No kids wedding...except there were kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m having a wedding this fall and inviting a handful of nieces and nephews, but none age 5 and under, and none who are young adults I’ve not seen for over 5 years. It’s not my responsibility to host a family reunion.

x100000000

THIS.

[Anonymous]

I think this issue here was transparency. If you say you are having a kid free wedding, that is what guests expect. And when they have gone out of their way to accommodate that and then find out that you made an exception for 10 kids, they will be annoyed. The bride and groom decide who to invite, but if my kids aren’t invited and other people’s are, I will decline if it is a hassle for me to attend without my kids. Clearly, in that scenario, the bride and groom value other people more than me (as is their right), so I get to decide how much inconvenience I am willing to put up with for them.

Bottom line, don’t lie to your guests to get them to come to your wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for Dc: I’m in an out of town wedding this summer for a childhood friend who does not have kids. I have three young kids. My husband and mom are also invited and attending. We’re all staying at the hotel. She has grudgingly allowed us to have the kids at the ceremony and cocktail hour. Is it rude of me to take her up on it? If they don’t attend, my husband will skip the ceremony and skulk around with them at the hotel (they won’t be dressed up so they can’t really just be around the common areas to watch). If they are half invited, at least I can get them proper outfits and they will probably only hang out for an hour or so before bedtime (ceremony is at 6:30).

If you want to do this, then you should. I guarantee you that it will be a much bigger PITA for you than it will be for your friend.

It depends...I would probably not bring the kids since your friend only "grudgingly" allowed it. But be clear w/ her (in a nice way of course!) that if the kids don't come, your husband won't come either. Or could you have your mom babysit the kids if your husband really wanted to go?

She wants my mom in attendance as well. The above is what I did, which is when she agreed to allow their presence at the ceremony and cocktail hour.

I went through a lot of this at my brother’s wedding. SIL (and my mom) wanted my kids to get all dressed up and come to be in photos and be there for the beginning of the cocktail hour, then disappear.

They are human beings. They aren’t accessories that you can pull out and put away when they aren’t convenient. We ended up not getting them dressed up, hiring a couple of sitters through an agency, and hosting a “kid party” in the hotel for the kids of the wedding guests. At one point, the babysitters taught all the kids some kind of line dance, and they came down and did it in front of everyone (with my brother’s permission). So they did have a cameo.

But yeah, getting kids dressed up while I am also trying to function as bridesmaid, and then inviting them to only the most objectively boring part of the party sounds like hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this issue here was transparency. If you say you are having a kid free wedding, that is what guests expect. And when they have gone out of their way to accommodate that and then find out that you made an exception for 10 kids, they will be annoyed. The bride and groom decide who to invite, but if my kids aren’t invited and other people’s are, I will decline if it is a hassle for me to attend without my kids. Clearly, in that scenario, the bride and groom value other people more than me (as is their right), so I get to decide how much inconvenience I am willing to put up with for them.

Bottom line, don’t lie to your guests to get them to come to your wedding.

My husband and I were recently invited to a wedding; my children were not. It never occurred to me to wonder or ask whether any other kids would be there. When I arrived, I didn’t sniff around to find out if that 6yo eating cake at Table 3 was the bride’s niece/the child of the sister in the wedding party. Know why? Because I was at Table 4, enjoying my own damn cake.

What is wrong with you people, honestly? Sometimes, DH and I attend wedding and have my parents stay with our kids. In some cases, the one of us directly connected to the bride or groom attends the wedding, and the other one of us stays home with the kids. If our kids are invited, great! If not, fine. An invitation is not a summons, and so we know if attending would be a hardship, we decline. Or one of us goes. Or both of us go and we eat cake and have hotel sex.

Honestly, again, what is wrong with you hall monitor types?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I don't get is...you guys want to bring your kids to a wedding? I'd rather have a night to just enjoy myself with DH while my kid is happy at home (or even in a hotel room) with a sitter. I don't want to be wrangling my kid the whole time.

+1

Neither do the parents - they just want their snowflake to run around, cause chaos and do WTH they want, bride and groom be damned. It's the snowflakes day after all, don't you know?!

