No kids wedding...except there were kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:One of my friends is marrying in her mid 30s. EVERYONE she knows has kids and babies. Her kid count was higher than her adult count (a lot have 3 kids). DC weddings are $200+ a person and often kids aren't any cheaper. In addition to the cost, when people bring their kids, they usually have to leave around 9pm, kids are often on the dance floor rolling like logs and preventing people from dancing, and kids run around.

She did however want her niece and nephew there. Her sister has to fly in for the wedding and couldn't leave them at home, whereas all the other people with kids are local and can get babysitters easily. Her niece and nephew are both 7 and will remember the wedding and care about coming.

I see nothing wrong with inviting some kids and not others. I invited my first cousins (teenagers) when I got married, but not my coworker's kids (toddlers).

7 year olds will definitely not remember the wedding, and 10 year olds might barely remember the wedding. If you want the kids in the photos, fine, but don't pretend the kids want to be there, or actually care.

An 8 year old I know very well was devastated not to be invited to her uncle’s wedding, but okay.

"Devastated"?? Sure.

Do you not know any 8 year olds? She was super hurt. Not all of them would be but this is within the range of normal for that age.

Blame yourselves for your hurt kids who shouldn’t have even known about or expected to be invited. That’s all on the parents.

I’m sorry but that’s ridiculous. Obviously an 8 year old knows about a family wedding and may have been to other weddings. No one needs to suggest something to an 8 year old for them to independently have ideas and feelings of their own.

Look, it’s fine to exclude children and draw your boundary. Own it. Your niece and nephew may be disappointed and everyone will deal (this family did) — but you don’t get to blame their parents for their feelings, of all things. 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends is marrying in her mid 30s. EVERYONE she knows has kids and babies. Her kid count was higher than her adult count (a lot have 3 kids). DC weddings are $200+ a person and often kids aren't any cheaper. In addition to the cost, when people bring their kids, they usually have to leave around 9pm, kids are often on the dance floor rolling like logs and preventing people from dancing, and kids run around.

She did however want her niece and nephew there. Her sister has to fly in for the wedding and couldn't leave them at home, whereas all the other people with kids are local and can get babysitters easily. Her niece and nephew are both 7 and will remember the wedding and care about coming.

I see nothing wrong with inviting some kids and not others. I invited my first cousins (teenagers) when I got married, but not my coworker's kids (toddlers).

7 year olds will definitely not remember the wedding, and 10 year olds might barely remember the wedding. If you want the kids in the photos, fine, but don't pretend the kids want to be there, or actually care.

An 8 year old I know very well was devastated not to be invited to her uncle’s wedding, but okay.

"Devastated"?? Sure.

Do you not know any 8 year olds? She was super hurt. Not all of them would be but this is within the range of normal for that age.

Blame yourselves for your hurt kids who shouldn’t have even known about or expected to be invited. That’s all on the parents.

I’m sorry but that’s ridiculous. Obviously an 8 year old knows about a family wedding and may have been to other weddings. No one needs to suggest something to an 8 year old for them to independently have ideas and feelings of their own.

Look, it’s fine to exclude children and draw your boundary. Own it. Your niece and nephew may be disappointed and everyone will deal (this family did) — but you don’t get to blame their parents for their feelings, of all things. 🙄

DP here. the parents tend to hype things up, in situations such as these. Kids hear you, they are not stupid. Stop trying to make them your puppets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends is marrying in her mid 30s. EVERYONE she knows has kids and babies. Her kid count was higher than her adult count (a lot have 3 kids). DC weddings are $200+ a person and often kids aren't any cheaper. In addition to the cost, when people bring their kids, they usually have to leave around 9pm, kids are often on the dance floor rolling like logs and preventing people from dancing, and kids run around.

She did however want her niece and nephew there. Her sister has to fly in for the wedding and couldn't leave them at home, whereas all the other people with kids are local and can get babysitters easily. Her niece and nephew are both 7 and will remember the wedding and care about coming.

I see nothing wrong with inviting some kids and not others. I invited my first cousins (teenagers) when I got married, but not my coworker's kids (toddlers).

