I'd like my DS to play a musical instrument but he just isn't into it
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Anonymous
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My DS is in 4th grade. I started him on an instrument last year and he's always seemed pretty lukewarm about it. He'll practice for 15 minutes then lose interest. I think if I encouraged him he'd continue it for another year or two but I think his heart isn't into it. We all know playing musical instruments is good for development. And I played two instruments myself as a kid, so I of course want him to have the same opportunities. Never became a musician but it was certainly something valuable for me as I learned how to not only read music and become fairly good at something because I practiced.
DS did ask to learn how to play an instrument, so this wasn't forced on him. He chose it and I'd like him to stick with it. At this point, though, I think he'd be perfectly happy if I told him lessons are over. I'd like him to do something else though if he does want to give up playing. Am I letting him give up too early too fast? Am I the one giving up too early too fast? Maybe he just doesn't want to play anything and I need to accept that. There's a lot of pressure to get kids into music early on but if your kid doesn't like it, then what? He has mentioned wanting to play something else but I'm afraid he'll just let that go after a year as well, and that will be more money out the window. Should I just let it go and ask him to find activities at school (free stuff) like a sport, chess club or robotics until he proves he's truly interested in something? I do remember my own parents throwing lots of money towards activities for me and my siblings. We never excelled in any of them. Looking back, I do think they went overboard spending lots of money they didn't really even have to help us keep up with other kids. How have some of you handled this? I don't like the idea of forcing him to play. We've all heard those "my mother forced me to play the piano and I detested it" stories. I don't want him to feel that way if he just hates something. |
Anonymous
| 15 minutes a day is fine. Just let him practice 15 minutes a day |
Anonymous
| I say have him practice for 15 minutes a day. And, ask if he'd like to take singing lessons. He may be into a different instrument. |
Anonymous
OP here again. Honestly, that's on a good day. I have to remind him to practice all the time, or offer something in return. He would probably never practice if I never reminded him. |
Anonymous
OP here. I'm wondering that, too. I am thinking of letting him stop this one, then wait an entire year for him to mature a bit more and decide on something himself. I don't want to get into a situation where we're starting and stopping new things every three months. |
Anonymous
| Practice can ramp up later. 10-15 min is ok to start with. OP is he in an instrumental group at school? At this age much of learning to play (and the motivation for practicing more) is the experience of playing in a group. |
Anonymous
| I’m a former music teacher. You cannot push it too much, but at the same time not enough means he won’t see changes that motivate him. Try to build up to 20-30 minutes, with rewards if need be. I think 90% of progress for children under 10 is due to parental effort in the first 2-3 years. It’s a lot of work to get it off the ground. Be encouraging, use games… but also use some discipline. To some extent this is an opportunity to learn grit. Not all learning and work in life is going to be fun and games. |
Anonymous
| Nope, don’t push your interests on your child. |
Anonymous
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Such a tough call. I'm grateful my parents forced me to practice violin. It still brings me joy to this day to sit down and play, such a gift. But I honestly didn't like it for the first couple years. Once I started not sounding horrible and got to play in the orchestra, it was so much better than just screeching alone at home. Then because I was competitive, trying to be in the first violins section instead of the back row gave me motivation.
A lot of people quit between middle school and high school because it "wasn't cool" or they weren't into it. Even our concert master whose skill I envied. At our HS reunion people who heard I was still playing in community orchestra said they regretted having quit and wanted their kids to learn music. That said, my kids are at a school without a music program and it makes me so sad. The oldest is trying piano but doesn't love it and group opportunities are limited. They are more into dance and sports. I'm trying to figure out how much to push. Youngest wants to try guitar when they reach 4th grade and currently plays around with mine. Music was so important to me that I don't know how long to push with my oldest. I would say that 15 minutes daily may be enough at that age. I'd be happy with that. |
Anonymous
| Does your child have orchestra or band in school also? |
Anonymous
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We let DS experiment a bit and it seems to have sorted out although we still only do 15 min practice and we are the reminders. During the experimenting he switched instruments for a bit - he ended up back with the first one but I think the break helped.
I’d also say that the instructor might be worth looking at. We switched due to chance and the new one seems a lot better even though DS really liked the old one (he likes new one now too). |
Anonymous
| Love the child you have not the one you want. Find an activity that he enjoys. |
Anonymous
This, OP. My mom loved music, so we had a piano in the house growing up. I enjoyed sitting down on my own and figuring things out, but hated lessons and thankfully wasn't forced to continue for too long. Did chorus in elementary because my friends did, but was a terrible singer. Tried flute in 5th/6th grade (also because my friends did), and was perfectly adequate, but music just isn't my language. Other things were my thing, and that's okay. My own kids have tried instruments. Some stuck, some didn't. They've found other activities they enjoy more, so that's where they learn to work at things to see improvement. You can't force what's not there. |
Anonymous
The thing is that many, possibly most, kids don't love their instrument right away. It can take a couple years of practice to achieve the mastery that makes it fun and enjoyable to listen to. That time frame can be accelerated with an excellent teacher or dedicated practice rather then half hearted playing. The fun can be increased in a group setting. But there is generally a period that feels like a slog. Like learning to kick a ball or learning to read, many people feel that it's worthwhile to slog through until it clicks. I don't want my kids to become professional musicians (unless that happens to be their passion down the road). I do want them to learn that incremental practice makes a difference and that they can become proficient in an activity that can enhance their lives, whether they're the ones playing or just as listeners. |
Anonymous
You csn accomplish all of the secondary hoals through any activity they enjoy. Yourvdream is to have a musical child. Let him explore. Maybe it will be karate or musical theater, or fine art. Who knows what he will be drawn to. Allow him to find his own interests. |