What is women’s obsession with “well-educated” men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a class issue. I have a graduate degree from a fancy school and grew up in a wealthy area, so I know a lot of UMC folks pretty well. But, my parents did not go to college, worked blue collar jobs, and were not into the whole UMC social scene. As a result, I know lots of people who are not "well educated" but read plenty, have diverse interests, and can hold their own in an intellectual conversation. They just did not go to college and do not work professional jobs. I also know lots of UMC women who would never consider dating any of those people, because they are not "well educated." The women will say it's about "ability to hold a conversation," but either they are ignorant or they are not being honest; plenty of these folks can hold a conversation. Instead, it really seems that they want someone who will fit in with their family and friends and is not too different. This is a class issue.

A degree is like a form of insurance.

If you are blue collar and the economy turns, you lose a job, etc. it’s harder to find work. Even Starbucks baristas have college degrees.

If you have a college degree it helps and if you have a graduate or professional degree it’s even more insurance (unless your loan debt is outrageous ).

It’s a tribe. Are you comfortable in a crowd with guys friends that didn’t finish high school or go to college and likely their girlfriends/wives too? I dated a few guys in 20s who never went to college and the women and crowd they hung out with I did not have much in common.

My husband came from a blue collar neighborhood, grew up very poor but got $ to go to a top university, speaks 3 languages fluently is well-read, Renaissance man that travels extensively. We can from different worlds.

Practically, the bolded is how I think about it. Are there plenty of intelligent, hard-working, decent people without college degrees who earn a good living? Sure. But college degrees afford many more options than without them, typically. That's why we encourage our kids to go to college and why DH's aunt insisted he attend, even though neither of his parents did. A bachelors degree gives you options. Graduate degrees can, too, of course, but they often come with a debt burden that may or may not be worth it.

Female STEM grad degree here. In the sciences, grad degrees are usually paid for. I got a full stipend that paid for my degree while I worked in lab and taught an undergrad bio 101 lab. The type of degree matters too. A PhD an Art History would have been lots of debt for me with no return.

PhDs are fully funded, regardless of the area. No debt involved. MAs are a different story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Builders? Tradespeople? Can always find a job, they are always needed, there is never a glut, IME. THAT is insurance.

I was a collections attorney. Plenty of people in the trades went long stretches being unemployed. Trust me on this. Also, lots of people who were formerly in the trades who were trying to get on disability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a class issue. I have a graduate degree from a fancy school and grew up in a wealthy area, so I know a lot of UMC folks pretty well. But, my parents did not go to college, worked blue collar jobs, and were not into the whole UMC social scene. As a result, I know lots of people who are not "well educated" but read plenty, have diverse interests, and can hold their own in an intellectual conversation. They just did not go to college and do not work professional jobs. I also know lots of UMC women who would never consider dating any of those people, because they are not "well educated." The women will say it's about "ability to hold a conversation," but either they are ignorant or they are not being honest; plenty of these folks can hold a conversation. Instead, it really seems that they want someone who will fit in with their family and friends and is not too different. This is a class issue.

A degree is like a form of insurance.

If you are blue collar and the economy turns, you lose a job, etc. it’s harder to find work. Even Starbucks baristas have college degrees.

If you have a college degree it helps and if you have a graduate or professional degree it’s even more insurance (unless your loan debt is outrageous ).

It’s a tribe. Are you comfortable in a crowd with guys friends that didn’t finish high school or go to college and likely their girlfriends/wives too? I dated a few guys in 20s who never went to college and the women and crowd they hung out with I did not have much in common.

My husband came from a blue collar neighborhood, grew up very poor but got $ to go to a top university, speaks 3 languages fluently is well-read, Renaissance man that travels extensively. We can from different worlds.

Practically, the bolded is how I think about it. Are there plenty of intelligent, hard-working, decent people without college degrees who earn a good living? Sure. But college degrees afford many more options than without them, typically. That's why we encourage our kids to go to college and why DH's aunt insisted he attend, even though neither of his parents did. A bachelors degree gives you options. Graduate degrees can, too, of course, but they often come with a debt burden that may or may not be worth it.

Female STEM grad degree here. In the sciences, grad degrees are usually paid for. I got a full stipend that paid for my degree while I worked in lab and taught an undergrad bio 101 lab. The type of degree matters too. A PhD an Art History would have been lots of debt for me with no return.

PhDs are fully funded, regardless of the area. No debt involved. MAs are a different story.

i still took out room and board student loans. Back when they were 1-2% from Citibank. Now Big Govt kicked private loans out of student lending and force everyone to pay 6.8% fixed rates for gov't loans -- in this low rate environment. What a crock!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ my spouse is from blue collar town in Ohio that has so much unemployment.

Manual labor has an age limit. There is physical work that can’t be done as you age. Add in a physical injury and you are done.

This is why my friend has been married to a SAHD for 12 years. When their second child was an infant, he was injured at work. He got $50k in a settlement, but that is nothing over a dozen years. Luckily, she has a college degree and a government job.