+1. Kids do not want to sit at the table and wait out 4-8 hours of speeches and adults trying to dance without getting cake smeared all over their best clothes. GTFOH. I have seen older people trip over running kids at a wedding, it was quite a catastrophe. Kids and weddings don't mix.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I know this is an old thread... but I really hate when people say no kids and then still invite kids.

If an event is truly 18+ or 21+ that is totally fine! Say that! But dont say "no kids" and then invite other peoples kids. Just invite the adults.

I had an 18+ wedding. No kids were invited, no kids attended.

It's their party and they can do what they want to.

It's improper etiquette and poor hosting.

But sure, they can also charge people a cover fee. It's their party. Doesnt not make it tacky and rude.

This is not strictly true -- there is no specific etiquette rule that says if you invite some children to a wedding, you must allow all guests to bring their kids.

We only invited the kids of our immediate family because, for space reasons, this allowed us to invite more friends and also to ensure anyone who wanted to bring a date could (not just people who were married or in longterm relationships). Would it have been more polite invite the kids of our friends who had them, but then not invite 15 more friends we really did want to be there? Or tell our unmarried friends they aren't allowed to bring a date? Sometimes you have to make choices.

Charging a cover or making people pay for their drinks is a totally different matter. That's bad hosting because if you invite someone to a wedding, you should be providing them with food and drink. But not inviting every single child of every single guest is not automatically rude unless you are weirdly targeted about it (which most people are not -- in OP's case, it was only the children of the wedding party who were invited, which makes sense because they have more wedding obligations and also those kids are more likely to be known to, and important to, the bride and groom).

Please re-read what I wrote, I never said if you invite some kids you have to invite all. I said it's improper to write "no kids" or "adults only" when there will, in fact, be kids attending. That's it! Invite who you want, just don't lie on your invitations.

They just don't want your kids. Get over it. Also parties that say 'no siblings' will also have siblings. Everyone knows how this works because if you don't spell it out people will show up with 6 extra uninvited guests. There will be some kids and some siblings, by design, they just don't want all the others there. Unless you just fell off a turnip truck you know this.

I don't have kids lol. So no, it's not about me or my kids. I just prefer old school etiquette, and lying to guests is not appropriate IMO.

DP here. Genius. Some people can't take no for an answer. I can think of one or two from our guest list that would pitch a fit, in one form or another. I did not think of lying to them about no kids, but would have, had I thought of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:One of my friends is marrying in her mid 30s. EVERYONE she knows has kids and babies. Her kid count was higher than her adult count (a lot have 3 kids). DC weddings are $200+ a person and often kids aren't any cheaper. In addition to the cost, when people bring their kids, they usually have to leave around 9pm, kids are often on the dance floor rolling like logs and preventing people from dancing, and kids run around.

She did however want her niece and nephew there. Her sister has to fly in for the wedding and couldn't leave them at home, whereas all the other people with kids are local and can get babysitters easily. Her niece and nephew are both 7 and will remember the wedding and care about coming.

I see nothing wrong with inviting some kids and not others. I invited my first cousins (teenagers) when I got married, but not my coworker's kids (toddlers).

7 year olds will definitely not remember the wedding, and 10 year olds might barely remember the wedding. If you want the kids in the photos, fine, but don't pretend the kids want to be there, or actually care.

An 8 year old I know very well was devastated not to be invited to her uncle’s wedding, but okay.

"Devastated"?? Sure.

Do you not know any 8 year olds? She was super hurt. Not all of them would be but this is within the range of normal for that age.

Blame yourselves for your hurt kids who shouldn’t have even known about or expected to be invited. That’s all on the parents.

I’m sorry but that’s ridiculous. Obviously an 8 year old knows about a family wedding and may have been to other weddings. No one needs to suggest something to an 8 year old for them to independently have ideas and feelings of their own.

Look, it’s fine to exclude children and draw your boundary. Own it. Your niece and nephew may be disappointed and everyone will deal (this family did) — but you don’t get to blame their parents for their feelings, of all things. 🙄

DP here. the parents tend to hype things up, in situations such as these. Kids hear you, they are not stupid. Stop trying to make them your puppets.

