I hate when people assume I have a ton of free time because I SAH

[Anonymous]

I’m a working mom, and I spend exactly zero time thinking about how SAHMs spend their time. We really aren’t thinking about you OP; we’ve got our own stuff to worry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone's boundaries and capacities are different regardless of SAH or WOH. We all know (or are!) SAH parents who stay home precisely so they CAN be involved with the PTA, have more time for working out or working around the house, be the one who volunteers to pick up random things for the kids' classroom, etc. So it's a little rich to sneer that yes, you stay at home, but you are still omg too busy to do these things. The better tack is to graciously hold your boundary if there is ever an incorrect assumption of how you specifically choose to use your time: "I'm sorry, I'm not available to do x at y time." Don't make it a thing.

Well said. And it's certainly reasonable to assume that a SAHM has more free time than a WOH mom!

Not if the children are under the age of 3 (or 4, depending on when they start PK). Being the full time caregiver for a 2 year old will absolutely melt your brain. The idea that it's easier for someone in that situation to do things for other people is crazy. To go back to OP's original point, imagine if you hired a nanny to care for your 2 year old and then the nanny was like "ok, but I've got a bunch of volunteer stuff to do for the PTA at my kid's school, and also I need to run some errands for some of my friends and neighbors, and pick up my sister's friends from school because she has a real job."

A 2 year old is a full time, exhausting job. Full stop. Anyone with kids, whether you SAHed or not, should know that. If you have ever spent 2-3 hours caring for a child this age, you should understand that it does not lend itself to a leisurely life of volunteer work and getting in workouts. When I was a SAHM of a child this age, I probably showered twice a week and regularly just ate cheese slices and an orange for 90% of my meals because I barely had time to take care of myself, much less do favors for friends.

You are crazy. Please, a 2 year old often times will nap, can be easily entertained by some pots and pans, and guess what, toss them in the stroller put in the airpods and you can make a leisurely call while your charge is entertained by squirrels and garbage trucks.

Yes this post from a stay at home mom who didn’t have time to eat or shower when their child was two is insane. Completely insane. You did it wrong!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone's boundaries and capacities are different regardless of SAH or WOH. We all know (or are!) SAH parents who stay home precisely so they CAN be involved with the PTA, have more time for working out or working around the house, be the one who volunteers to pick up random things for the kids' classroom, etc. So it's a little rich to sneer that yes, you stay at home, but you are still omg too busy to do these things. The better tack is to graciously hold your boundary if there is ever an incorrect assumption of how you specifically choose to use your time: "I'm sorry, I'm not available to do x at y time." Don't make it a thing.

Well said. And it's certainly reasonable to assume that a SAHM has more free time than a WOH mom!

Not if the children are under the age of 3 (or 4, depending on when they start PK). Being the full time caregiver for a 2 year old will absolutely melt your brain. The idea that it's easier for someone in that situation to do things for other people is crazy. To go back to OP's original point, imagine if you hired a nanny to care for your 2 year old and then the nanny was like "ok, but I've got a bunch of volunteer stuff to do for the PTA at my kid's school, and also I need to run some errands for some of my friends and neighbors, and pick up my sister's friends from school because she has a real job."

A 2 year old is a full time, exhausting job. Full stop. Anyone with kids, whether you SAHed or not, should know that. If you have ever spent 2-3 hours caring for a child this age, you should understand that it does not lend itself to a leisurely life of volunteer work and getting in workouts. When I was a SAHM of a child this age, I probably showered twice a week and regularly just ate cheese slices and an orange for 90% of my meals because I barely had time to take care of myself, much less do favors for friends.

You are crazy. Please, a 2 year old often times will nap, can be easily entertained by some pots and pans, and guess what, toss them in the stroller put in the airpods and you can make a leisurely call while your charge is entertained by squirrels and garbage trucks.

Yes this post from a stay at home mom who didn’t have time to eat or shower when their child was two is insane. Completely insane. You did it wrong!

+1. That is just sad. Newborn with colic, maybe. 2yo, NFW

[Anonymous]

My two year old has special needs and I guarantee you is more difficult than the average kid and I still find a day just me and him to be more leisurely than my very busy job. You’re nuts PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get your point OP (and I've always been a WOHM). Some working parents will pay their nannies big bucks and implement all kinds of rules on what their nannies should be doing for 8 hours but devalue it when a parent wants to do it on their own and tell them they are doing it wrong if they don't have free time and aren't stress-free. It's ridiculous. I've said it before and I stand by this--this SAH vs WOH/WAH debate has always boiled down to people who are insecure or unhappy in their own working situations projecting that bitterness onto the opposite side to make themselves feel better. For the most part, my friends (and I think most people) are all pretty happy with their varying work situations and we never talk about it because it's not an issue. Most people don't care and you need to ignore those who insult you as long as it works for YOU.

100%. I would prefer not to be a working parent but I absolutely don't have a choice. I would love to drop off school supplies in the middle of the day or call my parents while taking the 2-year-old for a walk (or find I still don't have the time! Just give me the chance). I struggle with jealousy, especially when I hear SAHs complain, but I don't understand wanting that person to feel bad.