She probably is not telling you what his disability pay each year for life is.
My good friend hit a deer w her car on the way to a party once, tons of pins in her ankle now. She gets $50k a year disability because she was "driving to a union recruiting party" that night and got injured working. She does NOT tell people about her payouts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

DP. I want someone who understands my literary and historical allusions and has a cosmopolitan viewpoint that goes beyond their own experience and provides context to their views of current events. I know plenty of intelligent and well-educated men who also talk about sports and video games (though not to me generally). It's not about refusing someone who talks about X, Y, and Z; it's about wanting someone who can also talk about other things that are generally only taught through a formal education. I'm well-educated and spent time this week talking about Britney Spears. But I also spent time talking about different economic theories and how they have historically been interpreted through the political process and how Camus' The Plague anticipated some of the social response we've seen during COVID.

This reminds me of when I got an acquaintance's laughing admiration when I jumped from Road House to Foucault's "Panopticon." (Wish I could remember what connection occurred to me at the time.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a spin-off of another thread where a late 30s woman was asking how to meet men, and of course mentions the “well-educated” criterion multiple times.

I just don’t get this. And I should preface this by saying I’m a guy with an Ivy degree. But would you ladies not consider someone who owns his own construction business or a few Subway franchises and earns $150,000 per year? (Or we could make it 15 Subway franchises and an income of $600,000 if that is your requirement.) This is not about income – that part I understand.

But why the obsession with “well-educated” men? Do you not understand that for many people, going to college/graduate school is a terrible life decision? I mean, there was a recent article about NYU film grads coming out of the Master’s program with $30,000/year jobs and $250,000 in debt. Surely women in their late 30s recognize that the dating market is not skewed in their favor. Why add yet *another* filter that further winnows down your available options?

Thank you OP, for the right for the women to put "well-educated" in their dating profile desires. Surely you are not trying to argue with someone about what THEY are looking to headline in a future date. Thank you for respecting their right to put WTF they want in their posting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a class issue. I have a graduate degree from a fancy school and grew up in a wealthy area, so I know a lot of UMC folks pretty well. But, my parents did not go to college, worked blue collar jobs, and were not into the whole UMC social scene. As a result, I know lots of people who are not "well educated" but read plenty, have diverse interests, and can hold their own in an intellectual conversation. They just did not go to college and do not work professional jobs. I also know lots of UMC women who would never consider dating any of those people, because they are not "well educated." The women will say it's about "ability to hold a conversation," but either they are ignorant or they are not being honest; plenty of these folks can hold a conversation. Instead, it really seems that they want someone who will fit in with their family and friends and is not too different. This is a class issue.

A degree is like a form of insurance.

If you are blue collar and the economy turns, you lose a job, etc. it’s harder to find work. Even Starbucks baristas have college degrees.

If you have a college degree it helps and if you have a graduate or professional degree it’s even more insurance (unless your loan debt is outrageous ).

It’s a tribe. Are you comfortable in a crowd with guys friends that didn’t finish high school or go to college and likely their girlfriends/wives too? I dated a few guys in 20s who never went to college and the women and crowd they hung out with I did not have much in common.

My husband came from a blue collar neighborhood, grew up very poor but got $ to go to a top university, speaks 3 languages fluently is well-read, Renaissance man that travels extensively. We can from different worlds.

Practically, the bolded is how I think about it. Are there plenty of intelligent, hard-working, decent people without college degrees who earn a good living? Sure. But college degrees afford many more options than without them, typically. That's why we encourage our kids to go to college and why DH's aunt insisted he attend, even though neither of his parents did. A bachelors degree gives you options. Graduate degrees can, too, of course, but they often come with a debt burden that may or may not be worth it.

Female STEM grad degree here. In the sciences, grad degrees are usually paid for. I got a full stipend that paid for my degree while I worked in lab and taught an undergrad bio 101 lab. The type of degree matters too. A PhD an Art History would have been lots of debt for me with no return.

PhDs are fully funded, regardless of the area. No debt involved. MAs are a different story.

i still took out room and board student loans. Back when they were 1-2% from Citibank. Now Big Govt kicked private loans out of student lending and force everyone to pay 6.8% fixed rates for gov't loans -- in this low rate environment. What a crock!

You should never take out room and board loans for a PhD. If you’re at one of the top programs they will pay your way well enough — I saved money while in my PhD program. With this job market if you aren’t in a top program you should really think twice, as it may not work out even for top graduates.

[Anonymous]

OH gawd so taxpayers and endowment donations are paying for all these useless overeducated PhDs?

I'd only do a STEM one. even economics is overkill. like I ever use proofs and diffy Q at the IMF reports. Maybe SAS or STATA max and I learned that at the Fed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a class issue. I have a graduate degree from a fancy school and grew up in a wealthy area, so I know a lot of UMC folks pretty well. But, my parents did not go to college, worked blue collar jobs, and were not into the whole UMC social scene. As a result, I know lots of people who are not "well educated" but read plenty, have diverse interests, and can hold their own in an intellectual conversation. They just did not go to college and do not work professional jobs. I also know lots of UMC women who would never consider dating any of those people, because they are not "well educated." The women will say it's about "ability to hold a conversation," but either they are ignorant or they are not being honest; plenty of these folks can hold a conversation. Instead, it really seems that they want someone who will fit in with their family and friends and is not too different. This is a class issue.