Do people think kids don’t notice if their parents leave town for an event? We left our kids behind for the first time when my oldest was 5, and the wedding was in another city. We talked about it as minimally as possible because we knew our 5yo wouldn’t like being excluded. It was all fine and I’m not saying the couple should have done anything different, but my 5yo noticed she was excluded and didn’t like it with us (the parents) saying as little as possible and making her time with grandma as fun as possible. Again this was fine, but I don’t know why it stretches credulity for some people that a child would have feelings about missing out on a family event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread reminded me of how hosting a wedding is how you learn what level of a$$hole all your friends and family are. Like most people will be like "oh thank you so much for inviting me to your wedding, happy for you guys." They will come or not depending on their availability or ability to travel (all reasonable). They might give an expensive gift or a small gift or just a card (all fine). But they will abide by the invitation. If it says plus one, they may bring a plus one or not. If it invites kids they might bring kids or not, but will let you know. Sometimes these lovely people will ask a clarifying question ("thank you so much for including our son in the invite -- will there be other kids his age? we are trying to decide if it makes sense to bring him") and that's welcome too -- good communication is great.

And then some percentage of your invite list will do one of the following:
- ask to bring their kids, and when you kindly say you can't accommodate them because of venue size, bring them anyway, thus pissing off the other four guests who also wanted to bring kids and who you also told you could not accommodate
- not RSVP at all, and show up anyway
- bring a plus one without even telling you they were thinking of doing this
- bring their kids and their kids nanny and then be miffed when you have nowhere for these unexpected people to sit
- call you 14 times the week before the wedding to ask if they can bring someone they didn't originally plan to bring, can they specify vegan meals, can they sit in the front row at the wedding, can they give a speech, etc.
- RSVP yes and not show up
- RSVP yes and show up halfway through the reception, wasted

And so on. Some people are normal and reasonable and know how the world works, and some people are melodramatic idiots with Main Character Syndrome. If you aren't sure yet who is who, host a wedding! They'll let you know.

+1 I am so in love with you. Every word is on point. I want to frame this post. Thank you. Well said, all of it. :Standing ovation:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends is marrying in her mid 30s. EVERYONE she knows has kids and babies. Her kid count was higher than her adult count (a lot have 3 kids). DC weddings are $200+ a person and often kids aren't any cheaper. In addition to the cost, when people bring their kids, they usually have to leave around 9pm, kids are often on the dance floor rolling like logs and preventing people from dancing, and kids run around.

She did however want her niece and nephew there. Her sister has to fly in for the wedding and couldn't leave them at home, whereas all the other people with kids are local and can get babysitters easily. Her niece and nephew are both 7 and will remember the wedding and care about coming.

I see nothing wrong with inviting some kids and not others. I invited my first cousins (teenagers) when I got married, but not my coworker's kids (toddlers).

7 year olds will definitely not remember the wedding, and 10 year olds might barely remember the wedding. If you want the kids in the photos, fine, but don't pretend the kids want to be there, or actually care.

An 8 year old I know very well was devastated not to be invited to her uncle’s wedding, but okay.

"Devastated"?? Sure.

Do you not know any 8 year olds? She was super hurt. Not all of them would be but this is within the range of normal for that age.

Blame yourselves for your hurt kids who shouldn’t have even known about or expected to be invited. That’s all on the parents.

I’m sorry but that’s ridiculous. Obviously an 8 year old knows about a family wedding and may have been to other weddings. No one needs to suggest something to an 8 year old for them to independently have ideas and feelings of their own.

Look, it’s fine to exclude children and draw your boundary. Own it. Your niece and nephew may be disappointed and everyone will deal (this family did) — but you don’t get to blame their parents for their feelings, of all things. 🙄

Own that it’s your job to manage expectations in your household. A lot if kids don’t care about weddings and don’t want to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends is marrying in her mid 30s. EVERYONE she knows has kids and babies. Her kid count was higher than her adult count (a lot have 3 kids). DC weddings are $200+ a person and often kids aren't any cheaper. In addition to the cost, when people bring their kids, they usually have to leave around 9pm, kids are often on the dance floor rolling like logs and preventing people from dancing, and kids run around.