[Anonymous]

I’ve been to very few weddings where absolutely no kids were in attendance. Of course some children directly related to the bride and groom would be invited while other guests’s children might not be. This is fairly standard and not something to take personal offense to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I don't get is...you guys want to bring your kids to a wedding? I'd rather have a night to just enjoy myself with DH while my kid is happy at home (or even in a hotel room) with a sitter. I don't want to be wrangling my kid the whole time.

+1

Neither do the parents - they just want their snowflake to run around, cause chaos and do WTH they want, bride and groom be damned. It's the snowflakes day after all, don't you know?!

Dammit it's just so hard to find a sitter. What a hassle. I have to pick up my phone and text someone to ask if they are available. It's like the bride and groom don't value me at all. The real kicker is when I can't bring the dog. What will Muffin do for the 6 hours I'm away? If I see the bride's dog there I'm going to stomp out in a fury and take my toaster with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this issue here was transparency. If you say you are having a kid free wedding, that is what guests expect. And when they have gone out of their way to accommodate that and then find out that you made an exception for 10 kids, they will be annoyed. The bride and groom decide who to invite, but if my kids aren’t invited and other people’s are, I will decline if it is a hassle for me to attend without my kids. Clearly, in that scenario, the bride and groom value other people more than me (as is their right), so I get to decide how much inconvenience I am willing to put up with for them.

Bottom line, don’t lie to your guests to get them to come to your wedding.

My husband and I were recently invited to a wedding; my children were not. It never occurred to me to wonder or ask whether any other kids would be there. When I arrived, I didn’t sniff around to find out if that 6yo eating cake at Table 3 was the bride’s niece/the child of the sister in the wedding party. Know why? Because I was at Table 4, enjoying my own damn cake.

What is wrong with you people, honestly? Sometimes, DH and I attend wedding and have my parents stay with our kids. In some cases, the one of us directly connected to the bride or groom attends the wedding, and the other one of us stays home with the kids. If our kids are invited, great! If not, fine. An invitation is not a summons, and so we know if attending would be a hardship, we decline. Or one of us goes. Or both of us go and we eat cake and have hotel sex.

Honestly, again, what is wrong with you hall monitor types?

+1. I don’t understand how some of these pps function in life. Every single day must be a massive disappointment to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I don't get is...you guys want to bring your kids to a wedding? I'd rather have a night to just enjoy myself with DH while my kid is happy at home (or even in a hotel room) with a sitter. I don't want to be wrangling my kid the whole time.

+1

Neither do the parents - they just want their snowflake to run around, cause chaos and do WTH they want, bride and groom be damned. It's the snowflakes day after all, don't you know?!

Dammit it's just so hard to find a sitter. What a hassle. I have to pick up my phone and text someone to ask if they are available. It's like the bride and groom don't value me at all. The real kicker is when I can't bring the dog. What will Muffin do for the 6 hours I'm away? If I see the bride's dog there I'm going to stomp out in a fury and take my toaster with me.

Not a problem to find a sitter for an in-town wedding. It is out-of-town weddings that are a challenge. And if you are able to have family stay with your kids or your kid will do fine with a random stranger in a hotel, then consider yourself fortunate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I don't get is...you guys want to bring your kids to a wedding? I'd rather have a night to just enjoy myself with DH while my kid is happy at home (or even in a hotel room) with a sitter. I don't want to be wrangling my kid the whole time.

+1

Neither do the parents - they just want their snowflake to run around, cause chaos and do WTH they want, bride and groom be damned. It's the snowflakes day after all, don't you know?!

Dammit it's just so hard to find a sitter. What a hassle. I have to pick up my phone and text someone to ask if they are available. It's like the bride and groom don't value me at all. The real kicker is when I can't bring the dog. What will Muffin do for the 6 hours I'm away? If I see the bride's dog there I'm going to stomp out in a fury and take my toaster with me.

It is a hassle to find a sitter to come up a hotel in a town you have never been to before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No kids weddings mean they don't want you there. They just want your gift.

/hard pass

Not true at all! If they are in their 30s and most of the people they know have kids they don’t want 60 kids running around the place. Completely understandable. I have 3 kids and would not take any offense to a friend not being able to accommodate my whole family. I’d go alone or get a sitter and go with DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I don't get is...you guys want to bring your kids to a wedding? I'd rather have a night to just enjoy myself with DH while my kid is happy at home (or even in a hotel room) with a sitter. I don't want to be wrangling my kid the whole time.

