put the dish that your fingers may have touched through the paper towel (*gasp* *horror*) in the dishwasher, which removes your Evil Finger Germs from said plates when it runs its cycle, and you wash your damn hands with soap and water,

All caught up now?

DP but normal people just use utensils for this job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know some posters won’t agree, but you could try sprucing things up for the few days she’s there. I’m getting that the way you live/keep your house is a bit informal for her tastes. So, while she’s there, if you don’t want to hear her mouth, use some napkins, put away the legos, etc. I get that you’re busy but I do wonder about people who can’t be bothered to put their best foot forward when they are entertaining or hosting. Your MIL may feel like you’re saying she’s not worth the effort of making things nice for her visit.

She staying at their home for more than 1-2 nights. You don’t get guest treatment and pampering at that point.

Also, she’ll find something new to be critical of. At least that’s how my MIL works. If there’s nothing current to criticize, she’ll dig up something from our past. Rude people are rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she is cognitively rigid, kind of boring, doesn't have very good social skills and is unsure how else to interact.

Paper towels vs napkins is not a thing worth mentioning. It's the kind of thing boring people talk about. Same with making the same "cartoon room" joke over and over.

I would just ignore and maybe try to steer the conversation toward things she can talk about. I'm going to guess she doesn't have a lot going on in her life if these are the conversation contributions she is making. Maybe ask her to reminisce about when she was a little girl?

Also, when all else fails I get my MIL to stop bringing up something by pretending I think she is developing dementia. "Yes, Larla, these are paper towels. Do you remember that's what we had a lunch time as well? You commented on it then, too. Do you remember that? Are you ok?" I only break that out when necessary, though.

This is the correct answer here.

Agree. Also, with respect to OP’s question of how to not be driven insane by this behavior, I find it best to just think of the person who acts this way as a sad, limited person deserving of pity. Also work on feeling grateful that DH didn’t turn out like her.