She did however want her niece and nephew there. Her sister has to fly in for the wedding and couldn't leave them at home, whereas all the other people with kids are local and can get babysitters easily. Her niece and nephew are both 7 and will remember the wedding and care about coming.

I see nothing wrong with inviting some kids and not others. I invited my first cousins (teenagers) when I got married, but not my coworker's kids (toddlers).

7 year olds will definitely not remember the wedding, and 10 year olds might barely remember the wedding. If you want the kids in the photos, fine, but don't pretend the kids want to be there, or actually care.

An 8 year old I know very well was devastated not to be invited to her uncle’s wedding, but okay.

"Devastated"?? Sure.

Do you not know any 8 year olds? She was super hurt. Not all of them would be but this is within the range of normal for that age.

Blame yourselves for your hurt kids who shouldn’t have even known about or expected to be invited. That’s all on the parents.

I’m sorry but that’s ridiculous. Obviously an 8 year old knows about a family wedding and may have been to other weddings. No one needs to suggest something to an 8 year old for them to independently have ideas and feelings of their own.

Look, it’s fine to exclude children and draw your boundary. Own it. Your niece and nephew may be disappointed and everyone will deal (this family did) — but you don’t get to blame their parents for their feelings, of all things. 🙄

DP here. the parents tend to hype things up, in situations such as these. Kids hear you, they are not stupid. Stop trying to make them your puppets.

Do people think kids don’t notice if their parents leave town for an event? We left our kids behind for the first time when my oldest was 5, and the wedding was in another city. We talked about it as minimally as possible because we knew our 5yo wouldn’t like being excluded. It was all fine and I’m not saying the couple should have done anything different, but my 5yo noticed she was excluded and didn’t like it with us (the parents) saying as little as possible and making her time with grandma as fun as possible. Again this was fine, but I don’t know why it stretches credulity for some people that a child would have feelings about missing out on a family event.

Sorry don’t buy it. If you were leaving for a couples weekend you would just do it. Your kid is going to be excluded sometimes. If you can’t bear to be away for a weekend from each other then never go away again. But you’re letting a 5 yr call the shots here and that’s not how all families work. Don’t put this on the bride and groom that you can’t tell your kid no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends is marrying in her mid 30s. EVERYONE she knows has kids and babies. Her kid count was higher than her adult count (a lot have 3 kids). DC weddings are $200+ a person and often kids aren't any cheaper. In addition to the cost, when people bring their kids, they usually have to leave around 9pm, kids are often on the dance floor rolling like logs and preventing people from dancing, and kids run around.

She did however want her niece and nephew there. Her sister has to fly in for the wedding and couldn't leave them at home, whereas all the other people with kids are local and can get babysitters easily. Her niece and nephew are both 7 and will remember the wedding and care about coming.

I see nothing wrong with inviting some kids and not others. I invited my first cousins (teenagers) when I got married, but not my coworker's kids (toddlers).

7 year olds will definitely not remember the wedding, and 10 year olds might barely remember the wedding. If you want the kids in the photos, fine, but don't pretend the kids want to be there, or actually care.

An 8 year old I know very well was devastated not to be invited to her uncle’s wedding, but okay.

"Devastated"?? Sure.

Do you not know any 8 year olds? She was super hurt. Not all of them would be but this is within the range of normal for that age.

Blame yourselves for your hurt kids who shouldn’t have even known about or expected to be invited. That’s all on the parents.

I’m sorry but that’s ridiculous. Obviously an 8 year old knows about a family wedding and may have been to other weddings. No one needs to suggest something to an 8 year old for them to independently have ideas and feelings of their own.

Look, it’s fine to exclude children and draw your boundary. Own it. Your niece and nephew may be disappointed and everyone will deal (this family did) — but you don’t get to blame their parents for their feelings, of all things. 🙄

DP here. the parents tend to hype things up, in situations such as these. Kids hear you, they are not stupid. Stop trying to make them your puppets.