+1

Neither do the parents - they just want their snowflake to run around, cause chaos and do WTH they want, bride and groom be damned. It's the snowflakes day after all, don't you know?!

Dammit it's just so hard to find a sitter. What a hassle. I have to pick up my phone and text someone to ask if they are available. It's like the bride and groom don't value me at all. The real kicker is when I can't bring the dog. What will Muffin do for the 6 hours I'm away? If I see the bride's dog there I'm going to stomp out in a fury and take my toaster with me.

It is a hassle to find a sitter to come up a hotel in a town you have never been to before.

So don't go. It's not that hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this issue here was transparency. If you say you are having a kid free wedding, that is what guests expect. And when they have gone out of their way to accommodate that and then find out that you made an exception for 10 kids, they will be annoyed. The bride and groom decide who to invite, but if my kids aren’t invited and other people’s are, I will decline if it is a hassle for me to attend without my kids. Clearly, in that scenario, the bride and groom value other people more than me (as is their right), so I get to decide how much inconvenience I am willing to put up with for them.

Bottom line, don’t lie to your guests to get them to come to your wedding.

My husband and I were recently invited to a wedding; my children were not. It never occurred to me to wonder or ask whether any other kids would be there. When I arrived, I didn’t sniff around to find out if that 6yo eating cake at Table 3 was the bride’s niece/the child of the sister in the wedding party. Know why? Because I was at Table 4, enjoying my own damn cake.

What is wrong with you people, honestly? Sometimes, DH and I attend wedding and have my parents stay with our kids. In some cases, the one of us directly connected to the bride or groom attends the wedding, and the other one of us stays home with the kids. If our kids are invited, great! If not, fine. An invitation is not a summons, and so we know if attending would be a hardship, we decline. Or one of us goes. Or both of us go and we eat cake and have hotel sex.

Honestly, again, what is wrong with you hall monitor types?

Oh come on. The OP didn’t have half the resources you do, yet she still went, brought her husband, and got a babysitter for her child. She’s not even going to get to have hotel sex because the kid is going to be there. What else do you want her to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I don't get is...you guys want to bring your kids to a wedding? I'd rather have a night to just enjoy myself with DH while my kid is happy at home (or even in a hotel room) with a sitter. I don't want to be wrangling my kid the whole time.

+1

Neither do the parents - they just want their snowflake to run around, cause chaos and do WTH they want, bride and groom be damned. It's the snowflakes day after all, don't you know?!

Dammit it's just so hard to find a sitter. What a hassle. I have to pick up my phone and text someone to ask if they are available. It's like the bride and groom don't value me at all. The real kicker is when I can't bring the dog. What will Muffin do for the 6 hours I'm away? If I see the bride's dog there I'm going to stomp out in a fury and take my toaster with me.

It is a hassle to find a sitter to come up a hotel in a town you have never been to before.

If you are unable to figure out a way to go to a wedding without bringing your kids, who are not invited, you can’t go. If the the bride is your bff and really really wants you there and you’ve explained this to her but she still doesn’t want your kids there it sounds like she’d prefer to have the whole family decline than invite the kids. So decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I don't get is...you guys want to bring your kids to a wedding? I'd rather have a night to just enjoy myself with DH while my kid is happy at home (or even in a hotel room) with a sitter. I don't want to be wrangling my kid the whole time.

+1

Neither do the parents - they just want their snowflake to run around, cause chaos and do WTH they want, bride and groom be damned. It's the snowflakes day after all, don't you know?!

Dammit it's just so hard to find a sitter. What a hassle. I have to pick up my phone and text someone to ask if they are available. It's like the bride and groom don't value me at all. The real kicker is when I can't bring the dog. What will Muffin do for the 6 hours I'm away? If I see the bride's dog there I'm going to stomp out in a fury and take my toaster with me.

It is a hassle to find a sitter to come up a hotel in a town you have never been to before.

So don't go. It's not that hard.

Wow. Is it really so hard to just tell your sister or your friend or whoever you invited to your wedding, “Thanks for making it work.”