I hear you. Staying at home wasn’t possible for me. I don’t believe in the “war” between WAH and SAH that some try to invent. I felt jealous, for sure, but I didn’t feel like I was at war with those could afford to stay home.

Anyway, I’d love to have run those errands and spent more time doing real life stuff with my little kid on work days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You have more time than someone that works all day and has child care and household responsibilities at night. Makes sense?

Exactly. No one is saying you are lounging around doing nothing, but imagine being at work 8 hours a day, plus an hour commute each way, and then tack on seeing your child for an hour or two in the evening and then needing to call your parents to check in.

The difference is that a SAH probably doesn't have a cleaning service and it's likely that her DH has dumped his chores on her because ' she has free time'. In reality, the house is getting more messed up from DC being home all day vs. in daycare so SAH has more cleaning not less. The SAH mom is doing all the childcare, all the extra housework and all the cooking. When I worked in an office I could take long lunches, shop on line, have long adult conversations, go to happy hour after work. Going to work in an office was 10X easier than being a SAH.

Okay. And not everyone has a full-time job with so much free time. I ran from meeting to meeting, dealt with both nice and toxic people all day, navigated people’s power plays, and also managed to do some actual work plus commute an hour both ways. I didn’t do happy hour bc I wanted to go home and see my kid.

Working was easier for you but not for everyone.

[Anonymous]

i don’t understand why so many of you who claim to be “so busy” (work or sahm) have time to debate this issue so long online. Go do some dishes, all of you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get your point OP (and I've always been a WOHM). Some working parents will pay their nannies big bucks and implement all kinds of rules on what their nannies should be doing for 8 hours but devalue it when a parent wants to do it on their own and tell them they are doing it wrong if they don't have free time and aren't stress-free. It's ridiculous. I've said it before and I stand by this--this SAH vs WOH/WAH debate has always boiled down to people who are insecure or unhappy in their own working situations projecting that bitterness onto the opposite side to make themselves feel better. For the most part, my friends (and I think most people) are all pretty happy with their varying work situations and we never talk about it because it's not an issue. Most people don't care and you need to ignore those who insult you as long as it works for YOU.

100%. I would prefer not to be a working parent but I absolutely don't have a choice. I would love to drop off school supplies in the middle of the day or call my parents while taking the 2-year-old for a walk (or find I still don't have the time! Just give me the chance). I struggle with jealousy, especially when I hear SAHs complain, but I don't understand wanting that person to feel bad.

I hear you. Staying at home wasn’t possible for me. I don’t believe in the “war” between WAH and SAH that some try to invent. I felt jealous, for sure, but I didn’t feel like I was at war with those could afford to stay home.

Anyway, I’d love to have run those errands and spent more time doing real life stuff with my little kid on work days.

In the same boat where I wish I could stay at home but it’s not financially feasible. I don’t think I’m “at war” with SAHM or moms who work very part time, but my friends in those situations definitely project that their situation is the ideal and mine is something to be pitied.

[Anonymous]

The SAHM job is one of the hardest - totally undervalued and underestimated.

[Anonymous]

What a tired topic.

[Anonymous]

Well the truth is you do have more time than a woh mom who has 8 + hrs of her day dictated by others

Your 8 hours during that same time are yours to manage how you want and the truth is a lot of people suck at time management and fill in with hours with busy work that exhaust but do nothing.

SAHMs who have been home for years and never really worked also lack so many basic office skills - create a simple formatted doc, make a slide, create a simple spreadsheet - that WOHMs take for granted and do all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well the truth is you do have more time than a woh mom who has 8 + hrs of her day dictated by others

Your 8 hours during that same time are yours to manage how you want and the truth is a lot of people suck at time management and fill in with hours with busy work that exhaust but do nothing.

SAHMs who have been home for years and never really worked also lack so many basic office skills - create a simple formatted doc, make a slide, create a simple spreadsheet - that WOHMs take for granted and do all the time.

I have been a working mom and now a SAHM.

I recently told a friend that I did much more volunteering when I was a working mom than now that I’m a SAHM. I had far more energy when I was working. It was easy to make phone calls, write emails, make a flyer without a baby/toddler. It is hard to get anything done with a little human next to you. There is always something that needs to be done like dishes, laundry, etc and I have cleaners. It is just physically exhausting.

I have two masters and held senior positions. The reason I decided to stay home is because I felt I did not spend enough time with my children.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. I just wanted to add that I’m far better at office work and managing people than being home cooking and cleaning. I’m just terrible at it. I still cherish my time home. I plan to go back to work when my youngest is in elementary school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The SAHM job is one of the hardest - totally undervalued and underestimated.

It’s precisely valued. Nanny and housekeeper rates are readily available

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a working mom, and I spend exactly zero time thinking about how SAHMs spend their time. We really aren’t thinking about you OP; we’ve got our own stuff to worry about.

100%

I don’t know or care what my SAH neighbors and friends do with their time, beyond hoping we can meet up sometimes on the weekends. I host most of the play dates, too.