Do people think kids don’t notice if their parents leave town for an event? We left our kids behind for the first time when my oldest was 5, and the wedding was in another city. We talked about it as minimally as possible because we knew our 5yo wouldn’t like being excluded. It was all fine and I’m not saying the couple should have done anything different, but my 5yo noticed she was excluded and didn’t like it with us (the parents) saying as little as possible and making her time with grandma as fun as possible. Again this was fine, but I don’t know why it stretches credulity for some people that a child would have feelings about missing out on a family event.

Sorry don’t buy it. If you were leaving for a couples weekend you would just do it. Your kid is going to be excluded sometimes. If you can’t bear to be away for a weekend from each other then never go away again. But you’re letting a 5 yr call the shots here and that’s not how all families work. Don’t put this on the bride and groom that you can’t tell your kid no.

I feel like you did not read what I wrote.

This was our first trip away, not everyone does couples weekends on the regular. I absolutely have no problem with the no kids policy on that wedding and we did it and everyone lived. The question was whether children have feelings about being excluded. I’m guessing the parents for whom it is a bigger deal to leave the kids are the ones who don’t do that on the regular.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends is marrying in her mid 30s. EVERYONE she knows has kids and babies. Her kid count was higher than her adult count (a lot have 3 kids). DC weddings are $200+ a person and often kids aren't any cheaper. In addition to the cost, when people bring their kids, they usually have to leave around 9pm, kids are often on the dance floor rolling like logs and preventing people from dancing, and kids run around.

She did however want her niece and nephew there. Her sister has to fly in for the wedding and couldn't leave them at home, whereas all the other people with kids are local and can get babysitters easily. Her niece and nephew are both 7 and will remember the wedding and care about coming.

I see nothing wrong with inviting some kids and not others. I invited my first cousins (teenagers) when I got married, but not my coworker's kids (toddlers).

7 year olds will definitely not remember the wedding, and 10 year olds might barely remember the wedding. If you want the kids in the photos, fine, but don't pretend the kids want to be there, or actually care.

An 8 year old I know very well was devastated not to be invited to her uncle’s wedding, but okay.

"Devastated"?? Sure.

Do you not know any 8 year olds? She was super hurt. Not all of them would be but this is within the range of normal for that age.

Blame yourselves for your hurt kids who shouldn’t have even known about or expected to be invited. That’s all on the parents.

I’m sorry but that’s ridiculous. Obviously an 8 year old knows about a family wedding and may have been to other weddings. No one needs to suggest something to an 8 year old for them to independently have ideas and feelings of their own.

Look, it’s fine to exclude children and draw your boundary. Own it. Your niece and nephew may be disappointed and everyone will deal (this family did) — but you don’t get to blame their parents for their feelings, of all things. 🙄

Own that it’s your job to manage expectations in your household. A lot if kids don’t care about weddings and don’t want to go.

Absolutely the parents' job and yes, I'm sure that is true for many but not all kids. Just to be clear: a PP wrote "7 year olds will definitely not remember the wedding, and 10 year olds might barely remember the wedding. If you want the kids in the photos, fine, but don't pretend the kids want to be there, or actually care." That is what I and several others disagreed with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends is marrying in her mid 30s. EVERYONE she knows has kids and babies. Her kid count was higher than her adult count (a lot have 3 kids). DC weddings are $200+ a person and often kids aren't any cheaper. In addition to the cost, when people bring their kids, they usually have to leave around 9pm, kids are often on the dance floor rolling like logs and preventing people from dancing, and kids run around.

She did however want her niece and nephew there. Her sister has to fly in for the wedding and couldn't leave them at home, whereas all the other people with kids are local and can get babysitters easily. Her niece and nephew are both 7 and will remember the wedding and care about coming.

I see nothing wrong with inviting some kids and not others. I invited my first cousins (teenagers) when I got married, but not my coworker's kids (toddlers).

+1. Kids do not want to sit at the table and wait out 4-8 hours of speeches and adults trying to dance without getting cake smeared all over their best clothes. GTFOH. I have seen older people trip over running kids at a wedding, it was quite a catastrophe. Kids and weddings don't mix.