A degree is like a form of insurance.

If you are blue collar and the economy turns, you lose a job, etc. it’s harder to find work. Even Starbucks baristas have college degrees.

If you have a college degree it helps and if you have a graduate or professional degree it’s even more insurance (unless your loan debt is outrageous ).

It’s a tribe. Are you comfortable in a crowd with guys friends that didn’t finish high school or go to college and likely their girlfriends/wives too? I dated a few guys in 20s who never went to college and the women and crowd they hung out with I did not have much in common.

My husband came from a blue collar neighborhood, grew up very poor but got $ to go to a top university, speaks 3 languages fluently is well-read, Renaissance man that travels extensively. We can from different worlds.

Practically, the bolded is how I think about it. Are there plenty of intelligent, hard-working, decent people without college degrees who earn a good living? Sure. But college degrees afford many more options than without them, typically. That's why we encourage our kids to go to college and why DH's aunt insisted he attend, even though neither of his parents did. A bachelors degree gives you options. Graduate degrees can, too, of course, but they often come with a debt burden that may or may not be worth it.

But a plumber earns 100k a year on average without the stress time and gray hairs if takes to earn a college degree. A good real estate agent is the same.

Working customer to customer is a lot more stressful way to support a family than having a salary and contract. If you’re a doctor, lawyer, professor, fed, etc. you are guaranteed to bring in a base minimum with things like benefits and retirement on top of that. Having to hustle to sell each job to get paid is pretty stressful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OH gawd so taxpayers and endowment donations are paying for all these useless overeducated PhDs?

I'd only do a STEM one. even economics is overkill. like I ever use proofs and diffy Q at the IMF reports. Maybe SAS or STATA max and I learned that at the Fed.

Sure, you know what most dictators do? Kill the intellectuals. If you’ve ever been in a country without higher education and research due to some kind of purge I guarantee you’d be singing a different song.

[Anonymous]

What about first generation college graduates?

If a man has blue-collar parents, who is to say he is not culturally blue collar even if he is the first one in his family to go to college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a spin-off of another thread where a late 30s woman was asking how to meet men, and of course mentions the “well-educated” criterion multiple times.

I just don’t get this. And I should preface this by saying I’m a guy with an Ivy degree. But would you ladies not consider someone who owns his own construction business or a few Subway franchises and earns $150,000 per year? (Or we could make it 15 Subway franchises and an income of $600,000 if that is your requirement.) This is not about income – that part I understand.

But why the obsession with “well-educated” men? Do you not understand that for many people, going to college/graduate school is a terrible life decision? I mean, there was a recent article about NYU film grads coming out of the Master’s program with $30,000/year jobs and $250,000 in debt. Surely women in their late 30s recognize that the dating market is not skewed in their favor. Why add yet *another* filter that further winnows down your available options?

Because they are under exposed OP. The multi millionaires I know did not do Ivy league, some no college at all. I was just with a neighbor with a job most DCUM women would think too lowly, but who quietly runs a huge operation, I know they paid cash for a $1m home, and they send their kids to very expensive schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OH gawd so taxpayers and endowment donations are paying for all these useless overeducated PhDs?

I'd only do a STEM one. even economics is overkill. like I ever use proofs and diffy Q at the IMF reports. Maybe SAS or STATA max and I learned that at the Fed.

Sure, you know what most dictators do? Kill the intellectuals. If you’ve ever been in a country without higher education and research due to some kind of purge I guarantee you’d be singing a different song.

Intellectuals are the problem in America today, not the solution. They are the source of all the dysfunction. They shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near the government, and decisionmakers should ignore them.

(I have a PhD)

[Anonymous]

PhDs are fully funded, regardless of the area. No debt involved.

Definitely untrue. Though you shouldn’t get one if it isn’t a full ride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a spin-off of another thread where a late 30s woman was asking how to meet men, and of course mentions the “well-educated” criterion multiple times.

I just don’t get this. And I should preface this by saying I’m a guy with an Ivy degree. But would you ladies not consider someone who owns his own construction business or a few Subway franchises and earns $150,000 per year? (Or we could make it 15 Subway franchises and an income of $600,000 if that is your requirement.) This is not about income – that part I understand.

But why the obsession with “well-educated” men? Do you not understand that for many people, going to college/graduate school is a terrible life decision? I mean, there was a recent article about NYU film grads coming out of the Master’s program with $30,000/year jobs and $250,000 in debt. Surely women in their late 30s recognize that the dating market is not skewed in their favor. Why add yet *another* filter that further winnows down your available options?

Because they are under exposed OP. The multi millionaires I know did not do Ivy league, some no college at all. I was just with a neighbor with a job most DCUM women would think too lowly, but who quietly runs a huge operation, I know they paid cash for a $1m home, and they send their kids to very expensive schools.

DP. It seems you haven't read most of the responses. It's not about being underexposed and it has nothing to do with money.