Absolute Monogamy

[Anonymous]

If someone fell in love, married early and stayed monogamous all their life, did they miss out even though they were happy and content?

Would you take that option over life filled with dating, hook ups, relationships, fun, heartache, breakups, marriages,divorces, drama, uncertainty, infidelity, stress and all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone fell in love, married early and stayed monogamous all their life, did they miss out even though they were happy and content?

Would you take that option over life filled with dating, hook ups, relationships, fun, heartache, breakups, marriages,divorces, drama, uncertainty, infidelity, stress and all?

No. And I don't understand why the second option is preferable.

[Anonymous]

Met my husband at age 26. Married soon after. 25-years later. Yes- monogamy. But we still have a good sex life/great chemistry.

I don't like drama. I don't want up and downs and stress and uncertainty.

I had an extremely happy childhood and very loving parents.

Monogamy to me doesn't equal boring. My husband and I have had some very wild times in our lives. We were always the 'party couple'. We left jobs and traveled/partied abroad pre-kids. We dabbled in things.

We have a great time with our kids. They are stable, happy, thriving teens and we have a lot of fun as a family.

[Anonymous]

It's all a trade-off.

Regardless of whether you had a big pre-marriage dating history or you are each other's first, monogamy can work but only if both parts of the couple really commit to being each other's place to explore, satisfy and grow sexually together. Too often you see the dynamic play out where someone shuts down. Then, it doesn't really matter what your experience is although I can imagine it being that much worse if your only sexual experience was your partner who is rejecting you.

[Anonymous]

Ive been absolutely monogamous with DW. I've had quite a few one night stands and LTR before I met her. Honestly I would have rather met her sooner to be able to have spent more time with someone I really cared about then hooking up with some woman from a bar

[Anonymous]

#1 all day long. Why would you choose being used and abused by life when you could have the brass ring.

[Anonymous]

I recently watched Ali Wong's latest Netflix special where she talks about wanting to cheat and kind of regretting getting herself into a situation that demanded monogamy, but then she's like "but I know I wouldn't come!" I'm a woman and I don't have a strong need for some emotional satisfaction out of sex, but I know that if I tried to have lots of hookups, I'd have to take care of myself later anyway. So no I don't think I'm missing out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ive been absolutely monogamous with DW. I've had quite a few one night stands and LTR before I met her. Honestly I would have rather met her sooner to be able to have spent more time with someone I really cared about then hooking up with some woman from a bar

+1.

I wish I had met and married my husband sooner. I don’t think the random hook-ups or roommate drama added anything to my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone fell in love, married early and stayed monogamous all their life, did they miss out even though they were happy and content?

Would you take that option over life filled with dating, hook ups, relationships, fun, heartache, breakups, marriages,divorces, drama, uncertainty, infidelity, stress and all?

You have a really warped view. You can be happy and content and still have all the things bolded in your 2nd option. You seem to think that 'happy and content' is like a flat road - no ups and downs. That's just not the way it is. Before I met my DH, I had never had a serious relationship and had only had 1 other sex partner. Once we met, that was it. We've been happily monogamous for 30 years. Yet, we've also had fun, heartache, drama, uncertainty and stress. It was nothing out of the ordinary, it's just life.

In short, it's not an either/or choice. If you're dissatisfied with your current relationship, look within. The grass is unlikely to be greener on the other side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's all a trade-off.

Regardless of whether you had a big pre-marriage dating history or you are each other's first, monogamy can work but only if both parts of the couple really commit to being each other's place to explore, satisfy and grow sexually together. Too often you see the dynamic play out where someone shuts down. Then, it doesn't really matter what your experience is although I can imagine it being that much worse if your only sexual experience was your partner who is rejecting you.

Or if you marry someone who wants to be non-monogamous and still marry without communicating that clearly, e.g., just cheats and probably planned to do so all along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone fell in love, married early and stayed monogamous all their life, did they miss out even though they were happy and content?

Would you take that option over life filled with dating, hook ups, relationships, fun, heartache, breakups, marriages,divorces, drama, uncertainty, infidelity, stress and all?

You have a really warped view. You can be happy and content and still have all the things bolded in your 2nd option. You seem to think that 'happy and content' is like a flat road - no ups and downs. That's just not the way it is. Before I met my DH, I had never had a serious relationship and had only had 1 other sex partner. Once we met, that was it. We've been happily monogamous for 30 years. Yet, we've also had fun, heartache, drama, uncertainty and stress. It was nothing out of the ordinary, it's just life.

In short, it's not an either/or choice. If you're dissatisfied with your current relationship, look within. The grass is unlikely to be greener on the other side.

Yep. I immediately thought 'wow. there is a person that equates drama and strife to love and passion'. That is learned in a dysfunctional household as a child. They equate true love to being filled with drama/fights/makeup/breakup, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone fell in love, married early and stayed monogamous all their life, did they miss out even though they were happy and content?

Would you take that option over life filled with dating, hook ups, relationships, fun, heartache, breakups, marriages,divorces, drama, uncertainty, infidelity, stress and all?

Kinda weird to me that:

1. You equate monogamy with marrying early and having zero prior partners

2. You think marrying later and dating around means mostly heartache, drama, uncertainly, infidelity, and stress.

I spent my 20s dating and having hookups. I’m now married and extremely monogamous.

Being single was FAR less stressful than marriage/kids. Having to only take care of myself was awesome.

My closest friends all married young (18,19,20) and those relationships were FULL of drama, infidelity, heartache, and stress.

Ultimately it all depends. There’s no right answer for everyone. Marrying young and having only one partner would have absolutely been the wrong choice for me, I would have been very unhappy. But I also probably didn’t need about half of my relationships and hookups, let’s be honest, many men are pretty terrible in bed. If I could get rid of the crappy hookups that would be fine. But there’s definitely a couple I don’t want to forget 😈

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone fell in love, married early and stayed monogamous all their life, did they miss out even though they were happy and content?

Would you take that option over life filled with dating, hook ups, relationships, fun, heartache, breakups, marriages,divorces, drama, uncertainty, infidelity, stress and all?

If you're truly in love, you don't want these things. I met my future husband at 19. For years and years, I only had eyes for him. That level of infatuation and obsession fades after a while but I still to this day have never been seriously tempted by another man.

[Anonymous]

If you go through this or any relationship forum, dating and relationship, marriage world is full of drama and stress.

If you find love early and life aligns for you to get married and it works out well, you aren’t missing out on anything of worth, just avoiding a lot of issues. No advantage in experiencing everything.

[Anonymous]

Only one sexual partner has its advantages, there is no one to compare against. There are lots of ways to avoid monotony and add interest. Even with dozens of partners until 35 and then you become monogamous and faithful, even then you’ll have decades and decades of only one partner, unless divorced or widowed.