Are there adults who want to sit and wait out 4-8 hours of speeches?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends is marrying in her mid 30s. EVERYONE she knows has kids and babies. Her kid count was higher than her adult count (a lot have 3 kids). DC weddings are $200+ a person and often kids aren't any cheaper. In addition to the cost, when people bring their kids, they usually have to leave around 9pm, kids are often on the dance floor rolling like logs and preventing people from dancing, and kids run around.

She did however want her niece and nephew there. Her sister has to fly in for the wedding and couldn't leave them at home, whereas all the other people with kids are local and can get babysitters easily. Her niece and nephew are both 7 and will remember the wedding and care about coming.

I see nothing wrong with inviting some kids and not others. I invited my first cousins (teenagers) when I got married, but not my coworker's kids (toddlers).

7 year olds will definitely not remember the wedding, and 10 year olds might barely remember the wedding. If you want the kids in the photos, fine, but don't pretend the kids want to be there, or actually care.

An 8 year old I know very well was devastated not to be invited to her uncle’s wedding, but okay.

"Devastated"?? Sure.

Do you not know any 8 year olds? She was super hurt. Not all of them would be but this is within the range of normal for that age.

Blame yourselves for your hurt kids who shouldn’t have even known about or expected to be invited. That’s all on the parents.

I’m sorry but that’s ridiculous. Obviously an 8 year old knows about a family wedding and may have been to other weddings. No one needs to suggest something to an 8 year old for them to independently have ideas and feelings of their own.

Look, it’s fine to exclude children and draw your boundary. Own it. Your niece and nephew may be disappointed and everyone will deal (this family did) — but you don’t get to blame their parents for their feelings, of all things. 🙄

DP here. the parents tend to hype things up, in situations such as these. Kids hear you, they are not stupid. Stop trying to make them your puppets.

Do people think kids don’t notice if their parents leave town for an event? We left our kids behind for the first time when my oldest was 5, and the wedding was in another city. We talked about it as minimally as possible because we knew our 5yo wouldn’t like being excluded. It was all fine and I’m not saying the couple should have done anything different, but my 5yo noticed she was excluded and didn’t like it with us (the parents) saying as little as possible and making her time with grandma as fun as possible. Again this was fine, but I don’t know why it stretches credulity for some people that a child would have feelings about missing out on a family event.

Sorry don’t buy it. If you were leaving for a couples weekend you would just do it. Your kid is going to be excluded sometimes. If you can’t bear to be away for a weekend from each other then never go away again. But you’re letting a 5 yr call the shots here and that’s not how all families work. Don’t put this on the bride and groom that you can’t tell your kid no.

I feel like you did not read what I wrote.

This was our first trip away, not everyone does couples weekends on the regular. I absolutely have no problem with the no kids policy on that wedding and we did it and everyone lived. The question was whether children have feelings about being excluded. I’m guessing the parents for whom it is a bigger deal to leave the kids are the ones who don’t do that on the regular.

Right, so this was about you and your feelings. It's a HUGE deal for you to go away for a weekend and your kid totally picked up on that. Your kid doesn't know they are excluded if you don't tell them they are. A 5 yr old only knows that you're leaving. Managing expectations better instead of "oh how we wish you could go! It would be so fun! But alas, the bride says you can't go." Your kid felt excluded because you told her she was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends is marrying in her mid 30s. EVERYONE she knows has kids and babies. Her kid count was higher than her adult count (a lot have 3 kids). DC weddings are $200+ a person and often kids aren't any cheaper. In addition to the cost, when people bring their kids, they usually have to leave around 9pm, kids are often on the dance floor rolling like logs and preventing people from dancing, and kids run around.

She did however want her niece and nephew there. Her sister has to fly in for the wedding and couldn't leave them at home, whereas all the other people with kids are local and can get babysitters easily. Her niece and nephew are both 7 and will remember the wedding and care about coming.

I see nothing wrong with inviting some kids and not others. I invited my first cousins (teenagers) when I got married, but not my coworker's kids (toddlers).

7 year olds will definitely not remember the wedding, and 10 year olds might barely remember the wedding. If you want the kids in the photos, fine, but don't pretend the kids want to be there, or actually care.

An 8 year old I know very well was devastated not to be invited to her uncle’s wedding, but okay.

"Devastated"?? Sure.

Do you not know any 8 year olds? She was super hurt. Not all of them would be but this is within the range of normal for that age.

Blame yourselves for your hurt kids who shouldn’t have even known about or expected to be invited. That’s all on the parents.

I’m sorry but that’s ridiculous. Obviously an 8 year old knows about a family wedding and may have been to other weddings. No one needs to suggest something to an 8 year old for them to independently have ideas and feelings of their own.

Look, it’s fine to exclude children and draw your boundary. Own it. Your niece and nephew may be disappointed and everyone will deal (this family did) — but you don’t get to blame their parents for their feelings, of all things. 🙄

Own that it’s your job to manage expectations in your household. A lot if kids don’t care about weddings and don’t want to go.

Absolutely the parents' job and yes, I'm sure that is true for many but not all kids. Just to be clear: a PP wrote "7 year olds will definitely not remember the wedding, and 10 year olds might barely remember the wedding. If you want the kids in the photos, fine, but don't pretend the kids want to be there, or actually care." That is what I and several others disagreed with.

What does a 7 year old know about a wedding? Have they been to many before? Where did they get the idea this was a party for them that they would even be included in? If my kids asked if they could go I'd just say "Sorry adults only" and they would be find b/c an adults only party isn't something they would be interested in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kids in the wedding party are the normal exception. That apparently goes for little dogs, too. Just attended a wedding where a pair of chihuahuas carried the rings. Doesn’t mean everyone else was welcome to bring their fur babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my friends is marrying in her mid 30s. EVERYONE she knows has kids and babies. Her kid count was higher than her adult count (a lot have 3 kids). DC weddings are $200+ a person and often kids aren't any cheaper. In addition to the cost, when people bring their kids, they usually have to leave around 9pm, kids are often on the dance floor rolling like logs and preventing people from dancing, and kids run around.

She did however want her niece and nephew there. Her sister has to fly in for the wedding and couldn't leave them at home, whereas all the other people with kids are local and can get babysitters easily. Her niece and nephew are both 7 and will remember the wedding and care about coming.

I see nothing wrong with inviting some kids and not others. I invited my first cousins (teenagers) when I got married, but not my coworker's kids (toddlers).

7 year olds will definitely not remember the wedding, and 10 year olds might barely remember the wedding. If you want the kids in the photos, fine, but don't pretend the kids want to be there, or actually care.

An 8 year old I know very well was devastated not to be invited to her uncle’s wedding, but okay.

"Devastated"?? Sure.

Do you not know any 8 year olds? She was super hurt. Not all of them would be but this is within the range of normal for that age.

Blame yourselves for your hurt kids who shouldn’t have even known about or expected to be invited. That’s all on the parents.

I’m sorry but that’s ridiculous. Obviously an 8 year old knows about a family wedding and may have been to other weddings. No one needs to suggest something to an 8 year old for them to independently have ideas and feelings of their own.

Look, it’s fine to exclude children and draw your boundary. Own it. Your niece and nephew may be disappointed and everyone will deal (this family did) — but you don’t get to blame their parents for their feelings, of all things. 🙄

Own that it’s your job to manage expectations in your household. A lot if kids don’t care about weddings and don’t want to go.

Absolutely the parents' job and yes, I'm sure that is true for many but not all kids. Just to be clear: a PP wrote "7 year olds will definitely not remember the wedding, and 10 year olds might barely remember the wedding. If you want the kids in the photos, fine, but don't pretend the kids want to be there, or actually care." That is what I and several others disagreed with.

What does a 7 year old know about a wedding? Have they been to many before? Where did they get the idea this was a party for them that they would even be included in? If my kids asked if they could go I'd just say "Sorry adults only" and they would be find b/c an adults only party isn't something they would be interested in.

What on earth? You're against having kids at weddings - ok. But to act like a normal 7 year old doesn't know what one is and that it's a big deal?